Mean Teacher or am I overreacting?

Wendi - posted on 09/27/2009 ( 166 moms have responded )

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My daughter is in third grade and I have been having a problem with a lot of the things her teacher is doing. For starters, she yells at the class all the time. She yelled at them because not enough parents brought in tissues (part of the school supplies), My daughter brought hers in (not that it really matters), but still got screamed at with the rest of the class. She has kept the whole class in from recess because a couple of kids didn't score well on test, she reads their test score out loud and makes comments on them (Valerie got a 50 on her test, she must not have been trying). She doesn't give clear directions for homework, then yells if they do it wrong. One night we were unclear, so I had her do more that I thought she was supposed to because we had missed stuff in the past. Savannah got yelled at and told "I might want to assign that another night and you've already done it! I have never heard of someone yelling because they did too much work! She told them on conference day that she was not going to put any of their work up because she was not going to embarass them and their parents by showing their work (how dare she tell my child I'm embarassed of her!).

When I went in for the conference (There was no work displayed for any of the kids) she was almost hateful when she talked about my child. She started the conversation with "She's not even trying!" and it went downhill from there. My daughter has ADD and the things she was discribing are very typical behavior for that (starring off into space, disorganization, not finishing things). I know it's frustrating, but my daughter is also one of the sweetest, most polite, most loving children (this is not just a mother talking, I'm getting this from every other teacher she has ever had). She seems to have a lot of anger towards Savannah.

Savannah loves her classmates, but she's afraid of her teacher. She is very sensitive and is very much a people-pleaser. I'm not real sure what, if anything, I should do. What do you think?

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Linde Grace - posted on 09/29/2009

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You have a difficult situation there. I taught severely emotionally disturbed and behavior disordered students for over 20 years as well as a few years of teaching perfectly normal kids. My own daughter had some learning disability issues and is now a special education teacher herself. So don't despair! I do recognize a problem when I see one. Sounds like the problem is a very harried teacher who is not well educated in terms of classroom management. She may be being hassled from above to extract certain behaviors, test scores, and whatnot from her students. That goes with the territory if you are a teacher. This does not, however, excuse her from being sensitive to the needs of your child. You and your child MIGHT need to develop a little tougher skin. Third grade is early on, but next year, it gets worse. Fourth grade is a transitional period where much more independent work is required of students. Your child is supposed to be reading well, able to do math, able to organize ideas and work, and creatively solving her own individual problems by fourth grade. Now is the time to be sure she is getting those skills. She will have to deal with all kinds of teachers as she moves through school. Nevertheless, you have rights and your child has rights. All states are required by Public Law 92:142 (I think that's the right number) to provide a free and appropriate education to all students regardless of handicapping condition. If your child has ADD issues, there are dozens of ways to address them without necessarily labeling the child as handicapped. Remember, Gifted and Talented Students are labeled as "handicapped" for the purposes of this law. You should do the following: ask the school to initiate a complete testing program for your little girl. This is free because it is mandated by law. Have them let the school psychologist evaluate her, have the physical therapist evaluate her (you'd be surprised how many really minor little physical things can impinge on a child's ability to get the most out of the regular classroom--take pencil grip, for instance. Matters when you've got to write something.) When all the data is in, the school will have to create the least intrusive program that will assist your child. She may test out perfectly normally, too, and that is great. It still gives you leverage. Ask about a school counselor. They should have one available to all students. Talk to the counselor, tell that person what your concerns are. The counselor will make it his/her business to work with your little girl and the teacher to iron out issues. Your child, it sounds like, needs to stop taking everything the teacher says personally, but she will have to be taught how to tell what is directed at her and what is not. Unfair things will happen and that's a fact. The children have to be supervised all the time and every one of them. Think how appalled you'd be if your child was just turned loose all day to roam around the school and playground. Unless some arrangement has been made, your child's teacher is totally responsible for each child every minute of the day. I had to accompany each child to the restroom (I did have a teacher assistant) each time because many children are not taught basic life skills. Some of my students didn't grasp that school and home are different places with different behavior requirements. I'd ask, "Do you have to raise your hand at home and ask Mom if you can get a drink? Of course not. But at school, I have to know where you are and what you're doing, so I have to know if you want to get a drink because it's not always going to be able to happen just any time." Remember, the teacher has 20 -30 kids all on different bathroom, food, and drink schedules, all of whom have parents who have a fierce and devoted interest in them personally (nothing wrong with that--it's a good thing--but a classroom demands a certain amount of regimentation). You can't teach even 6 kids in a group a math lesson if they are not able to concentrate on what you're teaching. That's why teachers take everybody to the bathroom, get everybody a drink of water, etc. before anything else happens. As your child moves on to fourth grade, teachers will expect that she will be able to handle all that stuff and more on her own. They will expect her to write down homework assignments and plan for herself how to get them accomplished. I am going to assume that you yourself do not need to pass the third grade any more, so you should not be doing anything but merely facilitating her doing of the homework: suitable place to work, child fed and watered, tools at the ready. You may attempt to interpret questions or directions, but let her try it first. She was in class and presumably knows what the teacher said. If she is not able to do this, then the testing program will show you where she needs help. Teachers rarely assign homework that the child cannot do on his or her own. My students often had to be given pencil, paper, books, crayons, whatever because their homes provided only TV as an educational aid. You would do well to talk to the principal or, better, school counselor or psychologist, to get a handle on what the school is expecting and how they see your child. Don't be too sensitive yourself. They will be honest. They MAY think that you are hovering, but I doubt that. I was always happy to have parents who wanted to be involved in their children's education and they were usually willing to discuss whatever issues I had. I suggest you schedule a time to observe in your child's classroom. This is NOT a time where you sit beside her and help her. It is a time where you sit at the back or in some unobtrusive corner and simply watch whatever goes on. Observe the other kids part of the time. Try to see what the teacher (and your child) is up against. One misbehaving student can wreck an entire, perfectly fine lesson. Kids who talk all the time are a problem because other kids may not hear directions or information they need. If your child is distractible and/or social, she will have much, much trouble with hearing what the teacher says. She will have to learn what it takes for her to get the information. Here, again, the testing will tell you what methods work best for your child. When my daughter finished diagnostic testing for her learning disabilities, one recommendation was to put her in a special ed class. I didn't feel that was necessary (and I was right). I opted instead for a tutor to pull her out of class for about an hour a day to help her organize her work, practice particular methods of learning that she needed. By the time she went to middle and high school, I was reduced to merely informing her teachers of a couple of things (she couldn't read purple ditto---needed a xerox copy). When she was a junior in high school, I asked them to re-test her although she was doing well. She came out just about normal on every test. She did not require any special treatment. Today, as an adult, a teacher, and a mother herself, you would not know she ever had a problem. She knows what to do for herself and is empowered to do what she needs to do. If you continue to run interference for your child, she will not be able to develop these skills so essential to being an adult. It took me about two years to get my head around the fact that my daughter, bright as she is (tested IQ 137) would never be the valedictorian of her class. It took that long to accept that she had difficulties to overcome which were out of my control. There were tears--mine and, sometimes, hers. I found that I was able (loathe as I was to do it) to let her struggle at times. I never had her transfered away from any teacher although parents can do that. I helped her learn how to get along with just about anybody. You really have to take the long view as a parent and consider not just how you are solving a problem today, but what behaviors and skills you are reinforcing in your child over time. I am very proud of my "special ed" kid and thrilled that she has such a heart and such a talent for working with children who are, simply, not average. Her own children, my grandsons, are now 15 and 12 and are top students. They, too, are special ed kids: gifted and talented! You might not have known this when they were third graders. So hang in there. Help your little girl to learn all the skills she needs to be successful by working in the system as much as possible. I guarantee you that you will be amazed at how well she does.

