Looking for new ways of dealing with a Strong Willed Child entering terrible 2s.

Tracy - posted on 09/21/2009

I find it really hard with Time Out's when they are just two. My son just turned two, last month and it is the Battle of The Wills, right now. With him I have to sternly look him in the eye and tell him "That Behaviour Is Unacceptable". It will get better though, you just have to keep at it, and don't let any Bad Behaviour go unpunished.

Nicole - posted on 09/21/2009

I have quite the independent 2.5 year old myself. While all the ideas above are nice and may work, I've found they just don't quite cut it if you have a strong willed child. Son #1 I could get away a lot with warnings, he'd learn from time-outs, etc. Son #2, however, is a whole new ball game. While timeouts, warnings, etc. may work they're usually not the best route to take. I still haven't found the answer, lol, but I've found a few things help cut out him melting down over everything.



One is ritual. This annoys me to no end and if I'm short of patience it's hard to not burst out with, "What in the world is wrong with you?" kind of talk but it helps him. And by ritual I mean doing the same thing, the same way every day. For instance, breakfast... He has to get his own bowl, spoon, cereal, vitamin (I open it), juice glass. He gets it in a certain order, puts it on the table a certain way, has to pour his cereal/milk (I act like I'm "helping" to keep spillage at bay). Most mornings this works great. Heaven forbid I do it out of order. OCD to the max. And that's just breakfast. So we have a few key points of the day for ritual - all meals and bed time are the most important.



In other areas, like getting dressed, I just let him go at it. He picks what to wear (this is fun some days!) and I help him if he needs it. In most things I let him try to do it, even though I know I can get it done better/faster. If I don't I'm almost assured a meltdown. Of course, with this, I have to be sure to give him time to do things on his own.



When I do chores around the house I always ask for his help. Sometimes he helps, sometimes not. But he seems to be better if he thinks he's a big boy. I always transition with him or it's sure to cause a meltdown. I make sure he gets to bed by 7 every night and I watch what he eats to try to minimize sleep/food issues.



With that said, there are times when no is no or you have no time to deal with it (or meltdown is occurring). When it's no, I try to be gentle at first - unless safety is involved - but if it doesn't work right away, I go straight to firm and pulling him out of the situation. I've found this to work best for us. With no time to deal (or meltdown is occurring) I just continue on with what needs to be done. For instance, I have to go pick up my oldest at preschool and he starts in with a meltdown. I pick him up, put him in his car seat and off we go. Sure enough, he cries all the way there, even takes off his shoes. But you know, usually once we're there he's done. Sometimes it seems like he needs to blow off steam and that's how he does it. Hopefully just for now until he can communicate better!



And just so you know, he's slowly getting better from where he was but he's always going to be my more independent and strong-willed child.

Amanda - posted on 09/21/2009

I have a daughter who will be 3 in Nov. and she has been going through terrible 2's since she was 10 months old. For her part of it is now having twin 1 year old brothers to compete with, but mostly it's a struggle for control. I also use the "time out" and 1,2,3 methods, but have started to throw in taking away things as a consequence. Like her favorite movie or toy. This seems to work better in those situations where she is doing something, or not doing something she knows not to, but not yet at full tantrum stage. It's a struggle but I think that consistency is key.

Carmen - posted on 09/21/2009

Are you really following the "super nanny" way though? Only giving 1 warning then the next outburst or wrong doing puts her in time out? My daughter (whom is 3) sits in time out until she can sit there quietly. So if she screams for 5 minutes first, her 3 minute time out does not start until then. Which rarely happens now I assure. & also to repeat what I have heard Dr. Phil say...that is what they will do...they will continuously raise the bar until they find what it takes to get you to concede to their wishes. It takes commando parenting. You just can't give up & stick your ground, make her stay there & keep putting her back. Does this drive us to our absolute point of near insanity, YES, I sooooo feel you. But @ the end of the evening take a bubble bath, have a glass of wine, whatever you need to do you gain your compose back. To feel like yourself again & prepare for your next day. Good luck!