Lying, stealing 13 yr. old.

Margaret - posted on 09/24/2010 ( 200 moms have responded )

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How do I get my 13 yr. old to stop lying, stealing and getting into my personal stuff? She has even tried to use a ladder to get into my bedroom while I was at work.

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Denikka - posted on 09/24/2010

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If traditional methods haven't worked (grounding, taking stuff away from her (phone, video games, TV etc) talking to her about why, ....well it's time to get more extreme.
Here's what I would do.
Strip her room. Of everything. Beyond food, a roof, and access to the bathroom, everything she has is a privilege. Keep all other rooms under lock and key. Leave her with a mattress (not her usual bed, an air mattress or a fold out mat like for camping), a blanket and a pillow. Nothing else. I mean literally strip her room of everything, furniture, clothing, toys, technology, everything. I might even suggest removing her door if it's just the 2 of you (aka no boys or siblings in the house) and replacing the door with a curtain.
You choose her clothes in the morning, no make up or jewelery, 1 pair of shoes. You take her backpack every night, she gets her homework to do, and then it goes back into the backpack and the backpack goes into a locked room until the next morning.
I'd also say to give her 30 min a night to write in a journal (hugely encourage this) and then another 30 minutes or so to allow her to actually talk to you about what's on her mind, what she wrote (if she wants) and maybe why she's been stealing. Allow her to lead the conversation and try really hard to avoid accusing and blaming her for things, just encourage her to talk, even if you say nothing.
Allow her out of her room for bathroom breaks, school and for a reasonable amount of time for meals (30 minutes tops I would think) the rest of the time, keep her in her room. You may feel you need to escort her to and from school (or find someone to do this for you, I recommend it)
After about a week of this, you can allow her to start earning things back. Maybe start by allowing her some say in picking out her clothes or by allowing her some makeup in the morning. As she earns more trust, allow her more freedoms and allow more items back in her room (books and a lamp are a good place to start).

I know this seems pretty extreme, but imagine what could happen if the behavious continues. If it expands to other people or businesses, she could end up in prison and imagine how she would be treated there.

My brother is 10 years old. He is a horrible thief. I have lived with him for the past year and have had multiple things (my own and other people in the hosue) turn up missing and found in his room. Unfortunately my mother doesn't agree with me, but the above is how I would like to deal with the issue (and how I WOULD with my own child). I don't suggest it for a first time offence, but only for a serial problem after many other methods had been tried.

I won't even suggest that it would be easy to try my method. It's a shock tactic and very drastic. I would personally only use it as a last resort, and only suggest it because that's where it seems you are. I wish you luck and hope you can find what works for you and your daughter :)

[deleted account]

@Amanda - I don't need to chew on anything thank you very much. I am very aware of what I said and how I feel about it. Children these days are spoiled and need to understand that all of their little wordly possessions are priveleges not rights. I have witnessed other forms of dicipline with the same type of situation and the kids seem to end up in more trouble in the long run. I did also say that I agreed with most of what she said not all of it. I don't think that EVERYTHING should be removed. Just the TV and Video Games and phones etc. Stuff like that. At that point it's not about what they have left to lose, it's about what they have left to gain. You make them understand that good behavior will result in them earning their items and privelges back. You don't just take it away and never give it back. Parents these days have forgotten their role and children are given way too much freedom when it comes to decision making. Everyone has different parenting styles. Yours may not be the same as mine or others on this thread. Margaret asked for advice, not for everyone to debate which form of discipline is best. Maybe you should go to the Looking for a good debate community. Thanks and have a nice evening!

Vanessa - posted on 09/24/2010

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Take her for a visit to the local police station (call before hand) let them scare the shit outta her with a walk through the holding cells. After which if it doesn't work - take her into the redlight district at 2am and pay some crack whore to sit there and tell her story ie. how she ended up where she is, can guarantee it was through lying, stealing and drugs!
Time to bring out the shock tactics momma!

