My 12 year old (almost 13) son watched a porn video.

Meaghan Van - posted on 02/09/2012

I dont know if this will help, but you can try to make your son watch this... all it is is a bunch of glamour shots (head only) of porn stars who have died...most of them through suicide. It tells how they did it and at the end it has the message "porn is not glamorous". Then explain again that porn is bad, why it is bad. That it objectifies women and that women are so much more than what pornography depicts. Let him see that perhaps the women he is watching will end up killing themselves at the end of the scene, because people watch garbage like this, and there is a market for it. That it makes them cheap and feel empty inside, souless. i dont know... but i think thats how i will handle this matter when my son reaches this age. Our children are growing up too fast in this generation. and they are mature enough to talk to them candidly about this kind of thing... anyways heres the link

Stephanie - posted on 02/09/2012

In regards to the actual content of the video, everyone else has covered that. But I also want to mention that you, or someone who knows about computers and internet friendly devices, Need to realise that accessing such content can leave you open to computer viruses, worms, etc.

If you need another incentive to be more vigilant of his internet use, this should be it.

Personally, you should be reassured that you have a normal pubescent boy.

Jennifer - posted on 02/09/2012

You have to be their parent not their friend! Remember that! Your children will not always like you or trust you. But raising them right should make them understand that if they need something you will aways know what's best for them. I wasn't into sex anywhere near that age and nor will i let my child do it. There has to be boundaries or your children will walk all over you trust me.

Jennifer - posted on 02/09/2012

Rachael Malcolm-13 year olds should have no privacy. They are underage and shouldn't be looking at porn. I hate porn and i think it is very inappropriate for a 13 year old to be watching it. You have to be 18. It is your job to raise them right and telling them that it's okay for them to watch porn at that age is wrong. I wouldn't allow that in my house. Being curious about sex is one thing but watching porn is another. Porn is an adult video not for children. What they do in most porn videos teenagers shouldn't be doing it is for adults only! You have to be 18 to be in a porn video so why should a 13 year old be watching it?? I would lay down the law and tell him that if you see it again you will take the MP3 player away.

Denise - posted on 02/09/2012

Hi! I don´t know what kind relacionship you have with your son, but it´s too crazy you let him see porno with 12years old. He´s too young for that. You should looking for some help to him and fast. Try make him get interest for something to his age, friends(good griends), sport, etc. Please you are the mother, don´t forgert that. Take care yourselves. Denise Olsson

Amy - posted on 02/09/2012

I think you just need to stress what you believe sex is to you, and what it means in your household, and it sounds like you already did that. as for the porn issue: do you feel there needs to be some sort of consequence? I agree that boys will get ahold of masturbation material, be it the swimsuit issue or victoria secret catalog, but I agree hard core porn at 13 is too much. My son is only 9 so I am not there yet, but I am dreading it. I do think porn can be a great tool when used with couples or in moderation, but how do you explain that to a 13 yr old? How much info is too much? There should be some boundaries, he does not need to know everything about sex at this age, he will learn it in time. So again, the question is, do you consequence him if he is caught with porn again? I think it just comes down to your own limits and values and what you think is acceptable in your home....good luck!

Brooke - posted on 02/09/2012

I definatly think you did the right thing by explaining that what he was watching really does not happen. Depending on your personal morals/values and if his father is involved in his life. I would sit down with him and continue what you started. Tell him you love him, but what he has is inappropriate for him/any man to view. Explain the importance of purity until marriage and all the emotional baggage that comes with premarital sex. Explain that things he migh here at school from other kids are most Limey wrong and misinformed too. Let him know he is safe asking you or another designated family member questions or concerns he has about his body or females. Home should be the teaching ground for our children and at that age they maybe come courious, we need to channel it in a age appropriate mannor that is healthy for them to understand. You may want to concider checking with your home church if you attend to see when the next purity retreat is, boys typically go for the weekend with their father or a close male figure. This is an activity that most youth pastors could give you more info about! Hang in there this is just one hurdle you all must climb in life's journey!

Miranda - posted on 02/09/2012

Porn is an addiction and if not stopped now it can get worse over the years. You may think about why? how and when this got started. Does he feel good about himself? Is he intrested in girls but they dont seem intrested in him? Is he sexually active? Has he ever been molested? Who might have given him this video or did he downlaod it from your home computer?



There is a great blocker for your computers. Go to besecure.com We have it on all three computers and only pay once a year. I am the only one in my family with the password and I can check all 3 from my computer if I want.



You may talk to him about deleting it and talk more about what sex is. God has a beautiful plan for sex. Just read Song of Solomon. If you are involved in a church talk to you pastor and see if he has experience with this. Or if he can refer you to someone. Boys will not be boys. Sex is beautiful and he needs to know it. I will be praying for you. I have been through a similar struggle. If you would like to PM me that would be fine if you would like to talk more.

