Lost to suicide.

Melissa - posted on 04/12/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone I have started up a community called Lost to suicide. If you have lost some one you care about feel free to join. Thought it would be nice to start a little support network type thing for everying who has lost some one in this way. I personally lost my mum to suicide in 1993 so have experianced it first hand, would love to chat to others who no what its like. If you have questions or need answers/support im sure others who have been through these circumstances would love to help. Hope to chat soon .... xxx

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Margarita - posted on 08/12/2012

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Hi I am so truly sorry for your pain I lost my baby I found him on April 25 2010, Christian was 18 the youngest of five. I looked everywhere I could to give me something to hang on too all I really only found posting of the pain and suffering we live with. I wanted some one to tell me what to do to find a sec of peace , I needed to know about heaven of course started reading the bible looking for prayers that fit. I wite to Christian or just write how I'm feeling and I do hear Christian answering me I hear him tell me he loves me he's sorry he did it and a lot more, I stop crying long enough to smile for a sec. I watch anything that talks about the afterlife , I think of all the other moms that lost there only child or more than one. I hate when I'm told be strong or the worst is someone saying it never gets better, so I won't ! This is what I do. I wish I could help you. I would really like to see a list of posting of poems memories pictures of sunsets anything ,postings of moments of peace, for me moments of peace is all I long for ...... I love u and will pray for those moment for you as I pray for mine

Angela - posted on 05/20/2011

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I have lost 3 people to suicide. The first was my cousion Ronnie about 17 years ago, than my best friend Jesse about 9 years ago. And the one I never in a million years thought... My husband Ricky on 9/22/2010. I am very active with the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention. They do an annual walk called Walk Through The Darkness Overnight. It will be an 18 mile walk that starts at dusk, and ends at dawn. The walk is on June 4, & would have been my 6 year wedding anniversry. The AFSP website has awesome information about support groups, you can find, community walks, and all sorts of information on it.

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Brooke - posted on 08/08/2012

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I lost my eldest son to suicide 10 months ago to the day. I wish the pain would subside for a bit. I wish I could have known how to help him. He had been suffering with depression and was on a cocktail of meds that made him someone I didnt recognize. His last year was hell. I spoke to him that night and he sounded so upbeat and had plans for his future. If I had only known. What I worry about most is his two younger brothers. There is very little support out there for siblings of suicide. My youngest became suicidal. I hear once one does it, it seems to make it easy to escape the pain. And I know firsthand the gut wrenching incredible pain. Its bad enough to lose a child...But when by their own hand you always wonder what did I miss...

My husband is getting tired of me crying. I cry every day and miss him so much. I cry in private and feel so isolated.

Mary - posted on 06/18/2012

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In July 2010 my daughter took her own life. The circumstances around her death could not be any worse. Her 2 year old was in the room when she shot herself. I was called immediately after and was the one who determined that she was dead. She left behind a husband and two sons, 11mths and 2 years-old. I will NEVER be the same. A part of me died with her. She gave no warning. It has been nearly two years now and I am still in shock.

Lisa - posted on 04/14/2009

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Exactly Nikki, taking medication does not make you a weak person. You wouldn't tell a heart disease patient to come of their meds or a diabetic that they were weak for taking their insulin. The meds are readjusting the chemical balances in your brain and helping you to feel better so keep taking them if it is healing to your depression. I think there should be more public awareness of these issues because that is one of the things my friend really struggled with; people telling him to cheer up and expecting him to snap out of it when he physically couldn't.

Nikki - posted on 04/14/2009

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I have depression, I take Celexa- I love my celexa. I have been on some type of antidepressant since I experienced post partum depression after my son was born. That's about 9 years now. My mother has the mindset that your weak if you are dependent on any medication. She says Nikki- Your stronger than that. I have tried to take myself off a number of times over the years but have decided that I like myself better when I'm on them. I'm not very nice to my kids when I don't take them and I cry all the time. Like Lisa said, I truely feel that I have a physical need for this medicine. I don't get any kind of buzz from it. It just helps me feel like a normal person.

