Jeremie - posted on 06/26/2012 ( 77 moms have responded )
hi.. just want to hear some advices from you on how to move on when the father of your unborn child left you?
Jeremie - posted on 06/26/2012 ( 77 moms have responded )
hi.. just want to hear some advices from you on how to move on when the father of your unborn child left you?
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Ella - posted on 04/13/2013
I am a single mother to a 6 year old. I'm expecting my second child now. But it all turned for the worse.
Everything was fine when I started dating this second man. He was very sweet and good to me. He doesn't like to party and I changed my lifestyle for him. I started staying home and hanging out with him. He showed me how good it could be just to stay home and enjoy each others company. I fell in love with him.
When I found out I was pregnant I was very afraid to tell him. But I decided to suck it up and tell him. When I got to his place and finally got the guts to tell him he just stared at me and said nothing about it. That made me very worried. W e went to bed and still didn't talk about it. He still held me in his arms while we slept. The next day after coming back to his apartment from shopping I bought another test and decided to do it there. I came back to him and asked him whether or not we were going to talk about it. He got so angry and told me there is nothing to discuss, all I have to do is make the appointment to get rid of it. I was so hurt, I know we both weren't ready for another child because he has 2 kids with 2 other women and I have a son already. But I going to keep my baby with or without him. I walked out of his apartment that night. Few weeks later he called me over to talk and despite my firm decision about keeping my baby, he convinced me to have an abortion.
I thought it would make our relationship better. So I decided to do it. He paid for it all and I went to get it done. I stayed at my apartment that night and it was horrible I was in so much pain and he wasn't there to comfort me. I texted him with every detail of what was happening. The next day it was all over, he broke up with me. 2 weeks after I was hospitalized and the doctor did a pregnancy test and to my surprise it said I was pregnant. I was thinking that is impossible I had an abortion. The doctors did and ultrasound and I was surely pregnant. I tried to text him and tell him. He didn't want to hear any of it. He had moved on with his ex and he told me he will not let me destroy his relationship. I was so heart broken. I made up my mind that I was going to do this journey on my own. God has a plan for this baby which is why the medication didn't work. I have taken into consideration the effects of the drugs on my unborn baby but I will love my baby with all my heart. I am now 20 weeks 3 days. I see my baby's father almost every day because we work in the same area. All my friends have tried to talked to him to get him to sit and talk to me about this baby but he says he doesn't care. He believes that I didn't go get the abortion done. I am so mad at him because I put myself at risk just to make him happy and now he wants to treat me like dirty. It hurts so bad because he said he will deny my baby to his grave and let god deal with him for what he is doing. I still love him very much. I dram about him every time I close my eyes, I find myself crying a lot because I wish he would change and be there with me through out this pregnancy. I have never cheated on him and he has told my friends he knows it is his baby but he just believes I lied to him about the abortion. To set it right I have offer to take him to the doctor who did the procedure but he refuses. What do I do? Someone please help. I am afraid to text him. Because he gets so angry and I don't want a big fight.
Tammy - posted on 03/19/2013
With my son, i was 7 months pregnant when his father walked out. After that we were on and off for about 2 years. He didnt want to change for the good and want to act like a child and left for good this time. Now he hasnt really seen his son in months cant even call to ask how he is. Its really sad he comes and goes when he wants not thinking how it hurts my son who is now 4. He doenst even know that he is his real father. Now im expecting again and in the same situation with this one im a little bit wiser now but it still feels like the father of my unborn child hasnt even asked how the pregency is going or anything his family is happy but i wish i could have learned. I know how hard it is and now i know what to expect he his just like my sons real father and it sad that this child my never know who her real father is but i will love my childern with all my heart and be the best mom i can be.
Kelsey - posted on 03/12/2013
Well, you can't force someone to be with nor can you force them to "man up" and take responsibility. What you need to do is,
It's causing you stress which isn't good for you baby. If you read comments in this thread, you see that many men run away and the woman "steps up her game." There are plenty of single mothers out there, myself included and we manage to do it everyday without the fathers.
It's better off for you and your baby to not be with him. Because a real man wouldn't abandon his child.
