my 13 year old is pregnant

Jennifer - posted on 04/22/2011 ( 73 moms have responded )

11

3

0

I am supportive of her keeping the baby and so is her dad, my fear is her health and if CPS is going to take my children from me because of the decision she has made to become pregnant.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Penny - posted on 04/24/2011

14

0

3

I have a different point of view I can tell will not be popular here. I think the baby should be given up for adoption unless YOU the parents (not the little girl who got pregnant) are prepared to raise the child as your own. I have seen a similar situation in my step family that has been a lose lose for the parents and the teenager. Your teenager has now been robbed of the most important time of her life... you can sugar coat it anyway you want but its not a good situation for your daughter. Why is everyone so much against putting these kids up for adoption when so many adults are desperate to give children stable homes ? good luck to all concerned. I just have another point of view.

Jenn - posted on 04/24/2011

283

10

13

I am probably going to be very unpopular for this but i think that you should be encouraging her to have an abortion. Sixteen, eighteen, thats one thing (i was 18 with my first, i have two now and i am 23), but thirteen years old is a child. You say education is important, but the odds of her finishing her education just went down greatly with her getting pregnant. Its the truth. Most likely you will be the one raising the child. Not saying that your daughter couldn't be a great mom someday, but not while she is still a little girl herself. She does NOT have the maturity, her decision and thought processes are far from fully developed, as well as her judgement. If that was my child she would not be having the baby. Thirteen is still a little girl. I think it is a shame that her childhood has to end at thirteen years old and i personally wouldn't not allow it. If she was say sixteen then yeah thats i can understand her wanting to keep it, or eighteen, but at thirteen that wouldn't even be an option for me. And honestly, child protection most likely would at least make a visit to check out the situation based on her age alone. I mean she is BARELY a teenager. Anyhow, that is just my opinion, I think you should think long and hard about your daughters future and the kind of future and life she will have by having a baby so young. She doesn't have the judgement skills needed to make such a life altering decision, and children that age are still to self centered to really think about the child that is going to be born and whether they can provide them with the life they deserve. I don't think your daughter really understands how fully this will affect every single aspect of her life, things will never be about just her again. She will no longer come first. It is an 18 year long commitment. I don't thinks she gets that, i think kids that age see baby's as cute, someone to love and love them, to dress in cute clothes, etc. It is your job to point out the financial part, the 24/7 job that it is, the hard times, the nights of screaming and crying, etc. I personally would be making the decision for her, whether she wanted to keep it or not, because she just isn't old enough to really get it i don't think. She still has her whole life, finish school, get a good job, get married then have a child. The thought of my daughter having sex at thirteen horrifies me. The fact that she didn't think to use protection tells you right there that she is not ready and that she doesn't understand consequence. I can tell that you are a great mom and i think it is awessome that you are supportive of your daughter and she is very lucky to have a mom like you. I have no doubt that you love her and just want to do what you feel is right and I wish you and her the best in whatever decision you make and i truly hope things work out for the best, but i think you need to step up and take control of this situation and do what is best for YOUR child and her future. She will NEVER get her childhood back.

Kate CP - posted on 04/22/2011

8,942

36

754

I live in Texas, too. CPS will likely investigate to find out how she got pregnant in the first place. If it was a case of consensual sex then nothing will probably happen. If she was raped or abused then you have something to worry about.

If she was having consensual sex I would suggest that in the future you arm your daughter with condoms and the knowledge to use them. If she was raped or abused then I would suggest you seek counseling ASAP for the whole family.

JuLeah - posted on 04/24/2011

3,133

38

681

Not sure why CPS would call your support of her abuse.



Her decision to become pregnant??? She is 13 years old and in no way able to make such a decision. Even if this was planned, she had no clue what it really would mean for her life or that of her childs'

If this was not planned, then it was not a decision.



You can preach and you can teach ... teens will do what they will do. Good on ya for supporting her, she will need you.