Sondra - posted on 02/09/2012

Chandra I know how you feel. I have a 10 year old son, and I am dreading the day that I encounter something similar, whether it be porn, or any number of things that a boy can get into. I hear, "boys will be boys" from my husband all the time. But I am not sure how to confront him(or not). I grew up in a family of 3 girls. The only boys in the family are my cousins, and I only saw them monthly. I really Love having a son. It was what I secretly wanted when I was pregnant. But, now that he's a tween, I worry about talking to him the right way about sexuality & girls. Sorry for not really helping Chandra, I was just glad to know someone else has the same issues as me. : ) ♥

Ann - posted on 02/09/2012

the child in question is nearly 13 the mother said in her post. Dont think I would know what to do/say myself either.

Melissa - posted on 02/09/2012

I can understand you would rather him not to watch but you need to explain to him that sex can be enjoyable when you are in love with the right woman/man.That people make porn for other adult pleasures.My daughter will be sixteen and thank god that she hasnt watched porn as of yet unless she's watched @ her dad's house.I'm just as guilty as her dad for watching adult movies but try not to expose her to it & it's bad enough that I had to teach her about the birds and the bees at the age of 9 1/2 cause that is when she started her period.My daughters grandmother on her dad's side of the family started 9 1/2- 10 years of age herself.When my daughter took this class to learn about her changing body her and friend were the 2 youngest in that class they were 9 1/2 (3rd graders) and the other kids were already 12 & 13 years old (5th graders).I had my daughters dad leave me the car so I could go get her knowing that it would be more that what she bargined for.My daughter suffers from a mild case of Cerebral Palsy.My daughter knew that moms carry babies in their stomach but didnt know how they got there until that class.Well she took that class again when she got in 5th grade and it was easier for her the second time around.Kids now a days know more that what we think they know.

Jenna - posted on 02/09/2012

I think that's good you told your son that it is not a normal sexual experience. I personal would tell him that it is okay to be curious about sex, but that pornography is innapropriate. If I found it again I'd take the mp3 player away. You want to protect him from things like that. I want my boys to respect women and our private parts as well as his own. That sex is an intimate way people show there love, and that it is between the two people not everyone else. Boys will be boys is true but it's good for you to teach him what is appropriate for him to expect when the day comes. This is my own personal opinion. These things are scary to have to approach. Good luck

Samantha - posted on 02/09/2012

a 12 year old is not a baby anymore, you need to get over it. But looking at porn at his age is not OK. The law says you must be 18. Would you let him experiment with alcohol or let him get a tattoo at this age? Time to be a police officer and lay down the law. He needs to delete any porn that is on his computer, mp3 player, and anything else in his room he needs to throw out, and explain to him that he needs to follow the law.

Don't worry, he will still find ways to satisfy himself. A Victoria's Secret catalog should be more than enough.

Kimberley - posted on 02/09/2012

LIFE ISNT ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT YOU NEED TO BE A BIT MORE IN TUNE WITH REALITY... I understand that this is a difficult find for you and honestly you shouldnt be judging or putting down your childs sexual prefferences every person is an individual and will be attracted to different things. You are setting him up to be ashamed of his sex preferences and his sexuality as a whole which is never a healthy thing. Putting him down about this just means that he will never feel comfortable coming to talk to you about serious issues as he will be afraid you will judge him which doesnt seem to be entirely inacturate.

Roberta - posted on 02/09/2012

It really hard and i have a 13 year old boy, being single has made me handle these things where i like it not. I think the 1st thing for you to do is check your value system out, and sort out how you feel. then sit him down and chat with him, laid the boundaries out real clear and what you except from him , i used the card that it was respectability, and also he had his whole life ahead of him.

Sad part is we live in a world that is very Sexualized.

Good Luck

Rachael - posted on 02/09/2012

unfortunately i can't tell you anything other than that what you have been told already. He will be getting curious about sex and he will probably feel very uncomfortable going to your or his dad to ask about it. Porn is everywhere and pretty much all teenage boys watch it at least once. Plus everyone is into different things so while you may find a sex act unnatural or unappealing your son may not. As long as he isn't excessively dowloading them and masturbating I would just allow him his privacy.

Serafine - posted on 02/09/2012

Children/teenagers will have contact with sex and its derivatives at some point. We have to be ready to face that. Respect their need to know about the world.

I was very precocious and started experimenting at 9! Then I was hiding porn mags under my mattress. I was embarrassed and ashamed but extremely curious too.

Sex is a natural part of life, and our children are mostly born that way!!! So we need to celebrate sexuality in order to normalize it. Talk about it, the realities of making porn movies: how these women ended up doing it (some love it, many don't), how many died of Aids and other diseases, etc. Realize that porn can be stimulating for men and boring for women.

