Lonely, at wits end!

Paige - posted on 09/21/2009 ( 49 moms have responded )

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I have a 7.5 month old daughter, and my partner and i bought a house and moved 100+ kilometers away from all our family and friends. He works in the city, which is 100+ kilometers away and is gone from 4am-6:30pm 5 days a week, leaving me at home with our daughter. Dont get me wrong i love being with her. we dont know many people here, but i have joined a parents group and starting making friends. Which is helping.



I just dont know, his family think i made him move here, but dont realise that i get the raw end of the deal, being alone and away from friends and family, no support network. They said to me your not alone, you've got audrey. Audrey is a 7+ month old baby, she doesnt talk! Whenever we argue i start thinking why am i here, but i love my partner and i cant imagine living without him. but our new life is like being a single mum, without being one.



I dont know what to do...

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Marti - posted on 09/26/2009

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My husband is in the ministry, so we spend many evenings alone--after spending the day alone as well--so I hear your pain. Before my kids were in preschool (and during the summer), I take them to the local library or bookstores for weekly story times--if you attend consistently, you will meet people--and so will Audrey. Don't know if they have a MOPS (Mother of Preschoolers) group in your area--but they usually meet weekly @ a church and provide childcare while you spend time with grown-ups. At 7 months, Audrey is probably still taking 2 naps a day--make sure that you spend @ least one of those naps doing something for you--whether it is surfing the web, facebooking, crafts, or coloring your hair. You deserve a break! Take any you can. Our subdivision newsletter announces playgroups. Be willing to start a playgroup--if you take Audrey to the park on a regular basis, you may find that many of the same families are there--chances are those moms would welcome adult conversation. Take Audrey to Daddy's office every couple of weeks so you can have lunch together--you'll get to see his co-workers and her dad. We have rarely lived close to family--usually a 12+ hour drive from them. Honestly when my kids were infants/toddlers, I wouldn't have made it without my church. Many of my friends at church are stay-at-home moms, and they love having adult company while our kids play. But you have to make the effort. None of this is going to come to your house and offer to befriend you. You have to seek it out. It's not always easy, but it is definitely worth it!

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Can you plan to have your family come for a visit soon? I think the visits in between help. I was 900 miles away from my family because my ex wanted to move back to his hometown. The adjustment took years. I wish we had Facebook back then because it would have made the trnsition easier. Try to plan some outings for you and the baby where you can meet some new friends. Remember too that you do have a support network here. I wish you the best.

Cheryl - posted on 09/28/2009

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I'm a stay at home mom to 4 girls ages 6, 4, 2 and 1. I get that crazy lonely feeling sometimes, too. Online groups have always helped me feel more connected to others. My husband is gone the same hours as yours and though it is hard I'm grateful I'm not truely a single mom. My dear husband gives me time for mothers night out and helps me a lot when he is home to change diapers and do the "work" part of raising little ones. My husband and I also go out on weekly dates. We are really active in our church and my involvement has helped me to connect with others as well as find babysitters and playgroups. When my oldest was 7 months old I loved to scrapbook, so I think doing a project would help. Oh, and I love to read, so that's probably what I'd do the most of if I had 1 infant these days. Best of happiness to you, Cheri

Carol - posted on 09/28/2009

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By the way, check out Meetup.com - there are great groups for every need. I joined one that is based upon single parents and we have met some new friends that way.

Carol - posted on 09/28/2009

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I was in the same position when my daughter was 4 months old. We moved to California and I was a first time Mom alone with no support. My now-ex-husband worked out of the house which was good while it lasted but then he started travelling for business all the time. I joined a Mom's group, a book group and a Bunco group and began to meet people. I went to the park near our house and met people there as well. I found that with my daughter around, it was easier to strike up conversations with other parents, than if I had been alone. Is there a newcomer's club in your town?
By the way, after spending 7 years in CA, we moved back to the Boston area and my husband and I split up and I found myself once again having to start over. However, I did exactly the same things and we are now happily settled in our new condo in town with a group of friends to do things with and support each other.

