Keep on training or go back to diapers?

Ange - posted on 05/26/2012

Don't be afraid to go backward! A friend with medical training said physically, boys' bodies develop slower in control of that kind of thing, and not to get upset or worried if he wasn't ready yet, just watch for signs such as a wish to be changed whenever he goes or hiding while going, then work gently with him.



We tried to teach R after he'd turned two, but decided he just wasn't ready yet. When he was three, we started working on it again, but in a casual laid-back kind of way, trying not to pressure him. Games, prizes (6 m&m's if he pooped or peed in the proper place), a promise of an extra story at bedtime, whatever worked at the time. He still didn't voluntarily go on his own, would just go if we took him in on our initiative.



We tried the method of stripping him naked and putting his potty chair in the living room. I told him I did NOT want him peeing on my couch or carpet, and he didn't. He just went over to the potty and used it, then got up and went back to play. So I knew he could feel when he needed to go. And when he needed to poop he would hide somewhere, so we knew he could feel that starting too. But, somehow he couldn't keep things up consistently.



He turned four and still went in his pull-up most of the time. We started watching like a hawk, jumping on any hiding and immediately sending him to the potty. We started setting a timer and/or making him go try to pee every certain amount of time, or thirty min after a meal, or whatever matched the pattern he seemed to be in currently. (ie, if he wets his pull-ups 30 min after a meal, there's your time to take him to the potty.)



We got him some undies with pictures of movie characters he liked (kung fu panda, cars, etc) and told him he could only wear them if he didn't pee in them. He still had accidents, but he would cry and say sorry, can I please wear another one? If he wet two in a day, he went back to pull-ups.



Then I signed him up for two half-days of daycare, to get him used to being away from home before preschool starts. He had to be potty trained for that, so we talked about it with him, that he couldn't pee in his pants at school. He had to use the bathroom every time. We make sure he goes before we leave, and as soon as we get home. He's been going for over a month now, and no accidents. He's had about three at home, and has seen mommy become quite upset when the puddle was on my bed and the carpet by it. That upset him too, but I think it made the concept stick... he hasn't done any accidents now for several weeks. Granted, this way has taken time, and effort and attention on our part. But he is not only not afraid about going, he is quite proud of it when he does it on his own and will stand in the bathroom shouting to us that he has just gone pee-pee/poop. Now, to teach him how to wipe his own butt and pull up his own underwear the right way... ?? LOL

Rachel - posted on 04/21/2012

It doesnt seem like he is ready to be potty trained. I have 2 kids a 5 year old who was potty trained right before he turned 3 and a little girl who started potty training herself around 20months. all kids are different I would let the potty available and if he does something in it make a big deal pretty much make a fool of yourself dance and sing and clap that he did such a great job that he will want to keep doing that. I would give him his diapers back until he is ready. Potty training is not a race it is a natural progression so let him lead when he will be potty trained.

Bernadette - posted on 04/21/2012

At least you know he has the bladder control to hold on! That's a start, and (I think) one of the hardest things about potty training, because they've never had to hold on before so they don't really get it. My daughter did this for a couple of days, but all it took was finally getting her onto the potty in time to actually do the wee. She would also start to go in her pants, and then stop and hold it - the problem was, when I'd put her on the potty she still couldn't bring herself to let go. One day I just sat her on the potty when I knew she needed to go, and we just sat there for sooo long, until she finally did a very small one. We were actually at the shops and I'd just bought her a travel potty to keep in the bottom of the pram. She had a small amount of wee in her undies and I knew she needed to do one but she just wouldn't. We went to the parents room and I sat her on it and we sat there and sat there. She wanted to go, and I told her we would when she did a wee. I also had a pack of mini m&ms ready to give her as soon as she did one. I don't remember how long we actually sat there before she finally had to give in and let go. I lavished her with praise, gave her the m&ms and told her that now we could leave. She was very excited about all the praise she got, and from then on started to tell me when she needed to go. That was on day 2 of potty training. By day three she had it down pat. By the end of the week she had number 2s down as well. I think it can feel very strange to just let go when they aren't wearing a nappy, and until they get their confidence and realise that the potty will catch it, it can be hard. It may also be performance anxiety! Stop pressuring him for a while, make sure he realises that it's ok if he has accidents (perhaps read him some books about potty training - we used some good ones: Girls Potty TIme, which also comes in boys, with a toilet seat shaped cover, and Toilet Time for Girls, which also comes in boys, with a button on it that makes a flush sound when you press. Both talk about having accidents, and how it's ok and all it takes is practice) and if he's still not getting it, give it a break for a while and start again in a month or two. But feel good that at least he knows how to control his bladder. That is a very good start!

