My 3 yr old grandson has has angry problems, bite's, bangs his head on anything hard. Any help out?

Kelli - posted on 12/31/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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He bangs his head on anything hard, spits, will pinch and/or bite his mom. This happens when he gets angry or embrassed. He is only 3 yrs old.

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Edelyn - posted on 12/31/2009

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This will be self limiting. At 3 years old children are really learning HOW to handle frustration. It is important that when he tries to bite or spit at his mom she immediately grab his hands or cover his mouth and hold him and yell NO!!! Then say to him it's ok to be angry but you can't hurt mommy or be mean to her when you are angry. Tell him he can yell or clench his fists if he must but no hurtful things. I would also pull him away from whatever situation he was in to give him a little chill time. Sometimes just the startle yell of NO eventually will stop the behavior too. Then when he starts showing more positive behaviors I would hug him and say, "Good boy...mommy is very proud of you how you handled your anger"!!! Kids are not born knowing right from wrong....we have to show them one bite at a time!!! Good luck!!!!

Danielle - posted on 12/31/2009

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once I made this little 2 yr old girl I had in daycare look at the bite mark she would make on another friend, or a teacher, to "see" and process the damage she'd done... then I'd make her look in the person's face and say sorry... she'd always try to run off or say it quick so she wouldn't have to deal with what she'd done, but I had her by the arm and I wouldn't let her... then she started feeling bad about doing it after a while, and she stopped.

Amanda - posted on 12/31/2009

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Yes get him some help..He can't tell you what's wrong but he needs to find a healthy outlet. I would get him to a child counselor immediately.

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Oh & when all else fails I just sit on the floor & hug her if I can catch her before the total melt down starts. I try to give her just a little quiet moment to try & bring her stress level down to kinda reboot her system & let her start all over telling me what she wants. For example if I'm cooking dinner & she runs in screaming & tearful I get down to her level, I give her my hand & I tell her to tell / show mama what she wants. Sometimes it is as simple as the dog is on her blanket, or her book is stuck in the sofa, but by giving her that little bit of attention I was able to diffuse the situation before she went full blown bonkers, other times it is not so easy. I never yell or raise my voice & sometimes it can be hard. i know this may sound kinda lame, but it works for me 90% of the time.

Peggy - posted on 12/31/2009

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time out in a corner works for mine... and the longer he throws the fit, bangs his head or hits, the longer he stays... I was hard for me as this is my first grandchild, but I take care of him everyday during the week. And I get so tired of diciplining him ALL the time. Decclan does it mostly when he doesn't get his way. He'll be 4 in March so it is getting better.. Everyone always talks about 'terrible twos" I think 3 is WAY worse!! Also too, this last year he got a new baby brother who is 1 today!...sometimes, it flairs up...but it's far and few between as he's getting older...Decclan does that when he was hungry too...hope it helps!

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My daugter started the whole head banging thing. She would smash her head into our hard wood floors, it didn't last too long. Our Dr says it is self limiting behavior due to the fact it is so painful, to let her do it, & don't worry. Now 6 months later she just taps her head on things. When I know she is going to cut a good fit I bring her over to a safe carpeted area & let her go wild, she thrashes, kicks in a circle, screams bloody murder, and taps her head on the carpet. I just let her get it out & I don't give her attention while she is doing it. I tell her mommy loves her & I understand that she must be frustrated (even though I know it is useless). She is about to be two & doesn't have enough verbal skills to tell me whats wrong yet. When she is done I give her hugs & kisses. When she is angry she also will grab, pinch, & squeeze. I pull her off me & tell her it is not nice & I won't pay attention to her until she stops. She has not started biting yet, it seems boys bite more. You have to kinda diffuse them before they get to that raging anger point. I don't hit her because that is a mixed message, why is it okay for mommy but not for her. I try to get her calmed down before she gets too wound up & I find this happens a lot when she is hungry & cranky. Your not alone, a lot of us are having this problem.

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