[deleted account]

Family counseling. Her behavior is obviously unacceptable, but it's also a family dynamic. Is it just you & your daughter? Are there other family members-husband or step-father, other siblings? In any event, family counseling is not meant as a feeling of shame or embarrasment as a mother. It means that you have reached a nasty milestone that you need guidance and assistance from a profesional in how to parent a defiant 13 year old who "knows everything about the world around her". Also be in contact with every single one of her teachers FREQUENTLY. I taught 7th & 8th grade for 11 years (now at the 9th grade level) and you would be shocked at how many students tend to confide more in their teachers than their parents. Punishing her by removing every single item will not chang eher behavior, and it will make her angrier, and sneakier. And kids are savvy these days. All it takes is one piviotal argurment for an angry teen to call the police on their parent claiming abuse. I see it happen all the time, and sadly it's a waste of resources when their is no abuse-just a case of misguided teen years. But if the problem is getting more serious like stealing from stores and racking up a juvenile record, well in some instances the parent can also be sued for restitution. So please consider family counseling ASAP and contact her teachers.

Firebird - posted on 09/25/2010

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I would NOT recommend keeping her locked in her room as Dennika suggests. If she's still stealing after you've caught her and tried to take precautions against it, locking her up like that will only make her more rebellious. And it might very well be illegal, I'm not sure where you're from. Then, not only will you have a liar and a thief, but you'll have a runaway. What you need to do is get to the absolute source of the problem. Sit down with her and have a little chat about why she keeps stealing from you. A don't make it all about her, try asking her if it's something you've done, that makes her behave this way. Maybe she just needs more positive attention at home. Maybe she isn't getting everything she needs, so she's been compelled to simply take what she wants. Ask her all sorts of questions about her friends, maybe she's using the money to buy them things to impress them. If that's the case, you can explain to her that real friends are not bought and paid for. Try some compassion, love and understanding instead of accusations. And if that doesn't work, try Vanessa's ideas. And if that doesn't work, call the police and have her arrested and charged with theft.

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Kristal - posted on 10/05/2010

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Get her into counseling. Seek professional help. It's better that you admit that you can't help your child with every problem they have on your own than to allow your child to continue on this path and end up facing life long consequences that could have been prevented.

One unique idea that I have seen work to stop a child from stealing involved sewing their pockets shut - all of them (blue jeans, jackets, winter coats, etc.). This works well if the child is stealing smaller things and shoving them into her pockets.

When all else fails, it has worked to treat it like a crime, as the courts would. After all, if she was caught stealing or breaking into anyone else's house, she would go to jail (or a juvenile detention center). They don't even get to wear their own underwear (yuck!). A blanket, pillow, bed, and one book. Clothes are a privilege, so you pick them. Criminals don't get to choose what they wear in jail. Let her know that there are consequences for bad choices. After a week, she can start earning things back, like an hour of TV time (she still doesn't get to choose WHAT she watches, it has to be what everyone else likes too, they don't let you pick in jail). A couple weeks of jail time (even if in her own room, but without her things) may help her to better understand the consequences her actions may have if she continues doing the things that she's doing now.

[deleted account]

When I was 13 I stole money from my Mom. It wasn't an attention thing but it definetly got her's. She was PISSED. She took me to the police station had the cop talk to me about the consequences of being a thief, they showed me how they fingerprint people, the holding cell etc. Explained how disapointing that behavior is and how it affects my whole family. He asked me do I want my family to look at me as a liar and a theif? I remember just crying my eyes out. Not only was I scared but I felt ashamed. He gave her information to sign me up for a community service program where I volunteered helping elderly people at a nursing home every Sat. morning. To this day my passion is working with the elderly and I have NEVER stole another thing in my life. Thanks Mom...lesson learned =) Sometime's kids need to be exposed to reality as harsh as it may be, I encourage you to get your child involved in helping someone else. It gives a sense of gratitude, knowing that they can make a difference in someone elses life boosts their self esteem. Sounds to me like your daughter is simply rebelling, could be her hormones she is 13 after all, but as her Mom (and Dad if he's in the picture) need to stop it before it escalades into something bigger.

Shamean - posted on 10/05/2010

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to Joanna,I like what you are saying to but what if you have sat down and talked to your child over and over and you try to give that child every thing so that they don't feel like they have and it no reason to steal and they still go and do it then what? what next step should i take? because i don't want my child to hate me for being a strick mom by taking her things. but at the same time i can let her run all over me and think that it okay to keep doing what she is doing and then im looking like the soft one with no parenting skills

Kami - posted on 10/05/2010

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A child of any age wants some control of something and attention. Take a step back and see if those things are happening. Control can be as simple as makeup, personal hygiene items and she may be too embarrassed to ask you for them. Attention can be you and her going for a makeover at the mall or at a marykay consultant. Also earning things back has to be happening as well for her to gain confidence!
Best of luck!

