My 20 month old cries throughout the night often and when I go to her she is asleep - not wanting anything, but preventing me from sleeping. I think she is dreaming or maybe night terrors - any suggestions?

Rachelle - posted on 12/21/2008

Thanks for all the feedback, she slept through last night for the first time in months...... I'll see how we go.

Amanda - posted on 12/17/2008

My son does the same thing. My rule is to let him cry for about 10 minutes. If he stops in between there, then he was just dreaming, or lost his plug. If it's longer then that then he is awake. We also have a radio in his room that stays on all the time so there is a little bit of background noise for him to sleep to. When it's totally quiet, he doesn't seem to sleep all that well.

Lisa - posted on 12/17/2008

I have a simple suggestion, put yourself in her room at night in the dark, look around try to see things a sleeping child just waking up would see, are there any shadows that might be scary from her night light, have you changed anything around lately, a lovey or something she may be attached to that you just can't find or forgot. My son had the same problem at around the same age, and I realized after a few nights, there was a stuffed animal hanging on the wall, that when the nightlight hit it, caused some spooky looking shadows. After getting rid of that, and coming in to comfort him for a few minutes at a time, he was back to sleeping all the way through the night. Good luck hope this helps.

Amanda - posted on 12/17/2008

It might also be possible that she wakes up in her sleep, but is not awake (much like a sleep-walker). We discovered this with our son when he was just a few months old. We would be popping out of bed to check on him for crying or talking, go in & find that he was asleep. He still continues to do this now at the age of 5, but now he will walk in his sleep. How we were able to narrow it down to the sleep-walking at even an early age was to talk with our families. That is when I discovered that my husband had been a sleep-walker. Good Luck & I will be praying that you figure out what is going on with your baby.

Amanda - posted on 12/17/2008

A great book for explaining sleep issues is Dr Ferbers "solve your childs sleep problems". Even if you don't agree with the progressive waiting approach this book does a great job at exlaining their sleep issues and how to deal with them. My son had night terrors too...they lasted for longer than five minutes that is for sure. They were worse when he was over tired or in a different house (while on vacation). He "woke up" once and just looked at me with this vacant look and I realized that he didn't even realize that it was me. The fact is he wasn't even really awake and my turning on the light, trying to calm him and holding him just made it worse. I would highly recommend the book! My son also had big issues with any changes at night. For example...if he want to bed with the door closed and then during a normal night waking realized it was now open he would start crying and be very confused waking himself up fully and throwing a fit. He is just really sensitive to that. Now that he is older if the same thing happens he will tell me in the morning, "mom, you opened my door while I was sleeping, please don't do that." He is four now. Ferber likens it you rolling over at night and realizing your pillow is gone. You feel around for it and once you have found it you go back to sleep. What if it is gone? Then you wake up fully and look for it.

Hope you get if figured out...I know it was a tough time for us when my son was going through it.

Kelly - posted on 12/17/2008

Hi Rachelle

My step son has nights where he will wake crying and seem stressed he is 22month and has had them since he was about 7month old, he once woke screamig and shacking but all me n my fiance could do was comfort him until he was back to sleep, he often wakes crying and sometimes when we go upstairs he'll be fine by the time we've got to him but other times all we can do is talk softley to him n cuddle him back to sleep and as Vicki said below if it is just a short cry then after a few minuets she settles then she will most likely be fine and just had a bad dream but if she's constantly screaming we find it best not to pay too much attention (as he gets worse only because we've left the room) and talk softley, give him a kiss n cuddle give him his teddy then leave the room and this works to get him back to sleep and genrally settles him for the night. Good luck.

Tiffany - posted on 12/17/2008

Hi rachelle,

My little boy had night terrors. They started at about 3 months and came more gradual until it got to the point we could tell exactly what time they were going to happen. The thing about night terrors is really getting a dr. to believe you. I did my research and found out that in some cases it occurs when a childs sleep schedule is off (i.e took too long a nap or not long enough). It also normally starts 1 and 1/2 hours after the child goes to sleep. Litke Vicki asked how much time passes before you go and check on her. If it is a night terror you have to check her right away pick her up comfort her and turn on a light so that she can see everything. Night terrors also last about five mins. So you'll have to hold her and comfort her telling her "it's okay" and "here's mommie" and "mommies got you". I don't know what could be going on with your 20 month old but i'd thought it'd be helpful to tell you about Jack's night terrors so you can decide yourself. Oh and his stopped around 2 years old. He is 2 1/2 now. Hope you find this helpful

Vicki - posted on 12/17/2008

Hi Rachelle,
How long after your 20 month old cries do you go in and check, is very possible it is a dream or night terrors. Is it happening every night as you must be absolutely exhausted, I would suggest if it is only a short cry, one that you dont go in to her, things would be fine. Even at 20 months old kids definately know how to get our attention whether it is good or bad. Sounds to me more like an upsetting dream.
Vicki