[deleted account]

Ladies, please, you are not overreacting, drop in to your childs class with a recorder or video camera, get it on file then file a complaint. My daughter is 20, when she was in the third grade her teacher stood her up in front of the class and told everyone that she was stupid and would never be anything and would never graduate from school. I did not know about this for many years and I swear if I remembered who that teacher was I would do something. That one action scarred her for the rest of her life and I will never forgive myself for not following my instincts.

ILA - posted on 09/29/2009

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This teacher needs to be reported ASAP to School Principle and to Administration Head of Elementary Education. A year of this can be damaging to the whole class. If you have last years directory check who was in the class and ask parents from prior years and the parents from this year if their children are having the same problems. 1st meet with the principle and ask a representative from the admin to meet with the parents. You may want to just drop by and monitor the class tape recording of the yelling at the children may be needed. The way you are describing the situation it sounds like emotional abuse.

Barbara - posted on 09/29/2009

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Savannah just sounds like a typical child, add or not. The teacher sounds like she does not like to teach, diploma or not. Whatever you do, remind Savannah you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and you yourself need to show that example. Don't talk about the teacher while Savannah is around. If it is possible, volunteer to help. Many public school classes are over-booked, and need help. If you become the teacher's friend, she will most likely become easier on Savannah. Ask her, the teacher, what you can do to help Savannah complete projects, homework, etc. Some schools have e-mails for their teachers. But chances are, she does have an e-mail address, and ask for it, by giving her yours first. Communication is vital.. I was a teacher of 1st & 2nd grades. It is surprising how much parents think teachers should raise their children, and vice-versa - teachers think they are the parents.

User - posted on 09/29/2009

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Your definitely NOT over-reacting!!! Obviously, this teacher's behavior is UNACCEPTABLE!! My suggestion is to...have a conference with both the principal and teacher explaining your frustations, concerns, etc. and what your expectations are! =)

Tamera - posted on 09/29/2009

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I would definitely document as much as possible and bring those instances to the attention of the principal. If nothing happens, keep moving up the chain of command until something is done. Good luck!

Tracie - posted on 09/29/2009

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Under absolutely no circumstances should a teacher be yelling at her students. That's ridiculous and the sign of someone who cannot handle their job. Go straight to the principal. This needs to stop - yesterday.

Marissa - posted on 09/29/2009

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This teacher is a disgrace!! This is a horrible horrible horrible way to treat kids!

this really hit home with me. My 5th grade teacher was similar and 28 years later it still bugs me! Being made fun off by somebody that is supposed to be teaching you, really cuts to the core believe a child has about their own abilities and intellect. Don't let this continue!



I dont have the answer as to how to solve this, but try anything and everything! Talk to the principal, other parents, the teacher and don't let up! And let your little one know it's not her fault and that you are behind her and trying to make a difference in this.



this teacher should be fired! This is damaging the children!!