[deleted account]

Well, if you REALLY, TRULY want her to stop, you give her your full, undivided attention. At all times. You'll need to quit work, and be with her 24/7. When she realizes the sacrifice--and it will feel like punishment to you both--perhaps she'll have a different perspective. But if this was my kid, she wouldn't ever be alone on her own except at school (and I wouldn't be above being in the school at all times, too) and when she's sleeping. I'm dead serious--you have to save her from her, and let her know you care enough about her to make sure she leads her life in the right way. And don't let up. She needs you physically, in person, and it may take a long, long time.....she'll thank you for your attention some day. Just not now.

Deanna - posted on 10/05/2010

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Take her to a Psychologist. If she has the compulsion to steal from home it is just a starting point for her to develop into maybe worst ouside the home. She is only 13 and is at a point where she is finding out who she is and what she is about. I would also keep her occupied with out of school sport.

Monica - posted on 10/05/2010

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Dont call the cops I was like her when I was her age and for me it was because of a few things 1 my parents were never home just always working to try and get ahead in life, but for me I really needed love and attention from them ( my parents ) 2 I didn't have a lot of nice things and I thought that my mom had nice things so I took them but it was only to get attention either good or bad it didn't matter just as long as it was attention! And when that didn't work well I turned to get attention fron boys witch is why I say Talk to your daughter before things get REALLY out of hand trust me I know what I am talking about its time to nip this thing in the bud NOW before it is too late. I think that calling the cops to have them scare her is a good ideal but don't call them to charge her because a criminal record will haunt her for the rest of her life and you don't want that but you don't want your daughter to end up on a street corner either, and it could happen trust me it is a vrys slipery slope and I wish you nothing but the best in this case, I have been exactly where your daughter is now (but I never thought to use a ladder smart kid ) help her to focus her smarts on the positive! hope this helpes if you need more drop me a line cuz I think I can really help

Diana - posted on 10/05/2010

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This is an example of poor boundries and could be a symptom of a bigger problem. I agree that you have to put a stop to it now. I think the method of taking everything and making her earn back her stuff may work. If not you may have to seek professional help to end this behavior. If you work you may not have the time to make sure she does not have access to her things. Who watches her while you work? If she is being allowed to stay on her own you may have to get a sitter for her and make her earn your trust before you let her be responsible for her self. She may find this humiliating enough to stop, since a lot of kids her age are allowed to stay on their own.

Arti - posted on 10/05/2010

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Your daughter wants your attention. she wants yu to give her more importance. or she is bugged with you, talk to her. Love, care and understanding can resolve the issue.

Deborah - posted on 10/05/2010

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the teen ager stage can drive both you and your daughter insane. you have my sympathy. first off i dont believe that i would go to extremes. i am sure you have asked yourself why she is doing these things; it could be for attention. what does she do with the stuff she steals? has she developed a sudden need for money? is she selling what she steals? can you find a baby sitter for after school, that would eliminate easy access, have you thought about counselling? i raised 3 kids by myself and i know personally how hard it is to rein in their behaviors while working . has anything changed recently? how are her grades? how about friends ? has she changed who she hangs out with? if it was me in your situation i would take my daughter out for supper just the two of us and express my concern for her recent behavior, not to rehash her crimes just to let her know how worried i was and then i would ask her what she thinks might be the reason and what we could do about it. whatever you decide to do good luck.

Lorraine - posted on 10/05/2010

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Well, your 13 yr. old has breached 3 things important things to family. 1-honesty! If you have always been honest with him or her, even when it was difficult to do so then now is the time to point this out. Describe how it may have been tempting to lie but you feel they are important to you and strong enough to handle knowing the truth. In return you expect the same. 2-Privacy! Someone posted the suggestion of removing the door to their bedroom. Not a bad idea to show him or her just how it feels to have their privacy invaded. Maybe, it's not a bad idea to earn the door back by respecting your privacy. Wich bring the last problem 3-Stealing. Tough one. Do you give allowance? Does he or she earn things by working for cash? Stealing is a two part, loss of items and loss of trust. If any of your items are dissapearing then perhaps the child should replace those items with cash earned. Trust is even trickier to earn back. I can't even imagine how to explain to a 13 yr. old the importance of trust. Good Luck and may you draw strength to have great patience.

