mother in laws

Cheryl - posted on 12/21/2009

my mother in law has just played an integeral part in splitting my husband and i up after 18 years of putting up with her feelings and mine coming second ,we have two children 16 and 14 ,after a realy shit year ,me not working at the moment,my kids giving us a hard time and money tight ,she over stepped the line when she tried to undermine my mariage and i let her know, its a bit complicated , my mother is partners with my husbands father .no we are not related at all,but that makes it hard becouse i know all the things she did to him when they were married,this woman is trully a manipulative piece of work, she has lived in the same town she was born in and has only one recent friend and she is aproaching 60 ,she has no life other than bingo ,the only people she has other relations with are her disfunctional family,one brother who cant keep a relationship,one brother who has a wife but live seperate lives,and a sister who has been through 3 marriages and numerouse other relationships,and a daughter who is just as bad as her ,she treats her partner like shit,even my husband her brother says he doesnt know why he doesnt leave her ,the only reason he has anything to do with her is because she is his sister,yet over the years ive put up with her double meaning coments,her making out she didnt mean this and that ,and she doesnt know why she says the things she says.my huband walked out a week ago ,she was the straw that broke the cammels back so to say. i am totaly devastated the kids as well,she says she doesnt want us to split up thats the last thing she wants and im the best thing that happend to her son , then why the fuck wont she back off ,i really feel she has got what she has wanted all along,i dont know where i stand with my husband, everything is still very raw still,but im not going to roll over again not this time my feelings count ,oh and my husband does not speak to his father and my mother but im suposed to put up withhis mothers shit and be nice to her because its his mother .

Cheryl - posted on 12/21/2009

my mother in law has just played an integeral part in splitting my husband and i up after 18 years of putting up with her feelings and mine coming second ,we have two children 16 and 14 ,after a realy shit year ,me not working at the moment,my kids giving us a hard time and money tight ,she over stepped the line when she tried to undermine my mariage and i let her know, its a bit complicated , my mother is partners with my husbands father .no we are not related at all,but that makes it hard becouse i know all the things she did to him when they were married,this woman is trully a manipulative piece of work, she has lived in the same town she was born in and has only one recent friend and she is aproaching 60 ,she has no life other than bingo ,the only people she has other relations with are her disfunctional family,one brother who cant keep a relationship,one brother who has a wife but live seperate lives,and a sister who has been through 3 marriages and numerouse other relationships,and a daughter who is just as bad as her ,she treats her partner like shit,even my husband her brother says he doesnt know why he doesnt leave her ,the only reason he has anything to do with her is because she is his sister,yet over the years ive put up with her double meaning coments,her making out she didnt mean this and that ,and she doesnt know why she says the things she says.my huband walked out a week ago ,she was the straw that broke the cammels back so to say. i am totaly devastated the kids as well,she says she doesnt want us to split up thats the last thing she wants and im the best thing that happend to her son , then why the fuck wont she back off ,i really feel she has got what she has wanted all along,i dont know where i stand with my husband, everything is still very raw still,but im not going to roll over again not this time my feelings count ,oh and my husband does not speak to his father and my mother but im suposed to put up withhis mothers shit and be nice to her because its his mother .

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2009

Quoting Becke:

I read the posts about everybody complaining about mother in laws, but what I don't think we put into consideration is that someday we, too, are going to be mother in laws. These are just normal people that have kids that grow up and get married. Hence, they become in laws. We can't expect to get along with everybody, and yes, the women tend to cause more drama when fighting for attention of the son/husband. It can only be expected. I just want everybody to know that they are blessed for even having woman in their life that they can talk to about their husband. My husband's mother was killed in a car wreck by a drunk driver when he was only 7 years old. This has been a very traumatizing event for him since he saw her mangled in the hospital. He gets along with my mom, but at the same time, he is saddened by the close relationship I have with my mom. I don't know how to console him when he is depressed, especially around the holidays. I just think that everybody should be greatful that they have family to fight with.

That's exactly what I was thinking as I've been reading these posts! I have a great relationship with my MIL (or so I think, perhaps she completely hates me but hides it well! lol) I only hope I can be a good MIL some day, not too overbearing, critical or judgemental. The problem I see with a lot of MIL's and DIL's is that it's really true that women marry their fathers and men marry their mothers. I think a lot of women butt heads with their MIL's because they share some of those same characteristics. Thankfully, my MIL and I are both pretty laid back. We have our differences, but both of us seem to be okay with those differences, although I make comments to my husband often about them, not beccause I'm mad, because I'm baffled by some of the things!  Good luck to everyone!

Renae - posted on 12/17/2009

Quoting Cindy:

WOW !!!!!!!! for one thing I am MIL I have 2 DIL it's hard sometimes not to say something, when oyu see a problem starting, but I try to bite my tongue, but let me ask all you girls that are doing all of this talking about us MIL !!!!!!! don't you ladies have a mother sooooooooooo if I am right then that makes then MIL to our sons right??????? soooooooooo have you thought about what they think about your moms??????? now does it bother you a little bit thinking that your husband may have thoughts like you do, just remember we have feeling to you know.

Hi Cindy,

I would love for you to read my post and give me your take on my situation and your opinion on what on earth might go on in my MIL's head.

