Keeping your ex's last name (your children's) last name when you remarry.

Jill Crupie- - posted on 01/11/2012 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Working with the public, it is incredible there are thousands of "Joe Smith's mom is Susan Potter" so to speak. It is mass confusion. Of course after working you begin to remember. But there are so many divorces now.
My children are grown but I still hyphenate my "children's" which is my ex's last name with my new married name. This has nothing to do with keeping my ex's name. "I am keeping my children's last name." I want people to know they are my children even though they are grown.

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Jodi - posted on 01/13/2012

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I never even TOOK my ex's last name when we married so I have always had a different name to my son. I did decide to take my current husbands name when I remarried, because we decided to have another child, and I thought it would be TOO complicated if I kept my name and my children ALSO both had different names.



Personally, I don't see the issue. And it doesn't bother my son. I know he is my son. Why would I care if other people know they are my children? If people are important in my life, they know they are my kids. If they aren't important in my life, it doesn't matter.



But each to their own. Whatever you feel comfortable with.

Sherri - posted on 01/12/2012

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As a kid it would be a big deal as an adult though no it shouldn't matter. Since if you have daughters that marry they will have a different last name anyways. The fact that your children are adults anyone that matters already knows they are your children.

[deleted account]

I have my married name still, but if I ever remarry (99.9% sure I won't)... I'll be dropping it. No way am I hyphenating an 11 lettered last name w/ anything... lol



People that matter will know they are your kids no matter what the last names are... what happens when your grown daughters get married.... ?? They don't stop becoming your kids just over a name.

Rebecca - posted on 02/05/2012

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my son chose to use his step Dads name his father wont let us change it legally but the school lets us use an alias so we hyphenate it. personally I think it is disrespectful to your husband to use your ex's name

Sherri - posted on 02/05/2012

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Personally Debbie you have young children with your last name keep your married name. It is for the benefit of your children.

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Debbie - posted on 02/05/2012

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I'm just at the beginning of a divorce but I want to go back to my maiden name so bad but I also have 3 young children with my current last name. I really don't want to confuse my children with changing my name but I also know that trying to have my kids last name changed to my maiden name is pretty much impossible. What should I do??

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/15/2012

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Thanks Anne. I currently live in Canada, but I'm from the US. The judge sided with me each time with and without an attorney and my ex is active duty military. I'll probably wait until I can afford a lawyer and have been in Canada for a while with my ex not contacting us.

Anne - posted on 01/15/2012

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Megan,

I applied in Probate Court in our county, however I couldn't afford an attorney so I think that hurt me. My ex showed up (surprise, he couldn't show up for visitation) and contested it saying that I was trying to poison the children, etc. He was able to get an attorney through his employer and the Judge will usually side with the attorney. The kids had to wait until they turned 18, which they applied on their 18th birthday and was granted after the hearing. I don't know where you live but if I was you I would talk to an attorney because there may be certain criteria that would include your daughter's age and her testimony. Good Luck!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/15/2012

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Anne, how did you go about changing your childrens' last name? I'm in a simular situation with my older daughter's father. He doesn't contact her except on her birthday and Christmas and his family (aside from his mom) never contacted her either. She's said a few times she wishes she was a Regnier instead and DH's family does treat her like she is his daughter, but I am curious about that.

Anne - posted on 01/14/2012

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As I previously posted, every situation is different and there are many reasons to make the change. My girls happened to be very good students, never in trouble with the law and have grown up to be responsible, respectful, productive and contributing members of society. Quite the contrary to their paternal family, which are very embarrassing (trouble in school, legal issues as adults, live off of and scam the system, etc)! It was an honor to me and my family that THEY chose to have my maiden name like me. Had they kept their father's last name, they would have had to unfairly be judged by it and they knew it.