Cathy - posted on 09/28/2009

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Sounds like the best thing you did is move away from these people. Yes it is hard when you are away from family but as someone who has never been near family with our two children in the last 6 years you do survive. The problem I have is a lot of the friends I have made are near their families and it is hard at times like birthdays as they tend to only invite their large families..

Whinging families are also a commitment and it is nice when your DH has a big commute every day that when he is home you don't have to go running to the family a few nights a week.

My DH works in another city and is generally gone from Monday 5am til Friday 10pm..This week he is in town but he will not be home until after 7pm and it is his 4year olds birthday.. School a lot changes as you tend to met a lot more mums in similar circumstances as I found a lot of people in my parent group went back to work at the 12 month mark..

playgroups are a good place to start. to me 8 months was one of the hardest times..

It does get better..

cathy

Tamara - posted on 09/27/2009

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I feel for you--it seems everytime I've moved it takes about 2 years to really settle in and meet enough good friends and feel at home. last time we moved, it was to somewhere we wanted to go. I was really excited--I finally had hiking nearby, skiing,and some of my family nearby--. HOwever, after just several months--I just cried my eyes out to my husband that I was so lonely and I just wanted to move back to Colorado (and I had some family here to help, but no friends!). What also made matters worse was that I had met a couple good friends when we first moved here and they moved away. I learned that even if I lived in the most awesome place(which I know isn't exactly your case--but my point is) --if I had no friends to hang with it meant nothing. I hung in -- in the past I'd never needed to go out on a limb and invite potential friends to hang with me--but it was what I had to do or I knew I'd go insane. I invited potential friends to hang with me, hung with a mops group, we also moved to a house in kid and parent friendly neighborhood. We've been here 3 1/2 years now--and at about 2 1/2 years, I finally had the friends I needed and felt settled and happy. It sounds like you are moving in the right direction with joining a parents group--just hang in, be patient, and persevere and invite potential friends on playdates and stuff--it will get better!!

Dian - posted on 09/27/2009

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I think all mothers feel the same way. Me and my husband moved to a town were we knew nobody. When I had my first child, I was working from 10pm-6:30am. and my husband worked the 7am-3:30pm. Talk about feeling like a single mom. I also had my mother living with me. I took care of her after a brain surgery. I have a girl that will be 9 in Oct. and a son that will be 7 in Oct. So here I was takeing care of my mother, raising two kids, and working. My mother has been gone now for about 1 1/2yrs now. I am still working and my kids are involved with baseball, softball, gymnastic, golf, karit, church, we go bowling, to the movies and swimming. So from another mother, you can do it, and your husband will be there more than you think he is. I have a wonderful husband, I couldn't have done it and still doing it with out him. I put my kids in preschool after they were 2 and it makes a difference. I still don't have to many friends because my family is the most important ones in my life. You just need to find what you want out of your family and life and go for it. God will get you through your toughest times. If you don't take care of things who will. Good luck and God bless!

Jayne - posted on 09/27/2009

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I used to live 5000 km from my family 4 years ago. I moved back home with or without my husband and he did come with me. I just couldnt be on my own anymore. I had friends but I never really got a close friend. I also lost a baby at 22weeks gestation and had trouble falling pregnant with my 3rd so I had a really bad time. There was no one to talk to at all. I ended up with really bad depression and needed medical help. I only recovered properly when I came home. I am never moving away again. I am much happier and I am a much better mum. I have 2 beautiful boys with lots of love to give.



Goodluck and really think about moving back with your family.

Tara - posted on 09/27/2009

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Looking at the replies it seems so many are in the same boat. Ive moved over 3000kms from my family and friends in melbourne to an outback mining town for my partners work inland of queensland. it is very boring and depressing, im alone most times, so when you work it out...let me know!!

Marie - posted on 09/27/2009

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Heya
I've been there & done that, we shifted away from both our familys when our 1st baby was 3 weeks old. I couldn't drive, didn't know the city or anyone in it. But being out in the country had its advantages - mostly ones i didn't realise til we shifted back. To sound perfectly selfish - the weekends were ours, and ours alone. To just enjoy our little family, & not spent trying to fit as much in as possible visiting, etc etc. The HUGE advantage for me was I WANTED to be at home with my babies for as long as possible. Once we shifted back here, I was forced to work just so we could afford to live - as dumb as that sounds. And having our second child here, I had to start back at work when she was just 4 mths old! (I Hated that!)

