My 13 year old is re-fusing to go to school, can anyone advise me what to do please?

[deleted account] ( 34 moms have responded )

I have a 13 year old daughter that refuses to go to school, she finds any illness or excuse not too go in. It is now stressing my other two children and myself, I have tried giving her things to make her go and still not helping. As far as I know she is not being bullied, as she has recently changed schools because of being bullied. She started of okay in the new school by going for the 1st month, but has now only had about 6 days in school since September. Can anyone help me with some advice please?



Leanne

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Shannon - posted on 12/15/2012

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It makes me think that SOMETHING is going on at school that you don't know about. I can't imagine the courage it takes for some kids to get up and get to school when they know they will be the target of something negative. Then again, the school environment just is not for everyone. It doesn't make them "bad" kids at all. It's just not their thing. As adults, we expect each and every child to happily go to school. What if each and every adult had to do the same job as everyone else. What if everyone suddenly had to have a desk job. How miserable would some adults be? or what if every adult had to suddenly become a roofer and brave the elements? How many adults would want to stay home every day? I would look into it. Go to her school and peek into her classroom. Peek in on her at lunch. Is she sitting by herself? Does she seem happy? If she has a facebook or text messaging, check it! Privacy is not your concern at this point. The health and safety of your child is! If everything at school checks out and she is just being lazy, well, that's another story. That's when you do have to put your foot down. I also would check into home schooling or online schools or something.

Michelle - posted on 12/13/2012

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At this point she is more than likely to far behind to finish her grade on time, I would seriously look into homeschooling or some kind of out reach program also I would look into some counseling to get to the bottom of her aversion to school

Michelle - posted on 12/18/2012

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With my children, I have found that the only way to get them to do things they don't want to is to give them a reason to want to. Taking away everything she enjoys will only lead to a miserable childhood, and destroy your relationship with your child. Make her work for the electricity needed to run those things... flip the power to her bedroom at the breaker box and make her "work" for it. Possibly a basket of sweet, or savory treats she enjoys would be worth the task of going willingly to school, but only allow her to choose 1 item from the basket each day to keep her going. The is a lot to be said for stickers too.... and you'd think that maybe 13 is too old for the ol' sticker trick, but there are some great stickers out there... scratch & sniff ones, fuzzy ones, favorite cartooon ones. TALK to her, calmly... I know it's hard ( I have five of my own) but force and yelling will NOT work. Work out a system of rewards for the desired behavior, but the desired behavior is not JUST to go to school, it is to go willingly! Keep in mind that the reward has to fit the deed, you wouldn't go to work without getting a paycheck, and it's likely she feels like that is exactly what she's doing.... offer to take her to get her nails done, or a -free- makeover at a department store! If you can't afford to pay to have her nails done, break out the polish and paint your toes together! It is likely that she is refusing to go to school because she has found that it is the most efficient way to get your attention. When you allow her to be in control of your emotions it turns into way more than just not going to school, it's about not understanding her place in life as a child. For me, I would explain the situation to the principal, and get the classwork that has been missed to bring home and be working on at home so she doesn't fall behind. I absolutly would not get into a struggle with her, you have to find a way make her want to go, not a way to force her to go. Offering things like hey, if you don't argue with me about going to school today, we can go swimming (hotels have heated pools they usually let you swim in for a couple bucks) or to a pond to feed some ducks, or play some board games, or paint your nails together.. or aomething, ANYTHING she would like to do together. She just wants you time and attention. Best wishes from Florida :o)

Kari Beth - posted on 12/17/2012

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Leanne, I have so much respect for you - continuing as you have parenting three kids and having to fight so hard for what your daughter needs, especially after your husband died. I struggled with severe depression myself in graduate school and continue to take antidepressants now (I'm 42). I have two girls that are 13 and 14 and I know how challenging some of these issues are!

I would suggest something counter to "conventional wisdom" - if she is struggling with grief and depression, leaving her to mope in an empty room will only let her sink deeper into dwelling on the bad stuff in the world. She needs something to help her start climbing out instead of sinking further. I don't know how you would best present this to your other children, but perhaps you could take them to school and then take her out for a "fun" day that you and she would have some chances to talk without it being so scary for her like a psychiatrist would be. OR...send the other kids off on a fun trip with a babysitter and have her help you with chores around the house. While you are (doing whatever) you could share things like "Times like this, I really miss him." or "I saw this show on TV about bullying and it got me thinking of how you used to get bullied at school." and see if any of it helps her open up. I find with my moody daughter, when she is being particularly obstinant and hateful, if I can get over myself and my own hurt feelings and go help her with the dishes (or whatever) and let her start talking, I'll find out all kinds of stuff. For instance, we had no idea she was worrying herself sick over getting a nice dress for her 8th grade graduation, for instance, but knowing that, we were lucky to find one at a SUPER price when Christmas shopping. I'm rambing now but I hope something is helpful.

