Leaving

Tiffany - posted on 11/11/2010 ( 199 moms have responded )

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When was the first time you left your first child with anyone? How old was he/she? Even if it was the father, grandparents. anyone.

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[deleted account]

Sorry, but I have to say it irks me to hear that "leaving baby with their Dad" is leaving your child! IF there is a father in the picture, isn't it a parental duty to participate in child care? When my son was 2 weeks old, my in-laws came over to celebrate my birthday. They brought a pizza. After we ate, hubby & I went out for birthday ice cream. We were gone for about 45 minutes. So yes, we "left" our child in someone else's care. After my son's 1 month check up, hubby & I went for a quick lunhc out, and we dropped off a sleeping baby at my mom's house. That is leaving our child in someone else's care. Leaving my child in his father's care is not leaving your child! it gives me the impression that a mother is required to be with their child 24/7 and not allow a father to care for his own child. JMO though, it's how I view it.

Emily - posted on 11/12/2010

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I would tell him he can see the baby as much as he wants, as long as he comes to your place. Good points that you don't know how much or how often he'll eat, sleep, etc. You shouldn't feel pressured to pump. Nipple confusion is real and it's not something you want to gamble with if you don't have to. Give him some reading material because he obviously doesn't understand about babies' needs in the early days. You're not being controlling. You're being a good mom.

Angela - posted on 11/19/2010

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I agree completely with Emily. You're being a good mom ... and a cautious one, which comes with the territory, especially as a first time mom.



My little girl (my first also) was tiny when she was born and breastfed almost constantly for the first several weeks. Since you are committed to breastfeeding (and a big BRAVO to you for that, by the way!), you will need to be with your baby all the time in those first precious days and weeks to feed on demand. An hour or so break is doable, but you'll still want to be close by since he'll still be so new, and it's hard to predict at first how often he'll want and need to suck (both for comfort and food).



The LaLeche League, doulas, and midwives can all direct you to some excellent resource materials that might help him understand why you need to be with your baby all the time when he's brand new. If at all possible, help him understand why breastfeeding is so vital and that your baby's needs must take precedence over his or anyone else's desire for "alone time" with a breastfeeding newborn.



Hopefully you can convey the message better than I stated it ... in a way that will make him understand how much he's supporting the long-term health of his son by working with you on this. Let him know that you truly want him to bond with his son and have a wonderful relationship with him, and getting the baby started off healthy and secure will make that easier in the long run.



Only you know the best way to communicate this to him, but regardless of his response, be secure in the knowledge that your instincts are right on. Trust them. Be with your baby and keep him close.



God bless. You're already an awesome mom.

Suzan - posted on 11/12/2010

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mine was 7 days old it was grandma but i waited till 6 months for other persons than family and it was only for 2 or 3 hours....start small work your way up...

Dianna - posted on 11/23/2010

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Look on another note, my daughter Kenzie was never a screamer when I left her with her sitters when I went to work, one of them was my mother her grammie---the other one was a close friend of the family she called Gramma Jackie... i also put my daughter in preschool at 3yrs old. Children need to socialize or by the time they get to school they are a mess, and have no idea how to react. My daughter Kenzie had 2 yrs of preschool then went into Kindergarten as a normal and extremely well behaved and socially normal child. Alot of these people who have answered you are way to afraid and the one to suffer will be the child in the end, trust me. i am watching it right now with my nephew, he didn't have enough socializing except with family and his mom stayed at home and tried to teach him... Ever other week he's got a problem, and now my sister and her husband are trying to make up for it. Look I'm a single mom and I managed to make my daughter socially normal and she's an only child... We visited parks, left her with good sitters ocassionally, and family or friends, we made play dates cause we made friends in play school. Its a choice, but help your child, give them socializing... Wishing you all the best.
Look on another note, my daughter Kenzie was never a screamer when I left her with her sitters when I went to work, one of them was my mother her grammie---the other one was a close friend of the family she called Gramma Jackie... i also put my daughter in preschool at 3yrs old. Children need to socialize or by the time they get to school they are a mess, and have no idea how to react. My daughter Kenzie had 2 yrs of preschool then went into Kindergarten as a normal and extremely well behaved and socially normal child. Alot of these people who have answered you are way to afraid and the one to suffer will be the child in the end, trust me. i am watching it right now with my nephew, he didn't have enough socializing except with family and his mom stayed at home and tried to teach him... Ever other week he's got a problem, and now my sister and her husband are trying to make up for it. Look I'm a single mom and I managed to make my daughter socially normal and she's an only child... We visited parks, left her with good sitters ocassionally, and family or friends, we made play dates cause we made friends in play school. Its a choice, but help your child, give them socializing... Wishing you all the best.