Consider open adoption. I have seen wonderful stories unfold ... teen gets to keep her childhood, a couple in need gets to be parents .... birth parents and adoptive parents are kind of an extended family .... many options come out of that

Louise - posted on 04/24/2011

5,429

69

2296

I am so sorry for you this must of been an almighty shock. Has your daughter spoken to a councilor about the implications of what this means for the rest of her life. She is fully aware what is expected of her for the rest of her life. At 13 she is still very much a baby herself, if you know anybody with a new born take her around to spend a day or night with them so she has some clue what her life is going to be like. If she is going to make an informed choice she needs to know the full implications of what being a mum is and at 13 I don't think she has much clue. Of course you will stand by her what ever she chooses to do but at the end of the day you are going to have a huge roll in this babies life. Make sure she has every opportunity to change her mind because once she is over a certain week there is no changing her mind and the decision is made for her. Take her to the midwife so that she is fully aware what is going to happen to her body so that she is not scared and then once all the decisions have been talked through you need to contact the school. I am sure they will be able to help when your daughter faces the name calling and bullying that will go on. This is going to be a really tough time for all of you.

I admire you for standing by your daughter and allowing her to make the decision, if this was my daughter I would be leaning on her to abort this child (if she was less than 8 weeks) I really don't think a 13 year old has the mind to make a decision like this. I know teenagers have babies all the time but 13 is so very young. If it happened at 15 or 16 I would think differently but she is barely out of primary school. You know your daughter best so you can guide her, are you prepared to take this child on as your own if your daughter rejects it?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

73 Comments

View replies by

Enslegis - posted on 10/20/2012

1

0

0

All girls. All girls, know what a man means. Age not important, but she knew what a real nan and not a little boy can give her. A man can give her A life. Very unlike a little boy her age.

Caron - posted on 04/28/2011

1

25

0

Your daughter will need lots of love and support and after reading this it sounds like she has plenty of that..I was a single teenage mum also and i remember my grandmother saying to me "this happens in the best of families" However its a shame that society have to be so judgemental on teenage pregnancies. They need support not judgement as that is very damaging. Love her all you can and remember its nots the worst thing that can happen in someones life. Its not something any mother wants for their child but with love, support and understanding it will all work out it always does. Good Luck to you all.

Carly - posted on 04/27/2011

110

19

8

Has she decided to keep the baby? If so does she fully understand the future and can she provide for a child both now and in 5, 10 , 15 years time?

Amanda - posted on 04/27/2011

166

39

7

just trust how you feel as a parent to help your daughter through this. all you can do is support her and help her with whatever she needs. I hope that everything works out for you and your family. Don't let the negative comments bother you b/c all you want is support yourself in helping your daughter. I believe that you as a family can work through this together.

Jennifer - posted on 04/27/2011

11

3

0

I am just about as scared as my child is at this point her health is the most important thing to me, I will love my grandchild and if she decides she wants me and her dad to raise the child, that will also happen I have no doubt I and my husband will do most of the work, all I can do is try and prepare he for the reality that is fixing to come about in you life. I refuse to let her feel alone through this process, I understand everyone has their opinion and I can respect that but till you walk a day in my shoes you do not know the hurt this has bestowed onto me, I had dreams for her, and now her dreams will be put on hold, not forever but temporarily. We are good parents and will be great grandparents and we are not rich but we own our home, automobiles, and everything we have so I think financially we will be able to support our grandchild. When I found this site I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone else was in a similar situation, but now I think I should have not shared it at all. Thanks everyone for your opinoin whether I agreed with them its your right, and I greatly appreciated the kind words from others.

Siomara - posted on 04/27/2011

8

0

1

be very supportive i got pregnant at 17 and did not have my parents support and it emotionally scared me thank god for my now husbands parents who supported us. as for the cps situation my friend got pregnant at 13 and had no problems.

[deleted account]

if she had my parents...she would be out on the street...probably dead i fell pregnant at 18 and my mother immediately kicked me out...i doubt she regrets that decision

Miranda - posted on 04/26/2011

84

1

3

Its great that you are standing by her. She needs you more than ever now. When I was that age one of my friends had a child at 14. Her mother raised the child pretty much as her own. She finished school. It isnt going to be easy for her or you. Im sure you know that though. I wouldnt really worry to much about CPS. If they see that you are helping her and supporting her then I dont think they will bother you. You are a great person. I would hope that I never have to be in this situation with mine but if I am id to the same.

Charlie - posted on 04/26/2011

11,203

111

401

Ok well you will need to make sure is taking her prenatal vitamins , going to all appointments and eating healthy as well as getting enough fluids , her health IS a worry considering how young she is .....she might be pregnant but she is still a child and still your responsibility and I guess the baby will be too if you decide to keep it and not adopt it out , you have a long hard road ahead , good luck .