Yes my mother drives my husband absolutely bonkers - my mum says silly, uninformed things, like some stupid thing she heard on the news and takes it as gospel! But he doesn't have to see her very often so I tell him put up with as much as he can but if she says something really annoying then tell me and I will talk to her. Which I ALWAYS do (e.g. my mother is religious, my husband is not, I have asked her not to discuss her religion with him. We now have an agreement that if he asks a question about it then she is allowed to talk about it but she is not allowed to initiate the conversation. I then told my husband that if he is dumb enough to ask a question and get her started then he's on his own, so he just stays well away from the topic. That was 8 years ago and mum has respected my request). 

My mum doesn't come over all the time, she comes about every 2-3 weeks. From the beginning she said "call me if you need me otherwise I'll leave you to it". Which is perfect for me, when I want advice I will ask for it.

This thing with MIL started the day I came home from the hospital with my baby and she was in my house waiting for us. Then she was there the next day and the next and the next.

I am serious here, if you think you know where she is coming from please tell me, I don't get it at all.

Hadiza - posted on 12/17/2009

why does she piss you off, you need to remove yourself from the situation and look at it objectively. i know i come from a different culture and all, but that looks like your son you are holding right there, one day you would be a mother in law too, i have 3 sons and i try to treat my mother in law the way i hope my future daughters in law will treat me

Eileen - posted on 12/17/2009

i am a mil. and i hope that my dils will always tell me when i get too annoying. i have told my dil to tell me to back off when i interfer. maybe that is the best way to handle a mil. my mil died when we were only married 5 yrs and we got along fine before she died. we have had more problems with his brother trying to control our lives. my husband loved my parents so i'm trying to have the same relationship with my sons' wives.

Joyce - posted on 12/17/2009

omg,,,I feel so lucky after reading so many of these posts,,,,I have a wonderful mil.!!!!!!she does none of the things your mil's do

in fact she bends over backwards when we show up at her door for a visit,,,,two of her sons step chilren & his biological child,,,she takes out for dinner the whole nine yards,,,, love you MA,,,

Jenn - posted on 12/17/2009

Oh I can definetly say I have the "mother in law" (we're not married) from HELL. We used to be really close until she started butting into my and my boyfriend's business all the time, so I started distancing myself from her. Then she would post my personal business on her facebook. Then when my daughter was born, she was in special care for a week and all I asked was that the MIL wait until we were home and then we would visit. This was responded to with nasty email after nasty email. Two weeks after I was home from the hospital (had a section so I couldn't drive til then) she sends me an email DEMANDING I bring the baby over or she was suing me for Grandparents rights. Then when my boyfriend stepped in and told her to knock it off that sent her on a tirade of emails and voicemails to both of us saying he wasn't her son and my daughter wasn't her granddaughter. Then she threatened to call DSS on me, the funny thing about that one was that she left me a voicemail saying that she was calling DSS because I was an unfit parent because I wouldn't bring the baby to see her... this was AFTER all the harassment. This woman takes handfuls of perscription pills daily claiming it's for fibro maylaga (sp?) but she takes them for the high not for pain management. She had laid off for a little while, but just yesterday she started up again texting my boyfriend telling him that we caused her to have a stroke because of what we've done to her... etc etc etc. Needless to say, the woman won't be coming within a mile of my daughter. She is mentally imbalanced. So I can definetly sympathize with all you who have crazy MILs.

Holly - posted on 12/16/2009

Wow its so nice to read everyones posts and know I am not the only one dealing with a psycho.....Not only do I have the mother in law from hell, I have the sister in law from hell too! his mother when we got pregnant pretty much told him you have your own fanily now and has had no contact with him in 2 years. His sister is promiscuous just seperated from her husband because she had been cheating they had a 6 year old who I had 24/7 because she worked nights and used to send her next door to my house so she could sleep without asking me, I had a 3 month old baby at the time I lived her daughter so I didn't mind anyways, one night we had gotten into an argument because she is very selfish, nothing major, went home ....it was december a snow storm, my daughter was 5 months was burning up I checked her temp it was 104 degrees I picked up my phone the line was dead, she had cut my phone line...... my husbands car was broken so he had taken my truck to work so I had no vehicle, I ran next door to his mothers house sobbing she opened the door I explained to my MIL her temp was 104 her daughter had cut my phone line I had no way of getting to the hospital, she said "what do you want me to do" I said this is your grandchild, she said I'm not involved in this and slammed the door in my face..........thank god my sisters bfs parents was across the street where there never go but that night by chance went there to see his dad for something and I ran out in the snow and got her to bring us to emerg. The dr said if it had stayed at 104 without us coming in she could've went into a comma, On the drive home my sister went to my SILs door and screamed at her, she didn't care at all. Their mother didn't care whatsoever. Its hard when you have a mother in law who meddles and tries to take over your parenting etc but I am dealing with a woman who doesnt even care about her grandkids and hasn't acknowledged them in 2 years almost. My youngest is 1 she has never seen her ever.......can't be bothered, sick family I have to deal with so I am grateful we have no contact with her or the siblings

Tasha - posted on 12/15/2009

Honestly I can say that M.I.L 1 was good..except she was kind of too old school for me! But she didn't meddle!! And soon to be M.I.L 2 is a doll...loves me to pieces!! I have though heard plenty of horror stories about Monster-In-Laws!! Bottomline, I think that it's pretty much like any other relationship......put your foot down and let it be known that you will not be talked down to, at or about, be disrespected or over-ridden!!! But it will hold no weight unless your husband stands behind you!! Get on the same page and tell Mommy Dearest to back off!!