Prohibiting it will only make it more alluring at that age. Annie Sprinkle has some very interesting views about sex. She used to be a porn star and turned into a performance artists. Her view is that we should celebrate bliss, make monuments to it. And truly knowing about the power of sexual energy is knowing about the power of breathing. And so on. God is love, and sex is a manifestation and celebration of certain aspects of love. We need to make it o.k. in order to eliminate the taboo that perpetuates porn. In my opinion, of course.

Monique - posted on 02/09/2012

Porn is extremely addictive, resulting in the same kind of highs as drugs give, and sometimes meaning people need to view worse and worse pictures to get the same stimulation. Do not underestimate the effect this can have on future REAL relationships. See Alisha Neu's message, spot on.

Jo - posted on 02/08/2012

I agree, taking the God route is not the answer for this one. At 12\13 years old, his beliefs are his friends, school and fun! He won't give a monkeys what God thinks! His soul won't be damed for watching people have sex in what ever way they choose!!! He will however give a monkeys about what you think and the way you act and react will form your future relationship with him. You need to wake up and smell the coffee. People do have sex like that and more often than u think! Making love is a different story. Don't push him away by over reacting! You need him to be able to turn to you, and he needs to trust you - bigger things will happen in the next few years and you don't want to alienate him. Get perspective xx

Medic - posted on 02/08/2012

I would not take the god route...that means that he would have to believe in god. I also do not believe that any of you only have sex for the sake of reproduction. Just state the facts, state your rules for the device involving porn and move on. Yes some people have sex like that, yes there is always porn, no you cannot watch it in my house on devices I pay for.

Stifler's - posted on 02/08/2012

I would tell him it's not appropriate to be watching porn at his age and if he downloads anymore I will take your phone away and you won't get to go on the computer unless it's an assignment. porn is for when you're older and yes people do have sex like that but it's very age inappropriate.

Alexandra - posted on 02/08/2012

what a difficult situation... I think you handle it good... and tell him he is not allowed to have porno at home, on the phone or on the computer. That he may lose the privilege of having a phone if he is going to have that kind of material in it. Probably your husband can talk to him, probably at some point he was in a similar situation, but many years ago was magazines or movies.

Alisha - posted on 02/08/2012

Do not believe the lie that 'boys will be boys' you are called to teach him and train him in the right things and this is completely a wrong thing. It is not healthy for him to be looking at this even though a lot of American households deem it completely fine. According to God's Word porn is something we should not be looking at. It is corruptible to our souls and completely inappropriate. I feel you and your husband (or a trusted male adult) could sit him down and discuss this with him. Do not feel embarrassed or awkward. You want him to feel that he can come and talk to you about things like that. It is really sad that he feels he should be looking at that stuff. Do you guys go to a church? or have support from other people on this? I would tell him this is absolutely NOT allowed or his mp3 player will be taken away and I would check it regularly as well as check up on him when he's listening to it in his room or something. He is 12, not 20 and you are still his parent and you need to be protecting him and making these decisions for him, but also tell him why not just make rules. Explain to him what God has actually designed sex for... a married man and woman to become one and to have children. It is supposed to be something beautiful and meaningful and not to be viewed for fun or something to do because we are bored. It is sacred and special.

Pamela - posted on 02/08/2012

First of all, do not lie to him as you already have. There are many people who have threesomes and wife/girlfriend/boyfriend swapping, etc., especially in closed private groups. So to tell him that people do not do these kinds of things is not true.



Rather you should have sat down with him and explained that you have certain attitudes about sex and so does his Dad (if you are married) and have a conversation asking questions to see what he knows. He may well have had some introduction to sex education at school. Then have a conversation about what you believe to be healthy sex attitudes and go from there.



This is a very important age and to introduce "there's only one way" is to be dangerous because he will learn that that is not the case. Unfortunately Americans are PRUDES for the most part about our bodies and healthy sexual appetites which is why there is so much subversion going on. When you sweep sex "under the table" as Americans have done, then it elicits these kinds of curiosities.



There are videos and books that discuss sex and show the biological explanations as well as the emotional factors. I know because I purchased just such a tool for my sons back in the 90's.



Get real. Stopped being shocked and reacting in a negative manner. That will do more harm than good. Get some informative materials, watch them with him or let him watch on his own and have an open discussion afterwards where you do not bully him with what your personal attitudes, but offer your beliefs as a guide.

Teressa - posted on 02/08/2012

HELLO MISS HEARTBROKEN....I INDEED UNDERSTAND YOUR DILEMMA. WE WANT SO MUCH FOR our young people to stay pure not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. The one piece of advice I would like to share with you is this, no matter how you are feeling about what your son has done, please do not allow those feelings to play out as you interact with him. You have shared with him your feelings on the subject, so now put the power of prayer, and forgiveness to work. GOD's enlightment in our lives have a much more lasting effect then any reprimand we can receive from others.