Jaclyn - posted on 09/29/2009

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That is a completely appalling story! You are not over reacting in the slightest... in fact I would have pulled my child out right from the beginning after hearing my child's complaints about her teacher's behavior. You should absolutely demand that your daughter be removed from the class... and that is just the start! I would insist on meeting with the Principal and file a formal complaint. Any teacher that behaves that way has no business teaching children... or anyone else for that matter! Call everyone you can about this problem all the way up to the Superintendent and DO NOT agree to be "put into their Voice Mail" demand to speak with a real person! Children have enough issues focusing in school these days and a woman like that is only going to turn a whole new generation of children off to learning! That is unacceptable! Good luck to you and your daughter!

Anita - posted on 09/29/2009

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have you talked to the school about all of this?? have you gone to the school and just stood outside the door to listen to whats going on so that you might have a better account of whats going on? i say this because my daughter has said that the teacher is really mean and she yells all the time and with further investigation i found that not to be the truth. now i hear only good things about the teacher. but if the teacher is really doing all of this or even some of this you should really talk to the school and maybe have your child moved to a different teacher. you could also try to talk to some of the other parents and see if they are hearing the same things and go to the school as a group and talk to them like that

[deleted account]

OMG...talk with the principal and if that does not work go to the school admin office. Keep going up the ladder until you have reached a decision you can live with. That is horrible and I hope your daughter knows this is not her fault. Some teachers just shouldn't be one. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 09/29/2009

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This is completely unacceptable behaviour for a teacher. You are NOT over-reacting. You should call the school & talk to the principal. There is never an excuse to scream at a group of children like that. This is a very important time for you daughter, she is learning all her social development right now, you have to do something. If the principal won't do anything, request that your daughter be put in a different class (if that's an option), or you might want to think of changing schools. I realize that your daughter may have made some nice friends, but trust me... she'll make MORE nice friends in a different situation, and she won't have all this stress.

Anne - posted on 09/29/2009

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Quoting Wendi:

Mean Teacher or am I overreacting?

My daughter is in third grade and I have been having a problem with a lot of the things her teacher is doing. For starters, she yells at the class all the time. She yelled at them because not enough parents brought in tissues (part of the school supplies), My daughter brought hers in (not that it really matters), but still got screamed at with the rest of the class. She has kept the whole class in from recess because a couple of kids didn't score well on test, she reads their test score out loud and makes comments on them (Valerie got a 50 on her test, she must not have been trying). She doesn't give clear directions for homework, then yells if they do it wrong. One night we were unclear, so I had her do more that I thought she was supposed to because we had missed stuff in the past. Savannah got yelled at and told "I might want to assign that another night and you've already done it! I have never heard of someone yelling because they did too much work! She told them on conference day that she was not going to put any of their work up because she was not going to embarass them and their parents by showing their work (how dare she tell my child I'm embarassed of her!).
When I went in for the conference (There was no work displayed for any of the kids) she was almost hateful when she talked about my child. She started the conversation with "She's not even trying!" and it went downhill from there. My daughter has ADD and the things she was discribing are very typical behavior for that (starring off into space, disorganization, not finishing things). I know it's frustrating, but my daughter is also one of the sweetest, most polite, most loving children (this is not just a mother talking, I'm getting this from every other teacher she has ever had). She seems to have a lot of anger towards Savannah.
Savannah loves her classmates, but she's afraid of her teacher. She is very sensitive and is very much a people-pleaser. I'm not real sure what, if anything, I should do. What do you think?



Ask to meet with the teacher.  Tell her that you have some concerns about your daughter.  Display concern for your daughter not that she is a lousy teacher.  Get a since of what is going on without putting her on the dense.  If after the meeting if there is not a change then meet with principle and have her change classses. 





 

Charity - posted on 09/29/2009

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I have a similar problem My middle child Gage is in the 2nd grade and his teacher was just obnoxious from the start she would send home notes stating that certain papers were done in class and if your child missed any than that means that they were not paying attention. My son is mildly autistic, extremly smart but needs a little guidence. She never even acnowledged that he had an IEP or the factr that I sent notes to try to explain certain issues that my son has and never got any type of reply.....Then for a week straight she wasn't collecting his homework...I stoped her in the halway and asked why ...she had the nerve to say"well he wasnt turning it it." Trying to blame it all on a six year old . I thought that was out of line so I called a meetine with the principle, his speech therapist and another teacher that works with him... I told them that I would not tolerate that kind of behavior from someone who is suppose to be helping my child. If you have already spoke to the teacher and nothing is being done request that she be moved to a different classroom, definatly call a meeting with the principle and teacher, if that does not work go to the superintendent , just keep going up the ladder until you see progress

Melissa - posted on 09/29/2009

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Report her to the principal or school board! Ask other parents if they are hearing the same things from their children. Someone like this shouldn't be a teacher if you ask me! Anyway there is another classroom that your daughter could go into?