Lady Heather - posted on 04/20/2012

You aren't going to hurt him by trying later. I made several attempts with my daughter only to conclude she wasn't ready. This last time she was all good to go and she went from diapers to accident free and happy in three days. She is 34 months old. Frankly I am glad I didn't listen to the naysayers and held off until she was ready. The whole thing was almost entirely stress free.

Kylie - posted on 04/20/2012

keep on plugging away at him, maybe get some pull ups, and tell him they are like special undies. that way if he doesn't make it he won't be upset, and it might keep it from getting so full on. Also when I was toilet training my son put a potty in the middle of his play area, and took off all his clothes for the first few days, and every 15-20 mins asked him, after 3 naked days and 2 clothing days he was toilet trained.

Sharon - posted on 04/20/2012

Karen,
Your child is telling you, by his behavior, that he's too young to understand and too young to do this. Most boys don't begin to potty train until around 3 or 3.5. Girls can do it at an early age, but rarely boys. Don't know why. But it's been shown in study after study.

A young child feels that pee, and especially poop, is part of his body. He has always peed and pooped in a diaper, it's warm and that's how it's done. A child needs to be curious and willing to change that habit. Besides, any moment now he will enter the tantrum stage and use peeing and pooping as a place to show who is in power. He's actually already done that by not peeing or pooping, he just hasn't added tantruming to the mix yet.

This can be physically painful for him and could cause an infection.

Do not worry about going backwards. You aren't going backwards, you're moving forward after correcting what didn't work. Please go back to diapers and wait for him to show real signs of interest in the potty.

You may want to read my article on the Roundup called: What To Do When Your Child Won't Potty Train. http://bit.ly/vUiHEc
Good Luck, Sharon ~ Proactive Parenting (dot) NET

Suzanne - posted on 04/20/2012

if he is fighting going there is no point in using anything but dipers he probably is not ready and holding it for long periods of time can cause problems,(holding and not pooping can cause major constapation) he will when he is ready some kids (especialy boys) are not ready till closer to 3 or 4 my oldest son was almost 5 before he was completly trained (a very messy incedent at school helped it) give him time and relax your stressing out about it will stress him out and make the whole thing harder

Kimberly - posted on 04/19/2012

Every child is different in regards to potty training. My daughter fully understood what to do when she was 2 1/2. It wasn't until she was 3 1/2 that she finally decided she was ready to do it on her own. You can try, you can encourage, you can go cold turkey. I tried the same thing, and she just peed in her pants without saying anything. Finally, I gave up until she was ready. It was amazing. She was old enough when she was finally ready and did great within 2 weeks. She had pull ups at night, but remained dry, so I was able to do away with those after a month. Be patient, and try going to pull ups instead of diapers. Then at least he learns the motion of pulling it up and down himself.

Jenni - posted on 04/19/2012

Know your frustrations keep smiling lol My child is a perfectionist, always has been and toilet training is the one thing she can't practice in her room! She had all the signs of readiness yet she couldn't do it by herself. I tried just putting undies on and once she made a mishap back went on the nappies. I "gave up" in a sense, I waited til she said she wanted to use potty or toilet. Best thing that helped us (I think) was someone gave a packet of undies for her birthday and she has never stopped using them! She is 3 and she still wears nappies for bed/naps and every morning she would say "can I wear undies all day?" and of course I said yes. My suggestion is maybe just wait a few more months and try again, I even put the undies in drawers so she can get them out in the hope she might use them. If your children are in childcare we found that was helpful, the first day she went to use the toilet lol then went backward because of her perfectionism - grrrr. Goodluck and relax

VICKIE - posted on 04/19/2012

I DID it with both of my children at 2 and they are fine. One is 5 and one is 3. They have accidents at first because its all new but I wouldn't go back to pampers. Just be patient and keep trying to train him. Limit his drinking while you trying to train. My kids are on a schedule and have been since they were 1. They can have water when thirsty but juice and milk is scheduled time. My boy is the 5 year old and it was easier with him. My daughter took 2 weeks before no more accidents. She were underwear at all times since I took the pampers doing Christmas break.

Carri - posted on 04/19/2012

same thing happened with my son, but we did it at 3yrs. he held on to number one all day and number two took four days before I caved in. He now goes wee in the toilet (although only in our home toilet for a long time) but poo is still in a nappy and I'm not sure how to ween him off that.