When we first moved away, yes it was abit lonely, but once I had made a point of settling - started visiting the pet shop & showing my son the animals, walk to the park & playground, even just a visit to the supermarket, I felt sooo much better. Its nice to have that time - believe me it does NOT last long, so enjoy it while you can!! And be thankful for all you DO have - a full weekend to yourselves, and the time at home with your little one.

Mandy - posted on 09/27/2009

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HI Paige

Like many others on here, I too can related, I moved from UK to Australia, not only was it expensive to telephone, but travel back and forth the other side of the worls was out of the question, this was way before email was the norm!

I contacted the child and family health centre and asked if they could put me intouch with a mothers group in the area, they did and I made some good friends.

I also joined a local playgroup, this was the best choice for me, I made loads of new friends and baby enjoyed it too, I also saw other children doing what I was thinking was strange behaviour, and talking with other mothers who had similar feelings to me - it was a burden removed from me.

Dont be afraid to invite people to your place for coffee, or suggest other activities at a group you have joined, perhaps someone else might like to go swimming but find it daunting on their own too!



I wish you well, some of the other posts too have some good suggestions too.

Martie - posted on 09/26/2009

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My mother gave me some advice when I was young. Look for the other lonely people. This has helped in my moves. There are lonely women in nursing homes or retirement homes that have a wealth of wisdom and a lot of time to pass it on. You can call and ask the administrator if there is someone who is alert and lonely or you can just go and visit.



There are a lot of single people that are lonely. Some times there are Welcome Wagon groups that introduce new people to other new people.



Church nurseries are a place to meet other moms.



I guess the social worker in me has to ask if you feel that your partner is trying to isolate you. This is probably not the problem but it can be a form of abuse.



On the other hand making friends just takes time. But there is hope the friendships will come.

Katie - posted on 09/26/2009

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I know how you feel. I am a stay @ home mommy & even though my hubby works less than a mile from us he works from 2:45pm till 1:30am (6~7 days a wk) and is asleep till 1pm. My family lives 5 hrs from me also. The only convo I get is with my 22mo daughter. I love her and she is my world. But would be nice to have a convo that was not about yo gabba gabba (Her fa tv show) or her pom poms. The only thing I can tell you is to get into mommy & me classes or go to your community center. They have great classes there. That way you can meet other moms & Set up play dates. Kids play & you get to talk with other moms. Hope this helps you out.

Constance - posted on 09/26/2009

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I mostly single-parented our two daughters while my husband traveled on business. He was gone one to two weeks a month on average, but there was a particularly bad June when the youngest was about 17 months where he was home for 7 nights. Nights, not days. And when he was home, he was exhausted, and I was taking care of him.

I worked part time at our business, which I had started, so I couldn't even blame "management", since I had booked the classes he taught! We did have his mom and dad nearby, but they were not "baby-sitting" grand-parents, and would only help in a dire emergency.

This is NOT an "I had it worse that you did" post. What saved me was having a few interests of my own. I learned to knit a few years before I had our first daughter, so once a month I went to a knit guild meeting that was hilarious. If the H was home, he minded the kids, if he wasn't, I hired a sitter. Those three hours provided me with a great deal of refreshment, and made me a happier woman and a better wife and mother. And, on weekends, if the H was home, I'd scamper off to a local yarn store for a few more stolen hours of adult conversation while I knit with people who eventually became dear friends.

I also sang with a local symphony chorus, which had a rehearsal for 3 hours every week. This provided more intellectual stimulation than sociability, since it was a very focused three hours. But I enjoyed it tremendously, as it was an interest I had had pre-motherhood and that made me remember I was my own person, in addition to be an exhausted mommy. (I paid for a sitter here, pretty reliably.)

Joining a church is a good way of meeting other people, and there is free child-care.

My darling (former) MIL took every single class the YMCA offered at the time because there was free child care.

I don't know where you are located, but there are a number of free events- such as a local museum. Your daughter's at a perfect age to go to a museum, since she's not mobile! And then chat merrily with every one you run across.