Landi - posted on 12/15/2009

My mother in law was/is a nightmare... When we told her my husband and i were engaged she basicly told me that i was not good enough... The whole time i was pregant she told me that she worried about my skills to be a mom and looked at me like i was a baby factory. Now that we have had our son she most of the time she act like i am not here.. She is all about my husband and the baby... She always has this tone when she is asking thing about the baby like i dont know what i am doing...

Holly - posted on 12/15/2009

and my mother is nothing but forgiving and fair to me and my husband, she is always supporting us and giving us advice and makes him feel like one of her own since his own mother never did and never said I love you my mom always hugs him goodbye and says I love you to him, she has her moments where she gets on my nerves of course she is my mom, but she is amazing compared to his, and if he has an issue with something my mother said he tells me and we talk about it and we deal with it like grown ups in a relationship do. Its not like guys don't complain to us about our mothers thats ridiculous...... the best thing to do when being a mother in law in be fair, and treat your DIL with respect and they will give it back to you..............

Holly - posted on 12/15/2009

I could fill a whole page with my monster in law, we haven't had any contact with her even though she lives in the same town in a year and a half, we lived next door when our first daughter was born she never ever came over our daughter didn't know her at all my husband finally said to her when our daughter was 1 why do you never pick her up hold her or acknowledge her? We then moved out a few months later and I ended up having it out with her because she was so rotten to me, at family functions as soon as my husband would leave the room she would treat me and talk to me like I was scum and stupid. I finally confronted her a few weeks before moving and it was not pretty, I have told him I have no problem with him having contact with her but I do not wish to be in her company or my daughter as I had trust issues with her once she took her for an hour because our niece wanted to see her and I found out later on that night she had fell down the stairs and this woman never told me I heard it from a 6 year old when I asked her about it she said no big deal, well it was to me, there was numerous things that made me have trust issues where I didn't want my child alone with her, another she was 54 living with an 82 year old man as her boyfriend? Who I believe is a pedophile. anyways there is no bad blood between her and my husband but she has not called him or asked to see her granddaughter is a year and a half, in the mean time I had another daughter last december who she has never seen and probably doesnt even know her name. She has never asked to see them never a xmas card birthday card phonecall nothing, she is a selfish woman but now I have issues because my husband is hurt why his own mother wouldn't call him on his birthday or the kids or xmas? We drive by and their all having xmas dinner and there was no phonecall for him.......sad, how could she do that to her grandkids let alone her son, she can't blame me either because she knows I don't like her, that has nothing to do with her son or innocent children, I am happier this way as I said I want nothing to do with her anyways but my husband has issues and I don't know how to fix them! Point is out of all my girlfriends I have seen 1 who has an amazing non meddling mother in law who is her best friend.......the other 99 % of us get the monsters! Good luck!

Tammy - posted on 12/15/2009

As a mother-in-law myself, I would be curious to hear what makes for a good mother-in-law and what makes for a bad one. Of course, I had my own mother-in-law before she passed away a couple of years ago, and of course we had issues but I really want to be a good one. I know there have been times that I have intervened when I probably shouldn't have but it's out of concern and love for my family. So I'm not being snotty when I ask what constitutes a good one. Thanks to you all!

Lauren - posted on 12/14/2009

Quoting Sally:

Quoting Cindy:

WOW !!!!!!!! for one thing I am MIL I have 2 DIL it's hard sometimes not to say something, when oyu see a problem starting, but I try to bite my tongue, but let me ask all you girls that are doing all of this talking about us MIL !!!!!!! don't you ladies have a mother sooooooooooo if I am right then that makes then MIL to our sons right??????? soooooooooo have you thought about what they think about your moms??????? now does it bother you a little bit thinking that your husband may have thoughts like you do, just remember we have feeling to you know.

Noone is saying that all MILs are like this. I'm sure for every horror MIL there are 20 great ones. But these are true stories from those of us who struggle with the one we got! You have to admit that some of the things you've read on here are pretty terrible - or should we not talk about them and just accept this crap, because the MILs who cause all these problems "have feelings too"?

Yes I have a mother, who has done nothing but be supportive and respectful to me, my partner and his family. And if my partner came to me with a concern about something my mother had said or done, I would listen to him and deal with the situation appropriately.

 

Can I ask what sort of relationship you have with your DILs? And if you describe it as "great" would we get the same response from them? If you think we should have to put up with everything we have described, then I'd be very curious to know how you treat your own DILs.

amen sister! my mother has never done anything close to my husband as my mil has done to me. i think most of it that i have to complain to her about my mil so she knows what to do and not to do. plus my mom had a mil from hell, worse than mine so she knows better. she would never want anyone to go through what she went through.

Leslie - posted on 12/14/2009

I really have nothing more to say than I FEEL YA!!! & I really hate that I feel that way! Even the "nice" things she does still really irks me! I've talked to many friends and older mentors and apparently it's a very common problem! After having just spoken with or interacted with my mom-in-law I always feel peeved and thoroughly annoyed! I hate that I feel that way...because (I hope) she means no harm. My husband will ask me "Honey what's wrong" and I just say nothing. He will keep trying to pry to see what my matter is, and I don't know how to tell him "Oh your mom gets on my nerves" without starting an arguement or hurting his feelings! I'm anxious to go through and read the other responses to this...cause, like you, I'm stuck too!!!