Lina - posted on 03/12/2013
Hey guyss i really need help and feel like talkin to someone about it wish you guys can help.. Well i found out i was pregnant in september (10wks5days)and told my baby father all he said to me was get rid of the child, and that he wasnt ready. he walked out on me and hasnt spoken to me since. so in Dec (20weeks preg) i decided to contact him to talk to him about the baby. when i contactd him he told me hes not interested and have got his new girlfriend pregnant and that they are keeping it and he will be there for her he only met the girl in oct n dec she was already pregnant. i am 30weeks preg now and cry everyday he doesnt want to know anything about me or the baby and i have never decieved him or nothing. i have been praying and going to church. i feel empty, lost, not wanted and useless. he seems to be happy with his new baby mum n enjoying his life while am here suffering
Hilary - posted on 08/04/2012
I was in the same boat 17 years ago. It's a hard roller coaster.. but it's got an end to it. I'm a really happy woman now, content (Single), and my son is an amazing person. His dad is still his dad, and we get along. He married the woman he left me for.. They are not happy, and never will be.
I'm happy. And particularly happy that I'm not married to him. Now that I"ve had distance and time to focus on my own life, and pick up the pieces, I see how horrible my life would have been if he'd still be my husband.
This is the right thing to happen. You haven't wasted too many years being damaged by an unhealthy relationship!
Your child will be the most amazing creature on this Earth. He/She was meant to be. Accept this terrible unexpected downfall, and know that it will make sense in a few months or years. Something better is coming your way! :)
Lisa - posted on 08/04/2012
I am sorry this happenend to you and I know how you feel. I am much older than you and prepared myself in case it happened to me and guess what? He left when I was 8 months pregnant. Right now, you need to take care of yourself and get through the pregnancy. Once you look at that baby, you will realize that's who matters and who you are responsible for now. I wouldn't focus on him at all. If he comes around..great! but remember he bailed and probably can't handle a crisis. My daughter now is 4 and is my entire world! There is nothing I wouldn't do for her. I have a man in my life who loves my child and she loves him. We aren't married and I didn't bring him around her for a year. I also joined a mommy group for support because my family doesn't live where I live. Child support hasn't been able to find him, so for me...good riddens and we are better off without you. It has been hard financially but I worked my behind off to support her and believe me you can only do what you can do! Stress and giving up is not an option for me. I know you will be able to do this just always focus on that baby, love yourself and remember you deserve better! You can't change people! You are still young and can get another man :) I don't want to be harsh because I know you still love him but he isn't worthy. He left YOU and a BABY! My boyfriend and I were together for 6 years before I got pregnant, so believe me I loved him. The day he left, my mom came and stayed 3 months and was by my side. My support system grew fast! My friends, co workers,and moms from the group all stepped in to help me. Don't be like me and be afraid to ask for help..people want to help when they see you are trying. I can go on and on but I will stop. I just want you to know you will be OK! Men come and go...your baby is yours forever and that will be the one who can change your day with just one smile...God Bless, Lisa
Denise - posted on 07/29/2012
Babies don't keep men around, and if they do it's a miserable relationship. Steel yourself up to be a single mom, it's a long hard road but a wonderful journey! Get an attorney. As soon as the baby is born, he'll get a court date and force a paternity test. IF he is the babies daddy, the court will order him to pay child support. Get a good paying job now, get benefits where available, find someone you trust to keep your child 9 hours a day while you work. Remember you committed to raise a child, it's no longer you, it's a "your" and that means a lot of sacrifice. When the days are hard, remember the baby/child didn't ask for this, you did...you are smart, strong and savvy and owe it to yourself to be the best mom you can. It'll be hard, but I'll be praying for you.
Ursula - posted on 07/27/2012
just think about you and your baby i know its hard just go out and fun like go shopping or to the beach just take it one day at a time things will get better
Heather - posted on 07/21/2012
I would love to say it gets better but it does and doesn't. Its going to be incredibly hard until that baby is born. However when that baby gets here u will see as u haven given birth to that baby u some how have been birth to a new u. Ull have new strength for this baby. This baby will drive u to do what's beat for both of u. If the father has already ran do u really what that example for ur baby? F its a boy then he willearn to run not to take responsibility and if its a girl she will learn that this is what men do. Both not good examples.