You might also consider volunteering at a nursing home. There are a lot of elderly people who have led fascinating lives who would love to talk to you, *and* dote on your baby. Ask me how I know that one! We gave some happiness to some older folk, but I received much more in return.

It's hard moving into a new area, and not getting the support you want from your partner. You need to consciously carve out your own new life that allows you happiness that doesn't depend on your him. Yes, he should give you love and support, but he *can't* give you all you need. Seriously, make a plan, and do a few things every day that help you towards your goal of becoming part of this community. This might even include posting signs at a laundry mat asking for another mother of a 7 1/2 month old baby to go walking with for a few miles every morning.

Oh, and in terms of keeping the household running without exhausting yourself: Try flylady.com. It helped me immensely.

Cheers,

Constance

Donna - posted on 09/26/2009

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Hang in there.... you are doing the right things trying to build a new support system for you and your daughter. The first year of a childs life is usually very isolating and lonely (even if your hubbie is around) My travels all the time, I do understand. But hang in there and know that someday, when your daughter can talk, she will actually become company for you and it will get easier. Hang in there!!

Lisa - posted on 09/26/2009

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well I kinda know what you mean becuz when my lil boy was 19 months old I had my daughter. so not only did I have no one else to talk to but my 75 yr old granma but now I had 2 lil friends that couldn't talk. I had this 1 sort of friend across the street but she wasn't the kind of person that you really want to be friends with. Except for her kids that I felt needed someone normal around, she was a foul person, cleanliness wise, mouth-wise, intelligent-wise, smoked pot & cigarettes nonstop, didn't have any morals except that she did marry the guy that was her latest kids father. but anyway, not judging her just wanted to meet someone I could relate to. anyway, my husband had moved us about 250 miles away from both of our parents & wanted to fend for ourselves. It was very difficult. I found solice in God & started to go to church where there were a lot of young women who did relate to what I was going through. I didnt have a computer back then & couldn't be online in support groups. If you can get out & just take a buggy ride around the neighborhood it'll do both you & your baby a lot of good. Take a look at God cuz he never has problems relating to anyone! He'll be there for you.

Amy - posted on 09/26/2009

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My husband is a police officer and we own a security company on the side. I know exactly how you feel. He is never home and works all the time and I know I shouldn't complain because I get to stay home but I do. My family is no where around either and his mother is a lot older. The moms group will help a lot, you will make friends and then start going out to lunch or even to the mall to just walk around and maybe spend a little. It will get easier and I know it a long way off, but when she start pre-school and stuff then you will make even more friends. Hang in there it will start getting easier. As for your in-laws they can believe what they want you know why you two are there!!!! GOOD LUCK!!

Cheri - posted on 09/26/2009

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Quoting Paige:

Lonely, at wits end!

I have a 7.5 month old daughter, and my partner and i bought a house and moved 100+ kilometers away from all our family and friends. He works in the city, which is 100+ kilometers away and is gone from 4am-6:30pm 5 days a week, leaving me at home with our daughter. Dont get me wrong i love being with her. we dont know many people here, but i have joined a parents group and starting making friends. Which is helping.

I just dont know, his family think i made him move here, but dont realise that i get the raw end of the deal, being alone and away from friends and family, no support network. They said to me your not alone, you've got audrey. Audrey is a 7+ month old baby, she doesnt talk! Whenever we argue i start thinking why am i here, but i love my partner and i cant imagine living without him. but our new life is like being a single mum, without being one.

I dont know what to do...


 

Kayla - posted on 09/26/2009

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Is there a mothers day out place in your area, where u can drop her off for a few hours and go do something u like to do and maybe hang out with a friend or something.

Brenda - posted on 09/26/2009

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It is very hard when you move away from family and friends! As time goes on you will make new friends and you will be happy with your decision to make the move! It will take time! Be patience! Enjoy you precious little girl right now because she will only be little once. Take one day at a time!

