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last year my kids left me how do i deal with it ?

Kim - posted on 06/19/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i had problems with my ex and last year i got the courage to ask him to leave well the police had to remove him, all the 3 kids wanted was theredad and he made it very clear if i ever told him to go he would turn the 3 kids against me, id already told school about the home life and that i was struggling to discapline the 3 children. last summer holidays when the behaviour got much for me to handle i asked them who do you want to live with me or your dad, they chose there dad now they dont want see me its like he has poisoned em against me i did everything i feel like my world has fallen apart

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Kim - posted on 06/19/2012

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my oldest is 8 boy 5yr old boy and 4 yr old girl its the grandparents aswell there only bout 20 mins from where i llive walking but excatly where i dont know . i write to them but i dont know if he passes the letters on to them

Sharon - posted on 06/19/2012

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Yes, Louise is right. No pressure, but stay in contact as you can, write them letters. Right now they don't want to have contact, but they can keep the letters and re-read them. They will know that you did what you could. You don't mention the ages of your kids, but they will come to know that you are the mom and you did try.

One day they will be parents and hopefully not but may need to look back over their growing up years and realize that what they have done was not fair. (Not necessarily wrong but not fair).

I have a daughter and a son that have chosen to stay with their dad, my daughter was 15 when she made the decision (18 now) but we have contact now. My son is 16 and we still have contact, he just doesn't come here anymore. The 14 yr old lives with me choosing this over her dad and the 13 yr old comes here on access weekends. I do not feel like I have WON with the 14 yr old, yet, however much I can't stand her father and step-mom, I do feel for them in that she wants nothing to do with them and is quite verbal about it. I encourage her regularly to visit for even a couple hours. (We live in the same community so the furthest I have to go to get her to see them is 11 miles) This encouragement is something that the oldest 2 have never recieved from their father, but I will not repay evil for evil. It takes too much effort on my part and really is wasted time.

Just stay in touch, write the letters and no pressure, and at some point, you will be able to sleep better. I always remember, on that final judgement day, dad will have to answer to a higher power than I for his actions in everything and I will have to answer to the same power. We are only judged for our own actions, unless you are thinking about the judgement of the neighbors and really in the grand scheme of things, this just don't matter.

Hoping that things will get better for you.

I would keep photocopies of the letters, dated with the sending dates so that you have copies, just in case they never recieve the letters. Keep a seperate file for each of them. It will be something that they will have whether you are there to see it or not.

Louise - posted on 06/19/2012

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What you need to do Kim is to write to them to keep in contact. They may be under their dads influence at the moment but they wont aways be. Keep writing every few weeks, tell them how much you miss them and love them and then just chat about every day things. No pressure. A letter can be read over and over again if they want to. At least then they know you are thinking of them and that you would like a relationship when they are ready. Then in years to come they can not say you never tried.

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