Pamela - posted on 04/26/2011

711

9

6

First why would CPS take your child unless you already have some on going case with them concerning your parenting skills? The government can't just step in and take your child because she became pregnant at the age of 13, unless there is already an ongoing case in which her situation with you two as custodial parents is being assessed.
Sometimes we allow the FEAR of government agencies to upset us without any true reason.
Obviously if she is pregnant at 13 you may not have set proper boundaries for her activity and behavior. If you have done so and she is just rebellious, it still does not mean that CPS would remove her from your home.
So much is unsaid here that it makes it difficult to share any advice that might help you.
This much I can say....CPS would not remove a child from the home simply based on pregnancy at 13 unless there are other issues already before them...like a persistent runaway child or something of this nature.
Hopefully there are no drugs, abuse or other nebulous situations as a part of the picture that you are not sharing.
Hopefully all of you will seek counseling to effectively deal with the problem. The highest and best to all of you.

Veronica - posted on 04/26/2011

85

178

14

abortion should not be an option God has blessed you all with life and that is more important that what people think, popularity, PRIDE and selfishness. It takes a village and anything good is not always easy keep trusting God and he will guide your footsteps. Bless you all

Veronica - posted on 04/26/2011

85

178

14

Keep on giving her that support, she will need you to help her in mothering where she lacks. I am currently raising my 2 year old grandson by my 20 year old daughter, she is still envolved as we share the rearing as a family. CPS will not take your children they will ask her what are her plans. It will be You and your husbands responsibility to care for her and the baby. Know that in a strange and twisted way things happen for a reason in our lives. I am still arranging my life around our grandchild, I am thankful for the slow down from the fast paced work world. Take care

Grace - posted on 04/26/2011

2

0

0

Wow, what a predictament to be in. Thirteen and pregnant. This is not a cirticism, however: from a parent's perspective, yes it is true it is a reflection on you as parents whether you like it or not. But only small minded people will treat you negatively. Life is full of surprises, but there are usually signs along the way that we ignore. "We" for all of us opinionated people responding to this post. If you look back, you'll be able to see the signs, as hindsight is 20/20. The little girl having the baby is going through a lot that she probably can't even process given her limited knowledge and wisdom She is blessed to have you as parents. . And, as grandparents of such a young family, you must be seeking answers to many questions. You will truly be taking care of two children after delivery of the child. May as well adopt the child since you will be caring for him/her along with little Mom. A 13-year old won't have the facility to raise a child. In the old days this happened more than now, but those were different times. But here's what I really want you to know: God is in control. Trust Him to lead your family and He will. God doesn't make mistakes: every child has a purpose--abortion doesn't remove purpose (those who are advocates).

Konni - posted on 04/26/2011

65

0

3

So the adult approach to this situation is to suggest an abortion? Considering you don't know the whole situation I feel that was a bit extreme to suggest. Even the suggestion of adopting the baby out to a more equipped family? I have re-read the original post & I'm sure it hasn't actually asked for our opinion on the situation, it was advice on her daughters health and if CPS would interfere.
That being said I would like to say good on you for sticking by your daughter, I had a friend who went through the same thing at the same age but she had no support network. The father of the baby didn't stick around & her mum was useless so she raised the baby by herself (amazing considering so many people on here have suggested it just isn't possible for a 13 year to comprehend raising a child!!) & that baby is now a happy & healthy 9 year old. So best of luck & I'm sure your aware of what lies ahead & people will always have there opinion but until they are in your situation they will never really know what your going through.

[deleted account]

Jennifer, you and your husband and daughter were put in an extremely difficult situation. Doesn't matter how or why you got there, you're there. And personally, I think you're handling it extremely well. If my son were to ever end up in that situation at such a young age (knock wood a million times lol), I can only hope to be as loving and supportive as you and your husband are. Whether or not your daughter keeps the baby or gives it up for adoption (as suggested by many here), I find comfort in knowing that there are parents out there who look beyond their own feelings and just do what needs to be done. And the most important thing in this situation (any situation, really) is to love your child. You're clearly already doing that so....you're ahead of the game.