Sara - posted on 12/14/2009

Quoting Cindy:

WOW !!!!!!!! for one thing I am MIL I have 2 DIL it's hard sometimes not to say something, when oyu see a problem starting, but I try to bite my tongue, but let me ask all you girls that are doing all of this talking about us MIL !!!!!!! don't you ladies have a mother sooooooooooo if I am right then that makes then MIL to our sons right??????? soooooooooo have you thought about what they think about your moms??????? now does it bother you a little bit thinking that your husband may have thoughts like you do, just remember we have feeling to you know.

My Husband LOVES my Mom he considers her his mom because his mom picks favorites and he is not one of them, she has never told him she loves him, and she has done so many traumatizing things to him and our family. The only reason he even sees her it because he loves his Dad so much. I have a son to whom I say I love you to countless times a day and when he someday meets a girl (he is one so it will be awile) I will welcome her with open arms because I would NEVER want him or her to feel the way we do.

Sarah - posted on 12/14/2009

Quoting Renae:

Oh I am so scared a relative will see this, but I just have to contribute.

Oh my god YES!

MIL thinks she is second mother to her grandchildren. Where do we start, she lets herself into my house, she used to visit nearly every day now I dont let her come more than once a week I put fake things on my calendar so it looks like I'm out, she copies my calendar into her diary so she knows when I am home, she visits SIL daily and stays over night a couple times a week to help with kids, she put her work roster on my fridge so I can schedule around when she has time off, she has a cot at her house for "when her grandkids stay the night" (I'm sorry did I say you could have my baby for the night??)

She always has 20 questions, how many sleeps is he having today, shouldn't he be on 2 naps by now. How much lunch are you feeding him are you sure he should eat that much. Why do you use that nappy cream use the one I bought you.

And everything I say its, "well how do you know" she cant imagine how I could know anything. She thinks tummy time is supposed to be all day, she says if they are not asleep they should be on their tummy so comes over and immediately puts my baby on his tummy even when I just told her no because he already had his tummy time earlier and he's too tired now he will just cry. And most of what she says is wrong anyway! She told me its ok for a baby's temperature to be a few degrees higher than an adults!! Good thing I didn't listen to her when he was sick.

She has driven me so crazy I now can't stand being around her and try to avoid seeing her. Which is wrong but I just cant stand her anymore. And I dont trust her to look after my baby after all these things she says that are just plain STUPID and WRONG.

Oh yeah and she wants me to clean out the spare room and put a bed in there for her so she can stay over. And I should throw out my kitchen island bench because it clutters my kitchen and I dont need it anyway (according to her, I use it all the time). And she doesn't like the mat in the lounge I should just throw it away. Oh lets not forget taking it upon herself to put ugly floral covers over my couch because mine (the ones I made) where to hard to get on and off (did I ask her to take them off?? WTF??) I walked out of the shower one day to find her in the loungeroom recovering my couch.

Oh I could be here all night!

Can anyone out there tell me what to do????? My mum thinks its funny, she says "well don't expect me to come over everyday I have a life".

Change the locks and don't give her a key!

Karen - posted on 12/14/2009

i totally blame my mother inlaw for the break down of my 18 yr marriage, she an family never left us alone. bullied,smothered,criticised, me to death. i still love my husband but could never be with him again because of his family

Sally - posted on 12/14/2009

Quoting Cindy:

WOW !!!!!!!! for one thing I am MIL I have 2 DIL it's hard sometimes not to say something, when oyu see a problem starting, but I try to bite my tongue, but let me ask all you girls that are doing all of this talking about us MIL !!!!!!! don't you ladies have a mother sooooooooooo if I am right then that makes then MIL to our sons right??????? soooooooooo have you thought about what they think about your moms??????? now does it bother you a little bit thinking that your husband may have thoughts like you do, just remember we have feeling to you know.

Noone is saying that all MILs are like this. I'm sure for every horror MIL there are 20 great ones. But these are true stories from those of us who struggle with the one we got! You have to admit that some of the things you've read on here are pretty terrible - or should we not talk about them and just accept this crap, because the MILs who cause all these problems "have feelings too"?

Yes I have a mother, who has done nothing but be supportive and respectful to me, my partner and his family. And if my partner came to me with a concern about something my mother had said or done, I would listen to him and deal with the situation appropriately.

Can I ask what sort of relationship you have with your DILs? And if you describe it as "great" would we get the same response from them? If you think we should have to put up with everything we have described, then I'd be very curious to know how you treat your own DILs.

Michelle - posted on 12/13/2009

Sorry, but I think it will take more than just 'focussing on the nice things about her'. She will do small things to keep 'in' with you, but the price will be your sanity. Do not be pushed around. My MIL is a bully, and the only thing that will work with a bully is to put your foot down very firmly. Preferably on her head. Don't worry about hurting a bully's feelings. Bullies protect their own feelings very well; always at the expense of yours.

Kathryn - posted on 12/13/2009

Everyone has mother-in-law problems. The thing with them is they don't listen (kind of like your children). My mother-in-law use to like to show up unannouced to see her granddaughter, which is really irritating. You basically have to remain respectful but still let them know what is ok and what isn't. A lot of times if I have an issue, I tell my husband and have him talk to her since that is his mother. That way you can keep the peace. Hang in there!

