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Life after divorce

Sue - posted on 06/24/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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How do you deal with a "dad" who is not consistent regarding visitation and phone calls? It seems his calls and occasional visits are not really for the better of the kids.

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Louise - posted on 06/24/2010

5,429

69

I know how unsettling this situation is for your children as I was that child waiting for a phone call or to be picked up. In the end at the age of 9 I told my dad to stop visiting me and I have had no contact from then until now nearly 31 years later. It feels like being torn in two and is not a good position to be in. I do not know how old your children are but if they are very young I would not tell them that daddy is coming until he is stood outside the house ready to ring the bell. Ths will cushion them from the constant disappointment caused by men who can not make up their mind if they want to be a proper dad or not!

Gwen - posted on 06/24/2010

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I don't re-arrange my life or schedule for an ex who comes and goes. If he doesn't give me advance notice to make plans, he just doesn't get to see her. She's only 2, but he never calls or emails and shows up a few times a year to visit. I also limit the length of the visits. If he hasn't see her in months, I certainly don't take her over for a 9 hour visit. I keep it to a few hours and if she doesn't seem comfortable, I stay there too.



I assume since you are divorced, you have a visitation agreement? If he is not fulfilling his visitation, it is possible to have your lawyer submit a motion to suspend his visitation rights. He would be required to appear before the judge and explain his lack of meaningful contact.



Document EVERYTHING including calls, visits, missed visits, problems, etc.



Don't put the kids in the middle by asking them 2000 questions every time they have visited or spoken with their dad. Let them know that it is ok to talk to you about anything, you will not be angry and that you love them always.

Salina - posted on 06/24/2010

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38

Well put time limits on phone calls and visitation. I know you might have a court order but log down each time he comes, what time and how long he stays. When he calls put the child directly on the phone and put it on speaker so you can here (if the child is old enough) and if he say something crazy say "Tell your daddy bye bye" and hang up the phone.

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