Dina - posted on 09/26/2009

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Been there (or should I say am here) . We moved 10 hrs from my family 16 years ago. You are on the right track. Join playgrounds- go to a Moms Bible study.- Meet the neighbors. After 16 years, I now have an honorary family as well as a biological one. the kids even have " adopted aunts , uncles and cousins - It didn't happen over night but over time the friendships strengthened. You'll find others with your values in similar situations and thus friendships are born. I wouldn't trade my honorary nephews, and niece. Tthe other thing you need to do is talk with your partner. I knew that moving so far from my family would be tough. We arranged for me to take the kids for part of every summer just to visit with my parents.. As the years went on we also sent the kids to the grandparents (and my sister -who lives near my folks) without us for a week or so just so that they could build their own relationship with their biological extended family. We don't take real vacation so that we can take this family trip but it has been worth it. It's still hard but God will provide even a "family" if needed.

Annmarie - posted on 09/26/2009

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Tell me about it - I am in the same boat! Except we moved countries, so I'm 2 plane flights away from my family. My husband's new job takes him oversea's all the time as well - he left yesterday for 5 weeks to the States with work, had I known it was going to be like this I don't think I would of moved here at all. I have 2 kid little kiddies and just to make life harder I suffer from chronic back pain. I wonder what an earth I'm doing here, in another country away from family and support. Sometimes a new start out in life can be terribly rocky, lonely the list goes on...... however playgroups are the best thing to join, and iI've met some great people. Good luck.... keep postive. I think it'll get better for you with time....I'm making more friends with time and making myself get out there to meet people, please remember your not alone. Hang in there!

Kara - posted on 09/26/2009

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Give it some time and you will make new friends or call old ones and make plans to visit or them visit you every once in awhile. If you start working, the workplace will give you an outlet to reach the adult world again for that conversation that you are craving! Good Luck!

Chris - posted on 09/26/2009

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See if you can find a local Sure Start Centre near you. They have all sorts of things on for under 5's, you little one gets to enjoy getting messy, music, play, or whatever and you get to meet other mums who probably feel exactly the way you do. Your health visitor should be able to put you in touch with one or do a search on google. Netmums will have a web-site tailored to your local area so you can find out about clubs, mums and tots groups and all manner of things that are going on. Try to get yourself out and you can meet new friends. Best of luck.

Sarah - posted on 09/25/2009

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Page,
I just joined a groop called MOPS and it is great fun. (Mothers Of Pre Schoolers) look it up online for a MOPS group near you. we get together 2 times a month they have a child watch program and the moms get to sit and eat breakfast do a craft and just talk. its great.

Suedee - posted on 09/25/2009

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You are in a hard situation Paige, and anyone in it would feel lonely and frustrated. Let me suggest some things that have helped me and my friends. Check and see (google) if any of the local churches offer MOPS (Mothers of preschoolers). They usually meet once a week and that's a great place to connect with other Moms and get ideas of fun things you can do as a Mom with a baby. Many churches also offer "Mom's day Out" programs where you can leave your baby (she may need to be a little older) for a morning or so a week so you can go get some errands done, spend time with friends or just do something you enjoy. You definitly need adult time. Time with your baby is wonderful but all adults need time to talk and interact with other adults. Joining a womens club or group could help in the process of making friends. Also, you need a regular date night with your partner. It will help to have that to look forward to and give you two some undistracted time together. Hospitals have baby sitter training programs and they may be able to recommend babysitters that have been through their programs. Again, local churches could be a resourse for babysitters too. Maybe you could trade babysitting with other couples that you know.



Your partner's family must not remember what it is like to have a baby. There is no way a baby is going to meet all your needs for friendship and life in general. Every Mom needs a break and time alone with the baby's Dad. Share with your partner how important this is to you and for your well being. Maybe he can come up with some ideas as well. The parents group is definitly a step in the right direction. I will pray for you Paige, that the Lord will provide a caring community of friends for you and your partner and your baby.

Cathy - posted on 09/25/2009

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My children are older now (youngest is now 11) 13 years ago I was in the same place Paige. New neighborhood, new state, no family near, no friends. By reaching out and meeting other mom's in the neighborhood - we formed a "Mommy Co-op". The term is scary and frumpy sounding - I was too cool to join a mommy club, but the fact of the matter I was a mommy and I needed help and friends. We litterally co-op'd our selves - we babysat each others children, we met at park days, we exercised together with the kids toddling about, we developed a preschool program and co-op'd teaching, book clubs, chick flick mornings. mom's night out.... Most importantly we made sure we took care of each other, if one of us was sick we took care of the children and made sure the family had dinner on the table.

