My 12 year old daughter just told me my husband has been molesting her for years......

Dena - posted on 01/09/2011

I do not know if the last one went threw but here is my email texasmom71@yahoo.com

Renae - posted on 01/09/2011

Most child molestation does not involve penetration until they are older (usually starting around 12-13) so in younger girls there is usually no physical evidence. However, the police will send the child to the hospital where a paediatric gyno specially trained to detect abuse will examine her. Not all gyno's are trained to do this so please do not make the appointment yourself, let the police send you to someone.

Sherri - posted on 01/09/2011

You bring your daughter to the police station and officially press charges. You take your daughter to GYN for an immediate check up, then you get your daughter into counseling, the you file for a divorce and get an immediate order of protection for your other two daughters.

Sapphire - posted on 01/09/2011

If I were you, I'd lock this thread ASAP and ask the moderators to REMOVE this due to the possible legal matters AND to protect your daughter. IMO, you just posted way too much personal information on the Internet that could compromise an investigation. The responses so far have been wonderful. I wish you & your daughter the very best in overcoming this tragedy.

Amanda - posted on 01/09/2011

ALWAYS beleive your children! You say you never leave you husband alone with the children, what about when you are sleeping???



I agree with Tracey on getting your children checked out. The older one if shes sexually active having her checked is useless, as woman tear everytime they have sex. That being said let me also say there does not need to be scaring for molesting to happen like Amy said. I was molested for years by an uncle, while he babysat or slept over (thats right while my mother was sleep in the next room Kelly), he never raped me therefore there was never any physical proof, but it doesnt change what happened.



If they are investigating, and you havent heard anything it means they are STILL investigating. If your daughter was lying the offical people handling the case would realize that. There are tell tail signs when a child is making up a story, and professionals can see these signs a mile away. They would of already told you that they thought it was a maded up claim, money and man power is not wasted on what is thought to be made up.



Dont become one of those mothers who later in life say, I should of protected my children. The guilt of this will eat away at you. Right now with the facts you know, you know your younger girls are not safe with his (until proven otherwise) you need to leave and protect those little girls.



*Added note*



When mothers live with the molester, the mother is ALSO groomed. So like the other mothers said you need to speak to a professional, and figure things out, until you can think straight you and your daugthers need to living else were.

Krista - posted on 01/09/2011

Emma makes an excellent point. I was reading an article about this woman who was molested by her grandfather for years and years. He used to touch her, and would get her to perform oral sex on him. None of that stuff would leave physical scars. But the emotional scars would be absolutely devastating.

So Amy Lea: your assertion that molestation has not taken place if there is no physical proof? That's just not true.

What is going on with the police -- are they investigating it?

Stifler's - posted on 01/09/2011

There is not always physical proof of molestation!

Becky - posted on 01/09/2011

Believe your child. YOU are causing her some serious issue right now by still being with your husband.. I know this because both of my nephews where molested by there Step-father and their mother is still with him.. It has cause the boys so much pain and not understanding why their mom is still with him.. They were the same age as your daughter when this happened. The police took a long to get back into contact with my mom (who has custody of the boys) and she even had to call them a few times to really get the investigation started.. You need to be the mother here and protect your kids.. If it comes out later that she lied, your husband should be able to understand why you had to protect your child first. Also I cant believe her father and step mother would allow her back to your house if you are still with him.. My mom didn't care about a court order she refused to let them go back to her house, all she thought was to protect her grand"Children"

Renae - posted on 01/08/2011

Your number responsibility is to first protect the child. The great majority of the time, the child will be telling the truth, it is unusual for children to lie about this. When they do lie, they are usually caught out very easily. A psychologist will always ask the child a series of questions which requires them to immediately recall details (not related to the act but related to the surrounding environment or situation) that they would not know if they were lying. Police detectives use the same technique both when interviewing the accused and the accuser.

I am shocked that nothing came of it. The police are allowing the child to remain under the same roof as the person who molested her? I would be making a complaint to the high commission if I saw that going on.