Ogunbewon - posted on 10/05/2010

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You have to talk to, know her needs and let her have access to you as mother, that is if she is in need of anything she should feel free to ask from you.
show her love

Denice - posted on 10/05/2010

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do what i did took my child to the police and told them that she was stealing from me could you talk to her . thire did NO more stealing

Krissy - posted on 10/04/2010

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IM sorry but i was that age once most of the time ts acting out , not spending enouph time she wants to get a rise out of you the only other thing that has already been said is drugs/ drinking/ smoking sometimes they do it to pawn off to get money for what ever it is they are doing ( what a friend of mines mother did to her is took her a rehab place and asked them to keep her for a day and it showed her how her life was gonna be if she continued doing what she was doing . not only is it gonna hurt others but its gonna hurt herself

Ashley - posted on 10/04/2010

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I feel as if I'm reading this from my own mother. When I was sixteen I did this very same thing. Only I used a bar stool to get in the window. I can't really explain WHY, maybe it was just that she was so determined to keep me out by locking the bedroom door that I saw it as a challenge, or maybe it was because I was so angry when I was that age. Councelling is something I HIGHLY recommend and the phsyciatric evaluation as well. If you try to take everything away as suggested and take away all her privilages she will act out even more, if you "whoop her a**" it can be more emotionally damaging than you think. I would try to talk to her about it without trying to point fingers and accuse and tell her how it makes you feel when she does these things. After I went through my evaluation I was diagnosed Bi-polar and have high anxiety that I was given meds for. She's more than likely trying to get your attention. Maybe she needs more one on one time. Wether it be shopping, or just out for ice- cream. I'm not trying to say you should reward her for her behavior but DO try to compromise with her as much as possible and get her the help she needs.

Jennifer - posted on 10/04/2010

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A lot of it has to entitlement issues these days. I have a 17 y/o daughter who seems to think whats ours is hers too. We lock and hide because even though its been awhile, I just do not fully trust her (or some of her friends). She's been through counseling and community outreach programs, which didn't do much good for her. But what did the trick was when she was with a friend who shoplifted from a retail store. My daughter did not have any of the items stolen in her possession, but the police officers treated her just the same. Handcuffed and paraded out of the store in front of everybody. She has no record from the incident and the store did not hold her lible for any of the goods (financial penalty even if the items are recovered). That was all on the other girl. But handcuffs, 10 minute ride to the police station and me taking my sweet time to go and retrieve her from the holding cell.... priceless and effective. It scared the crap out of her.

Donna - posted on 10/04/2010

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13 years old is a time most teens want to become independent of their parents and be most dependent with their peers. Has there been a change in your family's life that is affecting her well being? What is it in your family's life that she feels the needs to get to the information first hand without you knowing about it? She seems to think you are hiding things from her and will not tell her what is going on. She will continue this behavior as long as she feels you are not letting her in on the information. Sometimes these young people feel that they are not apart of the family and they feel that they were adopted. I feel you need to discuss with her the appropriate behavior in respecting othe'rs personal stuff as you respect her personal stuff. I know she does not want you to go into her personal things without her permission. I had 5 daughters and each of them had some kind of teen thing going on, it is apart of their growning up. Think about this, do you cause her to feel she has to go behind your back? Is there open discussion in your home? Are their locks on doors that are not visiable but are there just the same? Understand

Alicia - posted on 10/03/2010

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I am sitting with the exact same problem. My son is 12 and lies without reason. I am feeling quite despondent about this.

Derenda - posted on 10/03/2010

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It totally depends on who she is stealing from. If it is stores, make her return what she stole to the manager of the store and ask if she could wash windows to repay them. If it's you absolutely start with locking your door and having the key on you at all times. We removed soda's from them, them not us, we put a small fridge in our room. We lock our door to sleep at night. If not home by curfew lock them out and make them wake you. Remove everything that you pay for. They are privaleges not neccessaties. I also agree with someone else that said remove the door.