He is very stubborn. Now much help to you but at least we're in the same boat. BTW he's now 3 and 5months.

Jill - posted on 04/19/2012

He is absolutely not ready yet. He's only 2 years old. If you push it or demand it, it becomes a power struggle that you will lose. Potty training is in his control then. People forget that being able to completely control bowel and bladder is a neurological development for children. It isn't something that they can just learn if they aren't developed in this yet. I pushed my older son, and guess what? He totally rebelled and wasn't completely done with diapers until he was 4. I left my younger son totally alone, let him sit on the potty when he wanted to, and when he was ready, I put "big boy" underwear on him and he never even had an accident. As a side note, that child is mild mannered and calm, go with the flow. My older son is regimented Type-A. They are 19 and 15 now and I can guarantee that neither of them poop or pee their pants. Juust take it easy on your son and let him train when he is ready. Don't compare to others who tell you that their child is potty trained at 2. The majority of those parents are the ones who are trained to know when the child is going to need to go to the bathroom, not the child knowing. Good luck and enjoy this time. They aare precious at this age.

Lyndsay - posted on 04/19/2012

You really can't force it, at least not easily. At 27 months, my daughter showed every sign of readiness, so we tried to do a weekend of cold turkey. Two minutes after taking her off the toilet, she would go to a corner and pee on the floor. Clearly, she had the bodily control to do it. But she was not going to do it on our time table. Two months later, with no fanfare or warning, she just started only going when she was on the potty. Her diapers were staying consistently dry. She needed to do it on her schedule and when she was ready, it was easy.

Renae - posted on 04/19/2012

Is he dry in the morning when he wakes up? If so, his body might be ready for potty training but is HE ready. Start by having conversation with him showing him the big boy pants just like daddy and mommy wear. Ask him does he want to wear big boy pants like mommy and daddy and other children. Ask him would you like to go in the bathroom when mommy and daddy have to go. Tell him if he is not ready yet, that is ok we can do this when you are bigger. Takes both mommy and daddy (if both live at home) working on this. Never push, but just encourage how good it feels not to have to wear diapers. I think they now make an inbetween diaper that is not big boy but not a diaper. It will happen. The day will come when your son is playing on the floor with his toys and you will walk to his potty chair and low and behold in the chair is # 1 or # 2 or both. Praise him about what a big boy he is and that is when you start on the hygiene and washing hands after going to bathroom. Baby steps. Rome wasn't built in a day. Big thing is to let him be part of the decision making.

Ruth - posted on 04/19/2012

Children think that wee wee and feces are part of themselves. They are fearful of part of themselves going into the potty and being flushed away. Dr. Spock always said to wait until they are three years old. It wouldn't hurt for him to observe Daddy or other older person going toilet and see that it's okay. Until then, just let him be a little guy. I always said that when a child that young appears to be trained it'Mommy who is trained and not the child.

Ruth - posted on 04/19/2012

Children think that wee wee and feces are part of themselves. They are fearful of part of themselves going into the potty and being flushed away. Dr. Spock always said to wait until they are three years old. It wouldn't hurt for him to observe Daddy or other older person going toilet and see that it's okay. Until then, just let him be a little guy. I always said that when a child that young appears to be trained it'Mommy who is trained and not the child.

Julia - posted on 04/19/2012

I think cold turkey is the way to go. Using diapers at night is confusing and pull ups is a waste of money!



However, potty training will only be successful if they child is ready. It doesn't sound like your 26 month old is ready - at all! 26 months is still really young for potty training. I'd go back to diapers. You don't want ot push it - that itself will have negative consquences. Him holding is pee for so long, and avoiding a poop is showing that he is not comfortable with this new system.



When we potty trained our little girl, we talked about wearing undies for months before we scrapped the diapers. We bought a potty, which sat in our bathroom for nearly 6 months before it was acutally used for its purpose. She'd sit on it - with her pants on, then sometimes sit on it with her pants off, but never when she needed to go. Finally, we knew when she was ready when she was always in teh bathroom with us, watching us intently and asking what was happening. She really wanted undies so we made a big deal of it.



Wait until your son is ready. Don't push it. There is no rule that says he has to be trained yet and you will have much better success if you wait until he is ready. It will also ensure that he has a pleasant experience, too. If he is truly ready, then it won't take long at all - and won't be grueling. It took our daughter a day to figure it out. 5 pees on the floor and 1 pee in the potty, once the pee went in, it clicked.