Stephanie - posted on 12/13/2009

My mother treated my ex husbnd like he was a son from the get go. He loved the family aspect of our marriage. I come from a large Italian family. However I have a brother and my mother is nice to my sister-in-law but my sil is a bitch to all of us. She has her nice moments but she came from a different kind of Italian family than we did and it is hard for her. I stay out of the way. I have a daughter and that old saying is true to some degree a daughter is a daughter for life a son is a son until he takes a wife.

Cindy - posted on 12/13/2009

WOW !!!!!!!! for one thing I am MIL I have 2 DIL it's hard sometimes not to say something, when oyu see a problem starting, but I try to bite my tongue, but let me ask all you girls that are doing all of this talking about us MIL !!!!!!! don't you ladies have a mother sooooooooooo if I am right then that makes then MIL to our sons right??????? soooooooooo have you thought about what they think about your moms??????? now does it bother you a little bit thinking that your husband may have thoughts like you do, just remember we have feeling to you know.

Andrea - posted on 12/13/2009

I'm in the same boat. My MIL was great when my hubby and I were friends and then going out. I was the daughter she never had she used to say. She started to change her attitude towards me when we got serious. When he told her that I was pregnant, she flipped on him! Once she came around, she would always talk about how she couldn't want to hold her grandson, blah blah grandson blah... I got so stressed out about it that during our ultrasound-we brought our parents along to view-I asked if we could find out the gender of the baby (which she was absolutely against me wanting to find out). Then and there we knew we were having a little girl and I thought that weight was lifted from my shoulders about her being disappointed to not have a grandson. Might have been the wrong move though, because after that she had a hard time accepting having a granddaughter-so what does she do? Only refer to her as her grandBABY! Not to mention that we hyphenated her last name (the horror...), even though I have been corrected about her last name when filling out various things that she is maiden name - married name so why can't she accept my daughter's last name sharing both mine and my husband's last names, or she purposely spells my last name wrong!

She has this way of making everything about her and I guess being on the 'outside' of the family I see how she constantly controls her husband and son. My hubby is an only child but he's a grown man with a family and she is just refusing to even consider cutting the apron strings. I ask him to talk to her about something that she had done with our daughter but then she comes up with something to bitch at him about and makes him 'choose' sides. So he's stuck in the middle and I feel horrible about it but I can't confront her b/c 1 of 2 things will happen. She'll get 'depressed' and threaten to go away or scream at me then refuse to work things out. I've seen it happen to others that have confronted her. I know her head isn't straight but every one just bends to her so that she'll be happy. I have even talked to hubby about this and he agrees but says that no one will take her to a doctor b/c she would just clam up anyways.

She drinks and smokes and I laid down the law of my daughter not being around smoke. She seems to think that it doesn't apply to her b/c her son is fine and she smoked around him. If she does smoke I ask her to wash her hands, which she should be doing anyways if she wants to hold our baby, but she just grabs her up as she rolls her eyes at me. It doesn't matter what I say, I'm wrong or "how would I know" cause she IS a mom and worked as a healthcare aide back in the day. Then she should KNOW right from wrong... Granted somethings have changed over the years but there have been studies and what we are doing so far is right according to our daughter's doctor. I turn out to be the bad one b/c she isn't getting solid food till at least 6 months, thats probably the only fight that I can keep fighting. Another thing she does is literally shove advice down our throats about childcare, whereas my mom said she wouldn't do that-she would only give advice if we asked b/c we had to learn for ourselves. THANK YOU MOM!!!

She constantly takes my daughter from me whenever we are over. She doesn't care if I was doing something with her or not. She seems to think that my parents sees our daughter more than they do but they don't. We go for supper once a week to both our parents'. I may see my mom the odd time because I help her with their company books, but if that happens I'm not there to really visit. His parents live a whole 200 ft from us. Its nice that they gave him land to build on but I wish we lived a lot farther away them. She'll come over and just walk in, and when she does this she has usually been drinking and demands to hold my baby regardless if she is sleeping or not.
She blames me for my daughter 'playing strange' with her and that she needs to see them more, but my daughter is totally fine with my FIL its not my fault that she just doesn't like my MIL and I sure as hell haven't taught my 5 month old to not like her even though I smile inside when she does scream when the MIL holds her.

There have been countless things that the MIL has said or done to me, some of which my hubby doesn't believe happened but I wouldn't lie about something like that. I don't know how to deal with it and every day I get closer to storming over there to give her a piece of mind but I know it will only make everything worse however I'd probably feel a lot better for awhile. I've been a doormat for most of my life and I just don't want to be stepped on now, especially now that I have a daughter who needs me and will learn from me.

Stephanie - posted on 12/13/2009

My ex MIL hagted me from the moment she met me and set out to destroy my relationship with her son. First rule, I think, is if he is a mama's boy go find someone else. Mine was not exactly a mama's boy but he sure wanted her approval for everything. She just got in my face for everything you can think of. I told her off twice and kicked her out of the house. The last thing I said to her before her son and I split up was that the reason she hated me was because I got to sleep with her son and not her. Once he and split up she wanted to be my best friend. I basically told her that I wanted nothing to do with her. She could see her grandchild and talk to her grandchild at the childs fathers house. My child who is now over 21 told her grandmother off recently too. Didn't go over well. But neither of us like being controlled. I say put them in their places and let them know who rules the roost.