Christina - posted on 09/29/2009

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I had a similar problem with my daughter. Its so hard. i had many conversations with the teacher and nothing seemed to change. she had been there for a long time and its hard to get rid of a teacher. i would keep a record of all that your daughter is saying and when u think you have something concrete go to the board not the pricipal. He or she had nothing to do with it its the board. if other parent have similar problems incourage them to do the same. if her grades for the overall class are not passing or she had a low percentage they might do somthing. it was the hardest year i ever had. luckly i made sure she wasnt a teacher to my other children

Linda - posted on 09/29/2009

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there goes teacher the menance!!! in your position, i would have wrangled her neck..thank God you are not me. at her age, your daughter need a solid education background and her terror of that teacher, will further damage her progress and even worse if you don't watch it cause emotional suppress in your little one.

i think that teacher has personal issues..emotional/mental..have this investigated. what are her credentials..start digging from her past schools what do the teacher, kids and parent say where she used to work?

frankinly instigate an inquiry. do talk to the other mom and kids and get a feel of what they say and together lodge a complaint against her. you have to protect your child. frankly, your child doesn't have to be i that school in the first pace but if you feel that is is the right school that is bound to offer her the education she requires.....weed out the teacher. not just for the sake of your kid but the other kids to. where i come from, we learn that mother person's child becomes you child so you accord the same protection.

Your daughter depends on you to defend and protect her. thats your job as her mother. SORT OUT THAT TEACHER!

Jaimie - posted on 09/28/2009

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i got into maybe 4 rows of your explaination and already came to the conclusion that that teacher should be taken behind the school and beaten by the school bullies....ok thats drastic....no your not over reacting...not only that.....whatever this teacher is yelling at the kids for...believe it or not...has nothing to do with the class or students...something must be going on in her/his personal life and they are bringing it to school...take this to the school board...get a hold of other parents that have students in her class...get that teacher fired before she physically hurts one of them.....like...do this yesturday

Crystal - posted on 09/28/2009

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First of all, your not over reacting. Teacher shouldn't yell at their students, for getting a low test score, or doing more work. I would talk to the princpal and explain what you have seen and heared from your daughter. If things dont clear up maybe take things into your own hands. Talk to the princpal again and also having other parents join you. Hope this helps!

User - posted on 09/28/2009

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I have been in a similar situation - just last year in my daughters 4th grade class. The two things that I did was first, I contacted the guidance counselor and the assistant principal (I asked them both not to mention my name or my daughters name in any way). I flt it was important to bring it to the attention to the authorities. Second, I encouraged other parents of the children in the class that I knew also felt the same things I was feeling and asked them to soeak up too. Low and behold, enough parents DID complain and the teacher was spoken to by the principal and we all had a much better "rest of the year". If enough people speak up - it can make a difference.



If all else fails, I would speak to the guidance counselor and ask how to go about having your daughter transfered into a different class where her special needs can be addressed by someone who is better equipped to handle a child with ADD (I'm not saying at all that it is your daughters fault -but if you put it that way, it looks like the current teacher is not qualified)



Clearly the teacher shouldn't be teacher at a lower grade level where kids are so impressionable.



I am sorry for your difficult situation - I hope it works out.

Lydia - posted on 09/28/2009

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I wouldnt call it mean so much as a complete disregard for her resposibility as a teacher. Part of their resposibility - on top of purely educating - is to foster a childs confidence to the best of their abilities. I think getting a group of parents together with similar complaints is a good idea. I would also let the principal know that you consider her behaviout to be a form of emotional child abuse and that if it carries on you will put a formal complaint into the appropriate authorities. Also log everything - if you can get anything more substantial that oral communication that would help if things get worse too. Hope it gets sorted soon :)

Toni - posted on 09/28/2009

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Im sorry but if that was me I would give that teacher a SLAP!!!! However I think you may need to express your concerns to the head failing that get in touch with the other parents of the kids in her class and see what thier kids have said .... next move would be (if the head has done nothing) get in touch with your local educational authority.



Failing that do what I said and do to her what she does to the kids she will soon change her ways the bully!!!!!!!!!

Fran - posted on 09/27/2009

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You are your childs advocate! If you don't go to bat them who will? ADD is tough I have a son with ADHD had problems in school all the time. He is now grown and is still having problems especially with self esteem and confidence. She is too young to defend herself.

Fran - posted on 09/27/2009

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Quoting Wendi:

Mean Teacher or am I overreacting?

My daughter is in third grade and I have been having a problem with a lot of the things her teacher is doing. For starters, she yells at the class all the time. She yelled at them because not enough parents brought in tissues (part of the school supplies), My daughter brought hers in (not that it really matters), but still got screamed at with the rest of the class. She has kept the whole class in from recess because a couple of kids didn't score well on test, she reads their test score out loud and makes comments on them (Valerie got a 50 on her test, she must not have been trying). She doesn't give clear directions for homework, then yells if they do it wrong. One night we were unclear, so I had her do more that I thought she was supposed to because we had missed stuff in the past. Savannah got yelled at and told "I might want to assign that another night and you've already done it! I have never heard of someone yelling because they did too much work! She told them on conference day that she was not going to put any of their work up because she was not going to embarass them and their parents by showing their work (how dare she tell my child I'm embarassed of her!).
When I went in for the conference (There was no work displayed for any of the kids) she was almost hateful when she talked about my child. She started the conversation with "She's not even trying!" and it went downhill from there. My daughter has ADD and the things she was discribing are very typical behavior for that (starring off into space, disorganization, not finishing things). I know it's frustrating, but my daughter is also one of the sweetest, most polite, most loving children (this is not just a mother talking, I'm getting this from every other teacher she has ever had). She seems to have a lot of anger towards Savannah.
Savannah loves her classmates, but she's afraid of her teacher. She is very sensitive and is very much a people-pleaser. I'm not real sure what, if anything, I should do. What do you think?


