losing custody of my daughter......

Amy - posted on 12/30/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am a 38 yr old women from Onatario, Canada.I need help so bad its unreal. I had my daughter taken away from me almost 2 years ago by my ex boyfriend, who is her father. I have not seen my daughter in 1.5 yrs and she only lives 10 min down the road. To no fault but my own, the reason for her being removed from the home was due to issues I have had with alcohol. I have had very stressful issues in my life and I chose to drink to forget about them.I was a good mom always provided,worked hard and gave my daughter all the love she needed. My ex took me to court and has now gained full custody of our daughter, a court order has been put in place. Basically stating he can call all the shots and its up ti his discretion when and how I visit with my daughter.during our time in court I got to a point where I could no longer afford my attorney.I had already given him thousands and nothing more to offer. He put a lien on my home which Icant pay, and when I arrived to court without representation I was fined by the courts(which i can not pay) for waisting there time and was told that if the fine didn't get paid not to bother showing back up for our last court date. So of course I didnt go to court and the judge basically ruled in his favour obviously. Since that time I have straightened out my life,I figured out why I drank and the issues I had in my life stopped drinking,went to rehab,go to meetings sometimes and have met a wonderful man,and have an excellent job. All I want is to see my daughter my ex won't allow me to call her, has disconnected the phone,only uses a cell and wont answer it. I am not allowed on his property or he will call the police, so I cant even drop off gifts etc....he wont allow me to skype or e-mail her. He has cut off all communication avenues. I pay him $600 mnth child support as well.He claims I can suppervied visitation if its with one of my family members, but when the arrangments get made he puts a new stipulation on me and wont allow it. He also claims that if try to show up to our daughters school for a concert or something for example he will have me arrested. I know absolutly nothing about my own child anymore.WHen is she sick,how tall is she, what is her teachers name everyday normal life things. My ex wont even talk to me only via text and its always arguments,nothing constructive. What do i do? I absolutly can not afford a lawyer, I make to much money for free legal assistance? I just want my daughter back can anyone help me?I know what i did was wrong but I need to see my child and she needs to see me.We miss and love eachother so much.

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Ariana - posted on 12/31/2012

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First off I would succumb to his random demands. You said he agreed to allow you supervised visitation if it's with one of your family members and then puts on a new stipulation, just do the stipulation. Even if it's something ridiculous just do it, at least once, so you can see your daughter. Or possibly get a social worker involved and see if you could get supervised visitation at an actual centre where you can tell him it's absolutely safe because it's in a completely supervised setting.

Have you spoken to social services? They may be able to advise you on what avenues you should take better than us. They may be able to tell you how you can get free legal assistance since you say you don't have the money to pay and advise you on what to do. If you still can't get legal assistance could you try to get a mediator? Someone who could speak with you and your ex so that you can come to an agreement with another partial adult making sure everyone is heard? They may be able to convince your ex to allow you to contact your daughter more often, even if it is supervised by a family member.

If you try all these avenues (trying to comply to all his random stipulations, getting a social worker involved, finding a mediator etc.) and for some reason you still can't see her and still can't get financial aid then my advise is to try and save your money for a lawyer. I mean ask your family for help if you don't have the money, even if they help you out and you slowly pay them back, or even if you have to cut out everything to save money bit by bit until you have enough this is your daughter we're talking about.

It is unfortunate that he's cutting you out so much and that there isn't any visitation set up. I would really try to talk to a social worker who might be able to assist you in figuring out what the next steps are.

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