My 20 year old daughter is smoking pot. How do I approach it?

Maureen - posted on 05/06/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I think my 20 year old daughter is smoking pot. I do not accept this whether she is an adult or not. She still lives with me when not away at college, but has been spending almost every free minute with her boyfriend and no one else. Any advice on how to handle this, what to say, what to do?

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Jocelyn - posted on 05/06/2011

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You can tell her "not in your house" but that's about it. She's an adult and her choices are her own. It's not the worst thing in the world for her to be doing.

Mimi - posted on 02/28/2014

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Heres some education. Pot is a drug. It has contraindications like any other drug. It has effects, and side effects. Not all the side effects are good either. It causes health issues too. Plus, it's not an organic, clean vegetable. It is produced with herbicides & pesticides as well - and the smoker is smoking (ingesting right into the lungs) the smoke & chemicals right into their lungs. Also, LOTS of drug users segue from pot to something else, something stronger. So that's another thing to worry about. Just because pot is a plant doesn't mean there's nothing to worry about.
- also, a general comment: "stop smoking pot because its illegal" isn't a good argument kids will listen too. They already know its illegal & they're still smoking it. So legality/illegality is not an issue for them. AND they can also say its legal in some states & that its legal for some medical conditions. So "illegal" is no real argument for them. ALSO, they feel if its legal in one instance, it's good for all instances - which isn't true. You don't smoke medical pot for a headache or stubbed toe. You smoke it for serious cancer conditions & the like. They confuse recreational use to get high with medical usage for seriously sick & dying patients. It's not the same. Also, medical marijuana is a particular marijuana, with its components & attributed highly regulated - not some pot off the street from some drug dealer whom you don't know & can't find if something goes wrong, and have no idea what his stuff has been laced with.

JuLeah - posted on 05/07/2011

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You actually have no control over what she does. If you don't want anyone living with you who smokes, kick her out. You have control over what you do.
You can say something once, maybe twice. After that, it is nagging and no one likes that - not helpful, won't work.
If your words are not respected after once, or maybe twice, take action. If you want her there, then you might be able to agree she won't smoke there, or be under the influences there, again, if she breaks her end of your agreement, you can't control that, just your reaction.

Jennie - posted on 05/06/2011

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There probably is not much you can do about it at the age she is at. However, I believe that no matter the age of our children, we should always sit them down once in a while to talk. Ask them whats going on, is there anything they want or need to talk about? I think it is highly important that children of all ages, know that they can trust and communicate about anything to their parents.

[deleted account]

I agree that there's not really much you can do except for let her know that you don't want it in your home, car, etc. As an adult, what she does when she's away from you is on her. I'm not saying smoking pot is the best thing in the world she could be doing, but look at it like this: it's not the worst thing she could be doing either. We all live and learn and do things we maybe shouldn't when we're younger so you just have to let her go and trust that you've raised her right. I don't think it would hurt though, if you expressed concern to her over it, but don't preach. Just let her know you love her, but that you don't think she's making smart decisions...and then let go.

*Disclaimer: I don't smoke pot anymore, but have absolutely no issue with it. In fact, my only issue with it is that it's not legal, and it should be, IMO.

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Mimi - posted on 02/28/2014

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There are effects or side effects to smoking pot. Here are a few ...
Regular users may find they lack motivation in their day-to-day lives, lose interest in things and lose touch with their friends. Also it is reported that frequent use of cannabis may affect the fertility of men and women.

Like tobacco, cannabis has lots of chemical that can cause lung disease and possibly cancer with long-term or heavy use. Cannabis can also make asthma worse, and cause wheezing in non-asthma sufferers.

Cannabis is often mixed with tobacco and smoked without a filter. You are therefore at risk from the harmful effects of tobacco as well.

Sonne - posted on 02/15/2014

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Just educate yourself. That way you will realize that smoking pot should not worry you. Just inform your daughter of treating weed on the same level as alcohol while driving and doing stuff where sobriety is a must. Open your mind!

Ali - posted on 05/11/2013

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Of course I would demand she never bring it in your home, but there really isn't much you can do when she isn't there. For the record, I'm sure half the moms on here have smoked pot at one time or another, and we're doing just fine. It's not going to lead into hard drugs unless she wants to seek out hard drugs. The gateway theory is utter crap. I don't agree with calling the cops over pot, unless you suspect she is dealing it. That is a whole other can of worms you don't want to be involved with. Pot is legal in two states now for recreational use, so the social attitudes are changing, but that doesn't mean your daughter shouldn't respect the house rules. I think the appropriate solution if you do catch her with it in your home would be to ask her to move out. When she pays her own bills, she can do as she wishes in her home.

Bonnie - posted on 05/07/2011

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She is 20. So not really much you can do. She lives with you, so if she is doing it in your house, well then you can have a say, but if it's outside somewhere else, it's her life.

Stifler's - posted on 05/06/2011

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I would ask her if there's anything going on that makes her want to smoke pot and be antisocial, but you can't really ban a 20 year old from smoking pot when you aren't around. Except for letting her know it's unacceptable in your house.

Jodi - posted on 05/06/2011

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And just for the record, my stepdaughter (who is 19) I am pretty sure smokes pot. There are photos on her FB of people smoking pot (not her, but her friends), so I am pretty sure she has given it a go, if not, smokes herself. My hubby and I just accept that she is an adult. Her choices are now hers to make.

Jodi - posted on 05/06/2011

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I agree with the other ladies. You really can't do anything about it. The only thing you can do is make it clear that she cannot smoke pot in YOUR house. But what she does outside of that you can't control. And neither should you. She is an adult, and this is her choice, whether you believe it is a good choice or not. You don't have to agree with her choices, and you can let her know you don't AGREE with her choice, but you will have to ACCEPT that it IS her choice.

[deleted account]

Not really much you CAN do about it, but if I found out it was in my house I'd call the cops on her (for a second offense, I'd give her the chance to change for a first offense).

It's not a popular opinion, but NO ONE smokes anything in or near my home if they want to actually come IN my home... illegal OR legal.

Tinker1987 - posted on 05/06/2011

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you do nothing,its her choice at that age,you can express you dont like it and when she is in your home she is not to have any on or around her....

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/06/2011

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What makes you think she is smoking pot? Just curious, have you ever smoked dope?

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/06/2011

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Unfortunatly there is nothing you can say. She's 20, reguardless of whether or not she stays with you when she is not at college... she is an adult. The only thing you can tell her is that you do not want it in your house, your car, or to have her stink so much like it when she is around. Seriously, there is absolutely nothing you can do.............

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