My 19 month old started having tantrums. . .Help

Andrea - posted on 12/05/2008 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I am seeking any and all advice on dealing with Tantrums, especially when he wants to climb out of the shopping cart and I can't carry him because I have a bad back.

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Amanda - posted on 08/17/2011

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come down to his eye level and speak calmly, ask him what the problem is. a lot of the time, children act out like this because they are feeling something they dont know how to handle yet, eg, frustration. i have heard that by staying in contact with them, just a touch or a cuddle can help in a lot of outbursts. if it doesnt work then i ignore the behaviour and continue doing what i was doing..never buy them something nice thinking it will calm them down and he will stop..it is just going to teach him that he gets a reward for the tantrum.. if you have said no in the first place then stick to it! good luck...and bugger anyone who is staring at you while theyre having a tantrum...its none of their business :)

Catherine - posted on 08/08/2011

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My third daughter was very advanced with her speech at this age. From her I learnt that toddlers are often trying to tell us much more than just 'I want'. It could be they want your feedback about a flower they saw on a label (just for example), and when they don't have the language to express this, they become quickly frustrated, which they can't deal with, and melt-down.
This probably doesn't help in the moment, but is worth considering with regards what triggers his tantrums.
I know some people swear by teaching babies and toddlers sign language as a way around this.

Danielle - posted on 12/07/2008

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I just let tantrums happen. If you take him out of the store every time he throws one, he's essentially getting what he wants and the tantrums will continue.



He's learning how to manipulate you and you need to show him that you are stronger. Try not to worry about the dirty looks you get from other people. My son would scream in the shopping cart and people would look at me like I was crazy for staying calm and continuing to shop, but the simple fact is that WE NEEDED FOOD! When your child figures out that he's not the boss, that he's not going to win, he'll stop.



Coming up with little sayings like "Heh, kids will be kids" or "I'm sure you threw a couple of these for your mom" at fellow shoppers helps. One of my favorites is "he's a member of your society. Say hello".



Some kids test you at every turn. You're establishing who's the boss. Don't let the tantrums win. It'll set a precedent that you won't be happy with later down the line.

Sarah - posted on 12/06/2008

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Distraction works for me little girl if I can catch the tantrum before it's in full force. I give her snacks for the shopping cart and if I see her starting to get bored I get her to help me with something (look for something, sing a song, etc).

Nicole - posted on 12/06/2008

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It's usually an attention thing, and looking at the age, it's just about time for the terrible two's. My daughter is the same age and we're always praising her for everything she does well, and she loves helping, so while in the shopping cart give him something to hold a box of something that might work and tell him that he's such a good boy for help mummy. They do grow out of it, on how fast all depends on how you deal with it... reward good behaviour with treats and sticker and lots of cuddles and kisses and eventually the tantrums get less and less, all kids want to do is make their parents happy. Also with the bad behaviour a good strong firm voice, no yelling, because it's then like a competition. Good luck!

Renee - posted on 12/05/2008

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Tantrums...best to ignore them while screaming, then talk it out after they stop. I was at a resturant a few weeks ago about a 3 year old boy was having a tantrum. The kid asked his mother for a sucker so he would "shut up". The mother gave him one, and 15 minutes later he was back screaming again. It is usually easier to give them what they want when you are in public, but they learn this very quickly and the tantrums normally get worse...from what I have seen. If you can, leave the kid(s) at home when you go out and tell them that they can go with you once they learn to behave. My mother did this with me when I was a child, and my sister did this with her twins...it worked.

Tina - posted on 12/05/2008

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Everytime I go anywhere, I always bring snacks with me. AND emergency snacks. During grocery shopping, I give my kids healthy snacks but there's a few times when I needed to pull out the emergency snack, which is a lollipops, candy. But when my kids are having tantrums at home, I let them have them. After they calm down, I sit and talk to them about. Hope this helps. :-)

Andrea - posted on 12/05/2008

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THANKS SO much fellow moms for all of the great advice. By the way, until what age in your experience did these tantrums last? :)

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Remember, this is so important to you young mothers - when your child throws a tantrum - ANY attention (including bad attention) from you is attention to your child.