Good luck. Don't stress. Don't rush!

Tiffany - posted on 04/19/2012

It can be scary for a lot of kids. I would suggest putting him back into diapers and trying again later. Most kids (boys & girls) don't start potty training until around this age, and boys are usually later, so he's right on track.



We started switching my daughter to pull-ups and using the potty (small ones she sat on, and sometimes she wanted to sit on the big potty like mom & dad). She would use the potty most of the time, but still other times she'd go in her pull-up and then tell us right after. We also did a potty chart that I got from Huggies but Nick also had some good ones, and she really enjoyed that. We also did a lot of praise and prep work and still encourage her with other things by telling her she's a big girl now. For awhile, she would pee on the potty, but not poop, so we gave small treats when she'd first poop on the potty, and we eventually phased those out. The biggest change for her was adding underwear (that she picked out) on top of her pull-up, and then the pull-ups eventually disappeared after they were consistently dry and she was going regularly in the potty. The process took several weeks to a few months of being consistent and reminding her to go potty (which we still check in with her about) and just reinforcing everything. Now, she uses the potty really well and will only occasionally have an accident and it usually occurs when she's intensely involved in a project/game/activity and forgets she needs to go, or at naptime, both of which are normal. A book that I found helpful was Potty Training Girls the Easy Way http://www.amazon.com/Potty-Training-Gir... They also have one for boys, as motivations are different. It had some awesome tips and helpful ideas in there. We also have had to deal with her telling us she has to go while we're traveling, us stopping at a place to go, and her refusing to go, cycle repeats until she eventually goes. Still not sure what that's about. Also, she went thru a period of every time we walked into a store, she'd say she needed to go, and often would go, even if it was a little amount.



Every kid is different and what works for one may not work for another. You definitely can continue to encourage him to potty train even with diapers on. For boys, I have heard of food coloring and dunking cheerios being successful. Also, make sure he's showing several of the signs of being interested in potty training, as forcing him to do it can cause more anxiety and other long-term problems. Sounds like you're already doing that. I'm guessing he's already watching you go. Do try pull-ups, if you haven't already. Makes it easier for potty training before they completely wet themselves, others will also argue it's better to go straight to underwear. Figure out what motivates your son and try it out. When he's completely ready, you'll know. Good luck! He'll eventually get there, and some days you'll wish he was still in diapers! :)

Markita - posted on 04/19/2012

Have you figured out why he's freaked out? I would try to figure that out first and go ahead and put him back in diapers. It sounds like he's not ready yet. You could also introduce him to a tree or have dad show him how to do it outside. My girlfriends son was soo stoked over being allowed to pee outside he was trained in two days. He doesn't like to pee on the potty but he will when he has to. Good luck girl. Boys are harder to train than girls and most of them aren't ready until around 3.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/19/2012

I'd go to diapers and try again in a few months. A lot of boys don't potty train til closer to 3. It's not good for him physically or mentally to hold it in like he's doing.

Angela - posted on 04/19/2012

It took me 6 months of bqck and forth for my son. I did t push him

Either and if he did happen to have am accident I would say ita ok the washer xan fix it and a bathtub ia for a bath. Sometimes kids can be afrid of letting go of their poop or pee because it's a part of them so they don't want to flush it away. What was also fun for my son peeing on a tree or a snow bank.

Bonnie - posted on 04/19/2012

Some are more eager than others. My first son wasn't day trained until 3.5 years. My second son was trained at 2 years, 9 months. We'll see what happens with the third. For now, I would keep him in diapers and maybe try again in a few months. He is still young.

Katrina - posted on 04/18/2012

He will let you know when it is time. When he's ready it will be a piece of cake. My oldest , it took me forever to potty trained because we did it on my time table. My youngest took 3 weeks start to finish. Because she decided. Best of luck.

Linda - posted on 04/18/2012

I agree he's not ready right now. That said, when you decide to try again, consider your son's "values" or motivations. One of my kids was really motivated by a sticker chart for staying dry/eliminating in toilet with enough stickers earning a special trip out for ice cream with Daddy (motivated otherwise by social interactions/competition [very driven]). My other child was much more motivated with keeping her panties/clothing neat & clean (don't bother challenging her-much better results by cheer leading/encouragement).