I wish you all the best!

Sara - posted on 12/15/2012

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Wow. Why would home schooling be considered giving in to her? I would consider it as an option that is respectful of her needs and what is bothering her. If you don't respect your kids hurts and pains and see it only as manipulating you, how do you think they will treat you in your old age? What kind of kid are you raising? People become what they are told to be. Look at her and see she is in pain of some kind and find a way to help her! I would TRY very hard to find out the true reason why she doesn't want to go and then brainstorm with her and help her solve that problem. People see a kid and think "My kid is a brat who doesn't want to go to school", but I don't understand why that is. That "brat" might be having a terrible time in math and feels stupid and too embarrassed to say anything, or might be getting called names by a teacher or student, or might be having a hard time adjusting to a new school, or might be getting bullied, or might be really bored even because they already know everything! Its your job as a parent to find out somehow and help solve it. Home schooling, depending on the reason, can be a viable and awesome option, but I'd look into solving the problem at school first. Take care!

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Patricia - posted on 12/18/2012

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What are her reasons for not wanting to go. If she changed schools for bullying, she is in a new environment. Has she made any friends?

Sandra - posted on 12/18/2012

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If she was bullied in her last school, that could have put so much stress on her that she just can't deal with it. I don't know the whole situation so don't know the best advice but I know that school can be a tremendous stress for some kids while others deal with it fine. Education, however is very important. Have you thought about homeschooling?

Marissa - posted on 12/17/2012

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I did the same thing at that age. It only grew worse, and I eventually dropped out of school.I had social anxiety,sever depression, and I was picked on ruthlessly for my awkwardness by the girls, and sexually harassed by the boys. I had started using drugs and drinking, skipping school, trying to cope. The best thing you could do is offer her options, perhaps counciling, and above all else... Let her know how much you love her, liste

Michele - posted on 12/17/2012

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My son did this twice in his school career. I found out in 4th grade his teacher was the one bullying him. It took me a long time to find this out. He was scared to tell me. He had always liked school before this... She eventually took medical leave of absence when I wouldn't back down.
The next time was in Jr High School, he refused to go to school. Finally we worked it out that he did his work in the office. After a month of this, we found out that a kid had brought a gun to school and showed it to kids, which is why my son was afraid to go to school.
All you can do is try to work it out and sit down and with out badgering her find out what is bothering her so bad.
Sorry to you people who say your kid has a job of going to school. Sometimes, it isn't safe to work at a job where you are scared..

Deanna - posted on 12/17/2012

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This is a little known fact about being bullied. Once you are bullied at one school, it is easy to be bullied at another. Have you heard of Amanda Todd? She was bullied at 3 different schools before she killed herself this October.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_...
As a Mom, it's not what I want to hear. But I have been researching bullying for a few weeks for a newsletter I write an article for. And one of the things I was reading was signs your child was being bullied. And one of them was an aversion to school. Making any excuse not to go.
It is time you really talked to her about what is going on. Sit her down and ask her what is going on. Why are you refusing to go?
Have you thought about home-schooling, if that is possible?

Andrea - posted on 12/17/2012

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my son has been doing this since half way yr 7 . . he is about to finish year 8 . . i recently found out he is being bullied bykids out side of school over xbox. . they wont do it face to face due to his size and short temper. . i will approach these children with their oaprents in the holidays to adk fir it to stop. . if it diednt i will involve the school. . although i di find it surprising i havent been contacted by the school with all the unexplained abences as i refuse to write a note for him staying at home. . . .the thing is you cannot carry them into the school and they know it. . and they sre willing to tske whatever discipline at home to stay at home what do u do?? to those tha have commented . .if that was my child and insinuate we dont discipline our children. . i have only one thing to say . . dont comment on a topic you clearly have no understanding, as this is oit helping only making tge problem fir us mumsworse, by making us feel inadequate. . their are los of factors you dont know as noones lives are perfect . .and if your chilfren are wonderful and attend school everyday, i am happy for you but dont judge others

Anna Del C - posted on 12/17/2012

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They are on line schools you could try.
Talk with the Police in USA is illegal no to have your kids in school. Have them scare her into going.
Most school's districts have their own traveling teachers. They come to your house and interact with the child and then leave homework for them to do.
Take her to a Therapist
Don't give her any privileges until she goes. ( no money, no cell. no time in computer, no TV, no games, no friends, etc. You will have to see what works with her)
Make it boring or to much work to stay home and she will love to get out. (Give her house work to do at all times when she is home.)
Best wishes...

