kids not listening

Alissa - posted on 12/14/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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When will it ever stop? Or does it? I have to repeat myself everyday to my kids about putting their stuff away when they come home from school, not to jump on the furniture, to use their manners, to not hit each other and the list goes on and on....but no matter how many times I repeat myself, I have to do it all over again 5 mins later. They just dont listen unless I am yelling or basically hold their hand til its done. I have tried time outs, earlier bedtimes, taking away privileges and nothing seems to work. My boyfriends says Im not hard enough on them and thats why they dont listen. Is it just in their nature not to listen or should I be ruling with an iron fist to make them listen to me?

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Susan - posted on 01/12/2010

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if you want to get someones attention...WHISPER that is what my mother always told me, the sheet on the board,fridge with stars stickers works well, i sit down and decide with my kids what extra stuff they want to do, i then say you get this much time for doing each thing, it is marked on the chart 15min. for put school stuff away on the Wii 20 min tv for 20 min reading, for every day they don't fight they get an outside activty (how can you go out if you can't stop fighting ) and lets not forget the mom time my daughter get full attention once a week for clean room, (we play dress up while brother is at practice) but like i said in the beginning if you want to get someones attention whisper... works with men also.... they tune you out when you yell

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Person - posted on 09/12/2012

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I must be in the wrong place, because i was looking for better ways to ignore my annoying mom.

Melissa - posted on 01/11/2010

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I know exactly what you mean!!! I use a stern voice and you have to mean what you say. I have started a reward chart where I tell them what they have to do. Once they complete it and complete it right, they get a reward star and at the end of the week they get something special. Hope this works for you.

Melissa

Sharon - posted on 01/11/2010

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THis is really good stuff. I have a 3 1/2 year old girl who is extremely headstrong. Yelling really doesn't work. I try most of the time to get down to her level and look her straight in the eyes. At 3, there are few things that she will truly find as "punishment". I find the most successful is to turn off the Nick Jr. channel. It's still frustrating, however, to have to clal her 5-6 times before she will act. I am about 3 weeks away from having another baby so sometimes I think her behavior is a result of that. I pray that things will settle down once the baby comes and she sees that there is no threat and that there's enough of mom and dad to go around. :)

Valerie - posted on 01/10/2010

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if you would share the ages of your children it would be helpful as the response may be different for different ages...if you want kids to listen and behave well then you need to model that in all situations...you need to see them when they are doing good and let them know that so that they aren't getting most of their attention from negative...work on catching them being good...as to the things that you are repeating yourself about, i think you need to make a list of family rules 3-5 max...make sure they cover those annoying things like: We are respnsible in this family by keeping our things picked up. The consequence for not picking up after 1 reminder is: then the consequence might have something to do with whatever they are doing rather than being responsible...tv, phone, computer...lose your XXXX until after supper...consequences need to be consistent and happen after one warning...don't jump all over the place...if your boyfriend thinks he has ideas ask him to help you with the rules and the consequences...NOT HITTING, YELLING OR SWEARING as this just reinforces bad behavior, aggression, rebellion....

[deleted account]

Alissa...I`ve read some of the comments given to you and I find that Dayle Purcell gave you about the same information I would have given you. Yelling at the children doesn`t work after a while because they "tune you out" and don`t hear you at all no matter how loud you yell. If you call their name, get their attention then talk in a normal tone to them "directly" and tell them the circumstances of 'not obeying" then whatever happens to their belongings is their own fault. If their belongings are taken away because they chose not to put it away, then they caused it themselves. Let them throw their fits in their rooms but let them know they created their own problem by not putting their belongings away and will continue to happen until they do. Don`t allow them to see you to get "upset". You must stick to your guns no matter what and 'MAKE' it work.

Jacquelyn - posted on 01/10/2010

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You're bf may be right... be consistant and set up a punishment for when they don't listen. If the don't listen and leave something out they get something taken away that they like, or whatever you know they would not like to happen. And keep consistancy. What I do with my son is i ask him to do wha ti want i watch to see if he's doing it then if he doesn't get to doing it I ask him again firmly and tell him he will get into trouble if he doesn't do it. Then if he continues to ignore I count to 3 and then he gets his punishment. If it's the first offence for the day I just put him in time out. If it's the second he gets time out and something taken away. If it's the third offence for the day then he gets a spanking timeout and something else taken away. Works for me RARELY do I have to spank him. Also you cna pair this with a reward system when they listen and do what their told they get a sticker or star and at the end of the day certain amount of stars is equal to a certain amount of time playing games or whatever they like to do. You can even make it as 5 stars means they get whatever you took away back early. Hope this helps... and good luck I know it's frustrating when your kids don't listen, be patient, stay calm look them in the eye and let them know you mean busness. You yell and scream they can think it's a game and all punishment goes out the window.