Also, right now you might try gently reminding him that if he goes in the toilet, his diaper won't feel yucky "after every little drip" (to keep the "goal" in his mind). Might work to help psych him up for attempt #2 (usually 3-6 mos. later). Also, before you start the next attempt, make a point of talking about it (talk it up)-how he will go in the toilet, he'll be such a big boy/babies go in their diaper-you're ready to be a big boy, right? Probably won't have much success until he agrees he's ready to be a "big boy." You might also want to emphasize going in the toilet-not staying dry.



Also, if this try was on a regular (adult) toilet, think about getting him his own little potty chair--helping pick it out may help build his excitement to use it.



GOOD LUCK & know that every child trains different-some seemingly overnight& some in "only" 1-1/2 years!

Sarah - posted on 04/18/2012

Go back to diapers, he isn't ready it. On average boys potty train between 3 1/2 and 4. There are many things to consider about readiness, and if he isn't there yet, you can create more problems for yourself and him later.

Karen - posted on 04/18/2012

Thanks ladies...mission aborted for now. I don't want him to be stressed and hold his pee and poop...that'll cause a whole slew of problems that aren't worth it. Today he had a diaper on half the day and wanted to be changed after every little drip, such it life right now. We'll try again in a few months. I appreciate the insight.

Meegan - posted on 04/18/2012

Diapers... Sounds like he may be ready physically to hold it, but not ready mentally for the whole process. My 28 month old son got started in school with big boy underwear so he would be able to tell when he got wet. He had several accidents the first few weeks, but is doing much better now. He still wears a diaper at night or if we are away from home for extended periods, but we are using pull ups now or as he calls them "underwear diapers". But school would not start him until he showed intense interest in the potty and willingness to try going all on his own.

Charlotte - posted on 04/18/2012

I have watched the nanny next door (under instruction from the mother - because ' he is soo bright - he must be able to grasp this concept' ) 'potty train' this little 2.5 year old boy for, I kid you not - over a year.

The nanny is so frustrated and every time he comes over to play with my little boy - she has to be running behind him, making sure he doesnt pee on my floor. There is usually an accident of some kind - and she (the nanny) tells me it happens every day.

The nanny tried to address this issue over a year ago with the mother, when it was obvious he was not ready - but was told - 'this is my child and I think he is ready'.

Poor thing was not ready and was forced out of nappies and as he has now spent over a year, being changed into 'fresh clothes' when wet or messy, he still has no boundaries of when he needs to go - and what are the next steps.

Some kids dont get get the association between being wet/messy and the 'going to the toilet' until later. It doesnt mean anything more than thats who they are, they are not ready yet.

I tried potty training my own son at 25 months - and quickly abandoned it - waited until summer - (he was 2.5 years) and had him run around semi-naked for 2 weeks - doing ' garden wees', as the bathroom is upstairs. We had a couple pooh accidents, but after the second one - he started asking me for a nappy - so he could go pooh. i really liked that - as he would put it on - run off to a corner - pooh - then we could get rid of it.

I then started making him wait for the nappy until just before bath time - then he would pooh in the nappy - in the bathroom - and then once that was established I just sat him on the toilet.

Now at 3.5 - he just goes whenever he needs with no assistance - although he always poohs before bath - even if its the second for the day - and I only get called in to 'scoop his bum'...

Sherri - posted on 04/18/2012

Diapers he is sooo obviously not ready in the least yet. That does not mean you can't keep having him sit on the potty to stay comfortable with it. It will come just not quite yet.

Dove - posted on 04/18/2012

Diapers. He's not ready.

Elfrieda - posted on 04/18/2012

I started potty training my son at 25 months and at first it was fine but suddenly he was scared by the toilet and really resisted going. So we stopped, and he's in diapers again for now. He's 27 months and I don't think he's ready yet. In the summer we'll try again. I'd rather not fight about it, I think that makes it worse. We talk about peeing and pooping and make a big deal of it when his cousin (who's 3) goes on the potty and if she doesn't care he watches her and claps for her, so we're trying to get him mentally ready.

Denise - posted on 04/17/2012

He is not ready for the physical part yet. While he may know when he has to go, hes just not mentally ready to actually go. I watched a boy who at the age of 4 was still afraid of pooing in the toilet..he outgrew it within 2 months with of gentle words of encouragement. Turned out his dad was belittling him everytime he messed his pants.I waited with my son until he was 3 and then I dropped cheerios in the toilet and spoke in a bugs bunny gangster voice saying ya gotta sink those oh's there ya see.....Havent looked back since.

Karen - posted on 04/17/2012

p.s. He sits on the potty forever and has no fear of sitting there...it's the actual elimination he's freaked out by. Not sure what to do!!