Anna del C. Dye
for clean tales of Elfs & Romance
http://www.annadelc.com

Roya - posted on 12/17/2012

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I wonder if you have a children's hospital where you live that has a psychiatric branch? Or a regular hospital with a psychiatric practice? Here in the DC area, Children's National Medical Center says that you can bring your child to their emergency room and request a psychiatric assessment, if the child is acting out terribly -- e.g., violence against themselves or others, or throwing an uncontrollable fit. This gets the child "in the system", where other help can be obtained. Ask a neighbor to help you get your daughter there when/if needed.

It also sounds as if your GP is not being assertive enough in helping you address this problem. Maybe you need to be more assertive with your GP and identify this as a truly emergency situation that you need help with NOW. At the moment, you are the best advocate for your child -- and although you may not feel up to it, you CAN do it and it sounds as if you MUST. Dig down deep for the strength to get her help!! We are all behind you!

Onyeche - posted on 12/17/2012

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Something's wrong here. I am guessing you are worried because this is more than her just wanting to not go because "she doesn't feel like it."

Are you certain that she is not being bullied in this new school? If you are 100%, then it could be a spillover effect from her experience in the older school. Perhaps counselling might be in order for her... Whatever it is, something happened at school to make her not want to go. You/Dad/any adult she trusts needs to try to lovingly get that information out of her, so you can make decisions.

Home schooling or a tutor in the meantime might be a way around it. At least she won't miss out what the rest of her class is learning this term.

Julie - posted on 12/16/2012

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Just a little heads up here , my daugter 21 and son 24 remember soooo much from roughly 5yrs old each ,lots of. Happy childhood memories to relate back to , believe me ,they also remember the passing of family members vividly ,as they tell me those sort of days are engrained in the mind as they played the events over and over in their mind in an attempt to process their thougts and feelings ,these 'experts' you refer to ,all seem to be fobbing you off ,,, hope u sort it out soon x

Shannon - posted on 12/16/2012

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Just because some "education people" don't advise you to home school does not mean that it wouldn't be for the best for her. Follow your instincts. You know your child better than they do. Of course, they don't want their enrollment numbers to go down but that's not your problem. Your daughter is your first priority.

Tracy - posted on 12/16/2012

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The crying, not caring, and easily agitated/mood swings (violence) are all signs of depression. Would it be so bad to call the cops on her if she gets treatment. Depression untreated leads to suicide in a lot of cases. What do they do with juvenile delinquents there? If she gets violent with you then the answer may be to call the cops so she would be put into a detention center or hospital because she could be "considered a danger to herself (suicide) or to others (hurting you)" which is what is required for an "involuntary commitment" in the states. They then are taken in and hospitalized and psychologically evaluated and if deemed okay they are released within 72 hours if not they then hold them longer for treatment.

I actually involuntarily committed myself after my dog died because I knew I needed help but did not have the money so I went to the public health and told them I had suicidal thoughts (no attempt just knew I needed help). I then was taken in to custody to protect myself. Once I was in the states care they had to pay for it but I had to follow all treatment requirements in order to be fully "released" from the states rules. I was sent to a psychiatric center (this is how I found out I was bipolar and stuff). I went to classes to learn about my particular diagnosis and to educate myself as to the signs, symptoms, my triggers, also about my medication management. When I was released the conditions I had to follow was to find and received medication management through a qualified doctor or facility along with an alcoholic evaluation and then follow any recommendations they made. They suggested an alcoholic education class. I had taken one years before so I called them and left a message telling them I thought it would be redundant and a waste of money of which I had none of and I never heard anything ever again so my case was then closed.

I would say this is definitely psychological and she needs help (which you know). I of course am in the states so I can not tell you about your laws in the UK but I suggest you start there and find out exactly what would happen if she was to be taken into custody and if there were charges could they be plea bargained down to probation with mandatory psych evaluation with mandatory follow up care. You can not physically force her to do anything, and she is right however, you may be able to make her "choices" rather unfavorable jail, detention center, girls' home, or counseling. The choice will then be hers to make and her fate is her own.