I know it is hard to reach out, but go to park take a look around - those moms you see sitting on the bench can be your best allies. Reach out introduce yourself or better yet post a notice to start a local mommy co-op. Our co-op was, and 13 years later still is, based on the book "No More Loan Ranger Moms" by Donna Paltrow,

In the book Donna tells a story about sitting at a park bench looking around at the other moms looking just as exhausted as she was and thinking to herself "at least one of us should be home taking a nap" .

Reach out to other mommy's - help and support each other the reward will be a hundred fold for you, your daughter, your husband and your marriage.

Vickie - posted on 09/24/2009

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Hi Paige, I know exactly how you feel. When we moved out here 6 years ago, not knowing anyone except my husband & his family, it was rough for a while. Some snotty women even had the nerve to tell me point blank because I didn't live here "forever", that they considered me to be an "outsider". Just by chance, one Halloween, as I was taking my child trick or treating, a very nice older woman & I got to talking (she lived a few blocks away). She told me that she had moved to our town from Philly over 25 years ago & some snobby people in our area still considered here to be an "outsider" as well.



I'm not one to sit around feeling sorry for myself. By sheer luck, I discovered a long-time friend of mine lives about an hour away from me! I also made friends with a few of the other mothers of kids in our kid's class. And I never lost contact with my old friends. We keep in touch by phone, email & even snail mail. And I make it a point to get together with some of my friends at least once or twice a year at a halfway point.



Look to make new friends thru play groups, church, online mom groups or even make friends thru family. I have a wonderful friend thanks to my oldest step-daughter's lovely mother-in-law! And make it a point to get someone you trust to watch your little one at least once a month, so you & your husband can have a date, just the two of you. All The Best!

Amie - posted on 09/24/2009

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Dear Paige, I truly understand what you are going through. My husband has always worked and traveled a lot. When I first had my son who is now 10, it was unbareable. I stopped working at the hospital and was home by myself all the time, both our families lived hours away and so it was hard for them to visit. We moved to a small country town that I found myself starting to belong, then came our daughter now 7. I became involved in the church and preschool program. This little community quickly became my family and support group I never had before. My husband is a wonderful man- he just had to travel to take care of us. Then a great opportunity came up a few year ago, that would ive us more time with him, but we would have to move from the comfort of the support group-my new family. For months at our new home I would cry and my kids now older with thier own littel lives did not understand. Sure we saw my husband a little more, but I still sat there waiting for my husband and kids to come home-with no one for myself. Deep depression sat in and one day I discovered like years before when the kids were small- I am young, smart and often interesting. Why, can't I go out and make my own support group. I started looking for a church, mom groups, hosted a all girls movie night. You come up with ways to meet new people. Go to something yu would have never gone to maybe before. Even if it is a makeup or jewerly party-get out the door. Don't worry abot the baby being to little. Take her! Ask a family memeber every few months to come please, and to watch her for even two hours; so you and your husband can have a date night. That is extremely important. Most of all when you feel alone-remember God is a whisper away. Take your worries and praises to him -He will give you peace and comfort. God Bless!!

Kelli - posted on 09/24/2009

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I know what you mean, I have family here, but they are all so busy that I rarely get to see them. We only have one car so when my husband is at work I have no where to go. It gets super lonely. Just try to meet friends online and I know here there is a website called bcsmoms where moms can get online and chat and it is very similar to this site, except it is local moms. You could try to make friends with local moms that way too, and that could lead to playdates at your house and different things that you can do that way. Hope that helps.

JESSICA - posted on 09/24/2009

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I feel the same way. I just tell myself in a way we are all single moms. I just don't expect help anymore. I feel any help from my husband is a perk. He is a great dad when he is around so I really can't complain. He is trying to provide. After talking to some guys about the situation I can finally see it from their point of view. They are under alot of pressure when their is only one income.