And a side note Jennifer, this site is a wonderful site but you will find some extremely judgemental (and some downright rude) people along the way. I ask that you take those types with a grain of salt and remember that we all aren't like that. Best of luck to you, your husband, and most especially, your daughter and her child. :)

Karli - posted on 04/26/2011

218

0

60

Hello, I cannot imagine how terrified your daughter must fel right now. I can relate somewhat. I had a baby 3 months after my 16th b-day. I was still a child and I have never regretted that choice as much as it broke my heart. I received letters and pictures throughout his first year. When he turned 18 I registered to find him and shortly after he turned 20 I received a letter in the mail that he had registered his name and I called him. We have had contact ever since. His parents are wonderful people that I chose for him. This is also going to mentally affect her, 13 year olds are just not mature enough to cope with all the stages of a child's life. If you decide to raise the baby as your own, what happens down the road, do you spring the truth on the child or do you let your daughter suffer in silence. That is truly a tough decision you have to make and I wish all of the best for you and your family.

Mary - posted on 04/26/2011

22

7

0

I'm sorry for your 13 year old. Who will really be the caregiver for this baby? You or her? If she consider it, she might want to give it up, and there are many, many college-educated, well set families who would love to have a child to spoil but cannot have their own child. This is robbing her of her childhood, but she won't know that until she's about 30 years old. On the other hand, if you all work together you can make it work. I think you should explore the options so she is aware and be open to the choices for the best interest of the baby.

[deleted account]

Either you adopt the baby or encourage her to place the baby for adoption. She has no idea and cannot comprehend what she has gotten herself into. She is just a child. I am so sorry for the heartache you and your family will go through in the coming months and years if she chooses to keep the baby. Look into open adoption, I have a niece and nephew who were adopted and I know that God meant for them to be in our family. They are a perfect fit. We love them so much. They have contact with their birth families, and attend special events with their birth families often. If she chooses adoption your daughter will regain her life and future and she will have given someone else a priceless gift. I really think adoption is amazing. Becoming a mother will change her life forever and she is still a child. I just don't see how she will raise a child, it will be you and your husband raising the baby so I would encourage you to either make it legally yours or give the precious gift of parenthood to a family longing and praying for it.

Amanda - posted on 04/26/2011

166

39

7

Well 13 is a really young age to become a mother. I would consider her having the baby and putting him/her up for an adoption. I would defiantly NOT make her have an abortion b/c in my opinion it is wrong for anyone to kill a baby. There are plenty of married couples out there that want to have children and can't and there is no reason to end this life. However, if YOU are willing to care, and be responsible for this baby for the most part and your child that is having the baby then go for it. Best wishes to your family. Praying for your situation

Talea - posted on 04/26/2011

95

43

11

I've seen a ton of replies with abortion and adoption. While I don't support abortion, I was going to give my son up for adoption. If you are willing to be there for your daughter, make sure she gets the guidance she needs to become a parent and there are resources for this - this can be done and not be the horror some are saying it will be. Again HARD, but doable. 13 is incredibly young, I was 17, had my first miscarriage at 15 right after I was given birth control pills and I went nuts with boys looking for someone to love me. Counseling is really needed here for the underlying issues, the reality check will come soon enough if it hasn't started already. I have to admit though one of the most profound moments of my life came when my son saw a billboard for an abortion clinic and he started crying and said "Thank you mom for not killing me". I had no clue he even know what abortion was, he was in 3rd grade and we had never talked about it. My life has not been easy by any means and I guess you could have said I "ruined" it by keeping him. I only went to one quarter of college and did horribly because I was working 3 part time jobs, raising him, and going to college full time. I have not been able to make it back since. I have never been paid more then $8.50 an hour in my life, I missed out on a lot of fun my peers got to enjoy, and had many many sleepless nights. What I got instead was an amazing son whose smile lit up my life and made me want to be a better person. I learned life isn't about what I can do for me, but what I can do for others. I learned unconditional love. I learned to be a productive part of my community. I learned that love is most certainly not sex. I have gained a wonderful husband and been married for almost 13 years now. I have had 3 more miscarriages teaching me life is precious. I have given birth to 2 more boys and a girl. I have become a "mom" to a number of their friends and have stood in the gap for one in particular who was being molested. I have found strength, unconditional love, and enough wisdom to know that in life you never stop learning or growing. I wouldn't change those hard times because they have made me who I am. I am eternally grateful for my Mom's strength in particular, because she is the one who stood in the gap for me. I really wish you well in this and know you and your family are in my prayer. My life isn't easy, especially not financially, but it is rewarding, and I am happy. I had to go through some really hard times, homelessness included (giving temp custody to my mom), but it has made me who I am and I am grateful. Life won't end because your daughter has a baby. It will be hard, and adoption may very well be the best course in your situation depending on your daughters strength and maturity, but even then it's not the end all be all so many are making it seem. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Talea - posted on 04/26/2011