You need to start with what would be the equivalent of our "county attorney" or the prosecuting attorney or even a criminal attorney so that if you called the cops what charges would be pressed on her and what type of sentences do those mandate. Explain the situation and that of course the wanted outcome is psychiatric care. A cop is not able to help. They can haul her in for a crime but that is where their jurisdiction ends. The criminal aspects of the action is why you need to talk to an attorney they are the ones that prosecute them and recommend sentencing so that you can find a way to have her comply with the law. Jail or counseling? I know which one I would take. I would not want to call the cops on my own kid but I also know it is my responsibility to do what is best for my child and if I have to send her to jail in order to get her psychiatric help I will. Best of Luck.

Dove - posted on 12/15/2012

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Children may not always forget. My 4.5 year old can tell you stories (and recall scenes from movies) that happened 2.5 years ago.

I'm sorry. I'm out of ideas. I hope you can find SOMEONE to help you with this situation. The school and her doctor are failing you both right now. There SHOULD be help out there.... I just don't know how to help you find it. :(

[deleted account]

Tracy when she's at home she is not aloud on the computer as it is always locked away as I only have a laptop, she is told to stay in her room so that she can't have those sorts of treats, I make things as boring as possible for her, to try and make her want to go back to school.
She has put violence towards me every time I try and get her to tidy up after herself, or try and get her to go back to school. I have told this to my GP and all they said is if she is doing this, then all you can do is call the police and have her arrested.
My GP has also said that most of my daughter's things that she says is wrong with herself, is 90% psychological and 10% real fact. She gets the panic attacks too and cries when I try and get her up for school, then tries to find some illness wrong with her so she doesn't have to go in.

[deleted account]

She re-fused to see them twice, and she has had everything taken away from her all she has in her bedroom is her bed and chest of draws. I have asked again for counseling again to my GP, and he said he will see what he can do. Also as for saying this (The longer she has gotten away with skipping school, the more it has strengthened her resolve to not go. Training any child starts in the cradle. Parents have to establish early their authority and the consequences of not obeying that authority. I do grieve with you and the situation you are facing.) Cherie not meaning to say this but I have been asking both of her schools for help and my GP's too, that she has been to recently, she has only been like this the past 1 an a half or so.
My husband that I had which was her step-father, is no longer with us as he past away 6 yrs ago on Dec 29th, and her father has never been there for her either and not wanted to bother with her. which could also be part of the problem too which my GP knows about, and I have asked if she could be depressed but to which I got no answer. I have told my daughter missing school is not an option, but she just doesn't care tells me I can't force her to go and I have even asked a police officer for help. This police officer work along side my daughter's school and even he said, that they can't do anything too help either.
I am in the UK and some education people think it's not advisable, for having children home schooling. Julie thanks for your comment as she has said at one point that, she doesn't like leaving me on my own as when my husband died 6 yrs ago she was brought home from school. I was on the floor crying, yes he was only her step-father but he had beeen there for her since she was 18 months old, to her he was her father but she also knew that she had a real father too. Then she asked what was the matter so I told her that while he was visiting his family in the North of the UK while we where in the South with my dad he passed away. Maybe that could be a reason why she is refusing to go to school? Also I have mention this to the GP also but they said that she wouldn't remember that as she was only 7 at the time and that children forget these things in time.

Tracy - posted on 12/15/2012

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First of all when she stays home what is she doing? Moping around, watching TV, playing video games, on the computer...all of which are more fun than school so I can see why she would want to stay home. The school says you can not home school or at least they will not give credit for it but you can still do it. Is she willing to do that? If she is willing to do that than you know it is not the school work but the school and something that happened or is going on there itself.

Not able to get out of bed or wanting to, sleeping a lot, no motivation, and being EASILY agitated are all signs of depression. Is she exhibiting violence towards you or suicidal tendencies you could then have her involuntarily committed and held for up to 72 hours or more for a psychological evaluation. Contact Department of Human Services yourself before somebody turns you in like the school incident you mentioned. I an not a big fan of DHS but they might suggest a detention center, or girls home which may convince her counseling might be a much better option. I would suggest a full psychological or even a psychiatric evaluation that specialize in juveniles.

When I was in middle school I would do similar things looking for any excuse not to go because I did not feel like going for a day other times it was because I always procrastinated (still do) and did not have my assignments done so I would fake being sick to do them then I would be behind in my homework and assignments for missing which then would get me so worked up I would get physically sick from panic attacks and I would miss more days and it just kept on in a circle. I was a straight A student and had no problems with the work...just doing it on time which continued into college until I ended up quitting I went back and quit again. It wasn't untill 22 years later I finally found out why...I am Bipolarl Disorder II, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Anxiety without Agoraphobia which was starting to exhibit itself at this time.

