my 3yr old WONT listen to me ever unless i scream at her.??i am tired of yelling at her.

YADIRA - posted on 04/05/2010 ( 192 moms have responded )

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i have tried time out...she will sit there all day, i take her toys away.. she doesnt care, i hate saying kendal no, kendal please stop, kendal i said no, please baby stop, finally KENAL I SAID STOP IT! i never wanted to be a yeller.. plus i think it hurts me to have to yell at my daughter to get her to listen to me =0( what can i do? i am ready to call super nanny..lol

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Donna - posted on 04/05/2010

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Positive praise works brilliantly at this age, praise up act the loon sing dance congratulate her for behaviour that you want from her more so when she is doing it without realising, it is also not what you say but how you say things that have the impact, change the tone of your voice and as silly as it sounds whisper at her ( I know thats not always possible or pratical so this one is flexible) you will find she has gotten used to you speaking loud at her so it now has no impact. If I can find it I have some information from a positive parenting course that I went on and I will send it to you, It may take me a few days thou so please be patient with me but in the meentime good luck

Lisa - posted on 04/06/2010

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Theres this thing called a spanking. You will probably only have to do it once. I had to do it once on the first kid, when she was about 3. She had the same problem, didn't want to listen. I tried everything else before, and nothing worked. Then one day she was walking with me to the car at the mall. She got this bright idea that she should tear away from my hand and try to run away from me. She thought it was really funny, and that we were playing a game. Right when she did it, a car ran by and I swear had I not been fast enough it would have hit her!!! I cried and and cried, because it was such a close call, and then I tried to explain that is why she needs to listen. She said she would, but then later that evening, she was back to her old shenanigans, and jumping off furniture and throwing her sippy cup. So then I started counting 1, 2, 3. I warned her that if she didn't stop, she would get a spankin. She kept right up, and when I got to 3, I gave her a little swat! You don't have to spank them hard, but you do have to be firm, and actually spank them on 3. After that, I never had a problem with her. She is almost 8 now. And my second one probably would have been just as hard and defiant, but I learned from the first one, so my two year old listens really well. I ended up having to spank him only once twice. After that, they would stop if you told them stop, or go make them self's busy with something else more entertaining. Now, kids will be kids, and sometimes they won't listen or zone you out, or they may be having so much fun, they simply don't hear you. Your just going to have to pick your battles. I just learned early on that you have to be firm with them on listen in case it is something that could be dangerous. I find that yelling doesn't work, and that talking to her calmly about what it is that she is doing will go a long way! Along with positive re-enforcement. And again, if my little one was really acting up, and wouldn't stop doing things that are annoying or what ever it is. She may be simply trying to get your attention!!! Sometimes they just want to be held, and read a story, or they just want Mommy and me time and to be coddled. Sometimes I will take a break from what ever it is, and ask them what it is that they want. My daughter will usually tell me she wants to talk, or use my phone. And my son will grab my hand and have me sit on the couch to watch Nio Ki-lan, while I scratch his back or his little belly. Sit down, talk to your daughter, ask her why she acts like this, and what she thinks you should do about it. Then tell her how much you love her, and that if she doesn't listen, that you might have to give her a spakin the next time she starts to misbehave. Tell her that you don't want to have to resort to that, and that you will give her to a count of three. Then the next time she starts to misbehave, I would remind her of the previous conversation, and tell her that you will give her to the count of three to calm down and talk to you. There are a million things you can try, but you do need to be firm with her, and get a hold of her attention now while she is small, or other wise it might only get worse as she gets older. My husband comes from an outlandishly huge family! He has 51 first cousins. Everyone in his family has between 3-6 kids. He even has one aunt who is on baby number 15! We have seen all kinds of behavior problems. But the kids who got a spanking early on are the ones that are well behaved and usually only have to be reminded. But we have about three entire familys that don't believe in spankings, and those kids were the worst kids, and some of them came out to have all kinds of problems in school, fighting, screaming at their parents, DUI's, arrests for minor things, and few had even had drug problems. All the families that were firm with their actions had great kids!! They excelled, some of them are doctors, lawyers, and a bunch of nurses, a few police officers, and I think most of the rest are still growing up, but doing so well! My daughter who is 7 almost 8 is a second grader, but on a third grade curriculum. She is brilliant, and listens very well. My son that is two, we still call him the destroyer, and he is fearless of anything, but he usually listens. :) Good luck to you and your daughter!!!

Devin - posted on 04/05/2010

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If nothing changes you might want to talk to your doctor. This may seem extreme, but I just found out that my 6yr old son has a condition called CAPD. Although it's not rare, it is often misdiagnosed. We knew when he was your daughter's age that something was wrong. No matter what we said, he seemed to just not care. It was very frustrating. When he started school is when things started getting worse. Turns out my poor baby only retains about 4% of what he hears and reads. This is treatable and we are able to turn it around because we caught it early. Just pay attention.....sometimes what looks like a behavior problem might not be.