Donde - posted on 12/13/2009

I can remember when I was married to my son's father. His parents used to give me all kinds of grief! I think they just didn't want to let their baby go. She was especially hard to deal with about my son. She felt like she ruled that situation. I always wanted to be nice to her, but something told me she didn't like me and I guess that always stuck with me. We get along fine now that her son and I are divorced and have been for years!

Tina - posted on 12/13/2009

I started a response and don't know if it got to you or not. I can feel the pain, though I would not express it in the way that you have. My struggle has been with feeling like I am a piece of furniture in the room when my husband and his parents are together. I might as well not be there, for I don't feel included in the conversation, and can only listen to what is going on. Not getting any real questions about my family, or what I could share if given opportunity to do so. It is hard, and has been hard for 29 years. I think it would have helped if we could have really met together before he was so serious about me. I.e. allow me to get better aquainted with his parents before he popped the question. His parents lived a good long distance away and so it's not like I could have gone somewhere in the same town to get to meet them. It would have been a days trip just to get where they lived. That was not good, but that is what I had to work with. I would have called more on the phone, if I had felt comfortable to do so, but it didn't work out like that. They would call, to visit with him, not my own person. So it's been hard there. The kids they loved, but even they could see that my 'mother in law' didn't show me the same love they showed the grand kids. Though they are generous with their monetary gifts, and will send polite friendly cards at birthday and anniversary times. I had a hard time feeling any real sentiment of love from them. I have tried, and will continue to do so. But the road hasn't been easy. She is very accomplished in her skills, and cooking and the home seemingly is immaculate for any family visit time, and they like to eat out a lot though she has been an excellent cook she doesn't cook for 'small' groups. Only larger family sized groups. My daughter explained she grew up cooking for large numbers and it is hard for her to 'size' down when cooking for the rest of us. So now they are by themselves, their own daughter doesn't have much communication with them, as they don't get along with her husband. Sad, as they have grandsons, and a great grandchild and one on the way . Plus my own family whom we are awaiting for our own first grandchild. But they are not close at all geographically speaking. So we only have the phone, and the internet to stay in touch. I have done what I hope is my best to be in the best of terms with my own daughter in love. So I know the right thing to do is to pray for both my mother in law and my family and trust that God will help bring healing between us even though our distance is so far apart now. They still do ask to speak to him only, but I do try to get few words in edgewise before I hand the phone to my husband. I do send cards, and try my best to be kind to them but know we are so different in many ways. I think cultures get in the way, as in how we are brought up, and family backgrounds are so different there is little to nothing that they have to relate to me about themselves, and I likewise in return, but I know that God can work it out according to HIS will and purpose. It won't be easy, but I hope that it will work out for HIS Glory for His healing hand to be with us when we are together. My own mom had a hard time with her mother in law, and I got along well with both of them. Cultures can make a difference if one doesn't try to overcome those differences. My problem is I want to do so, and don't know how and it's not easy when you don't know how. I know my Wedding day, I gave her a hug, and her heart felt so icy cold that I was surprised to sense that. With the grandkids, it hasn't changed much, but hopefully the LORD will help me with that. I hope that has been helpful to you. If anyone has any insights as to how to encourage one's mother-in-law to warm up to them please share. My background is half/English, and very little German, and she is 100 ? % German background. So she spoke German from her childhood and I never had a desire to speak that even though I had great, great grandparents who did, I never did know them. But have a great appreciation for my grandparents. All of whom are now deceased by many years.

Carmen - posted on 12/13/2009

I have a son, probably the only child i will have, and i pray that my daughter in law would not be writing horrible things about me like some of the comments i have read. I hope i wont be a super bitch mother-in-law, but instead a friend, and great person.

Lol - posted on 12/13/2009

can I speak out for mum in laws- we're only human,some of us are nice people, some of us are crazy bitter folk- we have huge expectations for our kids that you will have someday for yours. It's so hard seeing them make mistakes- it never goes away that feeling you get when they fall over for the first time and graze their knee. They may be your husband/ wife but they are always our babies. Even great tough squaddies- especially great tough squaddies- I have no idea how I am best going to support my daughter in law when she experiences my son going to Afghan for the first time next year, especially as they have a wee baby. Whats the line between interfering and making her doubt herself and letting her know you just want to be there for her? My instinct is to tell her to come and stay with us, if I can't look after him at least I can look after his wee family. I know she has to find her own way, and know that I trust her and love her because he does, and thats what we have in common complete love for this one special person, and now for my little grandaughter.



you have no idea how hard it is sometimes to bite your tounge and walk away without commenting- especially when it comes to things to do with the wee ones.



I sometimes think I must be the mother in law from hell- but you have to give us time to learn the strength to shut up and let you get on with it- and to offer advice only when asked.

I'm afraid you'll only prove your worth years on when your still married and the kids are all fine....



and remember we also have mum in laws

Jeannette - posted on 12/13/2009

I am divorced now, so I do not have a good answer for you, but I wanted you to know you are not alone. When I was a friend to my ex husband's mother and did not know him, she and I were friends. When I got married to him, his mother became his 1st wife, work became his 2nd wife, the children were his 3rd and I was his last. Get my point? It is a very very difficult situation to be in. I do not advocate divorce even though that is what I did. What I 'preach' now is communication with your spouse and if need be, your mother in law when it's just the two of you.
Yes, I have a horror story. When the children, my husband and his parents and I were going to the fair, I said 'I'm not going because you walk with your parents and I'm left alone with the children' and you know what he said, 'If you make me choose between the two, I'm choosing them.'
I really hope things go well for you.