Sara - posted on 12/15/2012

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Sorry I just read you said you are not allowed to home school. Which state are you in? I thought almost all of them allowed some form of home schooling? Yes. I just checked it. Home schooling is legal in all states so whoever told you that you can't do it is feeding you a line of bull. Google it and do some research. Each state has its own requirements for home schooling, but you CAN do it if you decide to go that route.

Roya - posted on 12/15/2012

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My 11-year-old daughter had on-and-off school refusal for 2 years. It would manifest with her refusing to get up in the morning and go to school; she would stay in bed and read, regardless of what we did and said. She still passed each grade but fell further and further behind in math, the area she struggles with the most (and had the most anxiety around). We had some neuro-psychological testing done on her over the summer, and it confirmed what we suspected: that she has elements of oppositional defiance disorder (ODD), elements of ADD (impulsivity and difficulty focusing, especially in areas she is not strong in), and definitely anxiety -- which runs in my family. She was not bullied, but there were definitely social situations at school that were adding to the anxiety that came from feeling math was "over her head" and so on. The only recourse in her young brain was to avoid school altogether.

With pressure from school and advice my own therapist, I got her in to see a psychiatrist, who prescribed Zoloft for the anxiety. Also, I got her in with a very good therapist, whom she sees weekly (and luckily loves). By this point, she had missed 12 out of the first 24 days of school this year and was heading for having to repeat the grade.

With the advice of the child therapist, my husband and I had to do a behavioral intervention that made it clear that getting up for school is an event, not a process. The therapist coached us and, believe me, we really had to prepare for this! We removed all the books from our daughter's room because they were a distraction (some parents have to remove everything except the bed!). We told her ahead of time we were going to do this. Then we said, we are going to help you be successful in getting up and going to school. This is what will happen. You have a choice in the morning: You can set your alarm for 7 am, sit up, turn on your light, and then if you make it to breakfast on time, you can read a book there; and then if you make it outside in time for the carpool to get you, you can play on the iPad while you wait. OR -- if you won't set your alarm, then daddy and I will come in at 7 am, we will turn on the lights, turn on the radio, talk loudly (but calmly and in a friendly way), remove your covers, remove your pillow if needed, until you get up. The main thing, the therapist said, is we must remain CALM and FIRM during this whole process. My husband and I made a pact that he would help me not get wishy-washy, and I would help him remain calm and not yell.

The first morning we did it (and remember, she knew what was coming), we went in, talked loudly, played the radio, turned on all the lights, took her covers, had to actually remove them to the next room, etc. She didn't make it to school on time, but she did get there later that morning. That evening, she said "I'm setting my alarm and I will turn on the light and sit up." She realized it was the better of the two options. She has done it ever since, about 7 weeks.

We also had to make it clear that, every day she makes it to the carpool, she will get her screen time and her books for reading that day (and her dance class, if there was one scheduled). If she didn't make it to carpool, no screens, no books, no dance. These were important incentives.

The therapist is helping her overcome anxiety in various types of situations that she experiences it. The medication is helping with this, too. And thankfully, she has a wonderful math teacher this year who is helping her catch up.

Our family life is quite improved now, and I am thankful.

Julie - posted on 12/15/2012

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My niece was very much of the same ilk , flattely refusing to go ,pulling any stunt to stay at home .. After much stress and hair pulling out moments from her mum ,the reason was found to be that one of her friends had returned home from school one day to find her own mum collapsed on the floor and she later sadly died , my niece was absolutely terrified off going through the same trauma ... Its just a thought to take into mind , good luck xx

Cyndi - posted on 12/15/2012

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Are you in the states? Because if you are they cannot tell you you are not allowed to homeschool. You mayhave to do an online verson of it but they have to let you sign her out if you have a school in place.

Karen - posted on 12/15/2012

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She needs counseling to find out what is making her not want to go. YOU are the parent not her, if she wont do her Job (school IS a child's job) then make her get a real job. Most states allow kids as young as 12 to work on farms, some let the kids bus tables. Just letting her stay home without consequences is teaching her that she can do whatever she wants and is certainly NOT teaching her any personal responsibility. Do NOT home school her!!! It is just giving into her!