Anne - posted on 01/14/2012

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When I got divorced fom my children's father, I kept his name for the sake of my children. The last name was one of a nearby city and people always joked and teased us about it; not to mention that his family didn't have the best reputation. Shortly after the divorce when he started to live with his girlfriend, he quit seeing the kids and told them he "had a new life now and it didn't include them". I returned to my maiden name and the children wanted to also. Their father's family didn't have anything to do with them and the kids were very close with my family and friends so they wanted my last name as well. We filed for a name change for the children which was denied by a biased judge. They continued to call themselves by my last name and the day they turned 18, they filed for their name change and got it. Even though they were girls and eventually would change their name through marriage, it was in their best interest that they had my maiden name and we were known to be from that family. Names are very important and can make a huge difference. Each situation is unique and I think that if a biological parent that the child has the last name of, is involved in a positive way, then it should be left alone. A change of name should never be used as revenge but as a reflection of family unity and relationship.

Kelly - posted on 01/14/2012

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I faced it just when needing to fill out Christmas cards. There was no way I had the time or space to fill out three last names on an envelope. My sisters both have had kids from previous marriages so kids have dads last names, then they remarried but did not take their new husbands first name but rather reverted to their maiden names. Talk about silly and complicated!! I finally just listed the outside with their first name and added "and family". However that I believe is the least of issues in dealing with blended families!! Issues that even effect extended family. In my opinion quite sad. Except for issues of abuse and ibfidelity people are not working at their marriages anymore and the kids suffer but I diverge.

Liz - posted on 01/14/2012

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I can understand why some women do this if their children are not adults.



My mother remarried when I was three and it was incredibly traumatic for me to have a different surname to her. I told her that it meant that I didn't belong to her anymore or her to me and that we weren't a proper family. My step-father insisted that she change her name, so I put my foot down and insisted that they change my name too.



We had to get permission from my father and, somewhat astonishingly, he gave it. Therefore, from the age of three until I was married, I carried my step-father's name and still identify with that name as my 'maiden' name.



When children are adults and can understand the process and know that they are not abandoned etc, then it seems ridiculous and insulting to your new husband to continue to identify with a previous relationship. Either keep your maiden name and don't adopt any husband's name or change to your husband's name.



Interestingly enough, my father-in-law's second wife hyphenates her last name to include her late first husband's name. Her children are long since grown up. I'd find it insulting if I were my father-in-law, but he obviously doesn't or she wouldn't be doing it!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/13/2012

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My ex husband put in our divorce decree that I had to go back to my maiden name of Donnelly which was pretty easy considering I'd never changed any legal documents nor had I officially taken his last name except on my military ID.



My old daughter has her father's last name though which gets confusing for teachers and her friends. I've been called Mrs Crisler even though my last name is now Regnier. I joke that I should've stayed a Donnelly because it's easier to pronounce than my married name. But it meant a lot to my current husband that I take his last name which is why I do it. Everyone still knows my older daughter is MY daughter because she looks exactly like I did at her age. Except for maybe her toes my older daughter looks like it only took one person to make her.

[deleted account]

Jill, I just want to make sure I understand your post. Your children are grown and when you remarried you kept your last name and hyphenated it with your new husband's? I don't really see it as a big deal, it's your choice. To be honest, I'd have been more worried about offending my new husband by keeping my previous husband's name....



Although, when I had my son, I wasn't married to his father yet. I had kept my ex-husband's last name and LOVED it. I was Joy Lord. Then, when we had Jacob, Steve & I actually talked about making his last name "Lord-Benson" because we thought it sounded cool. Until I pointed out that I didn't want HIS son going around with my ex's last name (even though my ex is a really great guy lol). Anywho, I ramble. Totally your and your new husband's decision :)

Sara - posted on 01/13/2012

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I took my maiden name back, and it happened at a time when my daughter changed schools. This way - the staff at the new school know no differently. My daughter doesn't really care one way or the other.

Michelle - posted on 01/13/2012

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When I divorced a few years ago I kept my married name. I have three sons and wanted to have the same last name as my sons.



I now have a daughter and her last name is hyphenated with my sons last name and her fathers name.

Kyleigh - posted on 01/12/2012

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My mom kept her married last name only because she didnt want other school personnel and or Doctor's /Nurses etc asking her is this your child?

Chrystal - posted on 01/11/2012

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My mom kept her married name after divorce so she would have the same as us kids but then when she remarried 4 years ago she started using his last name. We were both fully grown and I already had my married name myself so it didn't matter to my brother and I that she had a new last name. As a kid it might have mattered but not as an adult. That's my opinion anyway.

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