95

43

11

I was a teen mom. I was a little older but I have suffered mild incontinence since my sons birth. I was not taken from my parents home. If you support her decision then you shouldn't have anything to worry about losing her. Make sure she gets her prenatal care, make counselling available (many crisis pregnancy centers offer this free and they can earn mommy points or mommy cash to pick up things for the baby in their "store" of donated goods). Just help her through this as it's a difficult time for adult women as a teen mom it can and is often pretty traumatic especially in the public school systems. She will need LOTS of unconditional love and support to make it. This road is a hard one to face, but a rewarding one.

( my son is now 18 has received a presidential scholarship award and will be attending college this fall (two came to him instead of him going to them) as well as looking into officer training for the Air Force due to his ROTC experience)

Patsy - posted on 04/26/2011

2

0

0

13 and pregnant? I have a 12 1/2 yr old son, couldn't imagine him having sex, he is still a child!

[deleted account]

Shes already with child so theres no looking back and saying shes to young etc.
I don't see why cps would take your kids.She has made her choice and now not only does your daughter need your help.You as parents need help and advice to.Cps is not to be feared and if you speak with them and ask them to point you in the right direction in support groups for you as parents and your daughter as well.Its a choice that you are all going to lean from.Especially your daughter.Don't fear, but find out all you need to know and go from there.Your daughter needs to know how lucky she is to have your support but its not going to be easy and make sure she knows, this baby is her full responsibility.Also once shes being seen my doctors etc they will maybe advise parenting class before and after the baby is born.I think they would really benefit her.Especially before the birth.

Jessica - posted on 04/26/2011

6

0

0

Waaayy too young. If that was my daughter taking the responsibility of a child i would make her do everything on her own xxx

Jenn - posted on 04/26/2011

283

10

13

S King- People are suggesting abortion, along with adoption and keeping the baby because she posted on a message board asking for people to give their opinions and as you are aware, everybody has a different opinion. When you post on a message board you have to be ready to accept that some people will disagree and that you wont like every post you read. I personally suggested abortion or adoption, simply because i feel that those options should be strongly considered, given the fact the we are talking about a little girl who is barely out of primary school and barely old enough to babysit. Unless of course the mom is willing to do most of the child rearing, because that is most likely how it will turn out especially if she wants her child to finish school, she is only thirteen so she still has a least 4 years of school left. Sorry, but Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Cindy - posted on 04/26/2011

5

0

0

It sounds like you all are a loving family with the resources to raise a baby. My daughter got pregnant at 19 and I admit I freaked out. I admire you for seeming to handle this so well.

I would just say in this case these are "the consequences that might out weigh the reality of the situation." If a child's gets caught stealing - you pay the consequences then hope they learn a lesson. In this case there is so much more to consider. In today's society, a thirteen-year-old is not mentally, over the long haul, capable of raising a baby without creating even more consequences for them both.

I know a family that had a very similar situation, the parents of the mother raised the baby as her sister, keeping the family intact but allowing the young mother to finish school and college. They never hid the truth from anyone, including the child when she reached an age of understanding. As far as I know this worked well for them.

A tough situation that will require lots of love, patience and understanding from all. God bless and good luck to you all.

Mel - posted on 04/26/2011

5,539

58

226

Sherri - that is amazing! You must have really had your work cut out for you

Nikki - posted on 04/26/2011

9

0

1

I have to agree with most of the posts. Your daughter is too young to raise a baby, you will be doing most if not all the work (are you prepared for that?) and adoption may be an option you may want to consider. Your daughter can say all she wants that she take care of the baby but then she has a big test, wants to go the football game, the school dance and how will she support the baby? Is your family able to handle the financial aspects?



Sorry, I don't know your family at all, maybe all these things have already been discussed and planned for. Now I have another question. Where is the 14 yr old dad and his family in all this? Is he going to help? Are his parents?



Just saying there needs to be some long conversations ( and new rules about "alone time" with boys). Good luck no matter how your family decides to handle it.

Krista - posted on 04/26/2011

12,562

16

842

I second the suggestion of one of those teaching dolls. I don't think your girl has the first clue as to what she's gotten herself into. She's lucky to have such a supportive mom.