Your child would rather be disciplined than ignored - that's the point of the tantrum - simply to get your attention. All of it.

Put your child somewhere safe (double padded playpen is what I used and I only had to use it once) and let your child scream it out in safety.

The SECOND that you hear them stop....even if it's just to get air! Go right to him and talk to him on the way....if he's still quiet - pick him up and cuddle him.

If when you're walking to him he starts up again stand with your back to him. If he escalates - walk out of the room and wait for a quiet opportunity again to go to him.

If you do this the tantrums will quit.

Stephanie - posted on 12/05/2008

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I really like the theories and stratedgies of Love and Logic created by Jim Faye and his son Dr. Charles Faye. I have met them both and listened to them speak. They have many books and resources available on their website www.loveandlogic.com. The theories have always made sense to me and have worked practically in my life with my 6 year old and 4 year old.

Nicola - posted on 12/05/2008

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my son is 3 and a half and i have always been "SOFT" with disipline but it has definetly been to my disadvantage! i now wont take screaming and in shops i leave everything and walk out usually by the time we get to the door hes calmed down and i go back and get my trolley but if he hasnt i take him into the car 4 a time out usually shops leave ur shopping especially if they have seen ur having difficulty with ur child! and i also believe in rewards 4 good behaviour if i go shopping with incident i wil buy my son a toy or sweet and let him use the toy car at the check out which is worth bein good 4! and id also say dont hold things against him by leep sayin things over and over children live in the moment once the bad behaviour is gone put it out of ur mind!

Cindy - posted on 12/05/2008

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Indeed a toughy. I guess sometimes kids are just gonna do what they are gonna do. I think it is often a way of getting attention. I agree that if it happens when you are out shopping, you will just have to take him out of the store and be stern with him. If he's not ready to be a good boy, then take him home. I dont think it's ever a good idea when they have a tantrum to give in to what they want. That will just teach him that it is ok to do. Good luck with it!

Hoi - posted on 12/05/2008

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This is all really good advice. Nothing to add except to always get down to your child's level and look him in the eyes when you're saying, "No." You don't ever have to yell or scream. Just be firm, say, "No," and warn him. If he acts out, make sure to follow through. It's tough, but if you keep at it, they'll be sure to know when Mommy means business. Good luck!

Heather - posted on 12/05/2008

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When my kids start having a tantrum, I do my best to simply ignore them until they calm down since it's usually a tactic to get their way or attention. Never give in if it's a tantrum to get something because then they will just throw a tantrum the next time you say no (I made that mistake a few times). I know you can't really ignore it when you're out shopping because other people start to look and you feel like you're being judged. If the cart comes with a belt, use it and make sure it isn't loose if it's adjustable. If it doesn't have a belt, just keep sitting him back down and tell him he isn't getting out of the cart and then continue you're shopping. If he doesn't calm down then, if it's possible, just leave the store and come back another time. When he's older, try letting him help you push the cart and stuff like that when he doesn't want to sit anymore. Hope it helps.

Jacqulynn - posted on 12/05/2008

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Um...I am trying to think... I know that I am in a program here where I live that we have daily dos such as brain builders, character builders, and such. E-Parenting is one of our daily dos. What that is, is describing emotions such as anger, happiness, sadness using words. So if he is home or out at the store use the word "no" in a stern but not overly loud voice but mean it. If he takes a tantrum say " are you mad? don't like it when mommy says no?" or I when my 11 month old takes a temper tantrum to get what he wants I ask him if it is getting him what he wants. like when he's in his stroller and wants to get picked up because his half sister is always picking his father's house, I tell him no, we are getting ready to leave I know your mad but I can't carry you home your too heavy. how about you stay in there and I will push you. There is always the award system that could work too. Reward good behavior, but don't condone bad.

Gretchen - posted on 12/05/2008

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Tough one!! Next time he throws a tantrum, take him right out of the store, (Leave the cart right where it is - if it makes you feel better, explain to an associate that you will be right back), march him out to the car and give him a time out or talking-to or whatever you do to discipline him, until he calms down. When he calms down, tell him why you did what you did, and ask him if he can behave well enough to go back in there. Good luck, tantrums are tough!! Hang in there!!

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