my 12 year old daughter is so paranoid about her weight - she's got a very nice slim figure but thinks she's fat and very often skips meals - how do I get around this without turning it into a major drama ?

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Tina - posted on 02/04/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

my 12 year old daughter is so paranoid about her weight - she's got a very nice slim figure but thinks she's fat and very often skips meals - how do I get around this without turning it into a major drama ?




Hey. I have had similar problems with my 12 year old daughter. She's a curvy girl and looks a lot older than her age. The way I go round this was just slipping into a conversation about skipping meals. I used myslef as an example. I went into the kitchen and said that I cant skip my lunch as skipping meals bloat you out and that our bodies burn 2000 calories a day with or without food -



except without food it cant burn the calories that it needs too. Try and use yourself as an example and just ask her if she wants to join you. It worked for my daughter.



 



 



Tina

Clare - posted on 02/04/2009

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why not try cooking together, make it fun and she may eat more as she has helped prepare it! good luck x

Marie - posted on 02/03/2009

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If you retrain the brain to healthy eating.



I was a size 32 and then lost just over 9 stone. Went to a size 12-14 then.



Was bullied all my life because of my size, but the more people did that i kept eating the rong stuff. It wasn't how much i ate it was what i was eating and i would even skip meals. I found that when you skip meals then that is when your body stores fat as it goes into starvation mode because it doesnt know when it is getting the next meal.



I am not trying to promot slimmingworld but that was the best thing that happened to me as it is a lifetime thing not just a diet. I got to eat what i wanted within reason. They train you to eat the right foods. And some dont even know that they are on the plan if you do it right..



If you think about trying this then please let me knoe ad i will do all i can to help. Good luck.

Hayley - posted on 02/03/2009

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because she is focused on her weight and it's not just a case of not liking some foods, i suggest you take her to therapist who is experienced in eating disorders. your daughter is already showing serious unhealthy signs, dont let it get worse. maybe as well as some good therapy you could help her by suggesting that because she doesnt eat some of her meals, she may like to help you with cooking and learn about nutrition - it may help her understand that food is good an is not an enemy. a therapist will be able to establish where her thoughts of being fat have come from...maybe she is being picked on, maybe she has an ideal image in her head that she doesn't fit (like the hollywood celebrities). good luck.

Chloe - posted on 02/03/2009

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Well tell her that if she's concerned about her weight and health, she's right it's important and she's just the right age to learn good food and living habits. Starting with healthy and good proportioned peoples don't skips meal, especially breakfast... and you can teach her to cook to see what is in the meal...take her to grocery shopping to choose veggies, fruits...and plan with her every meal of one week so she see how you do it, and how you choose that she eat for having all the energy and vitamins she needs for her age and growth. After that she should feel secure about her weight. There is a book speaking about my country habits "Why french women don't get fat"
http://www.mireilleguiliano.com/frenchwo..., if she a good reader it shoudn't be too long for her to read it, and it's all about good habits and non-diet, and if she's all about fashion, although the book don't speck about that, the words french women should attract her curiosity.

Paula - posted on 02/03/2009

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My daughter is 13 years old and has been talking about how fat she is for about a year now.  All I have said to her is that I think she is beautiful just the way she is.  I did get us a gym membership but since her dad and I both work full time it was just too hard to get there and when we did get there it was just too difficult to keep an eye on her and my youngest daughter of nine at the same time. 



This Xmas we came up with a great solution.... Wii fit!!! no I don't work for the company.... It actually got the brooding 13year old out of her room and playing with her nine (just turned 10) year old sister.... and they both get exercise without even realizing it.... and mom and dad too BONUS!!  believe it or not just the couple of pounds she has lost (because she really didn't need to lose a bunch to begin with) in the past couple of months  actually raised her self esteem a bunch... she actually smiled :)



 

Christine - posted on 02/03/2009

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Based on my own experiences, I'd take a middle road.



 



At 12 I had some pretty serious concerns about the direction I was going with my weight. At the time I "wasn't that bad" and told that "don't worry, your body is gearing up for a growth spurt ... don't worry, you'll be tall! And yes, my (now very former doctor) also spouted these platitudes at me.



 



Now I'm 5'1" and morbidly obese. Granted, I'm otherwise very healthy and I count myself lucky to be as healthy as I am. But if someone had listened to me and helped me then to learn about calories and nutrition that I later had to learn the hard way I have to wonder if things would be different.



 



There's nothing unhealthy about educating a young person on nutrition, calories
and exercise. I'm not saying tell the kid to diet or emphasize thinness. If she's concerned, teach her about health. Regardless of whether she needs to lose weight or not, she'll still benefit.

[deleted account]

my daughter is nearly 15 and went through the same thing from about 8 till she was 12 .i never had a go in frount of her but would moan alot when she wasnt around because i was worried . i just encouraged her to eat small meals more often. then it went to eating more teatime onwards , now theres no filling her ,she still has days when shes not hungry and theres the other days . shes perfectly healthy , tall ,slim , and very active. so my advice would be not to push her to eat just encourage smaller meals more often good luck

Claire - posted on 02/03/2009

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my 10yr old has been fussy eater for years she is slowly getting over it but would sometimes go days without eating i found the more fuss i made of the situation the worst it would get,dont make a fuss tell her she looks great,ask her what she thinks of ur outfit etc and hopefully she will realise that skinny models and celebrities dont look that hot it will take time and patience it is definately the most horrible stage of a girl growing up! good luck!! x

Crystal - posted on 02/03/2009

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My 8 yr old had this problem.  I took her to a therapist would helped tremendously.  I guess in her eyes, since I was making all these healthy changes to the families diet, she saw it as I thought she was fat.  Its crazy how thier minds work.  Society doesnt help much at all.  We now make sure on family movie night, we get the best and greasiet pizza in town..lol  We all enjoy it very much.  I always make my daughter know beauty is from the inside, not just the outside.  I wish you luck with her.

Rebecca - posted on 02/03/2009

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I personally went through that around that age. Usually after taking gymnastics and dance I'd run down the basement and workout. My mom would just reassure me that I was beautiful. It definitely passed.

[deleted account]

My daughter is almost 13 yrs old. She has done the same thing for the last year. I just tell her how beautifull I think she is. She seems to be growing out of it. My neice also did the same thing. She is now 16 yrs old and does not say those things anymore. TV and magazines put alot of pressure on our teen girls to look a certain way that is not reasonable. I pray alot for my daughter and I just hope that as she gets older she understands that being beautifull is not just being super skinny! Good Luck!!

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