Methods used for discipline - Not spaking please.

Melissa - posted on 08/19/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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FOR THOSE NON SPANKING PARENTS, does any one have suggestions to how to manage a very head strong 18 month old child? I try time outs in a spot where we sit together, just long enough to re affirm why we are sitting there, sometimes she gets angry and cries, other times she just sits like a good girl. I am a first time mother and her head strong ways leave me exasperated and tempted to spank, but I refuse to be my mother and know that there is a way around discipline even with the most stubborn child - SUGGESTIONS?



Sorry it's so long here goes:



My issues are not about her being home and touching stuff, my house is safety proofed and has been for a very long time. Her behaviors are around the way she responds to something she doesn't like, for example when I say 'No not now" when she asks for a Popsicle before dinner. ( I explain why I say No) and she throws a melt down fit and on most occasions she hits me, slaps me and attempts at such actions. My day care workers and I have been very involved and have been on top of this behavior with signs - Pictures, and sign language showing "STOP" yet once again she does this at times non stop and not with just me, with other people. It's behaviors that I know she understands is not acceptable, she is a very bright 18 month old and knows the difference between occasions that are 'good' and 'bad".

I hear other people use different methods, example - time out - 123 magic - and others have volunteered to tell me to slap her hand, which is silly, why tell her "BE GENTLE" by being a hypocrite and hitting her!?!



My biggest frustrations are the back to back to back melt downs and anger she gets over anything that doesn't go her way, sure this is normal, yet I need to figure out a style of discipline that works for us, and I need ideas. I have been feeling over whelmed by it, and am doing my best yet I could use creative idea's or methods from Mothers.



Thanks



Thanks for your input guys - I should add that I have changed the word "NO" usage so much and I have been saying things like "Not now, after dinner, or later" things like that. It doesn't always work but it helps from triggering first impulse of melt down.

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Firebird - posted on 08/19/2012

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Instead of say 'no', maybe try phrasing it differently. Like the popsicle... tell her she can have one after supper, instead of no, not now. Of course that won't always work, and there will be times when she can't have what she wants later. 'No' can be such a definite word to a small child, and quite often they won't even hear you say "not now' or 'later'. Try getting rid of 'no' for a while, and see if she responds to that.

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Dove - posted on 08/19/2012

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If she's throwing a fit then she needs to be in another room where she won't be disturbing other people with her screaming. Same with the hitting. When she is done screaming and not going to hit anymore... then she can rejoin you (or the group, or where ever).



Think about how you react when YOU are upset about things not going your way and then remember that she's only 18 months. At that age... when things don't go your way it's like it's the end of the world. This is really something they need to outgrow and with time will learn more and more how to appropriately handle their frustrations and disappointments. Even grown ups 'throw fits' sometimes though. ;)



Also... depending on the REASON for the fit... sometimes I hold my son (4 now) and let him cry in my lap... not if he's in a hitting mood though, of course. Sometimes the things in this world AREN'T 'fair' and it can be very hard to deal with that realization.

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2012

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If my daughter who is now 3 starts to throw a temper tantrum we tell her to go to her room cause no one wants to listen to her wail and she can come out when she is done. We started off moving her to her room and telling her that when she is done she can come out, 95% of the time she would fall asleep and have a nap. As she got older we would just tell her to go to her room and now she runs to her room to have her tantrum. As for hitting for that she gets a time out on the stairs, I think the reason it is not working for you is that you are sitting with her so she is still getting your attention. My daughter has had the naughty step since she turned 2 and started acting out I used to put her there than walk away sometimes I would have to put her back on the step repeatedly other times she would sit there and cry, after her allotted time for time out I would sit next to her and explain that it is alright for her to be angry and upset that mommy said no however hitting is not nice and not allowed in our family. I then ask her if she would like it if mommy hit her when mommy was mad, (I don't hit by the way) she then tells me no cause it would hurt so then we talk about how her hitting when she is mad hurts whomever she is hitting. After that we say sorry give hugs and leave it yes, at the younger age it will be a constant repeat as your daughter is figuring out emotions and learning how to deal with frustrations. We always tell our kids to use their words not their hands

Krista - posted on 08/19/2012

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Good ideas have been given, but can you give some examples of the type of behaviour that you are looking to change in her? You might be able to get some more specific ideas that way.

S. - posted on 08/19/2012

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For some time iv said things are "bad,bad" like hitting and things. I put my 22 month old in the "naughty corner" and I sit with her with my back to her, sometimes she tries to escape and others she sits crying I stand her up and say "mummy put you in the naughty corner because you was bad,bad and hit your sister" as we have always said "no that's bad,bad" I am guessing she can fathom a link now. She now says sorry (so cute) and gives kisses and hugs. I have gotten to the point were I can say "stop or you will go in the naughty corner" I count to 3, sometimes she stops sometimes she said 3 for me and gets put in the corner.
It honestly is all about consistence, it takes time to learn but stick with it and remember do not give her attention whilst she is on the naughty spot.
I am a strong beliver of positive parenting so use lots of "good girl" when she comes away from the naughty thing. As she gets older you can use stickers and rewards.

Nikki - posted on 08/19/2012

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I don't like time out for toddlers, they are too young to really understand why they are being punished. 18 months is still very young, you might need to lower your expectations a little. At 18 months it is normal for them to want to touch and explore everything and they have little to no concentration span. Try and toddler proof your house, keep things out of reach that you don't want her to touch. If you want her to do something, make it sound fun, jump, dance and sing to get her attention. If she is doing something you are not happy with redirect her behaviour to something positive. For example if she is drawing on the walls, say "we draw on paper" and give her some paper to draw on. Discipline is about teaching and guiding our children to behave appropriately the best way to do it is to use positive reinforcement. Praise all of her good behaviours and ignore the little things, only react if she is hurting herself, someone or something. Pick your battles. Good luck.

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