Edith - posted on 12/13/2009

I can only remember one mother-in-law issue when I was married but I was lucky because I had a sister-in-law who set her straight and I didn't have to be mean to her. You can't possibly expect your husband to bat for you, remember she is his mother.

Sara - posted on 12/13/2009

Oh did I mention that she has two other grandbabies and she goes to both of there houses to visit

Sara - posted on 12/13/2009

You are so not by yourself on this one my mother in law has ruined every important event Birthdays (she b*tches where we have it and then shows up for 5 min.'s and stormes out), Wedding (she scowled in the photos), My Husband and I were never invited to Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, 4th of July so we started our own traditions and now that we have two little ones we are expected to attend NO, My babyshowers she came to one and did nothing but B*tch and the other she showed up for like 10 min.'s and made a seine and stormed out, she had a fight with my little sister at the hospital when I was in labor with my first child because I was letting my sister in the room and not her(she was asked to leave by staff), and she made my Husband so upset and said that he should go home and get some rest so he missed the birth of our daughter becuse I had an emergency c-section (9lb 1oz baby did not want to come out natural) she did not show up to our son's first birthday he was born on 8-25-08 and the last time she has been to our home was 8-28-08 because she sais the children should be brought to her but there are 3 people who smoke in her home and I refuse to bring my kids in that place not to mention they can not stop swaring infront of them come on your an adult watch your mouth when there are kids around. oh and the best of all we went to there Great Nana's 82nd Birthday party in September there were prob. 30 people there and they (my-in-laws) Started a big tw-da when we were leaving my mother in law hit me in the face with a sippy cup and called me a B*tch, and a few other names not to be mentioned in front of everyone including my babies my daughter was terrified clentching on to her Daddy so hard. and I was told that I try to keep the kids from that family (do you blame me) I was told that I am not welcome to come back and I told my father in law to watch his mouth infront of my kids and he said that if I told him to watch his mouth again he would punch me in the face (what a man) needles to say I have not seen them sence and neather have my babies I don't want them near them. A side note for you this is like the only person that has ever hated me I am a bubbly out going person (opposit of my husband and his whole family) I think she does not like me because she had always told my husband who has no self esteem that he would never move out of her house never get married or have kids well he was the first of his 3 brothers to move out (2 are older than him) first to get married and first to have kids the first girl and boy. and get this we had the big blow out at the beginning of September and did not hear any thing from them, then my only sister passed away of complecations of her CF and her second lung transplant on Sept 28th 2 days before my birthday and she calls my husband and wants to appoligize to me F-her I would not talk to her or accept how rude is she to do that. She told my husband if I did not take the kids to see her she would go to court to get grandparents rights (they don't have that in Maine) unless the child has lived with the grandparent (she has not even watched my babies). Arggg Just know you are not alown I have a MONSTER IN LAW ♥ ~SARA~

Agi - posted on 12/13/2009

I think it is normal and if you have a good relationship with your MIL it is AMAZING for you because not many people get to experience that. My MIL is definitely crazy and I could tell many horror stories but the latest is: our son who is now 6mo and she PROMISED before he was born she wouldn't have drinks around him if he was at her house. She swore up and down she wouldn't drink around him. Every time we have taken him over there for her to see him, guess what......she's been drinking. I know you can't stop an alcoholic but here's the catch--she doesn't consider herself one and said she can stop when she wants. Needless to say, when we go there now, we don't let her hold him much unless it's 10am and she just woke up -->meaning no drinks yet. It can be tough, Lauren. At the beginning I said "Oh, I love her to pieces but I hate her habits" well now I just hate it all. I hate how she talks, how she plays with the baby, how she drinks, how she dresses him.

Mikel - posted on 12/12/2009

Just think of all the classic Disney Princess stories: Snow White was poisoned by hers and Cinderella had to become maid. Mine was great for the first year my 1st daughter was born, but she wrote us off the next year and hasn't even met my 2nd daughter. Haven't talked with her for 3 years. Fine by me....but it will hurt my girls in the future. Luckly she lives in another state.

Marguerite - posted on 12/12/2009

Sorry, i have thebest Mother in law in the world, but just dont let her get to you. She probably doesnt even know she is pissing you off. Just be polite and go on,and do what ever you want, say sure and do what ever you want,i do that with my own mother. good luck

Ashley - posted on 12/12/2009

Oh I forgot to say, my husband and I have told her on more than one occasion to back off, but she just pretends she doesn't hear us. Somedays I feel like a child running to my FIL cause he'll put his foot. He finally did about a week before the wedding when I walked into the living room in tears after she was telling me what WAS going to be happening at wedding!

Toya - posted on 12/12/2009

My kids grandma is like that too. she just come sup and take my kids like they are hers and I am not their mom...