Dora - posted on 10/03/2010

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The sooner she can get it stopped the better. Your suggestion that it could be drugs is one of a number of possibilities.

I Am A New Mother To A Wonderful Little Girl Named Alexis. I Am A Photographer Who Also Love Love Loves To Sing. I Like To Have - posted on 10/02/2010

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Are they stealing to get money for marijuana or sumthing. I dont know why a child would go to the extreme of a ladder. Unless there is an underlying issue. Or your child may be addicted to drug or stealing. And yes stealing can be addictive

Betty - posted on 10/02/2010

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Ask her why she wants in your bedroom so bad. For some reason it seems there is something lackiing in her life she wants from you.

Coleen - posted on 10/02/2010

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We must all be accountable to a Higher Power (GOD) than ourseleves. If we are not accountable to GOD, then we would make up our own rules ,and have no accountalily for our actions. This could be dangerous for all. Accountability to a Higher Power makes us responsible for our own actions. GOD gives us rules to follow, to help us live a healthier & happier life. We are not perfect & life is not perfect. GOD doesn't expect perfection. GOD gives us rules to help us make wiser choices & hopefully will result in a better life .The choices we make change everything in a moment . So we want to be making the best ones! We may not know what is expected of us so we need take a look into our book of rules & benifets. The bible is our handbook. You must check it out to learn. Ask GOD to help you understand it with a spirtiual heart , so that you can help your child. It clearly tells us that lying , stealing, & disobeying your parents is not OK. It also addresses parents; not to exasperate your children instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6. Ephesians 4;17-6 is good to read. We are all like children. We need Love,patience kindness ,understanding and truthful speech.It's possible that your child is looking into your personal stuff because she is trying to get a closer look into you. Maybe some Biblical study is a way to develop an open honest, personal relationship with your child. Try to make it fun, nothing to fear. GOD is a GOD of LOVE and forgiveness.. Remember LOVE never fails. It may take a lifetime of love, but this is what it's all about! Learning & LOVING! Be slow to anger Quick to LOVE! Hope that this is helpful and that I have not come off all weird. All my best to you !

Sirena - posted on 10/02/2010

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whup her ass, she's not to old for an ass whipping, and I agree with denikka, and keep tabs on her. take her to a police station and let her see the real deal. and there is no law stating a child needs a cell phone, computer or other luxuries. just basic needs, food, clothing, shelter and a safe environment. if you don't nip it in the bud now, she'll be in jail or worse(steal from the wrong person) and yes I have my own 13,11,9,6 y/o and they knows better....I would do all the above and would dare someone to say something.

EILEEN - posted on 10/02/2010

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I gather that all you Mothers are from America ,which I am not I live in ENGLAND ,so please do not write to me again on this Subject .thank you from Eileen Beverley England U K

Doris - posted on 10/02/2010

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Most severe disciplines escalate the problem. Get professional help. Make clear that if she gets into trouble with the police involved you will not bail her out or hire an attorney. She will face the judge and serve any justice handed out.

Dora - posted on 10/02/2010

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Maybe I'm being an alarmist, but that sounds like a real problem that could be helped with councelling. Is she seeking your attention? Is she acting out because of things that are bothering her in family dynamics? You need to know the cause before you can get a solution.

Merry - posted on 10/02/2010

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I guess we all are different in how we help our children as well as ourselves, can only offer experiences of what we go through. We are each to our own, and is only human in how we react to our childrens goods and bads, as they are a reflection of who brought them into this world as it is written in "Psalm 139" "Jeremiah 29:11"... we can only get better as parents learning from each other. WWJD??

Trudy - posted on 10/02/2010

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try putting you stuff that she keeps taking in a safe i had to as my teenage stepsons stole money , my jewellery and my cigerettes so i got a safe where i could put all my stuff in and they couldn't and took there most favarite things off them see how they like it role reverse and all that