Look on another note, my daughter Kenzie was never a screamer when I left her with her sitters when I went to work, one of them was my mother her grammie---the other one was a close friend of the family she called Gramma Jackie... My daughter began 1 wknd a month with her dad at 9mos old, then he began getting her every other wknd when she was 18mos old. She has never been a screamer. I also put my daughter in preschool at 3yrs old it was me who cried when I dropped off, all these other kids were balling and screaming, my daughter goes, mommy love you have a good day, i lost it!!! Children need to socialize or by the time they get to school they are a mess, and have no idea how to react. My daughter Kenzie had 2 yrs of preschool then went into Kindergarten as a normal and extremely well behaved and socially normal child. Alot of these people who have answered you are way to afraid and the one to suffer will be the child in the end, trust me. i am watching it right now with my nephew, he didn't have enough socializing except with family and his mom stayed at home and tried to teach him... Ever other week he's got a problem, and now my sister and her husband are trying to make up for it. Look I'm a single mom and I managed to make my daughter socially normal and she's an only child... We visited parks, left her with good sitters ocassionally, and family or friends, we made play dates cause we made friends in play school. Its a choice, but help your child, give them socializing... Wishing you all the best.

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199 Comments

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Lesley - posted on 11/24/2010

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The second day home from the hospital. She stayed an hour or two with her grandmother.

She was almost 9 months old the first time we were parted for the night. And we all survived!

Nelly - posted on 11/24/2010

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the first time i left my child with anyone (other than my husband who holds him for a few minutes while i run to the store to get something) He was 10 months at the time and i had to start work, i basically kept calling to make sure he was good, and i couldn't stay at work, i when home at my break to check on them.
apparently he was fine without me, he was playing.

he's 11months now, i still run home every break to check on them, but im trying to stop it

Naomi - posted on 11/24/2010

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I never left my kids with anyone except very trusted family until they were old enough to talk and tell me how things went. And of course I never left them longer than 2-3 hours before they were weaned, which was about 16-18 months....

Annette - posted on 11/24/2010

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HI, your baby will only be 2 weeks old when he is looking at coming to have some "alone" time. If he plans to be apart of this baby's life... he has a life time to spend some alone time with him/her. At 2 weeks old, he has no business even asking to take the baby from you... whether you are together or not.. it is not a reasonable request. In 6 months from now... different story... but not while it is a newborn.

Sabine - posted on 11/24/2010

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I left my kids with the grand parents about the age of 1 1/2 years. When they came to kindergarten - about 3 years - they slept at their friends' home and their frineds at our home.
I must admit that I am very communicative so they learnt to know many people very early in their lives and found friends very quickly.

Miranda - posted on 11/24/2010

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My son was about 2 weeks old when I left him with my mom. I was having trouble with milk production and was given suggestions to increase my supply. So my hubby and I had a date to the grocery store. We were gone for about 3 hours. Over night wasnt till he was 9 months old and it was with my mom for our anniversary. My second child was left with my MIL for our anniversary at 6 weeks old. It all matters on how well you trust the people you are leaving your child with.

Patricia - posted on 11/24/2010

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the first time i left my first baby he was about 2 1/2 and i left him w his dad, my then husband, ha! he still cried! when ur so bonded they think of us as an extension to themselves. it was all good.

Jessie - posted on 11/24/2010

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My son is 16 months old and has spent the night at his grandma house 3 times... I guess the first time I ever left him 'alone' my mom came over when he was a week old and we went and had pictures developed to send out to our families, that was like an hour long I think? I have never been away from him for a full day before, all the overnight were because we both had to work early in the morning for special reasons (think going to work at 3 am because of 'black friday' last thanksgiving) and it was easier to put him to bed at grandma's when he was going to be there the next day anyway!

[deleted account]

My son was about 6 month and he was a breast feed baby. I had a meeting to go to for a week from 8:00-6:00 p.m. My mom keep him. He fuzzied and cried the whole time. He would not take the bottle, I had pump milk. My mom was a trooper, she did not stop keeping him after all that fuzzing. When Friday came she was like pleasssse get him. He nursed until he was 14 month and went straight to the cup. No bottles.

Janet - posted on 11/24/2010

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My almost 2 year old was 2 months when I left him with daddy while I went out for the day. Pumped milk while away and left plenty at home. He did great! Of course, I missed him terribly. He's my 3rd child, so I knew my older girls would be around to help Daddy too.