 

Tashi - posted on 09/27/2009

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The fact that your daughter has ADD is IRRELEVANT to the situation b/c it seems that she is making comments to a variety of students. Her behavior is unacceptable. Please take do what you can to get your daughter, or even better, the teacher out of there as it can affect her whole school career

Roxann - posted on 09/27/2009

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Ok well if the teacher knew she has ADD then she should be reported,,, if its not special class then maybe they have classes that shew can handle,, sounds like u are NOT over reacting but u need to talk to administration!!!!

Valarie - posted on 09/27/2009

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Wow, first off, let me tell you a little secret...Majority of the teachers in this society are not properly trained to hand any child that have any type of challenge. If you child is ADD, you can trust and believe that her teacher has not a clue how to handle her situation. Bad sad thing about it, the teacher will continue to label her and put her on the spot because the tearcher has no respect for her condition. You need to print your letter out, take it to the school board, the principle, the news paper or any one else that you think will listen. I am so tired of these so called educators thinking that there are any perfect children in this world. It is bad enough that they are making budget cuts in our school, and we should not stand for this. Her behavior is unexceptable. And you should make sure that she does not get away with this. Another thing you can do, go and sit in the classroom, and watch her, take notes, and document all of her actions. I use to work for a headstart teacher, and the kids loved me and they did not care for her because she was mean, and these were special needs children. I felt bad for them. The best thing that teach did was to resign, because she did not have the passion. Pray about this situation, are kids are already messed up, and we just don't need anybody else contributing to making a bigger mess. Be Blessed

Michelle - posted on 09/27/2009

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You are definitely not over-reacting!!! I don't know what kind of advice to give you but I think you should do something. See if you can get together with other moms and talk about this teacher she is going to kill your daughters self esteem. I wish you luck and don't let your daughter down do something.

Anna - posted on 09/27/2009

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You are not over-reacting. This woman has some serious issues. You should definitely do something. I would start with scheduling a meeting with the teacher and the principal. Discuss your concerns with the principal in front of the teacher and invite any explanation she may give. Tell her you understand that your child presents certain challenges, as any child does, but that is no reason to treat her (or the others) the way she does. Be firm, but open to explanation and suggestion. However, I would tell the principal that if this is going to continue you want your child moved to another class. As much as she loves her classmates, it may be the best decision. You should also hint that you just might need to have discussions with the parents of the other kids in your daughter's class! This teacher's behavior is out of line. You should never make a child feel embarassed, stupid, or confused when you can help it. Teachers are supposed to build up their students and make them feel special and smart. This teacher is making her students feel like mud and also making them think they aren't good enough. Unacceptable. I urge you to schedule a meeting! Never be afraid to play hardball when it comes to your child's education and well being.

User - posted on 09/27/2009

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How Awful, we have had experiences with "bad teachers" before too. I don't know how they get in the system and then I hear you can't get them out. I would go to the principle and also ask other parents in the classroom if they feel the same way. Unite and go to the school administration. This woman is doing damage to your child. She should be removed immediately. I would do something tomorrow morning about this.



I have found that principals tend to take the teachers side so I would go to him/her first then if nothing is done about it, take it to your superintendent. I hope you get this resolved.



I've been where you are, you are the only one who can do anything to help your daughter, don't let it go, she needs you to act on this.

[deleted account]

I'm a third grade teacher, too, and I can tell you I would NEVER treat my students this way or act this way towards my class and parents. That kind of behavior wouldn't even be dealt with in my school. I'm sorry to hear that it's been such a rough year so far for you and your daughter. : (

Jennifer - posted on 09/27/2009

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This might help one child, but not all. The teacher must be removed altogether, otherwise other children will still be victims of her tirades.

Mardena - posted on 09/27/2009

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I would ask to have my child removed her class. The teacher isn't teaching she dictating!
How is a child suppose to learn if she's afraid to go to school? Go to the principals office and complain. Every day if you have to until something is done. I'm sure there are other parents who feel the same as you do. She should have her license taken away.

Erin - posted on 09/27/2009

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Go a step higher and talk to the principal. I was a third grade teacher and could not even imagine saying those things to children. I can't even begin to image how upset I would be if I were you, or how upset you must be. When speaking with the principal, try to explain the situation as objectively as you can, try not to get too defensive (its hard but the more calm you are, usually the better the results). Also, talk to other parents and get their input on the teacher. Go in to the meeting prepared. Have other parents comments, and the log that Candi MacDonnell-Daley suggested. Those are great ideas. Best of luck to you.

Jan - posted on 09/27/2009

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As a mum myself & a teaching assistant, I would'nt let this go. You have to be the one in control of this situation. Speak to the teacher involved, she should not be talking to any child like this, let alone a child with ADD or any other learning difficulty. Dont forget, the teacher is only like you or I, she probably has good & bad days but cannot get away with undermining your little girl & her homework, how dare she!! Be assertive & TELL her you wont have your child being spoken to in this manner. If you feel your banging your head against a brick wall, make an appointment to speak to the head teacher. At the school I work in we would'nt dream of talking to our children in this way, all homework the children produce is fantastic, they have used some of their free time to do it, thats after they have already spent 6 hours studying. It should be rewarded NOT scowled at. I hope you resolve this situation so that your daughter does not become affraid to go to school or suffer low self esteem. I wish you & your little girl luck. x

Jennifer - posted on 09/27/2009

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Is your daughter by chance on an IEP (Individual Educations Placement) for her ADD in school? If not, first you might want to get that done. It'll help, trust me.