Ask yourself this, do you really think a 12 year old could make up the details that she told you? Were they things that the mind of an adult man would think up? Or things that a child would think up? A child has no sexual experience or idea of what sort of things would turn a man on or what sort of acts adults perform... if she knows these things, there is a high chance they have happened to her.

By allowing things to stay as they are and not doing anything about it you are punishing your daughter even further. I can guarantee that she will think she should not have bothered to tell anyone because noone cares, she will think that she did something wrong and it is her fault since noone seems to be punishing him it must have been her that is wrong.

Molesters are ALWAYS master manipulators, master liers, and extremely convincing - most wives when they find out take a long time to believe it and most are at first convinced by his lies. Your story is extremely common.

I am struggling with the fact that you have sort professional help and still nothing has happened. Did you see a psychologist? And they did nothing? They are bound by law to report any case where a person is in danger and lets say your husband did do this, then any psychologist would know that your younger daughter has a 99.9% chance of it happening to her. If they molest one child they always molest them all, usually starting at the same age.

I understand you are hurting, but right now, as I said at the start, I am worried about your children and you have a god given responsibility to protect them. That means that your daughter must be taken to the police station to make a formal report - immediately! Allow the police to do their job and determine whether he should or should not be charged - you stay out of it. Your daughter MUST also be put in psychological counselling immediately. Counselling is absolutely essential and is not optional!!!! This has changed her forever, she will ALWAYS hurt over this, it will cause her problems throughout puberty and into adult life and for the rest of her life... but counselling will make it bareable and teach her how to cope so that it has as little devastating effect on the rest of her life as possible. The third thing you do is remove your younger daughter - NOW! She also needs to be interviewed by a psychologist as he may have already started grooming her. Molesters dont just suddenly molest them one day, they spend a lot of time grooming the child by slowly introducing them to it, common examples of this behaviour include walking around naked infront of the child, going into the bathroom when the child is in the bath or shower or other times when the child is naked and things of that nature, tickling games where they "accidentally" touch them in a bad place, some of this will have occured while you are in the room as this further reestablishes to the child that its ok. It is a slow process so that by the time the it actually happens the child is no longer sure where the lines of right and wrong are.

Believe your child. You have no other choice at this point in time. Explain to your husband that you have no choice but to put the children first right now. Leave with your youngest daughter, start the criminal process going with the police, get your daughter in counselling. It is absolutely black and white.

Sneaky - posted on 01/08/2011

Sorry to suggest something that you probably do not want to think about right now - but it couldn't hurt to have a pediatric gynecologist look at your 4 year old and 9 year old too :o( I am not trying to suggest that your husband may have molested them, I am suggesting this because (assuming the exams are negative for molestation) it will at least give you some faith and trust in your husband with them.

As to your oldest daughter (you never said how old she was?) she needs to be physically examined too - but I would let that happen with her step-mum and natural father. I personally don't think it would be a good idea for you to try and get her through that experience when you are conflicted and, in her eyes, live with the 'enemy'.

Counseling - hell yes! As much as both of you can get.

If the police were contact there should definitely be an investigation going on - you might not have heard anything yet because they are taking the time to investigate it properly. You can always ring them and ask how the investigation is going - that might kick start something if they are not already onto it.

I have three daughters as well, so you are living my worst nightmare. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, and I hope that you all get the answers and support that you need to heal and move on with your lives eventually. My thoughts are with you.

Teresa - posted on 01/08/2011

Whether it is true or not, both you and your daughter should be in counseling right now.

Other than that I have no clue what to say. I am so sorry you are going through this right now!!

JuLeah - posted on 01/08/2011

Believe your daughter. Allowing him to continue living with you, allowing him to see her sends your daughter Julie a very strong message.
Her Julie professional help.
I don't understand how nothing came of it. If she spoke, she made a claim, then ought to have been arrested and there ought to have been an investagation. Her word was enough to start the ball rolling and anyone qualified to interview her ought to have known how to do that so it stood up in court.
Believe your daughter

Iridescent - posted on 01/08/2011

There should be physical proof either way. Even once causes trauma and usually scarring. My mother told me I'd been molested at age 3; I found out as an adult I was NOT. It's a simple gynecological visit or ER visit. If these are lies OR if this is true, she needs serious psychological help.