Katia - posted on 11/24/2010

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Maja was almost 1 year and I left her to her father. Otherwise we have never let her overnight anywhere yet. She is 2,5 today. We just don't feel for it.

Chandra - posted on 11/24/2010

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I was a one a week Mom while my son was in the NICU for 3 months we live an hour and half away from where he was born. Im a single mom completely no father at all. My mom and I decided that it would be best for us to go up once a week so that I had support emotionally and mentally. I would call 2 times a day even on the days we headed up there. My son is now 5 days away from being 2 and since he came home he has been with 1 babysitter for a weekend for the very first time in April I started the worrying and crying about a week ahead of time cause it was my first time leaving him with someone who wasnt my mom She had to literally drag me out the door and while we were gone we checked in 3 or 4 times a day We knew her very well cause she goes to our church and he extremely comfortable and a different baby sitter than the weekend 1 for a couple hours while my mom and sister went to the rodeo and were only 2 miles away for the first time in July I also was worrying about this time cause it was a fast decision cause we had all of a sudden decided to go to the rodeo my mom wanted to take me to my very first one. However the babysitter had watched him in the church nursery several times before and knew us very well. Other thank that my mom has had him which I dont count as leaving him with a babysitter cause well shes my mom and his grandma and this has been maybe 25 to 30 times and thats guessing high over night since he came home in Feb 09 She does pick him up every now and again from daycare for any where from 15mins to a couple hours depending on what I need to get done. I take him every where with me meals out with friends, shopping etc when people see me without me they always comment about how they never see me without him. He has been in daycare since Aug 09 but I was extremely careful of who I chose interview like 15 different people talked to other parents and knew she was the right one hes been at his current daycare since spring and I also took the same approach I think I interview 19 places. Im a very protective mother though and I hate being away from my son. Even when hes with my mom overnight still to this day. I sleep worse while hes gone. I agree with your arguments on why he shouldnt go over night. Stay strong and dont give in.

Emma - posted on 11/23/2010

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I did so when my son was Eight months old and even then it was with my big sister and i couldnt help but call after every hour.
Its hard no matter the age or the person but u just have to learn to trust that everything will be just fine.

Rickie - posted on 11/23/2010

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I LEFT MY DAUGHTER GINA WHEN SHE WAS 3 WEEKS OLD WITH HER GRANDMOTHER AND AUNT BERNICE WHILE I WENT TO GET A HAIR CUT

Colette - posted on 11/23/2010

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I left my 2 years 6 month daughter for few hours with my friend to deliver my baby and after her dad picked her up and stayed with her overnight.

Leah - posted on 11/23/2010

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The first time I left my son alone with anyone he was a month old and I went back to school

Kiriana - posted on 11/23/2010

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My Mum had my daughter over night from the age of 4 months old at her house and has done ever since. But she used to take care of her over night at my house when she around 1 week old about 2x a week so I could try and rest... It is a god send having time away from my daughter and also being able to go out on dates with my husband every friday night!

Dianna - posted on 11/23/2010

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My daughter Kenzie's grandmother (my mom was her babysitter) when I 1st returned to work part-time (due to breast feeding), when Kenzie was about 6 - 8weeks old. Now my 1st time going out w/ the girls Kenzie's was about 6mos old (I was done breast feeding), her 1st sitter for that was a long time family friends daughter Angela (annie). It went very well. I always paid my sitters, even my mother. The next time I went out, her sitter was her dad's mother, which was wonderful. I wasn't overly big on going out and leaving her, but I came home early alot cause I missed her. All this is normal. The 1st time her dad got her by himself she was 4mos old, and it was kinda hilarious... another story sometime. I hope this was helpful to you.

Barbara - posted on 11/23/2010

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You have to just follow your gut about who you leave your child with if its a sitter. Trust your maternal instinct it will not let you down. I interviewed sitters for my son when he was 3 months old and followed up with their references as well as a home visit. And she ended up being the perfect choice and I never looked back. You could always have the person watch him/her with you around the first time just to get a good feeling about it. But if you follow your gut then you will be just fine. If you are hesitant then don't do it. As far as leaving him/her with their father you have to even if its just for a little while. They need to bond and you need you time to keep your sanity. I hate to say it but if you get the baby only used to you then he/she might act out when left with Daddy and then you are screwing yourself out of some sane alone time that is definitely needed.

Good luck!