Where she's 5 months along, I definitely wouldn't recommend terminating the pregnancy. However, she may still want to consider adoption. 13 is SO young to be having a child, and in all honesty, Jennifer, I can bet you dollars to donuts that YOU'RE going to be doing most of the work in raising that baby.

One thing to add, though -- as soon as that baby is born and your daughter has healed, you need to march her down to the doctor's and get an IUD put in. Having a baby while a young teenager? That's tough. Having TWO babies while still a young teenager? That's disastrous.

Jennifer - posted on 04/26/2011

11

3

0

I appreciate everyone's thoughts on this matter, some post really though me for a loop, but everyone has their opinion and I respect that, I will do what is right for my family in this situation, like someone side you do not know what you would do till you are in this situation. No matter what my children do in life good or bad I will stand beside them or behind them but they will know I will always be there for them. Maybe I will have to eventually be the parent in this situation, I can only pray to God for his guidance and follow my heart and respect what she has decided to do in this situation after all it is her child. I say decision because he and the baby's daddy did not want to be separated,he said that no one could keep him from my daughter, well yes, I can even though they have a child it does not mean they will live together, he will have his daddy time with the baby no doubt. His family is not so supportive of this, so I have tried to keep my daughter from as little stress as possible her health and the babies are my concern.

Crystal - posted on 04/25/2011

2

9

0

I don't think CPS can take your children away because of the decision your 13 year old has made to keep her child.
But when you say "decision she has made to become pregnant" do u mean she became pregnant on purpose or it was just a happy accident? Either way its a bad way to be for a 13 year old. I wish you and ur family the best and pray for a happy and heathly baby for your daughter.

Constance - posted on 04/25/2011

2,651

24

136

having a child that is pregnant is not ideal but it can't be changed. You cannot judge how other parents show support for their child. I know I would support mine. You can't judge how you handle the situation until you ae in that situation.

Jenn - posted on 04/25/2011

283

10

13

I ammmm not saying that EVERY thirteen year old is the same. Yes I am sure there are thirteen year olds that are more fit parents then some thirty year olds, but i am saying that the the majority o0f thirteen year olds do not have the matureness and mental develop[ment to make such decisions and to raise a child on their own. Most of the time the parents of the pregnant child end up raising it. I simply would not allow it. She is barely out of primary school! She is barely old enough to babysit! Obviously each situation is different I am simply sharing my point of view. I have two kids and i am 23 now and i cant even imagine trying to parent at thirteen, I was still playing dolls with my sister I think!

Cindy - posted on 04/25/2011

1

0

0

I read over the other post and am reminded how many people are quick to pass judgement and offer their two cents. It seems like you're a loving supportive mother. Chances are you raised her right and she will be just fine. I just wanted to say I became pregnant at 15 and have my daughter at 16. Today I am 26 yr old. I have been happily married for over 5 year. Had 2 more children after I got married. I am a homeowner, a college student wth a 4.0 GPA, and have never been on welfare. More importantly my daugther a happy beautiful 10 years old who turned out to be more smarter, talent, and caring than I ever dreamed. You are loving and supportive towards your child and if CPS does bother to check in on your family thats what they will see.

User - posted on 04/25/2011

1

5

0

How will a 13 year old have the tools it takes to raise a child? There are millions of people in the world who would love the opportunity to have a child. CPS will be involved and it will be a very long process as we have seen this happen before. Maybe rethinking keeping the baby will help CPS to see that you know what is best for your children.

Veronique - posted on 04/25/2011

389

17

21

Well first i would like to say that my hat goes out to you and your husband for being so supportive in your daughter decision. Not many parents of a teen would even except there child keeping the baby. I'm personnally like you guys, if one of my daughters were to come home pregnant and wanted to keep it, i would so support them and help them as much as i could. My husband on the other hand would so kick them out so i guess if that ever happens i will be leaving with my daughters :)
Now CPS cannot take your children away because your daughter is pregnant. How many teens do you here have babies and were never taken from there home or siblings were never taken away.
Good luck :)

Chelsie - posted on 04/25/2011

28

17

5

I am really glad to a supportive parent. i had my son right after i turned 18 and my parents were very supportive of me keeping him, but my mom also only babysat for me to go to school and work. I know from experience that it is VERY hard to take care of a child and go to school and i believe that school is very important. I am now a high school graduate and finishing my first year of college, and none of it has been easy. She will need ALOT of support and help from you guys and will have to really want to finish school to be able to do it. It is not something that is impossible but very difficult. Make sure she knows that having a baby will change her whole life and limit what she will be able to do. most 13yr olds arent going to want to hang out with her if she has to take care of a baby the whole time. at first she might have friends that still want to hang out from the excitement of a baby but as time goes she will probably lose friends from not being able to go do the things her friends enjoy. I am very against abortion but she might be better off with an open adoption.