Jackie - posted on 01/10/2010

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It is about helping them make better choices. Routines help so there is not a daily battle. I know with busy schedules it is not possible to be home every evening. Giving them some distraction to see who gets ready for bed first or choices of would you like to brush your teeth first or take a bath first. Giving them time to shift to new activities is part of maturing...a five minute notification to pick up toys..it gives them time to finish up without a discussion. Rewarding following the rules or schedule by doing something fun..your time and not a costly toy. Builds memories and traditions with your kids. Whether its playing in the yard, baking cookies with them, playing trucks or with dolls for a tea party. These things stimulate imaginations as well. Dont discount your time doing things as a family...it means alot to our children and grandchildren.

Deanna - posted on 01/10/2010

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Why do you repeat yourself? Consequeses work better. Tell them up front what they need to do and when they need to have it done. Post the list where they can see it. Example; Bobby, keep room clean or no tv for the day. Sally, keep toys picked up or louse the toys for the day. You do not need to yell, explaine what the "new" ruels are and stick to them. It will be some work at the start. But keep your calm when the "choose" not to comply and let them know it was their choice to have the consequenses. Hope this helps I know it worked like a charm for me... No more yelling. And they make better "choices" now too..

Yshawne - posted on 01/10/2010

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well iam a mom who have two boys alway tell on each other .so i take their toys away from them and then tell to go to there room and think about what have they did and come out and tell each other sorry and ilove you .never fight. sometime they try to smooth talk of out a grown person to get what they want.

[deleted account]

Children will never listen when you yell. if you are very quiet they will stop to listen. Honey, they are children. They are learning to conform to the rules of this era. 200 hundred years ago. 500 hundred years ago, 100 years ago their behavior was called survival techniques. Instead of punishment, try rewarding. Good behavior gets rewarded. Undesirable gets ignored. If they leave their things all over the place pack them up and put them away. Somewhere they can't find them. If they go to school without the things they are supposed to have its their fault and they get reprimanded by a bigger authority than you. Kids try stuff with their parents to see where the boundaries are. Anyway when they come back tell them you put it away. If they put it away then they know where it is for themselves. Said quietly and calmly and then just leave them to think about it. Don't keep saying it over and over. And start to practice , if you can, say their name to get their attention, then say what you want very clearly. Also just as a curiousity test their hearing. I know people who have gone on about their kids not listening only to find out they have hearing problems. Just a thought.

Ojulique - posted on 01/09/2010

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wow I am so glad someone knows how I feel. That is a great question I would love to know the answer to. Sorry I can't help.

Sarah - posted on 01/08/2010

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The same thing happened to me. Thats just miserable for you. Someone has got to spank them. The daddy doing the discipline is the best way. mommy cant be daddy too. I don't know if you believe in that but thats my advice and the only thing that worked for me and in every case Ive seen. Yelling doesnt work. Use the tough love aspect.

Alissa - posted on 01/08/2010

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Thanks everyone for the suggestions! I have ordered the accountable kids program and will be implementing it soon. I will let you all know how it works out! :)

Shelagh - posted on 12/15/2009

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No, it doesn't stop. You must be consistent - your boyfriend may be right, if you tell them and tell them, and then let them get away with it. The first thing you must do is make sure they are listening - get down to their level (on your knees if necessary), and make eye contact. Then tell them what you want. Ask once nicely, if they don't do it, tell them assertively. If they still don't do it, say what will happen if they don't - and then follow through. Get that iron fist out girl - it's better than having to live with kids that don't listen to a word you say.

Michelle - posted on 12/14/2009

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I hope that will stop .I have the same problem you talk and you talk nothing seems to change

[deleted account]

How old are they. Younger kids have shorter attention spans. Sometimes its not disobedience as much as it is, oops my attention got redirected.

Eileen - posted on 12/14/2009

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for getting things done, we've implemented the Accountable Kids program. This way the only reminder I have to give is to look at the board. Works beautifully with our 8 year old. (http://www.accountablekids.com/)



It also appears that neither their needs for movement nor attention are being met at school. Perhaps you can implement some type of movement activity for them right after school and use spending special time with Mom as a reward.



Hope this helps.

Eileen

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