Blessing - posted on 07/13/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )
I’ve been in a sexless relationship for over 4 years. It is breaking my spirit. I feel ugly, unloved, unwelcome, inadequate, inconceivably alone, and as if the choice i am forced to make (do i sleep around and lose my marriage, or do i not sleep around and lose my sanity), is simply the worst abuse one could think up. because it locks me in an eternal battle with my conscience, who i am, and what i want from my life. During the first year of your marriage, sex was great, until I became pregnant and stop having sex because according to him he do not want to hurt the baby, my baby is almost two years now and still no sex. I have tried talking to him about it, and he keeps giving one long story to the other.
I feel dirty and selfish for wanting sex like I am some kind of prowling scavenger. I am constantly in a state of humiliation because I have this basal need that is simply not on my husband’s list of things to do. At times I thought of just walking out, but I then think I must be tremendously shallow if everything else is OK, except this, and I am thinking of giving up all we have for a few silly orgasms, and other times I can really think of nothing else. Every man I walk past makes me feel like a depraved animal, and I literally have to reel myself in to not approach him with a no-strings-suggestion.
I have never felt as out of control as I do now – as if I am too strong to keep in line. It scares me,
it’s like waking up as a bionic woman, and having no clue why you can walk straight through your own morals, your own values, and just NEED something so badly that you will risk everything to get it. I’m not sure if i am making sense to anyone. But maybe there’s someone who feels the same way, and don’t have the words yet. Can someone please tell me what to do to get my husband back in my arms again?