Cherie - posted on 12/14/2012

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I have nine children and have never had a problem of this kind so it is difficult for me to relate. If I have learned anything though, the problem did not just start. The root of the problem has been years in the making. By the time a child is thirteen years old they have formed a lot of their personality, whether obedient or rebellious. I do struggle with hearing that you tried giving her rewards if she went. It makes me wonder if this is a habit of a lifetime. Please do not get offended. I really only desire to help. Children need love and part of that love is rules and limits. Although I am not against rewarding your children from time to time, that should be the exception, not the rule and never for wrong behavior. The longer she has gotten away with skipping school, the more it has strengthened her resolve to not go. Training any child starts in the cradle. Parents have to establish early their authority and the consequences of not obeying that authority. I do grieve with you and the situation you are facing. I do not desire to discourage you. It may take serious, drastic and tough love to gain back your authority as a parent. When children control the home then disaster is sure to follow. You and your husband, if he is in the home, need to not give her choices. Demand and force her to attend school. Do not back down and do not give in. It will not be an easy road. I have many times had children who were upset with me for one reason or another. No parent enjoys feeling hated by their children, but your authority must be established as the rule. You might need to spend a day at school with her. Maybe you can talk to the teacher or others and seek any insight to possible problems; but, you need to make your daughter understand missing school is not an option. Life is not fair. There are bullies in world. There are situations that are unfair. This generation today more than ever wants to blame this and that for their actions. No one is to blame. How you handle the things that come your way is a choice you make. As rough as my childhood was (and it was very), others had it worse than me. Yet, they did not whine and complain and they learned to be responsible for their own actions. The sooner your daughter realizes that this is for her own good, the better off she will be. Get prepared for a struggle and for some rocky roads ahead, but resolve in your heart to not quit. Loving our children sometimes mean doing things they do not like because we know it is what is best for them. And, truthfully, that is what love is all about...doing what is best to make our children into loving, productive, and responsible adults.

Amanda - posted on 12/14/2012

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I would contact the school explain the situation. I contacted daughters. School. I call every day she is not sick or does feel like going to school I have her marked as truant. There is a truant officer, teachers, doctors involved. I also asked why she dislikes school. Ask for help from the school family doctor. Put her in counselling to see if there is a learning disability like ADHD or depression and have a physiological test done by the school and doctors to see if there is a problem. I did all of the above still working on it.


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Dove - posted on 12/14/2012

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I didn't mean physically drag her... as I couldn't do that even when my daughter was in the third grade... too big and strong.

You take away EVERYTHING she does and loves (computer, tv, phone, friends, etc...)... She can sit on her butt and read the dictionary all day if she doesn't want to go to school.

I can't imagine a counseling service refusing to see a child based off of one refusal. Get a second referral.

[deleted account]

I have dragged my daughter to school, but it didn't work as a police man saw what was going on and nearly arrested me. As he said I was closed to being classed as assaulting my daughter, I have asked the doctor to refer her to counseling. He referred her to seek some help, when I told her what the appointment was for, she refused to go and because of her doing that they now won't see her in the counseling services at all.
They said I am not aloud to home school my daughter, I have asked on a number of occasions and they keep telling me no. I have also asked the teachers for advice, and they were not much use either.
This is almost splitting up what little family I have left, and have no-one to turn too anymore for advice this is why I'm at my wits end now.

Dove - posted on 12/13/2012

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My kids learn from preschool age that going to school is their job. If there is a problem at the school I am more than willing to work w/ them, the teachers, etc... to figure out a solution to the problem, but we don't just bail on our duties in life.

If one of MY kids pulled this.... I would've been dragging their butt to school back in September and 'shadowing' them all day long... in front of their friends... for as long as it took for her to realize that I was not going to back down.

My daughter used to get head and stomach aches back in the third grade. I let her stay home a couple of times because of it, but after a while I realized that if she was having head and stomach pains THAT often (been to the doc, 'nothing' wrong) then she was just going to have to deal with it at school. I forced her to school ONE day crying her eyes out.... and haven't had to force her to school a single day since (in 3 years)... and yes, I've let her stay home when she's actually sick. I'm not 'that' mean. lol

Jodi - posted on 12/13/2012

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Have you talked to the teachers?

I am also a believer that it is very important for our children to realised that they have a role in the family. Just like my husband and I have jobs, so too do my children - one of their jobs is to go to school. It is THEIR responsibility to do that, it is MY responsibility to provide for them. Even my 8 year old talks about her job being to go to school and do her best.

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