Paula - posted on 02/08/2012

Your son was probably absolutely mortified that you found the video; why not have a chat with his Dad and let him know it's time for "the talk" - then butt out. That's what dad's are for. As for your son, he's a normal, healthy pre-teen boy who's interested in girls. Get over it mom!

Jennifer - posted on 02/08/2012

You did right by telling him that isn't what love making is about. I think that this is normal for teens(have a near 18 year old son) and is completely natural to have curiosity and experiment at his age. I disagree with telling him about everything else in great detail. I think that is what is wrong with society..no boundaries and "if it feels good do it" mentality. Our kids need to have a healthy respect for their bodies and themselves, and in turn will gain respect for the opposite sex. Too much info isn't necessarily always the best way. Good luck and hang tough...parenting teens is HARD! xxx

Sarah - posted on 02/08/2012

I think it's natural that kids that age are curious about sex. Having said that, I also think it's unacceptable that a 12 year old would be able to access that kind of content. I think there needs to be some stricter rules. You may also have to sit through some more awkward conversations to discuss sex and realistic expectations about what it is, how to respect themselves, their bodies, and potential partners, enforcing he is too young for it.

Johnny - posted on 02/08/2012

I must agree with Sherri and Tara. It is important to be totally honest with kids, because they may actually know more about these things than you realize. It does seem young, but it is the age of puberty, and many kids get interested in these things. Being forthright about the fact that people have all different kinds of sex, about the fact that the people in these type of movies are actors who are being paid to act out these scenes, and that it is not a real sexual interaction should really be enough. You may not want to hear it, but boys will be boys. And girls will be girls. Humans will be interested in sex. It is normal and healthy. He's not going to be your baby forever, he is going to grow before you know it into a man with his own interests and desires and peccadilloes. You are going to have to accept this as part of growing up.

Sherri - posted on 02/08/2012

Lise this child isn't 11??

LISE - posted on 02/08/2012

Wow...I think you did right fibbing about the "threesome". He sure doesn't need to know about that at eleven. Why go in to detail? I am shocked that people would want you to disclose that information to an eleven year old. On the flip side, I have three boys, two of them are in the age bracket that this could of very well of been them. Yikes, not sure how I would react if i caught them watching porn. Way, way,too young!!!!!

Sharlene - posted on 02/08/2012

Hes also at the age where he should know about sexualty and how the body developments ,good luck

Kay - posted on 02/08/2012

I agree with parts of all of the posts below actually.



My biggest second would go to the comment about scripts. You do want him to understand that sex is not what porn makes it out to be--just like life isn't what Hollywood makes it out to be. You also don't want to block alternative expressions of sexuality so to speak--those are things he and his partner(s) will work through over time.



Good luck!

Tara - posted on 02/08/2012

I think you did well to let him know that you know he is going to be curious about sex, but I think that you made a mistake in telling him that people really don't do threesomes, etc because that is a lie. There are people out there who do threesomes, duos, hardcore, fetish, etc. Just because you are not one of those people does not mean that those people do not exist. I am not into anything like that but I know people who have done things like that and enjoyed it.



What I would suggest is that you explain to your son that porn is actors performing to scripts based on various fantasies and fetishes and that the majority of women (and men) do not behave that way sexually although there are men and women who do enjoy things that are frequently portrayed in porn.



Explain to him your feelings about sex (for example that you feel that sex is best shared between two people in a loving, committed relationship). Be honest with him about the consequences of a sexual relationship (pregnancy, std's, emotional intimacy, and so on), and also explain to him that "no means no" under any circumstances.



If you are honest with your son, and explain things in a calm and nonjudgmental manner you will probably have better luck than letting your uncomfortableness with the subject get in the way of educating your son.



I have found a couple of links with information on books that could be helpful to you with regard to this:

http://answer.rutgers.edu/page/resources...

http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&keywords...



Most of all, please understand that education is power, and the more your son knows, the less likely it is that he will run into problems regarding sex and relationships as he grows older.

Sharlene - posted on 02/08/2012

Have you sat down with him yet and told him about the birds and the bees :)

Elfrieda - posted on 02/08/2012

Oh, too bad. :(



I think you did it right, telling him that it's normal to be curious, but that what he saw isn't what sex is like.

Sherri - posted on 02/08/2012

Teenage kids are going to start to become curious and I know it bothers you but sometimes this is how some kids do it. Would it be any different for you if you walked in and saw him masturbating because I would bet more likely than not that is what he was doing with the video.



Also I wouldn't lie because some people and yes some girls really do like threesomes and really do, do this.