Corrie - posted on 09/24/2009

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I notice a lot of people on here offering advice to just make this work, and I'm not trying to be negative, or to go against the grain (because I feel adaptability and the ability to step outside of your comfort zone are both super important qualities in a person), but I feel if you really know what is bothering you about this situation, then why not change that?

I can't imagine being in your situation, I have family on both my side and my husband's side where I live - I have an amazing amount of support from them (both mentally and physically). On top of the support they offer, I feel really strongly that family is hugely important. Friends are fantastic, but no one (aside from you) is going to *love* your kids as much as their grandparents or aunties and uncles! Babies need that and deserve that! I would imagine that your husbands family isn't trying to be hurtful, they likely just really want to be there to support you, and kiss and hug and play with your beautiful baby. You already have a network of people ready and willing and desperately wanting to be that support to you - if the only thing standing in the way is location, then maybe the location is what needs to change?

I realize that moving is difficult, job or career changes are difficult, but it's all doable. Nothing is written in stone that says you need to stay where you are.

There is no point in being away from both your family and your husband - you should look into moving closer to your family again or closer to your husbands work (if he’s in the opposite direction). You don’t have to just ‘deal with it’ all the time. Some things are important enough to instigate major life changes.

Anna - posted on 09/23/2009

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I understand. I have 18 month old twins, my husband is in the air force and leaves on trips and is gone on average 10-12 days. Home for about a week and gone again. Getting to the grocery store is even a challange. Both sides of our family live on the east coast and we are on the west coast. Tonight was tough. After dumping their dinner and milk on the floor not once but twice, I picked each toddler up, wiped their hands and face, changed diapers, and carried them upstairs to bed, at 6:00 pm!! Closing their doors and walking away hearing them crying, I was in tears as well, but found peace after sitting outside praying. Then my mom called and wanted see if she could come visit in 2 weeks!! I was crying so hard I could barely get out a yes!!
I love, love love my twins. Just wish I could get a small break once in a while.
I do belong to a great moms group, a stroller stride class, and I take the twins out everyday even if it's just to the drive thru starbucks.
But nothing replaces the help of family.
Just have to remember we are moms the center of our families universe and they need us!! And don't forget to just...breathe!

Karen - posted on 09/23/2009

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Paige, for your own peace of mind, even just 1 day of work a week is worth it regardless of the cost of childcare. It will give you back your self confidence and self-worth and ultimately these things make you a better mum & wife. All the best.

Marilyn - posted on 09/23/2009

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Although I'm not away from family I can relate. My husband travels ALOT for his job, so I feel like a single Mom too. I have 2 sons, ages 5 and 4 1.2. Our older son is adopted, hence, their close range in age. It is very hard being at home with the boys, and all of my friends and family are working during the day, so I have just my boys. When they were younger, I rarely went anywhere with them because I was afraid I couldn't handle them on my own and for safety reasons, two toddlers at the mall and a parking lot is pretty scary. A friend once said to me, "they take off in opposite directions, who do you keep up with them." By best adivce is to find a gym with a daycare, or go to playgroups in your community, or your church. As hard as it is to start up conversations with strangers, it's the best thing to do. People in these environments, will understand your situation and maybe even be going through the same thing. Hang in there, it really does get better!

Samantha - posted on 09/23/2009

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I know how you feel. I am a Navy Wife and my hubby is at work all day and when he has duty he stays at work all night. We recently moved to Connecticut and I do not have many friends. My husband and I are both from North Carolina so we are far away from family and friends. I am home all day with our daughter and it does get lonely. Stay strong though! You will find friends in time. Keep your chin up!

Carly - posted on 09/23/2009

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Where are you living? depending on what you are trained to do it likely would even out with daycare. But if you are lonely and need friends it will fill that need. You may need to look at it from that angle.

Dee - posted on 09/23/2009

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when my husband went into the military we moved 4000 miles away from my family. I had never been that far away from them. We were gone for 9yrs. Ive been back for four and I want to go back. It took a while but I realized how much my family needs me. Weve been together now for 14yrs. Just hang in there things will be ok as long as you love him.