I have 2 with ADHD, and I was an IEP monitor for another student. My oldest was in a nightmare like that for 4th grade. His teacher "didn't have time to teach a child that can't keep up when she has to teach an entire class of other kids." If that was the case, she should have recommended him for placement in the Special Needs class, with the teacher I worked with. This teacher put my son's desk behind the front door and turned it facing AWAY from the lesson boards, where he couldn't see anything. If he turned to look at the boards, he got into trouble. She left him out of every activity the class was offered, such as a musical performance for black history month. He wanted to participate, and even begged me for permission, claiming the teacher said I hadn't approved him being in it. The parents weren't given permission slips to sign for it, as it was a DURING SCHOOL ASSEMBLY performance. I asked the teacher why he wasn't in it, and she told me HE said he didn't want to be in it.

At one point, he got a gift from his Resource teacher, whom he was very close to. When he got back to class, he had it on his desk and she took it from him! It was just something small that he could hold in his hand to help him concentrate (which always worked for him). We even had it written into his IEP that he was required to have something like a tiny stuffed animal or toy car small enough to fit in his little hand. It kept him from fidgiting and messing with stuff in his desk when he was supposed to be paying attention. She would never follow his IEP, and when he was pulled out each day for his resources class, she would always send someone to get him, claiming he had to be present to learn the next lesson of the day. The day she took his gift from his, I picked him up and he was crying. This is a kid that NEVER cried in front of anyone other than me. He came out of the building in tears and a 5th grade teacher who knew him brought him to me and tokd me what happened. I tracked his teacher down in the parking lot where she was talking to another parent and confronted her. I told her "You have a lot of nerve claiming to be a Christian woman and treating my son the way you do!" She and I got into an argument, and I told her to return his things (she'd taken several things away from him lately) immediately. She said she'd leave that up to the principal. I said fine, then let's just go talk to him RIGHT NOW! She started up to the office, and I followed her, with my son in tow. Once in the office she started her usual "Holier than thou" crap, and the assistant principal came out. I said I want to have a talk with him AND HER in his office NOW. So he took us both in, and of course she claims that HE is the problem, HE doesn't try to do the work, HE doesn't seem to want to do as he's told. And the whole time she's saying this, HE is right there in front of her!!! I said "Hang on" and sent him out of the office. Then I turned to the asst principal and said, this is no offense to you, but I have to say something right about this." Then I turned to her and started cussing her out about HER behavior, both in AND out of the class! Now, normally I wouldn't cuss at a teacher, but this woman had my blood boiling! I made it very clear she either follow the IEP I had set down for him with the team, or HER JOB would be history... He wasn't the only one or the last she did this to, as my best friend's son was a victim too. My son's had too many teachers like this, and these are the teachers that just don't wish to take the time to understand ADHD/ADD or any other disorder a child might have.



If your child is on an IEP and has ANY difficulty with her work, you can have the workload modified to fit the child via the IEP.



Second, there ARE guidelines teachers must follow of THEIR conduct, same as the children. If that teacher is YELLING unnecessarily at the class, then she should be suspended or fired. She's obviously very disdainful, and doesn't regard how HER behavior and neglect towards these children will have a foul affect on them. I grew up in an abusive home. My parents were very mean and hateful towards me, not to mention the physical abuse I endured. But at the same time, I had some teachers who really cared about me and one in specific who loved me like a daughter (she had no kids of her own). Thanks to THEM, I had the strength to carry on till I could break away from my parents. Those teachers were my guides to becoming the mother I am today.

I volunteer regularly at my daughter's school now, helping teachers where needed, whether it be just a small project, or watching a class while the teacher's in a meeting, or tutoring children who need that extra help. I'm known by ALL the kids at our school, even the ones I don't know myself. All the kids look up to me and treat me with respect, because that's what I give THEM. I don't yell at them or depose them in front of others. I don't remark about bad grades in front of the class, as that is between the teacher, the child and the parent. If a child is doing great or gets a top grade, I praise them in front of the class to make them feel good about themselves, not to make anyone else feel bad.



You need to talk to some of the other parents. Find out if Savannah is the only one or if the other children have told their parents too. Get as many parents together as possible on this issue and go to the principal. If you have just one parent, the child will be moved, but the problem in the classroom will still continue without that child.

If SEVERAL parents complain, the administration will be forced to deal with the TEACHER, either by formal reprimand that would be followed by suspension if there's any further incidents, or by complete removal of said teacher from the school (termination of contract; aka FIRED).

So I highly recommend locating more parents from your daughter's class that are willing to stand up to her. The children may be too scared to fight her, but that doesn't mean the parents should be. Do it for your children; they're what matters.



Always remember this: Positivity is key to education. Negativity makes idiots.

