loss

Jenifa - posted on 01/07/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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l lost my 18mnths old daughter last yr on the 24th of January from a sudden death and l am afraid as this same date is around the corner,l don't even know what to do and l am also confused.ls there anyone who has experienced this same problem?

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Michelle - posted on 01/10/2009

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i am so sorry for your loss. i lost a childndue to a miscarriage. even though the loss is different, mther's still connect in the same way when it comes to losing a child. take that day second by second....remember the good times,as well as the rough times, and you will smile. visit her.....she needs that as much as you. she is with God, adn will always be with you. you will be in my prayers.

Melody - posted on 01/10/2009

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 I lost a set of twins at birth they were born too early(At 22 weeks). when the date came around the next year I found it helpful to talk with my husband and a close friend who was going through the same thing. I don't know if you have anybody to talk to or not if not maybe writing your feelings in a journal or diary will help. Just remember there is no right or wrong way too deal with this and that it is ok to let others know how you feel as the date draws nearer.

Kathy - posted on 01/10/2009

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Jenifa,



I am sorry for your loss of you lil one.....I do know what you are going throu........I myslef lost my first born son when I was only 20 years old.  I am not sure what what to tell you though, everyone has their own opinion on what to do or how to handle it. so personally i think that what happens on your day is up to you. For me I would buy a rose and find the nearest river say my prayer to my handsom lil man and let the rose float away with my sorrows. I am not sure how this helped me any but it did wonders for me. So you see it depends on you and what you will do.  I know the confusion that you feel thou and I hope that you will be well on your daughters day. I am here if you need to talk, send a message and I will answer.......As the years go by the pain does ease, or for me it did but I found that it helped when I talked more about the experience.........but I will do my best to be here for you.......take care of yourself



from Kathy

Tricia - posted on 01/09/2009

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We lost our first son to SIDS at 2 months old 10 years ago. The first year was very hard because it was a time that you look forward to celebrating. I remember how hard it was. Our family remembers each birthday by taking a present to the gravesite. We then spend the day doing something as family, whether going to the zoo, the park, or something together outside of the house. As we have added children to our family, it helps them to remember they had a brother before they were born.

I wish you the best, don't be afraid to cry and grieve your loss again. Look to those close to you that can help you remember your child.

Denise - posted on 01/09/2009

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Quoting Shel:

ohhh..im very sorry for your lost...all i can say is never looked back at what happened and rejoice the times she was living if its not too difficult for you, its easier said than done, but think, she is in gods hands.sometimes in life, things happened for a reason, all we can do is try to accept it and move on.. no one should ever go through the lost of a child...be strong.



Shel...no offence, and I know you meant well, but please be careful when advising someone who has lost a child.  As someone who has, you can't help but look back.  I am a Christian woman that strongly trust God, but I still look back at times.  We know it was in God's plan, but hearing that sometimes makes it harder to bare.  The memory will always be around....ALWAYS. 

Denise - posted on 01/09/2009

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My child was not as old as yours, and I did not have time outside the hospital with either of the three that I lost; however, every year we celebrate birthday's by visting the cemtary.  We take a new wind mill every year and place it in front of the grave.  We make a cake, say a pray, and ask that God protect them in heaven. 

Elizabeth - posted on 01/09/2009

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After my daughter died almost 2 years ago, I too was terrified to come to the anniversary of her death.  I decided that I would start a tradition and do something special to celebrate the time I had with her, rather than spend the whole day feeling aweful.  Maybe this would work for you, Maybe not, It makes me feel good to go out to the cemetary and talk to her, buy something for a child that would be her age and give it as a gift.

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My cousin passed away of SID's at 6 months old at the time I was pregnant & felt very guilty about it. I don't know what you are going through as the parent but I do understand the impact of such a loss. Personally my grandmother was murdered 3 years ago on Jan 16th, I dreaded the anniversary & last year I promised to turn the day around. I made plans that day that made a happy memory to make it a little better for me. I suggest talking to someone for sure, DO NOT sit at home it will allow you to dwell & be sad, go out & do something. Remember it's ok to be sad but dont beat yourself up over it. The first year is always the hardest to get through & you should be proud that you made it through this year... pat yourself on the back. I would also go buy a single pink latex balloon & release it to the sky to honor your baby girl! Try to turn the day around & do something for YOU!!!! I am sorry for your loss & glad you made it through the year!

Shel - posted on 01/09/2009

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ohhh..im very sorry for your lost...all i can say is never looked back at what happened and rejoice the times she was living if its not too difficult for you, its easier said than done, but think, she is in gods hands.sometimes in life, things happened for a reason, all we can do is try to accept it and move on.. no one should ever go through the lost of a child...be strong.

Nicole - posted on 01/09/2009

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I have never has to experience a loss like this and I can't even begin to try to imagine what that must have been like for you and I am so sorry for your loss. My brother lost his infant son, Jordon, when Jordon was 30 days to only what could be determined as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and I seen what he and his wife went through and my only advice that I know to give is to make sure that you are seeking help to understand your loss (counseling, support groups, etc.) and to make sure that you honor her memory (celebrating her birthday, etc.). That may still be hard to do now, but I know that has helped my brother alot, because I think he worried that if he didn't think about his son, then he wasn't a good father. I think they realized that they had to honor him rather than continue to grieve for him, because it helped life be somewhat more normal again. If you think of the memory as a thing of honor without the pain, that seems to work for them. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

Emma - posted on 01/09/2009

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My eldest daughter was stillborn over 10yrs ago now. I have the same fears every year as you do. I start worrying at the start of November about how i'll be on the 28th, its a long month but the day is never as bad as I anticipate. We have a party every year now, just us at home. The idea was not to exclude her memory but to try and take the pain out of it, like a mark of rememberance.