Ewa - posted on 09/23/2009

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Hi, it may help you to find a friendly local play group that you could attend. Check also NCT's website for any activities local to you. They may be music classes for babies and later children around. All this would give you an opportunity to meet with other mums (and some dads as well) whilst your daughter would be albe to play with other babies/children.

7,5 month old baby is quite portable, so just make sure you stay home as little as you can. There must be places/activities that you can find nearby. Don't wait for your husband to turn up from work, organise your life, feel it with exciting things to do! :-) E

Tania - posted on 09/22/2009

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ohh trust me it is worth it honey you end up with all your confidance back plus goverment rebates that should help

Paige - posted on 09/22/2009

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I plan on finding work before the end of the year and putting her in daycare, though all will depend on how much im earning verses the cost of daycare and wheather its worth it!

Alyssa - posted on 09/22/2009

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WHen my husband and I got married, I moved 5,000 miles away from all my friends and family, my husband worked 6 days a week and I knew no one. 14 months later our son was born. I can completely relate to how you're feeling. I think the important thing is to talk to your partner. Let him know how you're feeling! Maybe the two of you can find a great babysitter and get a night out for the two of you. Joining the parents group would help, but remember, it's never easy to move to a new area. going to the park or an "exercise with your baby" class might help too. Good luck!

User - posted on 09/21/2009

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Dear Paige,

I also experienced feelings of isolation and loneliness when we moved 10 hours away from my family with two young children & another on the way. I think you've made the right move to join a parents group and to try to make friends. I found having my first child I put lots of pressure on myself to do it all myself and felt so guilty when someone suggested I put her in daycare for a couple of mornings a week. But I did. Two mornings a week I left her in the care of a daycare and got to do some things that were of interest to me (mainly cleaning my house!!! :)) But it was still an achievement in my day. It will take time for you to adjust and also I felt that I had to grieve the home & family I'd left behind. Give yourself some time. Be kind to yourself and try not to take on the spouses family... Pursue friendships with other mums (although try not to compare yourself - everyone elses babies always did textbook stuff and mine didn't!!).

I have a faith in Jesus and like your parent group, I found love & support with a church family... a home away from home. I hope you find your place. Take care, Rachel.

Chasity - posted on 09/21/2009

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I am a stay at home mom myself and I will have to admit I spend most my days at home. It wasnt until I went out with my husband and saw a new store where there was no store before, when I asked my husband he claimed it had been 2 months since it was opened. It ws then I relized I never got out of my house in two months. Now I do more productive stuff then a routine of caring for baby, cleaning, cooking and sleeping. Now we go to the park, the zoo, the pool. We have super breakfest once a week at Ihop or waffle house we even try to catch a movie. If you want you friends and family to be around more often, why not go see them or have a barbeque twice a month, talk to neighbors also, or even make some friends around there....parks are a great place to find other mothers so dont be shy, most likely she will want to be your friend as much as you want to be hers.

Stacey - posted on 09/21/2009

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hi im the same as you all though my son is 16 months old and dose alot more but being stuck inside the same four walls is a nightmare i dont know any one where live and town is 3 miles away its not far but i dont drive so i have to get the bus also being 3 months pregnant its not easy you do feel like a single mum even tho your not

Elexis - posted on 09/21/2009

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I Can honestly say It sucks!!! been there and still wind up visiting there with no one to help or turn to but i dont know how i made it thru but we do as moms we are just as resiliant as our kids there are also some grps that let u have mom time for just an hour or so as an adult and they watch ur kids its not to hard to find see if they have one in ur area they are all certified.. at one point u got to realize u need time to or ur gonna give out so dont feel ashamed of asking for time for someone to watch her.. if u dont u will burn out and its a have to thing... we all go thru it sometime good luck hope i helped just a little :)

Stefanie - posted on 09/21/2009

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That really sucks. Just try to make new friends and chat online with people even try local parks to meet mums. I know what it's like. I have family here but seems everyone is always busy and things get lonley. I hope things get better and if you would like a friend to chat to on msn just ask. My partner is the same somtimes working 6days a week 4.30am-6.30pm it's hard to get time. Just hold on and think christmas is coming so there will be holidays to be with him and your loved ones. Dont listen to what people say you never wanted to be alone just doing the best for your family. Cheer up and all the best =)

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