Lost "friends" after the baby is born

Joanna - posted on 06/18/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My situation, to me is a bit weird, or so i think because i was always the life of the party, made many friends, and ofcourse had a few dear close one. When i found out that i was expecting i spread the news like wild fire, i mean i had been in my current relationship for over 8yrs now , live with the love of my life and finally married and now expecting our first child, so telling everyone was joyous! The response i got back from most of my girlfriends were normal reactions, "Congratulations" etc. but for every month that went by i lost contact wit yet another dear friend. Now at this point i have extended phone calls to them sporadically cause i know that i am pregnant and i may not be able to burn a hole on the dance floor, but shit its not a disease, its a part of adult life and i was amazed how i have totally been swept under the rug, by the girls i actually considered my friends. At this point i have read between the lines, gotten the hint, i guess, i have even made up excuses for them all, but my daughter is 16 months now and all of my fun girls have abondened me, and i find it absolutely appalling and disgusting that they would one day expect more from anyone else when they finally decide to reproduce. So in general i have started this post just to see if this behavior has affected any other new moms. I know that i may not have much in common as far as my new role but i am still the same friend i have always been, my brain has just added a new app, which is raising my daughter with love and care!

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Natasha - posted on 06/20/2009

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I have the same problem. I didnt have many friends but the ones i had were great and we were really close. I got pregnant when i was 18 and slowly i stopped hearing from them. They even stop returning my calls. Months would go by and they wouldnt even reply to a text saying hi. Im 21 now and have 2 kids. My friend is now pregnant so i figured she will start talking to me again. But things havent really changed at all. We talk a little more often but thats all. Shes even asking our friends who have never had a baby for advice on her pregnancy which is a slap in the face since we used to be best friends. Its really hard being a young mom when your friends ditch you and you live in a small town and the only one under 25 with 2 kids.

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I was like you except that I only had a tightly knit circle of friends....maybe 5 or 6 girls that I hung out with. When I got pregnant, throughout the pregnancy, like you, a few of them just sorta dropped out of my life. Didn't return phone calls as often, etc. I just chalked it up to the fact that they don't understand. It's not that they don't still care and it's not that they aren't good people. It's just that they know your life has changed drastically, and so have your priorities. They know they have been moved down a few notches on your list of what's important. Being pregnant showed me in a way, who my true friends really were. They were my girls who sat in the waiting room for 12 hours while I was in labor and took turns coming in to see me. They were the ones who brought us food after we brought the baby came home, offered to help me with the cleaning, watched the baby so I could shower...things like that. Those are your true friends. And if the rest of your "party girl" friends aren't in your life anymore, wish them well and know that they probably weren't your true friends to begin with. We all have "fair weather" friends in our lives, people who come and go for different reasons. How many times have you really thought you were true friends with someone and that you would NEVER lose touch with that person...and then one of you moves or your schedule changes and you never hear from them again? It happens. It's just a part of life that we have to accept and move on. For me, one of my friends that I lost touch with after my baby was born, we were actually pregnant at the same time. Our babies were born within a month of each other and we used to always say "Oh cool....we'll each have another new mom who understands...our kids will grow up playing together...etc." My son is 20 months old and I haven't seen her in over a year. I've called and she never calls back so I don't call anymore. A friendship is like any relationship...it takes two to make it work. And if your party girl friends aren't invested in you anymore, just let them go and find new friends. They will understand one day when they are in your shoes....

Joanna - posted on 06/19/2009

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Thank you both for your response and advise, i think u both have a point and i will definately take it into consideration

Rhionna - posted on 06/19/2009

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I found that too! I felt like most of my friends were abandoning me, the trouble is that your life is changing and you probably don't have as much energy as before. I found that once I'd had my baby i found a whole new set of friends mainly other mums who I( actually end up having more fun with, can share my experiences with and can get some great advice from! I've found that some of my older friends are now getting back in touch as they now have or are having kids!

Toni - posted on 06/18/2009

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i experienced the same sort of things. i had only been on the coast for 2 years and was just getting a good circle of friends when i became pregnant. i was 23 which isnt really that young but everyone that i had been going out with and drinking etc with just sort of stopped calling, which was awful when you really need that support. however my son is now 4 and i have been slowly building new relationships with other mothers. a few old friends have also starting contacting me as they are expanding their families. maybe those people are either jeolous of scared of your new role, you've matured and moved forward and bettered yourself... and they are still the same.

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