Jody - posted on 11/23/2010

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1st off guys if you are with the father that doesn't count.But I will answer that question my husband was the first one with our first and sec, I was going to college at night so he had her for 3hours, I guess they both loved to watch american idol :). We mom's don't make ourselves pregnant lol. The first time my oldest went anywhere was when she was 3mon old and was grandma mind you I cried the whole 2 days she was there. Now my second child was almost 6months old. And once again it was grandma. I would not let even my closes friends watch my kids until they were a year or older.

Katie - posted on 11/23/2010

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the first time i left my daughter with anyone, she was 3 months old and she was with a family friend\daycare... because i had to go work. i balled.. i never knew i could cry so much..

Zoe - posted on 11/23/2010

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my littel girl went into neonatel at 5 1/2 hrs old after being looked at by the pedio. i had been wake since 7am friday gave bith 5am sat. husband went home 10pm sat and i left my baby in neonatel on her own.

RACHEL - posted on 11/23/2010

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My daughter is 3 yrs. and 8 months and I have yet to leave her with anyone and now at this point she will NOT stay with anyone. Now that I am expecting a new baby in about a week I guess she will have to stay away from Mommy weather or not either one of us like it. I think it maybe harder for me than her.

[deleted account]

I left my first daughter alone with her father every other day or so for about an hour and a 1/2 so i could work out and shower starting when she was about a 6 weeks old. Honestly I am not sure what I would do if I was married to or had a baby with a man that couldn't be trusted/relied upon alone with my child(ren). Now.... otherwise, my first daughter was left alone with my parents for 2 hours when she was 5 months old and with my sister for 2 hours at 5 months old. My family lives 3000 miles away so every time they visit us or we visit them, they keep our kids while we steal a few moments together. When kids are older they can be with people longer (clearly) but you should trust that person/those people with your greatest treasure - your kids' lives. My first daughter was 2 when she spent the night at our house with only her dad home and it was for 3 nights (she saw me during the day but I had to be at a hotel somewhat locally for a conference and spent the night). That was hard..... for me. My other younger kids were with me and my parents flew in to help with all of them. Otherwise, my oldest has only been left for a few hours with 2 different couples who have kids that we trust but only two times. My youngest have never stayed with anyone else or even been away from me for any significant amount of time. BUT I will say this - it is as much me as it is thinking that kids shouldn't be left. Yes, I do think it should be minimized and I wouldn't send my kids to daycare or preschool (i work from home so i can be stay at home mom and so i can homepreschool) BUT that's just the way I think it should be in our house. I know not everyone feels the same way or should feel that way. I also know that not everyone has the privilege afforded to them to stay at home with their kids. And, I realize that I don't want to be away from them as much as I don't want to leave them. Make sense? So.... you have to listen to what your inner voice - do you need some time away from your kid(s)? That is totally valid - I do all the time and I have my hubby. I wish my family was closer because I'd probably have more time to myself. I can't trust my hubby's family with them. But I also have friends with kids and I send my oldest on playdates with them or host playdates so that we moms can all get our space and our time to ourselves!

Erin - posted on 11/23/2010

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I started leaving my daughter with my husband right away. she's just as much his as she is mine:) and she loved the bonding time. I started leaving her with others when she was about 2 months old. She started going in the nursery at church at around 4-5 months old, and she has always loved it! She is now 11 months old and has never cried when I have left her anywhere, its awesome. I really think it is because we started leaving her really young for short periods of time with my mom. Plus I dont bf, it seems babies that do bf are way more attached.

Janice - posted on 11/23/2010

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He was 6 months old and I left him with a trusted friend of the family.During the 4 hours we were out I phoned 4 or 5 times to make sure all was ok. he slept through it all but I was a nervous wreck. I never left him overnight even when he was in hospital at 3 years old and I was pregnant with my second son. I slept beside him the whole of the time he was in. I left my second son at about 4 months old with the same sitter. I was very lucky to be able to have a sitter that I could trust so much.

Marlene - posted on 11/23/2010

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My 1st son was taken from me right in the delivery room! I was so distraught by the separation, that once I got him back from the nurses, I didn't leave him w anyone until he was 6 months old. After that, I stayed home to birth, so no one could take my baby from me!

Sudha - posted on 11/23/2010

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Being a first time mom..I was a little anxious to leave my son with anyone.Having said that I had to visit doc at times and I completely trusted my mom.She was gr8 with him.After that now at preschool!!Longer we wait longer is the urge to get some time for ourselves..just that we need some one we can trust thoroughly.



