my 10year old son is very lazy.what can i do

Holly - posted on 02/27/2013

Mary I was a single mom for MANY years... I was a single mom left with 1 baby (3 months old) and pregnant with another. Only RECENTLY do i have a man in my life... my kids are now 8 & 9 and they always do their homework. They have rarely played video games. they probably prefer to play video games and watch TV... but I tell them go outside and knock the stink off... I have told them the TV has a nap time. it is the parent's job to get up and make them do things... when people say, "well they don't want to" they are the lazy parents not doing their job... and i have told my kids this... MY job is to make you listen and do what is right, with any means necessary... if i don't do my job that makes me a BAD parent. kids don't make the rules, parents do. if kids don't follow rules, it's the parent's job to deal out punishment. don't play the single parent card with me, I've been there, done that. IMO it's EASIER to keep your kids on track when you don't have to worry about anyone BUT your kids.

Shawnn - posted on 02/27/2013

Quoting Dove

"His problem? He's 10 and you are letting him get away with this.

Start setting limits on the playstation (like only on weekends and school holidays) and restricting the time he can hang out with his friends until AFTER studying and chores are done.

The sleep thing 'could' be because he's getting sick or 'could' be a sign of depression, but put together with the rest of your post it 'sounds' like just another excuse to not take care of his responsibilities. Lay down the rules and the consequences for breaking those rules and stay firm."

I will add that he is NOT a good student because he will NOT do his schoolwork at home. He is NOT being responsible for his age and actions. You being a single parent is not an excuse for his behaviour. I agree that single parents have a heavier burden, but the end result is the same. Kids need to be parented, they need rules and consequences and consistent enforcement.

Mary - posted on 02/27/2013

many thanks for your replies.yes you are right sometimes i get really pressing on my older son.i beleive this is because he is mature enough to understand what is right and what is wrong.He is a very good student and during his classes at school he is very consetrated.I will follow your advice for the playstation ( to be honest i switch it off last night and told him that he will play again on weekend).I dont really support the lazy mother phrase,i am giving my best to my boys and being a single mother is very difficult to handle everything with success.my friends told me that maybe he is entering in a pre tennager phase and this is why his behaviour start to change... once again thanks so mych for your replies!!

Jodi - posted on 02/26/2013

I read it that he wanted to play with his friends instead of studying. I guess that's the part I had an issue with. I agree that he shouldn't have to play with his little brother all the time.

Dove - posted on 02/26/2013

That makes sense. She'll have to come back to see which of us misunderstood. ;)

Holly - posted on 02/26/2013

perhaps that's how my post sounded, but what i was trying to say that if the mother wanted the two to play with each other ALL the time, it just isnt' reasonable. An older child should have friends his age that he should be able to play with with OUT their younger sibling sometimes, not always, but on occasion it should be allowed. perhaps i misunderstood the OP but it sounded as though she was implying that the older child wants to play with his friends sometimes with out his little brother, and this should be allowed... if he was to only play with his little brother i would imagine it would stunt his maturity. he should be able to play with kids his age.

Dove - posted on 02/26/2013

I will also add as a mother with a couple of older kids and one significantly younger.... I do make the older ones include the little one at times because he ADORES them and just wants to be with them. I counter it with times that they are off on their own and times that he can't join in no matter how much he wants to though. We are a family and a team that needs to respect ALL the members of that team and not just 'shun' one because of an age difference. They may have nothing in 'common', but that doesn't mean they can't ever find something to do together.

Dove - posted on 02/26/2013

His problem? He's 10 and you are letting him get away with this.

Start setting limits on the playstation (like only on weekends and school holidays) and restricting the time he can hang out with his friends until AFTER studying and chores are done.

The sleep thing 'could' be because he's getting sick or 'could' be a sign of depression, but put together with the rest of your post it 'sounds' like just another excuse to not take care of his responsibilities. Lay down the rules and the consequences for breaking those rules and stay firm.

Holly - posted on 02/26/2013

mary... what is his problem? you are being a lazy mother, not enforcing rules, or taking his privileges away, and not MAKING him get off his butt and play outside. you need to get up and make him do things... of COURSE he doesn't want to play with a 5yo, why would he? he is TWICE his age... they have NOTHING in common, you are the one who had the baby, YOU need to entertain him, let your son play with kids his own age. if you make a 10 yo play with a 5yo of course he will cry like a 5yo when he is made to do things.

Jodi - posted on 02/26/2013

Stop enabling him. The playstation has an off switch, he can only be with his friends if you say it is okay, and he can only sleep if no-one wakes him up. Those things are where you come in.