My 15 yr old daughter hates me, All I have ever did was love her. Did I go wrong by loving her to much?

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/30/2011

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Have you had your child evaulated to see if she suffers from a mental disorder such as Bi-polar? Because as a bi-polar adult I can say that I did tell my mom I hated her or wanted to kill my brother. Maybe seek some kind of counseling like Marina suggested? Or a doctor to try and get her on some medications to regulate her behaivour.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/30/2011

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Most teenagers through a period of hating their parents. I agree with Savvy that it is a good idea to let her stay at her friends house for a week....then back home she comes. At that point, you can be speaking to different counselors to get you both into family therapy. She is only 15. If she was like 18 and in college, I would think your decision was fine. As Teresa said, more information needs to be given to us.

[deleted account]

So you gave custody of your daughter to someone else because she made you cry?

Sorry, I can't give any other input w/out more information. 'Love' means different things to different people and I have no clue what issues there are here.

[deleted account]

Well, there's your answer... bi-polar, ADHD, and ODD is a LOT for anyone to deal w/... My stepsister (became my stepsister at 14... I was already out of the house) has a bi-polar diagnosis and she put my dad and stepmom through all kinds of hell... in and out of therapy, group homes, mental health facilities.... you name it, she's probably been there. It is not YOU and it's not even HER.... it's the 'diseases'. Eventually you reach a point where there's really nothing more you can do. It's not giving up... it's letting go.

I do not, however, think that should happen at 15. I don't know this friend or her mom, but unless they are trained psychologists.... I would not be giving custody of my daughter to them. IF you are to have her somewhere that is NOT your home.... it needs to be w/ trained professionals.

Good luck w/ it all!

Michelle - posted on 10/30/2011

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You say she is diagnosed with Bi polar ADHD and ODD but is she being medicated for it, because if not this is probably the major problem you are dealing with. People with bi polar disorder need to be on meds to regulate their mood swings, and children with ODD tend to have very aggressive tendencies, My son who is 10 has ADHD and ODD and we have him on meds without them we cannot cope with his behavior he has no impulse control and can get very mean. If she is not medicated I think now might be the right time to look into it.

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/31/2011

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I'm a little confused myself. Most of them have said you can't love your child too much, it's not your fault and suggested what you can do.

And not to be rude, but you have to expect some women to be bitchy because they can when you ask for advice on a public forum.

[deleted account]

Who's post are YOU reading? I just reread the entire thing and I can't see any of what you are talking about??

Amy - posted on 10/31/2011

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I hate to admit it but when I was a teenager I made my mother cry on more then one occasion. I was nasty to her and a lot of teens get like that. My criteria for college was it had to be out of state, I started appreciating my parents again when I was 20. I'm really close to my mom parents now even though they're 4 hours away they come visit once a month. My mother would of never signed over rights to another mother she kept doing the best she could. It's a tough age and you need to be strong don't be afraid to ask for help from family, the school, therapists anyone! Good luck.

Bonnie - posted on 10/31/2011

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Honestly Maria, you more than likely have not done anything wrong. Teenagers go through periods of love and hate. That's just the way it is. I'm sure that deep down inside she loves you more than you will ever know. You might know it again within a few years.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/31/2011

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Maria, as parents we feel like we are doing our best, and trying to do everything right. Sometimes kids feel like they are wronged for some reason, especially if they have Bi polar disease. That is why I asked my question.

My sister is 36, and has bi polar. She blames everyone for everything, and does not hold herself accountable for ANYTHING! She is not medicated, and hasn't been since she was 17. She is getting worse daily.

You sending your daughter to someone elses house to live may conjure more hurt feelings down the road. I see how my sister treats all of us, especially when she is in a manic cycle. It has nothing to do with us, but definitely the way we treat her depends on the outcome when she is in a "good space". It is terrible to deal with.