Shira - posted on 07/21/2012
My Daughter's father & I broke up the day we found we was having a baby... He has a son @ tgat time 11 & he made it clear he didn't want anymore children when we met.... We were together 6yrs when we became pregnant however we used condoms but not 100% effective! I didn't allow his decision to become angry or upset... I channeled my love for him to our unborn child & remained happy about this wonderful blessing God created for me to have! I consistently prayed God soften his & allow him to want a relationship w/ our baby... It has been a work in progress however he has came around & he's@ least providing for her calling to check on her & talk her! He hasn't gotten her yet for 1 on 1 time but he do spend time with her here & there! I am truly thankful for these small but not baby steps...Thank God he has came around all I can do is to continue to pray & hope it only gets better with time! My advice toto you is to constantly pray speak only of positivity... Don't think negative @ all & just focus on providing a happy healthy environment for you & especially your baby & pray he have a change of heart... God Bless & good luck
Carmen - posted on 07/21/2012
I got left while I was six months pregnant he came back wanting to do right did right for a little while and then he took off with a different woman. Now he is in another city living with a woman and her children. I don't want him back because he is a looser but I would like him to acknowledge that he has a child here with me and that he needs to reach out and see his child. He hasn't contacted me in over two months now, he is living with a woman and her two kids. He is on the birth certificate I am putting him on child support if he doesn't comply he will go to jail because he is on parole and can't get in trouble. This is my first child and it hurts because I wanted to be with and marry the man that gave me my children but he is a runner he won't be with the same woman for long, and I know that because we have been on and off for 8years she has only known him for five months and moved him in her house with her kids. She seems desperate, sorry to bable on but I have been there it hurts because of the child and if their are still feelings but you will get over it. good luck, his lost not yours.
Vicky - posted on 07/09/2012
The best way to move on is to put your needs and your baby's needs first and foremost on your mind. Yes, you are in pain and, yes, it's a scary place to be - raising a baby on your own. Day in and day out, it's difficult because you emotionally want him back. However, he is not a need - he is a want. You want someone that will be good to you and your baby, but you NEED to be strong for yourself and your baby. It's easy to become a father, but it's tough to be a dad. This man, as much as you're going to try and defend him to others AND yourself, is not that man. It's a tough truth, but if you keep YOUR goals and YOUR baby's needs as the most important thing, day by day, things will get easier. And when you do have that moment to look back, you'll realize that you've already moved on.
Lindi - posted on 07/04/2012
I went truough the same as you. I was still studying - me and my childs father being together for 6 years and we were also best friends. When I told him I was pregnant he wanted me to go for an abortion and then dissapeared for 3 months. When he came back I told him it's all in or all out!! He can hurt u all he wants - but he can't hurt your baby! It doesn't matter how much you love him (or think you love him). There is more important things in life than loving an asshole and a coward. The fact that he blocked you from facebook must certainly tell you that he doesn't want to be with you. If he loved you, would he have done that? You need to forget about him and move on. Make peace with your situation and don't let anyone discourage you and tell you that you can't do this! You don't need a man to raise a child!! As much as this hurts right now - everything happens for a reason - God has a bigger plan for all of us, although we can't see that bigger picture now or understand it. I come from a very conservative community and everyone wanted us to get married because that is 'the right thing to do'. You dont have to have a husband / partner to be a good mother. Yes, you will get your ups and downs and it won't be easy - but the Lord gives us strenth to move on and to cope. People will judge you and ask you uncomfortable questions. Just always hold your head high and be the best mom u know how to be. I babtised my child and the Lord is his father now. I am glad to year that you have a good support structure. If you don't know something - ask - get help. Woman change after the birth of a child and what you saw essential in your relationship with his father will mean nothing to you. You will realise what a burden he would have been on you and your child's life. Good luck - I am sure you will make an absolute great mom. I will keep you in my prayers.