Patty - posted on 04/25/2011

21

14

1

I am a mom looking to adopt and after going through all the training, I would suggest contacting a local pregnancy counseling agency like Catholic Charities in your area. They can help her deal with all the emotions and give her what she will need to be thinking about to raise the child (and you). She will need this counseling for her future as much as the baby's future.

Like I said we are looking to adopt, but already adopted our first child in 2006 and her birthparents were both only 17. Their first plan was to keep her, but they both wanted to still go to school. They had the support of her family behind her on whatever decision they chose, but in the end they really were mature and decided that parenting was not the best option for them. We are very blessed to have them in our lives as birthparents and very luck that they gave us our little angel to care for and love. They are now in control of their lives and happy to say that they are all doing wonderful and we have a very open adoption. I wish you luck and hope that you find your answers. By the way Catholic Charities pregnancy counseling is free also.

Sherri - posted on 04/25/2011

1

11

0

I was 13 when I got pregnant, we married. Our parent's had to sign for us before a judge to get emancipated. WE had 6 son's then after number 6 was born we divorced. I was 21 by the time I had all of them. I accepted the Lord in my life & He's never left me. However I would never-ever let any of my sons get married at 13!! Food for thought. Pray...

Jennifer - posted on 04/25/2011

11

3

0

never thought of that idea but i will be talking to the school and her doctor. Thanks a bunch, she needs all to know the true reality of this situation.

Theresa - posted on 04/25/2011

1,310

22

231

Jennifer, no I don't think it's too early to be figuring these things out. It's great you and your daughter are talking about these things early. It gives her reality. Sometimes young people think the baby is going to be cute and fun, like a doll. Talking about all the practical things early lets her know there's a lot of work to it too. One other thing you can do to help her realize a little more clearly what to expect is to talk to her school, or her doc about getting one of those teaching dolls. The ones that record everything the "mother" does with them. They are programmed to cry and need to be changed and fed. Maybe having one of those for a couple weeks will get her a little more prepared for how it will be to have a real baby. I think you're a great mother for being so supportive. Best of luck to all of you.

Jennifer - posted on 04/25/2011

11

3

0

I do not want her too live on welfare, I want her to become a independent young lady, she can still achieve anything in life she does not have to become a statistic, she can and will be a success even with a child.

Jennifer - posted on 04/25/2011

11

3

0

I will do everything humanly possible to help her with her education and the baby, I am in my second year of college and work full time and care for my family I think pretty good so I only hope that she will see what I am doing and know that anything is possibly you just have to put your mind too it and you can and will accomplish it, we have already (I know it is too soon) made plans on how the babysitting situation is going to work, she will attend school, I will watch my grandchild till I go to work, grandmother will watch baby till she gets home from school, dad will come home and help her with the child till her school work is complete then she will assist I say assist because she has to learn how to take care of her child, which hopefully taking some classes may give her a little insight of what is too come. The baby is a gift from God and we will truly love him or her, my daughter has a really great support system in place.

Holly - posted on 04/25/2011

4

23

0

First of all, I must tell you that having your support is probably one of the best things to protect the health your daughter and her new child. But You must remember that it was HER decision to have the child and SHE must be responsible for all the actions taking care of the child. So many times the grandparents try to take over thinking they are "helping" and that is just not the case!! The Child having a Child is not a fun situation and she will see that soon enough. I am sure that you love your daughter or you wouldnt be as supportive as you are. It is hard to see your child go through things before they are ready, but the decision has obviously been made and she will benefit from understanding that midnight feedings are hard and crying for no reason at all happens to most babies, and that having to miss the party cuz you cant afford a babysitter is going to be a pain but you live with what you chose. Good luck and many blessings to you , your family , and your daughters new family ...I have been a single mom for a while and it isnt easy but I wouldnt trade a moment with my children!