Kelly - posted on 09/27/2009

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I agree whole-heartedly with the other moms, this is a horrible situation for your daughter and a child should never have to fear a teacher! Respect yes, but not fear. I had a bad teacher in the sixth grade who was unfair and rude to the kids; my parents never believed me, they thought I just was afraid of him because I had never had a man teacher before. Very painful when your own parents don't see your side of it, so at least your daughter has the comfort of knowing you believe her and want to help! The only suggestion I have which I didn't see anyone else actually spell out, is I would carefully read the school's handbook of policies. In our school district, teachers are absolutely not allowed to use excercise as a punishment or reward under any circumstances. I would scrutinize the handbook, and make notes of any areas where the teacher is breaking the rules. Hopefully that might give you some ammunition to take to the principal/school board. If you have tried to resolve this with the principal and are getting no results, I would not wait too long, I would go straight to the school board. In our town there have been several instances where parents have had to go to the school board, and that often gets better results than the principal (although out of fairness, at least give the principal the opportunity to fix things first). The principal has a certain amount of job security, but school boards are elected, and if they don't take action when there is a problem, they can be voted off! Best of luck to you and your daughter, I hope things turn around for her soon!

Alea - posted on 09/27/2009

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lol,,,been there done that,,,first, talk to the teacher and tell her how you feel, that you find it odd that she has no trouble with any other teacher but her and I agree it's not fair to move Savannah to another class, but is she there because she likes her friends or is she there to learn? Do what you feel is in her best interest as far as her education. If the teacher reacts, negatively, go talk to the principal and if you still get no results, go to the superintendent and then the school board. I do agree, document everything and your daughter can also tell how she feels. Don't ever let anyone demean or take the joy of school away from your daughter. I've gone against many teachers in my day and I would do it all over again for my kids.

Cristina - posted on 09/27/2009

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Oh, lady,
This teacher has issues, she seems to be teaching because she has to, not because she wants to, she is taking all her personal frustrations out on the children, I worked with third graders for 5 years and they are so great and smart, a teacher has to take her class as if they were her precious children, each one of them, I loved my kids so much, I don't teach anymore but miss it so much, the kids make all the things that go on in life seem so insignificant.
She needs help she sounds very angry with life, and so takes it out on them all, she needs to be brought up to the school district not to be fired but maybe take action with her inner problems, I know that in some states including mine the district does not supply enough to each classroom and the parents and teachers have to take from their own wallets to fill in the void, honestly I did it many times for my class, unfortunately us teaches do not get paid enough to help properly our kids, we usually make do with what we have and are thankful with the help you parents give. Have a talk with other parents and see if you can get a group going and see if others are going through this as your child is. school should be the best time a child has, making memories, good ones.

Kim - posted on 09/27/2009

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There many good ideas offered here, the one thing i think is most important is letting your daughter know you are working on takeing care of the problem and ask her for her imput so she feels involved. So many times we forget are children are very wise. best of luck.

[deleted account]

My daughter had a teacher in 2nd grade that was a real monster - she would scream at the kids - even threw chalk at one of the kids - Thankfully, my daughter made it through, but I know if she had thrown the calk at MY kid - I would have been at that school and in her FACE - There is NO excuse for this type of behavior - she may be having some personal issues going on that are spilling into her professional life, but she needs to keep that in check - I agree with the mother who said to keep a log of her outbursts and inappropriate behavior - I'd start networking with the other parents and get her the heck out of teaching - it's obviously not for her -

Tracey - posted on 09/27/2009

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I am a teacher and a mother and I would have to say I would be heart broken if my child was treated that way. There has to be some positive reinforcement within that classroom otherwise the children will shut down. Since your daughter has ADD (something I don't find critical in your situation) encourage her to to finish everything and help her find ways to stay on task rather then staring off into space. If you are encouraging for your daughter and help create strategies she can succeed within the classroom. As far as the teacher is concerned, I would never say get her fired or something along those lines. But you may want to consider confronting her first. If there are other parents experiencing this as well maybe the group of you could sit down with the teacher together. She may not be aware that her actions are affecting the students in a negative way. You know that tough love idea. If that does not work talk to the principal. Good luck!

Ashley - posted on 09/27/2009

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Holy smokes! That's just horrible! I think it would be best to make an appointment with just the teacher, assistant principal, or prinipal, and maybe even your daughter and talk over your conserns. That way, the pricipal is aware, and she can't lie about what's being said!!

Sylvia - posted on 09/27/2009

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No, you are NOT overreacting. That's unbelievably awful.

I think keeping kids in at recess is a bad and counterproductive and stupid strategy, but I've given up fighting it wholesale, because almost every teacher seems to do it from time to time, and there are occasions when it makes some sense ("It's your responsibility to help clean up this mess you helped make, and when it's all tidied up then you can go out for recess"). But denying recess to the whole class because a couple of kids didn't do well on a test? WTF?! (And clearly this teacher hasn't read that study where they found that when two groups of kids wrote the same test, the kids who'd just spent 20 minutes running around outside did better than the kids who'd had extra time to "study".)

I always try to take any reports from my daughter that someone "yelled" with a grain of salt -- it doesn't necessarily mean real yelling, or real anger, it just means someone spoke crossly -- but even I would be freaking out if she came home saying the teacher had "yelled" nearly every day. And reading kids' marks out loud, telling them their work is "embarrassing" and refusing to put it up for parents to see, berating kids publicly for doing too little / the wrong / too much work (especially the last -- again, WTF?!), punishing the whole class for things one or two kids did -- all TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE.