Tina - posted on 10/30/2011

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one of my relies is going through something similar she's run away once. moved back with her mum then just before she turned 16 decided she was moving out she moved in with a woman we tried to tell her it wasn't a good idea. She got pregnant ended up getting kicked out by the woman who by the way assured the mother she was going to have curfews and so on. They're still having troubles hopefully it's just a phase alot of teenagers go through it varies a bit but alot of teenagers go through of phase of feeling sorry for themselves hate their parents. Give it time hopefully she'll come to her senses. Just assure her you love her no matter how she hurts you. So when she does really need someone to turn to she'll turn to you.

SHERRY - posted on 10/30/2011

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no thats tuff love every mother goes through that and if someone they didnt thats bs just let her know that no matter what you will always be there for herand you love her very much

Lynn - posted on 10/30/2011

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NO you can never love a child too much. You can spoil her too much. :) I was 15 once and thought that I that my mom was sooo dumb and we didn't get along. I always save that girls hate their mom when they are teenagers and then start to love them again when they get in their 20's. I think it is part horomones and other part finding out who she is. Just keep loving her but don't allow her to run over you. Good luck.

Katherine - posted on 10/30/2011

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All 15 year old's say they hate their mothers. Did something happen to bring this on?



I remember telling my mom the same thing.



Edit to add: How could she have hated you at 2? They don't even know what hate is. I agree with the counseling and mood disorder. I think she needs to be evaluated.

Liz - posted on 10/30/2011

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you havent really giving up u have stepped back it is very hard to do you need help to talk to someone and it will take more work to repair what has been lost there is alwas help if you ask for it go to a mental health organization they are there to help any age i cant say where you want wrong but if you dont go further than thats what you will do wrong

Maria - posted on 10/30/2011

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@ Marina you know sometimes there is no reason for a child to hate their mother, i have done nothing but love her and tried to do best as a single parent until she was 12 until I got married and she really doesn't have any problems with him just me. So if loving your child to much makes your child hate you then I guess that whats I get.

Maria - posted on 10/30/2011

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@ Meggy, she has been tested she is Bi-polar,ADHD,and ODD. And we have been through therpy for over 2 yrs.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/30/2011

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Finding a counselor or therapist that is a right fit can be a challenge. It really depends on how past your limit you are, and how much you want to give it your all. Maybe she needs to go to a group session with you...or maybe she will be better alone. Or both. It is not good what she has done to you......but what does she feel you have done to her????? She has to "hate" you for a reason.

Maria - posted on 10/30/2011

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Ok point taken. She has hated me since she was 2. Always talking about hurting or killing me. She said shes never been apart of my family, that she doesn't know why I had her. She is my only child and she has put me through living hell. The past 2 yrs things have gotten worst, because I have been sick. She has even got worst at been phyically with me, I'm lost for words and yes this is tearing me up. She has issues and blames me for everything and we have already did the therpy thing and it did not work.

Savvy Mama - posted on 10/30/2011

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That must be a really hard thing to go through! Sorry to hear you are having problems with your daughter! You might want to consider counseling and consult with an attorney before you make this decision. Perhaps your daughter has some underlying problem that she is not opening up about and taking it out on you?
If you do anything with allowing her to stay at her friends for the time being, put everything in writing with the friends mom, both of you sign in and have it notarized. This will make it a legalized document. Perhaps allowing the other mom to have open communication with the school, an emergency medical form... and an agreement of you are allowed to come pick up your daughter when you wish - allowing a phone call for prior notice; you should still have legal rights to her. Signing your rights away will mean you will not have any parental rights left whatsoever, and I don't think you want that.
Best of luck and keep us updated!!!

Maria - posted on 10/30/2011

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@ Meggy, she doesn't to be here with me anymore. She has already went and talked with her friends mom about staying with them. She hurt me so bad the other day that she made me cry. I give full custody to her friends mom. I can't take this anymore. I know that sounds a little harsh but I'm tired of it, I'm to sick to keep be stressed out with her. I do love her with all my heart and I love enough to let her go.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/30/2011

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She's 15. They all say they hate their moms at 15. Would you care to elaborate?

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