My 3 month old baby only wants to be breastfed when falling asleep, any advice?

Lisa - posted on 03/03/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

I'm desperate for advice or at least someone giving me a light at the end of the tunnel sort of thing. My almost 3.5 mo baby wants only to be breastfed, especially when going to sleep. I have been trying to get him to take the bottle for quite some time now. I've had various Wondersitters give him the bottle too. I've tried every bottle and nipple out there. He also won't take a binky to calm himself and have tried every one of those too.



He'll take the bottle if he's calm, but usually only really plays with it and might eat maybe an oz. or so at most. He's not getting drowsy taking it at all. My problem is that I can't go anywhere for longer then 2-3 hours because I need to be there to breastfeed him when it's time for a nap. NOTHING calms him (at least for long) except the breast. He gets tired, he needs the breast to sleep, I'm not there or trying to get someone else to get him down equals non-stop crying that ONLY escalates. He gets more tired, more hungry, more gassy as he cries his poor heart out until I have to relent and offer the boob or all my sitters leave me.



My oh so wonderful Wondersitter today said, "Wow, he really sounds like a squealing pig." I won't be using her anymore. It's true, but only I can say that about him.



My first was easy peasy compared to this one so I'm at my wits end. I'm not only older or very patient, but have a 2.5 yr. old who I adore that wants me and who I WANT to spend time with, but can't because of the little one. It's really making me resentful of the youngest and I feel trapped like some kind of prisoner. I am NOT into attachment parenting. I do not have the temperament for that. I'm also not a whole hearted CIO/extinction kind of person for a child this young. I'm somewhere in between. I will usually always go to him and pick him up when he's crying and I don't know what's wrong. After knowing and completing the task at hand (changing diaper, etc.) I will allow him to cry the Ferber method of 5, 10, 15, 20. After the second 20 minute cycle I can not take it and will comply to him because by that time I feel he either must be hungry or have a dirty diaper from all the screaming. As soon as he's in my arms he's happy as a clam. He's so darn cute, but this seems to infuriate me more because I know it's not pain he's in or anything else.



As for naps, they're horrible, especially in the mornings because I have so many appointments to run at different times with my older one. He usually naps on the go if he can stop crying long enough. Somewhere around 2-3 he will go down for a long nap, but I either have to take him into my bed and sleep there with him for a while or sometimes I can nurse in the rocker. BUT, he only sleeps long if he's in my bed. I put the heating pad on to warm it up beforehand, the room is dark and I have white noise playing.



For the night he's usually pretty good. We usually take a bath around 6 and try to swaddle/rock/breastfeed him down with both breasts (10-13 minutes each) by 7 where he then goes into his own bassinet beside the bed with heated area from pad, white noise, darkness. He can awake to certain sounds throughout the night so I've banned my husband from our room because he's always snoring and have almost kicked out the dog for making noise! He will then sleep to about 12-2, wake, I'll feed both breasts and he's down pretty easy. Depending on when he wakes he'll then get up again about 3-5. This one's harder to get him down, but doable. I usually have to change him after the first breast. This is tricky because on the second breast is where he usually likes to have a bowel movement at minute 10. This means another diaper change and then he's too awake and mostly fed to go down soon which keeps me up for another 20-45 minutes until he wants to go back to sleep. When he wakes at 4, I get even luckier. He then usually proceeds to wake up every hour to hour and a half until I "like" to get up at 7. That's why I tried the CIO until 20 minutes thing the other morning because I was so desperately tired. So he cried for 1.5 hours pretty much straight through with him calming a little now and then, but then back up to pig squeal again. I got up and breastfed him then and he went to bed for another hour or so.



Using my husband to help feed him won't work which is a whole other story. He's more impatient then me, thinks I've "spoiled" the kid and the baby doesn't take the bottle. If I left the LO with him during the day the child would be crying the entire time & he wouldn't care. He's horrible with newborns, but is MUCH better with our toddler.



Luckily I can work mostly from home, but if I had the opportunity to take work outside the house I can't right now. I can't even get my hair done (and it needs it) because it's usually a 3-4 hr ordeal.



Other things that might be a problem with just general mood would be growth spurts which i think he already had and he's most likely teething now too. My first and myself had teeth before the age of 4 months. And pretty sure he doesn't have reflux. He's not a huge spitter upper. Other then that can't think of anything. Except maybe blowouts, he has at least one if not 4 per day. I noticed that he sleeps better if he doesn't poo during the night and gets to bed earlier, which both are rare. While writing this I have now changed him 3 times in the last 15 minutes. Yea, my life!



What do I need to do? Did I cause this? Do I get a part-time nanny who will take on the stress of a crying child, breastfeed him the rest of my life or CIO & don't stop? I'm going nuts! I have very supportive friends here, no family, but need some others perspective now. Also, on a side note, I need to have him share a room soon and am wondering how that works with his wakefulness & early bedtime, whereas his sis is more 8-8:30?



Thanks. Felt good to vent. Sorry so long, but wanted to give you all the details.