Ari - posted on 07/03/2012
Jeremie, honestly, you need to decide who is more important, your unborn baby, or the man that helped conceive her. The sad truth is that no matter how many times you put him in court, or call him and cuss, things probably won't change, and may even get worse. However, if you decide that you can do this, no matter what, and that this little life inside of you deserves every fighting chance, then you can overcome any obstacle that is put infront of you, and you can do it all by yourself.
You are the only voice that little baby has, now... and always! So what voice do you want that baby to hear? You can do it... and there is a world of help available to you online, and a support system is always close at hand, even if it's only one of these forums. You would be surprised how much strength you receive from other mums.
It isn't easy, but it's possible, and your little one will thank you everyday for the choices you have made. Don't despair and don't you let anyone drag you down to their level... always, always, always make them rise to yours. Good luck!
Chequita - posted on 07/03/2012
im not gonna sit here and tell u things are gonna be fine because the truth of the matter there are gonna be times where u think u cant do it alone..all i can tell u is to pray and pray some more and hopefully you will get to a point where u wont think about him anhymore. goodlck with ur baby
Tiffani - posted on 07/02/2012
Im going through that just keep the Lord in prayer head up and think positive.Its lovely to have the father in the childs life but if he doesnt want to be apart it's his loss not yours or the baby.You can do it keep the faith.
Jillian - posted on 07/02/2012
I wasn't surprised at all when the father of my daughter left. He was one of thoes guy who said "I can't have kids." For me I had meet a wonderful man who had sweept me off my feet when I was 8wks prego and he's still raising another mans child to this day. My daughters sperm donor has popped in and out since she was born and she's 5 now, she has questions and I answer them to the best of my ability but the satisafaction I get is knowing there's always that thing called KARMA. The sperm donor now has like 5 kids All by different women and he's married.
Lika - posted on 07/02/2012
You don't need a guy who is deserting you while pregnant with his child. If he would do this now, it would be worse if he stayed. Just get your child support and walk away from him. Make sure you go get WIC, and they will have other resources for you, such as classes and such just for single moms, where what you learn may be common sense, but, you'll meet other single moms that will understand what you are going through.
Shantelle - posted on 07/01/2012
My child's father left when I was 4 months pregnant. At the time I was so angry and felt so alone although I had a good support network. There was this void that no one but him could fill. I tried to contact him a few times to talk some sense into him but eventually gave up. It made me so mad to see him move on and date other girls while I was starting to look and feel like a baby elephant. I vowed to get him in the child support courts. I carried on and planned the rest of my pregnancy and birth of my daughter despite his complete lack of interest and financial support. What else is there to do? When my daughter arrived, I looked down at my precious and perfect little miracle and I forgot all the hate and pain I had felt during my pregnancy. I didn't even sue him for child support. I knew I could do it on my own. I knew I would find a way. When I went to register her birth I made sure his name appeared no where on her birth certificate. She is now a beautiful 5 year old little girl. The light of my life! Her father has in the meantime realised what he has missed out on and as much as he wants to be part of her life, he has no legal right or say over her since he is not registered as her father. She can decide later on if she wants to know him - I have left that decision up to her when she is old enough to make a choice. In the meanwhile we have someone really special in our lives. Someone who considers her his own and he is her hero and father. When we get married later on this year, I will change her last name to his and he will legally adopt her as his own daughter. All I'm saying is, its your baby's fathers loss. Not yours. Let him be. He will come round eventually and if you make decisions, you will have the upper hand. If he doesn't wake up, someone else in this world will see your child for the precious gift he or she is and will love him or her unconditionally. Just keep your chin up and things will get better. That awful feeling of loss and anger will go away and your child will bring you all the happiness you need. Good luck girl!
Ashley - posted on 07/01/2012
Somedays I wish my baby daddy did leave me lol. I think your lucky n will find a better man. Just because some dude had the lucky swimmers to get you pg doesnt mean hes the one your spose to spend the rest of your life with possibly dragging you down a loooong bad unhappy road for 18 yrs.
Fawzia - posted on 07/01/2012
Well now you know just make sure you don't let him back into the child's life and if he is trouble make sure move where he cannot find you other wise his family can apply for custody of your baby ....
You will find someone who will love your child and you ....
So remember move and don't let him know and if you want child support he will want visiting right and always record or document things that what the Dad does or his family....
Leslie - posted on 06/30/2012
Hi. Entertain yourselves doing fun activities. Especially now, during the summer, go out, enjoy life. Forget about him. You're all probably better off without him. If he doesn't miss you, then y'all shouldn't miss him.
Jeremie - posted on 06/29/2012
I HAVE A GOOD JOB .. AND I KNOW I CAN SURPASS ALL OF THIS.. NOW IM SO EXCITED FOR MY BABY .. A healthy baby :) THANKS FOR THE ADVISES I'LL KEEP THAT I N MIND.. I KNOW IN TYM HE WILL REGRET EVERYTHING..
Tip - posted on 06/29/2012
Wow, that you would even entertain the idea of taking him back if he came to see you????
Isn't it obvious that all he wants is sex without any responsibility.
Once your skinny again, he will desire that from you because he knows you are desperate and easily manipulated.
He will impregnate you again and leave just like before.
Do yourself and your child a favor....get educated, get a good job, build a good life for your little family.
Make yourself the kind of woman that a man needs......
Not the kind of woman that needs a man.
Peace out and chin up
Pie - posted on 06/29/2012
I was in that same situation before. You are still young and this is not the end of the world for you. Like Sharlene has advised you, move on with your life. Don't think too much of the father but instead focus on your baby. I am pretty sure your family would support you. If you have a job, why worry? If you don't, then find one after giving birth so you can support your baby. He does not deserve you or your love for that matter. So why waste time with these asshole. Remember the saying that whatever you do unto others will get back to you a thousand folds. Obviously, he does not want you or the baby in his life. He missed the chance of having an angel in his life. Put your head up high, girl! Pray for God's guidance that he would lead you to the right path of having a good life. There are still good guys out there that will be willing to love and take care of you and your baby. Just be patient and don't rush things again. Have this experience as a lesson in life. Good luck and continue to pray.
Melanie - posted on 06/29/2012
It is hard to do. My son's biological father walked out on me when I was 13 weeks pregnant. This guy told me it was him or the baby... guess what won?? I went through the whole pregnancy alone, really wishing he was with me to experience it all. Once my son was born all thoughts about this guy went out the window as I had the most precious gift ever in my arms. It is important not to dwell on the fact that your babys father isnt there, cause there will be another guy that will come into your life and be more than willing to take on that role. When my son was 4 months old, such a guy came into my life. We have been together 3 yrs on the 19th July, have a beautiful little girl AND have been engaged for a year come November.
It is tough, BUT it will and does get easier!!
Desne - posted on 06/29/2012
Hi Jeremie Firstly let me congratulate you on your pregnancy. I'm a single mom to a beautiful 3year old girl & I've been single since I was about 2months pregnant. Clearly the father of your child wants nothing to do with you nor his responsibility. Clearly that shows he ain't no MAN. My situation was different in the sense that I broke off my engagement with my daughters father, due to the fact that he was a lazy ass he wanted to stay home while I work, after I was pregnant I only then found out he was using drugs as well, I took out a loan for him to start a business (never got my money back) & Oh I had to buy my own engagement ring! LOL ... Since I broke up with him he never saw his daughter not even once. His loss, he is missing out on what is his greatest achievement in life! Through all the financial difficulties, loneliness, tears & heartache I felt & dealt with, I believe I made the best decision ever for me as well as my daughter. I had great support from my family that is the most important thing you will need more than anything else is support. I truly hope that you've got support it will make things so much easier. Most importantly I laid all my faith in God I could never have done it without him. I had a very difficult pregnancy...LOng story short they wanted me to adopt my daughter & the doctors diagnosed to be down-syndrome. I asked God to give me strength to stand my ground, I refused to sign the adoption papers & You know what my daughter is healthy & bright like any other normal child.Through all the hardship I still wouldn't change a thing...The only advise that I received that kept me going & still is that it's not just you any more there's now another person & you have to do what is best for the both of you. I truly do believe that if a mother is happy, you'll have a happy child.Good Luck! Take Care Hope I could be of some assistance.
Nege - posted on 06/28/2012
Well it is Not easy but you can find the strength within. My twins had just turned 4 years old when their father walked out on us. Now he will say he left me and not the twins but come on. Anyway after about six months or more of crying feeing sick and doubting myself,I kept going to church and praying aand then one day this voice said to me why are you putting this man before GOD and the twins. They. Are healthyand you are healthy. I am not a holly roller but I do believe in being spiritually grounded. My twins are now. 19 and both just finished their first year of college. Just believe in you. A child is a gift nurture, cultivate and grow that child the right way with God as your guide.pray for that zero and let the spirit of God be your Hero. Sincerely, BDH aka Nege.
Jeremie - posted on 06/28/2012
BUT AS OF NOW i CAN'T FORGIVE HIM .. ITS HARD FOR ME...:(
Brenna - posted on 06/28/2012
Know that you are incredibly better off without a man who would leave you and your child. That if he had stuck around who knows what could have happened to you or your baby. It's scary but after awhile you feel a huge relief knowing that a lot of issues you would have to face you are saved from. My only disappointment is that my children have 2 diff biological parents but my husband has saved me from having a broken family which my ex would have given me.
Pamela - posted on 06/28/2012
First, the best thing to do is forgive him HONESTLY, not half-heartedly. It may take two or thee or more times to do so completely, but just continue to do so until you can ask yourself earnestly..."On a scale of 1 - 10 where is the pain and the ability to forgive now?" Keep doing so until your answer to yourself is "0". When there is no longer any pain in your heart or mind, then you will know you have forgiven him.
When you have reached this point then you will have cleared a space in your heart for a better mate to show up in your life.
In the meantime you will have a awesome and fabulous experience of being a parent! That will occupy your life for all of your remaining days because even as adults, your children are still your children!
The highest and best to you and your child!
Jenny - posted on 06/28/2012
I can totally sympathise with you, my daughter's Egyptian father did the same to me and had a new girlfriend before she was born. I think once you have your child you just move on and make the best of what you have. There is nothing like the unconditional love you will feel for this child and the fact that you will be the most important person in his/her life. Focus on yourself and the baby, surround yourself with family and good friends as you will need their support when the baby comes. be strong for your baby, he has let the baby down but you won't. It's hard, the worst thing for me is waiting for the day when she asks about him and how I tell her that he isn't bothered about her, doesn't support her and that she now has a half brother that she will never know. It makes me mad how someone can create a child and just turn their back on them. I don't know where you live but I imagine if he has left the country you won't be entitled to any child support, I am in the UK and can't get anything.
Tessa - posted on 06/28/2012
Mine left for someone else when my son was 9 months but I suspect that his extra-marital affair started well before my son was born. My son is now 2 1/2 years old. It took about 3 months of therapy to get used to the fact that he was gone and I had to do things on my own along with several self-help books like Mom's House Dad's House and The Rules to help me gain perspective and get my self-esteem back.Since he left, I've been promoted, bought myself a luxury car and started dating about a year ago. I've been dating a guy seriously for the past 6 months and he is everything I could have ever dreamed for and more and I am so grateful, now, that the @$$hole left. I definitely believe I got the better end of the deal now, but I would have never thought that at the time he left. Do things to better yourself and that have positive impacts on your life and you'll get through it.
Danielle - posted on 06/28/2012
Just be strong and don't let him know how you feel. If he wants you he will come back. Mine didn't and I moved on. I am so much better off without him. It was so hard in the beginning, he met someone else 6weeks before I gave birth. When my baby was born they played happy families with my baby. It was so so hard and I was on my own but you can move on. I allowed myself time to recover and had some time to myself to enjoy time with my baby. I met someone else when my daughter was 9 months and we are now married. Be strong, surround yourself with friends and enjoy your baby. When you are ready you will be able to look for a new romance.
Iris - posted on 06/28/2012
Move on,if he did ,dat,he's nt worth ur time,been a single mom. Its nt easy .good luck
Deborah - posted on 06/28/2012
I feel so sorry for you and your little one. If he flees the country, Just apply to the court and they will get him if he ever shows up. In the meantime, you need to grieve and. Forrget him. I am a single Mom. It is hard. You have to just bite the bullet and make the best of a bad job. The best revenge is to be happy and successful. Go back to school. Accept all the help you get from friends and family. Don't try to do it all on your own, if you don't have to. And stay away from morons.
Natasha - posted on 06/28/2012
No matter how much you think you love this guy, you will love your child more. It will be his lose for not wanting to know this wonderful miracle. You have the support of your family which will be your biggest help. Devote your time into thinking about your child's future rather than what you have lost. There are soo many things to plan for now that you have a baby on the way! Enjoy every moment. You will see that as time goes on, it will hurt less and less. But for today, cry if you feel like crying, scream if you feel like screaming, talk about it if you feel like talking about. You have every right to feel the way you do. But don't let it become all encompassing. You have another life to mold soon. Best of wishes and prayers to you!
Gladys - posted on 06/28/2012
there's a book that i think would be very uplifting for you
"conversations with god"
by neale donald walsh
not religious, more on the spiritual side.
Jeremie - posted on 06/28/2012
he is in riyadh .. how will i report? he just told his sister in law to tell me not to expect something from him..
Poonam - posted on 06/28/2012
If you know where in Saudi Arabia he is, then report him to the authorities or his bosses. Laws are very strict there and they will do something about it. I have lived in Dubai and had problem with my husbad did the same thing to me in Dubai and the laws there didn't let him run away..
Zelda - posted on 06/28/2012
Jeremie, from the sound of it you will be much better off with moving on with your life without him. Try get help from your family, if not there are many woman out there that do it by them selfs. It does not help to force someone to be part of your life is they are not happy about it, and he clearly does not want to be part of your and your baby's life. Sorry if this sounds ugly but I have been there, sometimes it is better, today my son does not speak to me and he is 33.
Anyway hope all works out for you which every way you choose to go with this. God bless
Karen - posted on 06/27/2012
Get out and do something to take your mind off of him. Take care ofyour child and keep family close to you.
Sharlene - posted on 06/27/2012
@katerina, you could not say it any better. Men like that are coward in my book .And jermie just move on with your baby and have a happy life. :-)
Jennifer - posted on 06/27/2012
This question really hits home with me. I was with my child's father for 4 years before I got pregnant. We actually broke up about 2 weeks before I found out I was expecting. I decided to tell him about the baby because he deserved to know (he was the one who always wanted to get me pregnant and get married..I kept saying no) Well, he came back to me and gave me the whole spiel about "we are going to be a family". During the first 7 months he left me a total of 9 times. Yes, you read that correctly.. 9 times.. that is 9 times that I believed his bullshit, 9 times that I felt so down and clung to him like a life raft. The worst of it all was that during one of those times, he came back, stayed the night and then proceeded to tell me the next morning over breakfast that he already had another girlfriend and that she was pregnant as well (apparently she lied) and that he was leaving me for her. I completely lost my mind. During our "abusive" (mentally, emotionally and somewhat physically) relationship, he had broken me down so much that I never thought I would be able to do this alone.
Cut to my daughter being born. She saved me. She was the one that gave me strength to finally say "enough is enough". As soon as I saw her face, I decided right there and then that I would NEVER allow him to hurt her like he had done to me. She deserved better, we both did. He came to my house about 2 weeks after she was born. I would not let him see her, I let out all the frustration that I had felt yelling at him through the apartment building door. He left and I did not see him for almost 3 months. He came back again. This time I let him in. He stayed the night (I was so weak) and that was actually a breakthrough for me. The night that he stayed over, he did not move one time when the baby cried in the middle of the night. He did not hold her, did not even know her name. I remember being so absolutely disgusted and repulsed by him. I already had one child, I didn't need another 24 year old man-boy to take care of. The next day he left and I shut the door for good. I was finally DONE.
My daughter is now 5 years old. The last time he attempted to see her was at her 2nd birthday, in which he dropped off a card clearly meant for me (not a child's card) and clothing that was size 8-10. The last time I saw him was on the street a couple of years ago and the coward actually hid behind a tree. He has never contributed one penny to raising her and when I had to go to court for Family Maintenance he told the social worker that he wasn't the father and didn't even bother to show up for court.
I don't know if this will help you but for me, it became all about the child.. not about me at all. I vowed that I would never let him disappoint her like he did with me. She deserves a father that is all in or none at all. In regards to addressing the subject of not having a father.. she has always been taught that there are all different types of families. Some have a mommy and a daddy, some only have a mom or a dad, some only have aunts and uncles, etc.. She will never feel inferior because she doesn't have a dad. When she gets old enough I will explain the whole story but at this point in time.. it means nothing..
Jessica - posted on 06/27/2012
My ex left me when I was four months pregnant with our third child and for me, it was a weight off my shoulders. He was not a nice guy and made me miserable all the time. I just had not had the courage to leave him myself. We got divorced 9 months later. He also didn't want to pay child support, but after taking him to court and him doing a little prison time, he saw the light and now pays it regularly. It was tough being a single mom with no money, but fortunately I had wonderful family and friends to lean on and they got me through it. Eventually I met a wonderful man who adores me and my kids, and asked me to marry him. Two years later we are very happy and have our own little one. I know you didn't want to hear my life story, I just wanted to let you know that although things may get rough for a while, it can get better. Lean on family and friends for support and have faith that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. Hugs
Jeremie - posted on 06/27/2012
thanks a lot for the advices :) appreciated much .. now im happy to have this baby .. and even im a single mum i know i can because i know im strong :) THANKS...
Christine - posted on 06/27/2012
do not run after him for a relationship, he left the two of you in your time of need, he obviously doesn't care. I'm sorry to sound rough, but I've been there. I have a 7 year old whose father left when I was pregnant and he is in and out of her life for his convenience and it breaks her heart. She would be better off without him. You need to figure out the laws where you are for child support and custody and make sure you get both! That's what I did, so I didn't have to worry about him taking her! Right now instead of worrying about him being in love with you you should do some fast growing up, save some money and figure out what you're going to do for work, daycare, etc. It takes a lot to raise a baby and you need a lot to help, but not necessarily the father!
ADRIANA - posted on 06/27/2012
I am sure youre going through the worst time of your life! Fight for your baby he/she will help you get through this tricky time somehow they give you the strength. I was once adviced not to count on the maintenance then you will not be disappointed, you dont want to be cursing him every month, there is no point life is too short! He has lost out you will never walk alone as you will have the unconditional love of your baby he has nothing! As for meeting someone new - you will and although you think who will want a single mother you will find a good man who will love you both trust me. X
Caron - posted on 06/27/2012
Hi I went though a similar thing 24 years ago! It is difficult to get your thoughts in order. My ex husband left me when we had a 19 month old child and I was 4months pregnant with our second child. He never really stepped up to the plate in the father stakes. He stopped all contact when the then unborn was 2 years old.
It is one of the hardest things to go through. But the good news is women are much stronger than they think. I learned quickly to adjust and do everything myself. Friends and family are so important in the beginning. However you will learn to adjust to your new life. Men don't realise how much they miss out on. I won't lie it's hard work, but it's also one of te most rewarding things you will ever experience. You will build a close relationship and You and your child will have a special bond as a result.
My children are one 26 and 28; we have an amazing family closeness. It takes hard work, tears, frustration, doubt, and worry. All of this is NORMAL!!! So try not to worry, look forward to your new adventure and take all the help you need. But always remember you will be the mother, you will know your child best. If you get advise you don't really want/need just say 'thanks so much for the advice' then ignore it lol.
Good luck, remember you are strong and will not only manage but enjoy it.
Jennifer - posted on 06/27/2012
Make sure you do file custody & child support orders...Unfortunatly he has the right to decided to be a dad at anytime without a court order theres nothing you could do to stop him!