ADD aside, no child is likely to thrive in such a toxic atmosphere.

You need to start documenting everything -- what, when, where -- as closely as possible, and start presenting your concerns in writing to the principal (and if that doesn't work, to the next person up the chain of command, and so on). Do you know any parents of other kids in your daughter's class? If you can get together with some of them and compare notes, and all document everything, you may be able to make a stronger case together.

I have nothing but the greatest respect for teachers in general -- they do a tough job, and these days many of them are under appalling pressures and seriously under-resourced. But some teachers are very obviously in the wrong profession altogether, and this person sounds like one of them.

All the best -- I hope you are able to get this worked out soon.

Janice - posted on 09/27/2009

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i do not think you are over reacting, maybe call the school board and ask if she has taught third grade before because you have a few concernes about the way she is treating the kids and talk to other parents and see what they have to say

Annette - posted on 09/27/2009

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This is terrible. You must NOT let it go on.

I am a retired SEN teacher. I live in the UK.



Have you spoken to the teacher about your child? It is a good idea if you have concerns to take along someone you trust and understands what is going on, then you have a witness to the meeting.

If you can't make any sense of the teacher tell her that you are unhappy and will take it further. Then write down all your concerns and make an appointment to see the principal.

Does the principal know your child has ADD? If she/he does then they should make allowances for your daughter, and get her a 'helper'.

If the principal is NOT aware tell him/her and that you wish to have help with your daughter.

Make it quite clear that there IS help available and you would like to be put in touch with someone.

I'm so sorry that you are having this trouble, there is still a lot of ignorance towards children that do not fit into 'pigeon holes'.

You need to get support before this gets out of hand.

I wish you all the best.

Laura - posted on 09/27/2009

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Good lord... That teachers name isn't Galindo is it? My son last year had that kind of nightmare. Three times I asked the teacher for daily reports and was told in no uncertain terms "NO". As the witch put it "I'm been teaching in military schools for 15 years teaching all sorts of kids on meds and not on meds and I know what I'm doing." I'd go in to pay my sons lunch money and could here that witch screaming in class clear across the school. I HATED that teacher. My son is on meds and like your daughter, a sensitive kid who loves to please. He really does try but when a teacher is sitting there saying the kid is rude, disruptive, lying, and an absolute nightmare... I wanted to slap that teacher so often.
I got together with the principal and outlined what I had done, what I had asked for and was refused on. David wasn't allowed to bring unfinished work home and obviously couldn't do it in a normal classroom setting so he was being set up to fail. He wasn't allowed any recesses for months on end (even though removing recess is the LAST thing you do to an adhd kid). Teacher refused to effectively communicate with me. Other parents have hear her yelling at kids loud enough to hear all over the school. etc ect.
A group of specialists called "Project Stay" got involved. Special educators, doctors of mental health, and others came and watched the situation. David was pulled out of that witch's class after two days of observation. He was put in a quiet room all by himself working with one of the little kid teachers. She gave him grade work a full grade above his own and he did it with no trouble. He got three things done and got to help the little kids for 20 minutes. He was getting 6-9 things done a day! FANTASTIC!
Now, Galindo is gone. Moved on to another school and with any luck, I'll never see that bitch again. David has a fantastic teacher this year who is compassionate and kind and knows how to get a response out of ALL her students, not just the "normal" ones. For the 1st time in his life, David is getting A's and B's and no, his work isn't made easy for him. He brings it home and he's expected to do a lot but he's happy making the teacher and I happy so he willingly does it.
Your daughter may be stuck dealing with this teacher this year but you DON'T have to put up with her crap. Talk to the Principal and the school couselor and explain how this teachers teaching methods are adversely effecting your daughter. Explain that if something doesn't change, YOU will change it.
Here's what we have here in KS
http://www.projectstay.com/
Look around your area for a similar program, contact your local mental health center and or social services center and ask about programs like this. They make a WORLD of difference.

[deleted account]

I'm not sure where you live. In Canada reading ANY grade outloud goes against the Freedom of Information Act (FOIP). If you notify your provincial privacy commisionaire she can face charges, fines, and legal action.



As much as she likes her classmates I would try and find a different teacher or even school. If this nonsense is going on and nothing is being done about it then I wouldn't trust the school at all.



My Brother had a teacher like that in Grade 2. Eventually she singled him out and humiliated him on a daily basis. He never enjoyed school after that and ended up dropping out. They may be young but they take critisism to heart and remember it for a long long time.

[deleted account]

Have you talked to the principal/superintendent/school board? I would go that route. It's bad enough that there are cutbacks in schools, but this is ridiculous. what a way to beat down the kids' morale. I am so sorry, but it sounds like you have to do something. What about the other parents, has anyone else shared the same concerns?

Also, since the kids are old enough, maybe they, too, should come with the parents and give detailed example of how this meanie is treating them. Good luck...

Adrianna - posted on 09/27/2009

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Ok...I am a teacher and U are definately not overreacting!!! Sounds like this teacher either needs to retire or take some personal days to regroup! I would talk to another parent from the class just to get some insight from another students perspective, then go to the principal. Don't be surprised if the principal let's u know that he/she is already aware of the situation! Wow...I am so sorry for ur daughter. 3rd grade is supposed to be so much fun! Let us know what happens and Good luck!

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