Paulette - posted on 01/08/2009

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Hi Jenifa, My heart goes out to you. I though a lovely idea of how you can celebrate her life would be....buy a lovely outfit for a baby and donate to someone who needs it. For you, you need more than the college counselor. Are there support groups for mothers who lossed their child in Dundee that you can join? I will keep you in my prayers. Take care. 

Jessica - posted on 01/08/2009

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I haven't had this experience but want to tell you that my heart hurts for you... I cannot even imagine. Prayers and hugs to you and your family.

Shannon - posted on 01/08/2009

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I was pregnant with my fourth child, but lost it in August.  I was due March 1st, and I'm worried about the fact that the date is coming, and I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do on that day.  i know that it won't be a normal day for me, but I'm not sure how to react either.  I know that it's different than losing an 18 month old, but I mourn my baby everday, and I'm so sorry that you're hurting.  What helps me is to know that I'm not alone, that women have survived this kind of pain, although sometimes I'm not sure how.  I will think of you on Jan. 24th, and know that I'll be praying for you.

Kristin - posted on 01/08/2009

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I am so sorry for your loss, Jenifa.  Have you joined the group One Brave Chick?  I think that group could really help you work through your hard times.  It is a support group for basically any woman going through any hardship.  One of the admins has lost 2 children herself and writes a blog that mentions getting through those heartbreaking dates.  If you don't have a support group to meet with in person, One Brave Chick is a great site to connect with positive people who will want to help you through your difficult times any way they can.  My thought and prayers are with you and your angel.

Cindy - posted on 01/08/2009

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Jenifa I had a child that passed at 1 mth old and 14 yr old I know how you feel its hard but in time it will get better talk to others about her she will never be gone totally remember the time that you did have with her do you have other children? on that date you should do something special light a candle or go for a walk talk to her she can hear you Im a great believer in that my sons leave me feathers for one and lego for the other it appears out of no place I have an older son and a grandson plus a new one on the way you cant give up you daughter wouldnt want that I hope this helps you some (((Hugs)))))

Jessica - posted on 01/08/2009

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I am so sorry for your loss.  While I have not lost a living child, I do have two angels who I lost before they were born.  After those losses I communicated with a group of women who had all experienced a loss of a child in some way, and everyone seemed to have different ways of dealing with their grief and the anniversary of the loss.  Some people I know go to the grave, and leave flowers.  Others have chosen to make a memorial garden in their back yards.  Most of us have some item of remembrance- whether it be a piece of jewelry, a statue, etc.  (I myself have a charm bracelet that has a heart charm with their birthstone for each angel.)  One incredibly strong woman I know has dedicated her free time to help raise money for the hospital where her little one was born and passed away.  Another woman I know went into bereavement counseling and volunteers at her local hospital (where she lost her two children) to help other parents deal with the grief that she knows all too well.  Somehow helping others helps her as well.  I will keep you in my prayers and wish you peace.

Jenifa - posted on 01/08/2009

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Thank you very much ladies for your responses , may the good lord bless you. l am going to a college counselor.The worse part of it is that she passed away in Africa whilst l was in Australia and it was after my fifteen days of fasting juss imagine how hard it was, had no time to say goodbye to her.Her name was ILethumusa Everjoy.

Katrina - posted on 01/08/2009

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I am so sorry for your loss.  I know it takes time to heal and friends can help alot.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  I have heard of other families doing something special for a child in need on that day and that helped them get through that hard time.  When I have gone through loss like that it has helped me so much to read the Bible and talk to God in prayer.  1 Thessalonians 4: 13-18 and Revelation 21 and 22 have been a special comfort to me.  My sympathy is with you.  Much Aloha!

Lisa - posted on 01/08/2009

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I haven't gone through a lose like that,but, I am going through alose of another sort. what is helping me is having my inner voice change "what could I have done different too It is not my fault,I need to life in the know." It still hurts I won't lie. but with time, someone to talk to, and mabye some meditation to clear your mind and give yourself the sence of piece that is needed after a tragedy like that. I hope I helped best of luck of the next few days. feel free to contact if you need to talk, I'm on facebook. oh yeah my name is lisa horvath.

Karen - posted on 01/08/2009

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I am so sorry for your loss. I have never experienced this, but know that you are in my heart and prayers.

Crystal - posted on 01/07/2009

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Oh, I am soo sorry for your loss.  I find my source of strength through reading the bible and talking to God in prayer.  Many churches have support groups for those dealing with loss.  Don't try to go through this alone or without talking to someone.  I hope someone in the circle who has gone through the same thing will write to you.  In the meantime I will put you on my prayer list.  What was your daughter's name?   

Amy - posted on 01/07/2009

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I have not lived through this, but I highly recommend making an appointment with someone to talk about it (psychologist or clergy, etc.). I'm sure you have a lot bottled up that you need to deal with and the sooner, the better.

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