If grandparents and dad counts, I have left him with them many times

Ramona - posted on 11/23/2010

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I wasn't shy about bringing my children out early. I definitely waited until they got their first full vaccines but I know I left pretty early. I just didn't allow people to touch them, carry them, or breath on them. That was pretty easy because I had my children in the baby wrap so their bodies were completely covered.

Wonda - posted on 11/23/2010

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My mom did day care most of my life and the one thing I always hated was to see the kids screaming when the moms left. I left my son with my mom in the 1st week so when I had to leave him somewhere it wouldn't be so traumatic on either one of us. Even if you are a stay at home mom you will still want to go out every once in a while and I promise you wont have a great time if your child is screaming when you leave. If you start early and build trust they will know that you always be back for them. Start slow and it will get easier like the store, Dr. app ect.

Wendy - posted on 11/23/2010

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My daughter was about 3 months old when she was first left with a friend of ours. We had a funeral to go to so was only for a couple of hours, but I also went back to work full time when she was 4 months, so she was with that same person during the day while I was at work.



It made it a little easier because I was able to express while I was working so didn't have to give up breastfeeding and she is now 8 months old and I'm still feeding her.

HEIDI - posted on 11/23/2010

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I have left my daughter spend the night with my parents when she was 5 months old. I was breast feeding before that so I couldn't. I also had to get sitters from time to time after she was 5 months old too in order to go to appointments. They say that you should take a break every now and again as it's suppose to be good for you but at the same time I felt guilty.

Amanda - posted on 11/23/2010

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my son was only three weeks old and we left him with my sister for only two hours on my birthday because my husband wanted to take me out to supper..at first I didn't even want to go but them convinced me to go and then the whole time we were eating I wanted to call home to see how everthing was going but my husband wouldn't let me..when I got home everything was fine, my sister was lid down watchin tv and he was asleep on her..fell asleep after she had fed and changed him, didn't cry or make a peep she said..so I was worried for nothing..lol she is great with kids anyway...

Lisa - posted on 11/23/2010

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The first time I left my daughter for the night she was 2 months old.. I was at my girlfriends wedding and my mother watched her for the night. it was kinda hard but it had to be done.. it was so nice just letting loose.. the baby was fine and grandma had a great time..

Elizabeth - posted on 11/23/2010

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I cried like a baby, it does get easier. Just remember you need some time to yourself, and most likely your kid may be napping while you're out, so you won't miss much.

Keri - posted on 11/23/2010

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Hmmm, from what I am reading, I'm somewhat the odd ball here. My daughter is 18 months and I STILL haven't left her with anyone. She stayed with my husband for a few hours about a month ago, but that is b/c I had to go to the hospital with my nephew. I also don't see myself leaving her with anyone for quite some time, unless absolutely necessary. I hate being away from her. Daddy isn't overly happy about it since he feels he is just as capable of taking care of her as I am, which he is, but I still panic if I'm not with her hehe.

Claire - posted on 11/23/2010

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Do what YOU feel is right and don't be pressured by anybody. By law all you need to be doing is providing the dad with opportunities to see and bond with his baby. I would be exactly the same as you and would not want to leave my baby. He won't know babys routine and little signs so you need to be there to help him with that. I split up with my baby's father when he was 5 months old. He has only just come back into his life after just over a year. Visits are with me there at the moment until they get to know each other properly.

Tiffany - posted on 11/23/2010

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tiffany- you are deffinately not the bad guy my son is 8m and I still won't let his dad watch him alone, I actually have not left him with anyone yet

Jennifer - posted on 11/23/2010

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I left my fist son with my sister and brother in law at 3 weeks old as my husband and I unfortunatley had to go to a funeral. Left breast milk in the fridge and all was fine they took him for a nice long walk as it was summer. Everyone did fine even though the entire time I worried we were gone for probably 3 hours. First time over night at my Mom's he was about 6 months old again all was fine only I worried.

Hope this helps.

Natasia - posted on 11/23/2010

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i left my son with my mom when he was about 2 months old for about an hour so i could go to an eye dr appt. I didnt leave him with anyone other than a family member until he was about 6mts old and that has only been a hand full of times for about 2 hours max my husband thinks im over protective

Holly - posted on 11/23/2010

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when my daughter was 5days old my mum & dad watched her...& my son was pretty young 2..but they were both about a yr be4 they were left with a sitter

Nicola - posted on 11/23/2010

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my baby was 6 monts old left her with my partners parents for a couple of hours to go to the pictures i hope this helps you take care.

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