Cindy - posted on 12/12/2009

oooohhh ooohhh mine!!! wants to live with us in our 2 bedroom apartment!!!! it's our room and the baby's room and yes we do have an extra bed in the baby's room but it's not for staying forever it's for when someone stay the night....hint 1 NIGHT...but now all she ever does is ask if she can stay and help us pay rent and yes that would be nice to have a little bit more money but then we would NEVER be by ourselves....problem is we're prolly gonna have to let her stay for at least 2 months which might be nice for a little while but i'm sure i'll get tired of her always being around but ya know family is family and when they're down you gotta be there to pick them back up no matter how much it'll get on your nerves

Linda - posted on 12/12/2009

You sound very nice and nieve. Her child is not in danger, he does not need to be protected. He is a man, if he is in danger he would call someone besides mama. She needs to back off and let them have a family. She gave birth, if he is married he is suppose to be a man, not a mama's boy. Wives do not owe their mother in laws their happiness ever!!!! Women of America do not have to be treated as less just because they marry. Marriage is a unity not anyone person being treated as less.

Linda - posted on 12/12/2009

Quoting Serbrena :

I have 2 mothers in law (my hubby has a step and a birth mom) and I love them so much, well needless to say I have yet to meet them face to face because they live in a different country, but I look fwd to seeing them in a couple of months. I am sorry to hear about your woes but take the higher road and remember that she gave birth to the man that you love, and that oneday you will protect your child in a similar way that she does.

Good Luck,
*S*

Linda - posted on 12/12/2009

Wow this is good!!!! Don't take her ignorance personal, grow from it. With this kind of space you don't have to be controled, you can control your own life. Don't go if you dont want too, she will treat the child different if she already feels this way. Time might change her but she already has her preferrances. You can not change another person only yourself. It's ok people are ignorant, there are all kinds out there. Your baby needs to be around Loving nurturing people only.

Linda - posted on 12/12/2009

Quoting Sally:

Quoting Meghan:

OH man, mother in laws. My mother in law and I will never get along. She was fine with me until she found out my husband and I were getting married. She literally was pissed we were getting married and made it very clear to my husband she was not happy.Didn't even get us a wedding gift. Nothing. Didn't acknowledge it period. Then we had our daughter and when she found out we were pregnant she kept telling us she wanted us to have a boy and she was soo excited. When we told her we were having a girl, the excitement stopped. The day I had my daughter and she came to visit us, she told me if I wanted my daughter to see her, I would have to come to her cause she couldn't be bothered by coming to me.

 

...

Wow Meghan, that's full-on! I thought I had it bad - you poor thing!

Melissa - posted on 12/12/2009

Girl, I think Everyone does!!!! I really don't think anyone has a good go with the mother in law... But, I hope you have it better!!!

Linda - posted on 12/12/2009

About phone calls, get an answering machine and caller ID. Don't answer, they can leave a message and he can deal with them. Go on with the life you were meant to lead with your baby and your hubby. Use any source you can to make your lives easier. You give them power when you surcome to others motives.

Linda - posted on 12/12/2009

Ladies..... I have been married for 31 years and I had the mother-in-law from HELL. Let me tell you how to cope!!!!!! Stop whining NOW!!!! DON'T let her have that power over your family. Either he does things as you and your family or you get strong and do it without him. His choice..... that simple. You will be surprised how quick he doesnt want to be left in the dust........ and with his mummmy JUST DO IT girls, it's worth every bold move you make, eventually they will learn not to cross you.

Ashley - posted on 12/12/2009

My mother in law loved me until we announced we were getting married, it probably didn't help that my FIL was excited about it, he told her that if he would have had a little girl (instead of two boys) he'd want her to be excatly like me! She took over our entire wedding, invited everyone she'd ever met in her life, didn't listen to what my hubby and I wanted! When we told her we were pregnant she was excited. My husband's grandmom got really sick and they went to TX to be with her and help take care of her, when they got back I got CHEWED out because there was a bottle of alchol in the kitchen (their's not mine) it could only mean one of two things I was drinking while pregnant OR I was cheating on my Hubby and the alchol was my boyfriends (my hubby was in BMT at the time)!!!!
After my hubby came home, we had ten days to pack all of our stuff and move 18 hours away from both sides of the our families, I was 36 weeks at the time. We had dinner with them every night,although we stayed at my grandma's. She complianed that she didn't get to spend anytime with her son cause we spent all the time with my family. That's funny cause I didn't get to say goodbye to some of my family we were there so much!!! After my son was born they came out and she took over! She's 63 years old and not steady on her feet, so I always asked that they sit while holding my son, nope lets hold him standing up on the conceret complaing he's heavy! (8lbs 12 oz at birth) She spent the week and half she was here telling me everything I was doing was wrong, how I had my kitchen set up was wrong, the schedul I had my son on was wrong! She also spent the entire time comparing my son to my nephew....my son was doing stuff my nephew did at 3-6 months, not a week old!
I now dread every phone call from anyone in his family. Because my SIL and BIL are a whole different story!!!!!!! I'm still Daddy's little girl when it comes to my FIL!

Chanel - posted on 12/12/2009

omg i have the same issue my boyfriends mother wants me to go out of my way too speak to her and im jus not tht type of person she got made at me one day cuz i didnt say hi to her 1st

Julie - posted on 12/12/2009

It good to see that others have problems with their MIL too. Ours has been kindly asked to leave on her last two visits by my hubby not me. I am glad that she lives in another state so that we do not have to deal with her on a constant basis. I tried so hard for so long and it has been a relief when my husband said no more