Lisa - posted on 04/13/2009

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My husband suffers from depression and I didn't truely understand it until recently. I couldn't understand why he needed to keep taking medication - I don't like the idea of long term medication that you can't come off since I always prefer natural solutions. That was until he took himself off the medication without my knowing and he was on the brink of suicide before I realized anything was wrong. Depression is a physical illness in the same way that something like diabetes is. It needs to be treated and unfortunately the brain is so much more complicated than the dietary tract and it is sometimes difficult to figure out what kinds of chemical imbalances are taking place. Thankfully for my husband it seems his is easily kept in check with daily amounts of Prozac and almost right away after he resumed taking it he felt better.
Sadly it was not the case for one of my dearest friends. He had been struggling with depression for 15 years and his doctors had not managed to come up with any combination of drugs which worked for him. He carried a bag full of different pills and he said when he took them he could just about function, but the depression and anxiety were a constant part of his life and had become a physical pain across his chest. 2 months ago that evidently became too much for him to bear and he went and laid down on a train track by his house. The temptation is to feel angry that he left us, or as Nikki said, the guilty feeling that maybe I could have done something more for him that would have stopped him. In the end though I just feel sad that he suffered so much and at least he is at peace now.
Thanks for starting this community Melissa. It's good to talk and to hear other people's stories.

Nikki - posted on 04/13/2009

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Also- my children are getting old enough now, nine and eleven, that they ask "How did grandpa die? I don't know what to tell them. I just say that he was very sick. Depression runs heavily through my family and I don't want to introduce the idea that suicide is an option. Has anyone had similar issues? How have you handled it?

Nikki - posted on 04/13/2009

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Thirteen years ago today feels just like yesterday. My dad was a wonderful man. He had lots of friends, he was very generous. I don't know how he felt so alone that suicide was his only choice. I miss him everyday. I vasilate between forgiveness and feeling completely betrayed by my father. I feel cheated that he did not "want" to be at my wedding, that he did not "want" to meet my children. "Why" "What was so horrible"? "Was I not a good enough daughter that to make you feel needed?" But then I say to myself "Am I the selfish one?" "Was he hurting so bad that it couldn't be fixed?" "If I can't forgive you am I preventing your entrance into heaven?( Ya know the whole purgatory thing.}". Will there ever be a day that I can just remember the good wonderful loving man without having to have the sorrow and maybe a little guilt to go with it? --Nikki Hock

Sandra - posted on 04/13/2009

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Alicia my name is Sandra and i would love to talk to you please e mail me at bamabrowneyes4u@aol.com,hope to hear from you

Nikki - posted on 04/13/2009

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Very Interesting. I've kinda got goose bumps and I'm about to cry. I just a few minutes ago joined this whole mom's circle thing and here this is. My father committed suicide exactly 13 years ago today. I've always wanted to join a support group but never have. Thank you for creating this little chat, I've always wanted to talk to others but very rarely do.

Melissa - posted on 04/13/2009

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Hey Nikki, i know what you mean would love for you to join the Lost to suicide group hope things are getting easier for you take care xxx

Nikki - posted on 04/12/2009

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Hi Melissa



I lost one of my best friends 3 years ago but it feels like yesterday and I think it is a gulit factor! I know I couldn't have stopped him but I will always have the wondering hanging over my head.

Melissa - posted on 04/12/2009

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Alicia i am glad for yours and your childrens sake that you are getting help (Embien). I hope you find some thing that makes you feel more comfortable taking. Worrying about you is nothing compared to the pain your kids would go though if they lost you. if you ever need to chat im here to listen xxx



 



Aramanth i would love for you to join my community, I have just started it today so its still "growing" but it would be nice to chat to others who have simular experiances. Although it is hard to talk about its nice to have support and people who understand to chat to when things are on your/my mind. If you do a search though communitys and type in Lost to suicide should be able to join that way. Im sorry to hear that she left behind children, let them know that if they need to talk or ask questions about their mum that you are always there to talk. I couldnt really do that when i was growing up as i was afraid of hurting people by bringing up the topic and just in the past few years have been finding out things It might help them get their heads around it a bit... Take care xxx



Heather - posted on 04/12/2009

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I lost my brother (and only sibling) to suicide almost 2 years ago. It has been the most excruciating experience I have ever gone through. I miss him every second of every day. My older son was very close to him and took his death really hard. A 5-year-old (at the time) should not know what suicide is or know what it is to be a suicide survivor. We (survivors) are an underepresented group in the grieving community. Thank you for starting this group -- we need all the support we can get! I keep all of you in my heart. Stay strong.

[deleted account]

Quoting Aramanth:

I lost my beloved sister to suicide 4 years, 9 months and 6 days ago (not that I'm counting) and it has been an incredibly hard thing to 'get beyond'. My surviving sister and I have been as supportive to one another as we can be (given that we live in different states this is sometimes hard) but even now I'm still angry as hell that she would put her family (including her 5 children then aged between 14 and 4 years old) through this nightmare.


I am so sorry for what you are going through. It must be so difficult to lose someone that way. It must be tough on the whole family. Losing her 4 years 9 months and 6 days ago, is not that long ago, so I understand you still being anger. Hope you are able to get through this, and know that there are people who don't even know you, but will be praying for you and your whole family.

[deleted account]

I haven't lost anyone to suicide but I suffer from depression myself. I attempted suicide 2 years ago and obviously I am still here. I know my children worry about me and that isn't fair to them. I can't explain the feeling when it overwhelms me at times. I try my best to say what is lacking in my life. I take Ambien at night and I have done some strange and sometimes dangerous things but I don't want to get off it. It makes the bad feelings go away.

I am sorry about your mother and you are a beautiful girl. She lives within you.

Aramanth - posted on 04/12/2009

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I lost my beloved sister to suicide 4 years, 9 months and 6 days ago (not that I'm counting) and it has been an incredibly hard thing to 'get beyond'. My surviving sister and I have been as supportive to one another as we can be (given that we live in different states this is sometimes hard) but even now I'm still angry as hell that she would put her family (including her 5 children then aged between 14 and 4 years old) through this nightmare.

Melissa - posted on 04/12/2009

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I was very angry for a long time. I think i went through almost every emotion possiable i still have mixed emotions about it i really dont know how i feel although it happened 15 years ago i still have trouble getting my head around the whole thing. Now that i have kids of my own it has really got to me. I have trouble leaving my kids for the night so i get a night out i couldnt imagine leaving them forever. I have been though post natel depression and the thought has gone though my head but never in my wildest dreams would i ever do it!!! mabey i feel that way cos i know how much it hurts everyone i dont know? It really is the most selfish thing you can do but then i feel sad for her to get to that point i just dont get it? Antidepressants really helped me get though my post natel and i highly recamond them to any one going though any type of depression. Im not sad anymore just confused i just dont understand.

[deleted account]

At one point in my life my dad was making me feel like i was worthless and

i almost lost myself to suicide. When i moved out in january of 09, i started to live with my half brother and his mom.

they welcomed me to the family and i feel so much happier now that im living with them

the thought of suicide now just makes me sick. i now know that its hard to deal with losing people to it.

i just recently lost my best friend.

he went through the same thing with his dad that i went through with mine.

i have been struggling with letting him go, he was always there for me.

he was that extra help i needed to keep going on and when he passed away i almost fell into the dark again.

my new family has been there for me with all these problems i seem to be having.

but someone once told me that life gets worse before it gets better and that saying is really true. i just want you all to know that it will get better in time. just keep holding on and you will make it through.

but im going to bed now. i will be on later but ttyl

Clair - posted on 04/12/2009

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I lost my father 4 years ago and all though he never killed him self he was an alcoholic ,after my nan died and said he wanted to join her. It was so hard to watch him killing him self  so slowly. He was told by doctors that he would die if he didnt stop and he wasnt bothered. At first i was so angry with hes selfish attitude and couldnt understand how he could put us through that much pain. I miss him every day but the life goes on and i refuse to make the same mistakes as him. Were u angry with ur mum???

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