Sue - posted on 10/02/2010

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I went through this 13 yrs ago with my son.In the end i got so desperate i called the police and asked them to help put a scare into him,this was only after i had been to the school councillor for help and all he did was offer my son a place to live away from home and help to get living away from home allowance.I had done everything in my power to help my son even ringing welfare to be told they couldnt help me unless i hurt him then they would step in.Nip it in the bud now.With my son it wasnt a cry for help it was a teenager thinking he was ten foot tall and bulletproof and knew everything.Anyway after i called the police and they came around he chose to then steal from others until he had to leave the state after stealing from a member of a bikie club.I will love my boy forever but there comes a time when you have to say no more.I have 6 children and both of my older boys rebelled and got into trouble constantly,you can only do so much and the hardest part is not blaming yourself which i did for many years.At 13 your daughter knows for every action there is a reaction so she toes the line while under your roof,if not suffer the consequences.The problem these days is everyone tells kids they have rights but no one bothers to tell them they have responsibilities as well.So from one mum who did do everything to help her son it isnt always a cry for help it is a choice they make.

Merry - posted on 10/02/2010

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Hi. I am a first time reader on here, and reading others post about their teen's or experiences from teens in their familys and so forth brings a new light and hope to parenting from a P.I point of view. I too am struggling with a 13yr old going on 23, OML where do I start, she is doing all the above, minus the ladder lol. all I know is I will not turn her away nor neglect her even though she will try anything to push me away, she gets on with her dad easy peasy, its me she battles with, who will not take any bars of soap from her (f.o.s) and knows I am the tough cookie and have to be, or she will walk over us as parents. However, there are better ways of dealing with situations like this, and that is to love our children more and more, to give them more of our time as there are obviously more we can do to help as parents. I have found some of the posts I have read so far are helpful and I agree totally with... looking forward to reading more. Always good to have others 50c worth- Awsome reads :)

EILEEN - posted on 10/02/2010

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HELLO Brenda .
I have wrote qiute a few letters on this Topic to do with this girl that as been stealing and telling lies to her mother . now I think its about time that her mother gets it sorted out with her child .

Jeannette - posted on 10/02/2010

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i have a 12 year old boy whom took whatever he wanted, lied and misbehaved, then i started taking his stuff off him, sending him to his room instead of arguing about it just calmly tell them that if they wish to act like a child they will go to their room like 1, when the lies and behaviour get too much confiscate their games etc with time limits with 1 week then build on it for everything wrong they do by 1 day then when they do something right take 1 day off praise them when they do things right and behave and reward them try to stick it out :)

Pamela - posted on 10/01/2010

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I would add to Denika's: take her door off. I agree with everything else.
A lot of things in life are privleges, not rights.
And trust is a hard thing to earn back!

Kelsey - posted on 10/01/2010

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I think that taking away all of her priviledges is a really dumb idea! my sister was 13 when she started getting into drugs and hanging out with the wrong crowd! my parents started taking away her stufff and priviledges and by the time she was 15 she had moved out and was living on the streets and still stealing from us! For the first time in my life we had to start locking the doors and windows so she couldnt get in the house...I would definately talk to her and try to figure out the root of all her problems...my sister also said that the counselling sessions my parents made her go to were the best thing any one could have done for her because it was so much easier for her to talk to someone who was NOT objective in anyway...because as much as everyone said they would be understanding and not get angry they always did because it was us she was stealing from and its hard on everyone! my sister is now 19 and has graduated high school and is now started her first year as an apprentice hairdresser...she also ended up moving in with my Auntie who lives 12 hours away (by her own decision...) but it got her away from everything and gave her a chance to start fresh where no one knew her... I would definately not reccomend taking away privelidges but do try to get her to talk to a proffessional who is actually trained to deal with things like this :)

Christina - posted on 10/01/2010

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WOW! I think it's different for every situation, but I would really lay-on the chores as punishment, and not allow any fun activities. Talk about it, why she's doing it, and if she wants to be known as a liar & theif? Talk to her about how this can become a terrible habbit that may ruin her future, and not too far from now she could even end-up in jail. If she's lying, you're going to have to question everything she's talking about - but a GREAT detective, and know everything that's going on with her & her friends. I've been through something VERY similar with the lying & it does drive you crazy! I'm sorry this is happening... hopefully it's more of a stage she will grow out of. ALSO: We set personal goals, and would look for any way that we could reward her for positive behavior... and talk to her about rewards she would actually like. We had taken-away all electronics, including TV & any movies... so one goal to look forward to was "movie night". Man, the issue of "TRUST" is huge - and I know there are probably some great books out there - even that maybe she can read. I can't remember titles, but with some research I'm sure you can find something if you want books! Good luck and I hope she comes clean. Maybe it's a matter of something underneath which is bothering her - maybe kids at school are bugging her, or maybe she's having a hard time with all the changes & hormones that "attack" 13yr olds! Hopefully it's a quick turn-around for you. Mine took about a year, and sometimes the fibs come-up again, but we nip them in the bud!