Amanda - posted on 04/25/2011

387

29

49

I think it is wonderful that you are being supportive! My parents weren't supportive when I became pregnant with my first at 21!! That being said, are you going to continue to support her when you are the ones paying for a babysitter, when she wants to go out with her friends to parties, when she is working at McDonalds? What happens if you can convince her to go to college? Will her child go with her or will you keep it? As others have said, her chances of getting an education that she can use to make her and her baby's life better has just greatly decrease. If she does get an education, the chances of her getting a job where she uses it has greatly decreased. It will be harder for her to move away to where good employment is because she has relied on family to help her care for that baby for so long.

It was mentioned that when our grandparents were young it was common to have kids at 13 or 14. The difference is that at 13 or 14 those parents were usually married and living on their own, not with their parents still. They had 10 or 12 kids in hopes that half would survive childhood and grow up to work the farms. It was the social norm then. Now the norm in a more developed country is to wait, get an education, be able to provide support for your children. If you choose to keep the baby and raise it, that is one thing, but condemning her to a life of poverty for the rest of us to pay her bills and welfare is unfair to her and the rest of society.

Barb - posted on 04/25/2011

12

9

0

Jenn- Several years ago a friend of mines little girl had cancer at 9 after chemo we were all told she would never be a MOM. She spent weeks crying because that was all she had ever wanted. To grow up and be a Mom. We talked about adoption as an option for when she was grown. So when she was raped at 13 and found out she was pregnant her Mother was devistated. She tried to talk her daughter into an abortion. She asked for advise. She asked me to try and help her explain to her daughter. I told her no. I was not popular at first but the she actually listened. I reminded her that it was the only thing her daughter had always wanted and the doctors were shocked it had happend. That child is now almost 5. She is the most loved and most adored child I have EVER seen. Teh family came together and decide the child was a gift a little girl with a rough life really wanted and if she was willing to step up no one would stop her. My point is this child came from very adverse beginings. Your grand child has a loving stable family who is already on the same page. That cant be wrong. Follow your heart you will do well. Our prayers are with you and your family for a bright future. All the bumps will be worth the results of a loving family. Who could ever ask for more.

Jennifer - posted on 04/25/2011

11

3

0

She is five months pregnant, she is well aware of the things and the time she will now being losing, but as her parents we are going to help her in anyway we can, my daughter and I have both talked about parenting classes and she wants to go but wants me too go with her NO problem. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on this subject and I know what society sees as wrong but not to many years ago was our grandparents or great-grandparents having children at 13 or 14 and they did just fine, Did they not? I just wondering why it is so wrong now, and people before did not jump on the idea or abortion or adoption. I am sorry I am her mother and I get a little defensive. She made a decision that she must live with the consequence now and we are behind her on her decision.

Constance - posted on 04/24/2011

2,651

24

136

CPS has really chaged ove the years. You shouldn't have to worry about losing your children, if you are taking care of the them. Just keep supporting her she realy needs you. Even if sh doen't think she does.

Joanna - posted on 04/24/2011

40

0

3

Congratulations for supporting your daughter!
I do not know the CPS practices in Texas, so I can not comment on that, other than there should be no reason for them to take your children.
As far as her health goes, be sure she is eating an excellent diet. Lots of protein, lots of fruits and veggies, and lots of water. Make sure she is taking a good prenatal vitamin and getting plenty of moderate exercise. Find good prenatal classes for her so that she is educated on what is going to happen when the baby is born. Find a care provider that is going to give her care based on her pregnancy, not just her age. A 13 year old can have a perfectly healthy, normal pregnancy, labor and birth. She needs to be given that chance.
As far a those recommending an abortion- shame on you! Just because she is young does not mean that she should go to that extreme. Psychologically abortion is devastating. Physically, abortion can cause irreversible damage to her uterus. That is not something that anyone should recommend, especially to someone you have never met.

Kim - posted on 04/24/2011

5

6

0

Jenn - Remember not all people are alike and some young people have more maturity than they are given credit for and some older people far less. I don't advocate for all young people to have children but once pregnancy occurs, rules change and regardless of age the prospective parents have to be involved in any decision making - abortion / adoption against the parents wishes is shown to have long term emotional and mental health issues, as does keeping a child you do not want. I have been involved with many good parents and unfortunately many bad parents regardless of age. Support from family and friends or lack there of is usually a better indicator of how a person will cope with this role. Besides, we don't know all the details of this particular situation and need to make sure we are not coming across as sitting in judgement of this family - things happen that can't always be controlled, but can managed appropriately if everyone is willing to lend a hand.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms