moving my 13 year old to a different state who doesn't want to go.

Sammi - posted on 11/25/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My daughter and I moved to Colorado in 2008 when she was nine for 13 months. Unfortunately we had to move back to Missouri. I didn't know anyone there, except my Uncle who we stayed with. I took her out of the regular public school and drove her 20 min. to a Charter School. The economy had just crashed and I couldn't find work in between my 20 minute commute 4x's a day. She had homework every night, and didn't make friends to hang out with, as everyone came to the school from different areas. Now three years later, I have decided to go back at the end of this school year. Which will mean her starting high school with no one she knows. The main reason I am moving back is for my health. I have been sick literally since the morning I woke up here. And for other personal reasons. Not to mention the weather there is so much nicer. Here the humidity is so high, from spring to fall I hate to even go outside. The scenery there is beautiful as well, and so many things to go do. My concern is my daughter adjusting. She doesn't want to go, although she knows she has no choice. I've sat down with her and explained everything to her yet she is still unhappy. My hope is that once she is in school and makes friends, she will become ok with the move, and when she sees me, her mom, healthier physically and emotionally she will be bettter, as well. I have been told I'm being selfish and I need to sacrafice for my child, however how do I stay here and stay miserable. If i'm miserable obviously she will be too. I need to know am I doing the right thing. I believe I am. I just need some input. Especially about moving her when she is starting high school. By the way she only has two friends and one of them, her parents won't allow them to hang out anymore. So basically it's not like she is leaving a ton of friends behind, although I do know the two she has mean the world to her. I have offered to let her come back for the summers and see her friends.(just the one now I suppose) I really feel this move is what is best however it kills me to see her so upset about it. Feedback from people who are in or have been in would be really appreciated as you can relate. Feedback from anyone would be appreciated as well. Thank you.

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Sammi - posted on 11/26/2012

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Little Miss Can't be Wrong, thank you for your input. She's lived there before, and it was not good, things are different now, and will be better. I try not to think i'm being selfish, I just believe she belongs with me. And people move for many reasons. Yes, I hate the humidity, but I wouldn't move just because of that. ( I would if it was just me, but I couldn't tell her I know you are unhappy but mom hates the humidity.) Like I said before, once we are adjusted I am hoping she will be ok. And she makes new friends at school. I know her friends here are important to her, and I've told her that. At her age they are all that matters, i've been there. I'm glad you didn't end up having to move back here! I will miss the City Museum and the Magic House and that is it. Thank you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/25/2012

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I lived in Missouri for 10 years. The humidity is HORRIBLE! I used to have to take my son to the park before 10 am, and not back outside until 6pm. Not just the humidity the burning heat. I feel you.



Here is the thing. It is always difficult moving from a place you are familiar with. My son was young when we moved from there, but adjusted well. He was not in school yet, so that makes a huge difference.



Take your daughters concerns seriously, and just because she doesn't have a lot of friends does not mean the move won't be difficult. Sit down with her. Talk to her about her concerns without sounding "parental". Make it a friendly nice conversation. Both of you write out a pro's and con's list together. Let her see all the positives of moving back to Colorado. Show her pictures of the school she will be attending on line. Show her all the wonderful scenery. If you can, go visit there with her before your move and get her excited for the new adventure. Moving always comes with its difficulties, but getting her thrilled about moving to a new place will help. She will still have her moments of hesitation, and concern, but be there for her. Good luck.

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Sammi - posted on 01/31/2013

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Thank you Ariana. Yes, I have spoken with her and she knows that I am aware that this is difficult for her. I think she was rude or simply ignoring me the first couple of weeks thinking I would change my mind, but now she knows that I'm not going to. I will enroll her in an out of school art class, as she has taken in the past, that is a good idea. Thank you for your input, ideas, and support.

Ariana - posted on 01/31/2013

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Don't worry about it. My dad moved 4 of us to a different spot (not a different state but still) and we all adjusted, my two sisters were just entering high school and they were fine.

That being said she doesn't have to like it and it's ok for her to be upset. Just let her know you understand and sympathize but don't let that turn you into a pushover or anything or have her start blaming you. Just tell her you understand this is hard on her.

My suggestion would be to have her go to one of the youth groups in the area (if there are any) to try and get to know some other kids. I would try to sign her up for a few extracurriculars (something she's interested in, maybe gymnastics, dance class, girl guides, some sort of teen thing w/e is in the area) where she can hopefully meet some other kids her age.

The worst part about moving is not knowing people and being the odd person out, if you can sign her up for a few activites and get her going to a youth group where she can meet some people and be social, without a super amount of pressure, it's going to help her at least meet some people she might be able to talk to even if they aren't in her school.

Moving sucks, when I had to move I hated it and was really upset, but I adjusted, I had a bit of a hard time but I didn't have that many friends to begin with (like your daughter ha) but over time the connections happen.

Do what you need to do but try to be understanding of how upset she may feel and try to sign her up for things so she'll have a social outlet. Also encourage her to join some extracurriculars at school, if it's a bookclub or sport thing or drama club. Ask the school if there are any clubs around and tell your daughter about them and see if she'd be willing to join, even if she just goes once or twice to try it. It's a great way to make friends in school.

Sammi - posted on 01/31/2013

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Hey, lil Miss. My daughter I guess figured out that we are moving and appears ok with it. I started back to school this sester and will transfer for my degree in CO. I am excited and I know this is the right direction to head. :)

Sammi - posted on 11/27/2012

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I understand. I enjoyed chatting with you too. And thanks for being the only one to respond.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/27/2012

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Hey, I am deleting my posts concerning where I used to live. I don't really want creepos knowing about me. This has nothing to do with you, I have really enjoyed chatting with you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/26/2012

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I like to think so. But only time will tell. It feels like the right move now, but we had a hard few years here...still tough times but different. You always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

Sammi - posted on 11/26/2012

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ya, I know all those places and roads. I guess it was good for you that getting that house fell through.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/25/2012

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We did not end up moving back, and we are very happy how things turned out.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/25/2012

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Moving away from Mo, I really miss all the shopping and restaurants. I hated it while I lived there, and now appreciate all it had to offer. But the weather was so unbearable. We almost had to move back, and I told my husband we would not buy a house unless it had a pool so we could actually be outside in the summer.

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