Lanz - posted on 10/01/2010

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I feel you need to sit down with her and ask as to why shes doing it. Make her understand youre her mother. Make her understand she dosent have to steal it. Tell her she dosent need to steal from her mother. She only needs to ask.. Talk to her so you can understand her situation. Pray about it. Just simply ask God for His merciful love & peace over your daughter and yourself. I just feel your daughter needs an open relationship with you. Theres something you have that she wants too so get her to tell you what it is hence shes gone as far as getting the ladder.. By the way, im speaking cos I am a mother of 6. . Three teenagers at the age of 18,17 & 14 (the girl is 17).. So I know their growing stages. Speak to your daughter and tell her how much you love her. All the best and will be thinking of you in our prayers.

Debbie - posted on 10/01/2010

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take on a tour of your bedroom let her look thru and go thru anything she want's let her ask questions see things and make comments explain that she has no right to be in there that is your personal space if you respect thiers they will learn to respect yours My rule of the house was that anything told to me no matter how bad if they came to me in my sanctuary that I would be understanding ,supportive and they could not be punished no matter what!! ther in lies building the trust between a parent and a child , without trust your done!!!

BRENDA - posted on 10/01/2010

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i think you need to seed professional help. there has got to be a reason why she is doing this.

Jenny - posted on 10/01/2010

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thats extreme...u sound like u have a problem child. a ladder? wuts in ur room that she wants so bad? talk with her...find out wut she wants...talk with her...tell her why u are uncomfortable with her in there...lock ur windows and put a lock on ur door. Tell her that if she does it again there will be consequences...and make her learn before its too late and she ends up in jail for pullin that on other people...

Ashley - posted on 10/01/2010

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My sister was exactlly the same way and my mother did the same thing to her...stripping the room of everything and letting her earn it back. she also took her to the police station and the police talked to her about the consequences of her actions as well as showed her the facilities to see what it would be like if she continued down this path. I think it really helped :)

Fern - posted on 10/01/2010

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Are you sure that she isn't stealing to buy drugs? That would be my first worry. I agree this needs swift, strong punishment. I too would remove all privileges, including removing all toys, gadgets, computers, phones, etc. from her room. It is not illegal for a parent to remove everything from a child's room and monitor their comings and goings! As long as you provide shelter, clothing, food, and education that is all that is required just about anywhere you live! But I don't think I would go to the extreme of removing the furniture at this point. That seems a little extreme for this situation. I would however make her suffer the consequences of her actions for at least a week and if she's behaving she can start to earn her stuff back. But that's only if she isn't lying, stealing or cheating. Her grades should also be good before you allow her to earn back recreational items. But I also think communication is key in this situation. She needs to know you are doing this because you love her and you feel she is going down the wrong path and that its your job to put a stop to bad behavior. Once you feel you can trust her, then she can have more privileges, but don't hesitate to go back to taking everything away if she slips up. She needs to know exactly what is expected of her and exactly what will happen if she breaks the rules. A contract between you may be helpful.

EILEEN - posted on 10/01/2010

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THIS GIRL OF 13 does not belong to me It was just a topic that the Girls mother sent for our Answers so please do not send any more to me . Thank you .

Savannah - posted on 10/01/2010

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I would gut her room and tell her that when she can learn to respect your personal space and items that you will respect hers. The only items that should be left in her room should be a bed, dresser and a light. I say even limit her clothing.

At this point she is not respecting you or your space. Let her know how it feels to be disrespected. This may seem a little harsh but I bet she will play a different tune when its all said and done.

Have her earn her belongings back by good behavior.

Danna - posted on 10/01/2010

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Why don't you go to conceling together and find the real reason she is doing these things, if she is on drugs, or just punishing you for something she is mad at.

EILEEN - posted on 10/01/2010

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I think I will not answer any more to this Topic ,as you are all from America I live in ENGLAND so you all have different Ideas to e from Eileen

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