Ene - posted on 04/05/2010

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Hi, you have to stop yelling. She's getting into you and that's because she's spot your weakness. Before long, you might actually alienate your child because she might grow to either be afraid of you or simply not care because all you do is yell, right? Get it? My daughter began alienating her dad at age one because all he ever did was yell. You must be patient with kids no matter how frustrating the situation because you must be seen as always being in control. my friend's daughter laughs at her parents when they yell and spank her because that's all they ever did. And now, disciplining her is like a waste of time because it doesn't bother her. You must do more talking than yelling. I know it's tough but please, assure her that you are her friend - keep assuring her all of the time; give her positive reinforcements. Even if you must yell, do it rarely. You can punish her but you have to find something that is dear to her that will actually make an effect. If she loves music, sing to her - I sing rhymes when I want to instruct my daughter and when she does something right, I hug her, I tell her how much I love her and I reward her. You must hug her every now and then in a day, tell and show her you love her and you must be patient. Gradually, you will win her over. If you have time, spend quality time playing and doing things she loves. And if you used to spoil her, then you have to stop that as well. She didn't become difficult in a day - one lapse here or there might have been responsible. So, discipline with love. And you can ignore some tantrums too. It isn't everything that you yell at or be bothered by. So long as it is harmless, ignore her. Silence is another thing that works with kids so do ignore her sometimes. Never stop talking because she'll understand much more.

Amanda - posted on 04/19/2010

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First of all screaming does nothing, it just makes them tone you out faster. and secondly it has been proven by doctors and studies that at that age after the first sentence or two, you have totally lost there attention, even if she can repeat it, that don't mean she will retain it, so more then likely she will not remember it 5 seconds later. So stop yelling it only stresses you out and does nothing for your child but teach her its OK to be loud and out of control. I have 5 kids they are 3 years old to just turned 12. I have always found that actions speak louder then words. If I ask my kids to pick up there toys and they don't, I pick them up, and they don't have them, I also give them chores and we have several animals they have to help take care of. The point is if you have a day full of activities planned with and for your child there will be less time for them to get distracted and get into mischief. For example we have breakfast then we start laundry, I make a big deal of my youngest 3 and 4 year old's help, after a few chores we do something fun for them, like play dough, or play with their legos, its just about keeping them engaged and active. If they are constantly busy, there is no time for them to get into trouble and they learn to listen and respect you on a whole new level. After a full day of being active they are also more likely to go to bed with out a fuss because they are tired from having a very busy day full of planned activities that you chose to do with them. It enables the opportunity to open the lines of communication that will help her to trust you for a life time, so when she is older she feels safe coming to you when she is trying to make the hard decisions in her life about everything from boys, to what college she should attend, or what crowd she should be hanging out with. It'll make helping her through more difficult times a lot easier. It also teaches them the importance of good communication skills as well as a good work ethic, that will help in later years when you ask her when she is 16 to clean her room;)

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Lynnette - posted on 04/20/2010

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Here is what I'm trying with my neice if I tell her somthing the tv goes off .or when it is time for school I put a timer on for 3 to 5 minnutes see has to be down by the door when the timer beeps and this works

Allie - posted on 04/19/2010

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Yes, definitely play up the "good job -you picked up your toys so fast for mommy!" - or "you were such a good shopper today, you can have a popsicle!" (notice I said popsicle, not cake or ice cream....too much ice cream isn't good, but popsicles are like juice and kids need that anyways!!) A time out at her age should be only 3 minutes. Just make sure she knows why you put her there..."mommy sat you down for a time out because you __________". Age 3 is such a fun age, they are passed the "baby stages" and can do things for themselves, a lot of this is about her finding her independence. Just don't let the bad moments ruin the fun ones! :)

YADIRA - posted on 04/18/2010

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wow all i can say is being a mom is a tough job! i will continue and try but its so freakin hard... but i can say i am getting better....

Diana - posted on 04/18/2010

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Wow, I can't believe I just read all those posts, but this is a very crucial time in the life of your child. How we discipline our children obviously affects their whole life. My daughter is 26 now and my boys are 16 and 17. I tried spanking my daughter until age 5? maybe... didn't work so went to consequences...worked well when I was consistent. Don't make outlandish consequences because you have to stick to them. I never spanked the boys, but they did have time outs...not too lengthy, sitting in the corner of a room. I made them count to 40 even at age 3. They are both math whizzes now! ( keep in mind that I wouldn't have made them do that if they weren't able ) I did not need time outs past age 5. I appreciated Dayna's video because I realized that when I was the dictator, I had more battles. When I explained things to them (especially as they got older) about why it is important to go to bed at a reasonable time or why it's important to eat healthy foods they soon made the better choice on their own. She explained that our children are not dogs and we need to respect them. Treat them like you would want to be treated and guess what.. You would be amazed at how they will respond. All they really want from us is love and attention. When I began to pull myself away from things that kept me busy and started giving them more attention.. they began to behave in a manner that was pleasing to me. I did a lot of praising and thanking them when they did jobs for me and explained how it helped me so much. Now, with really little children you have to say "do you want this choice or this choice".. don't just give them ANYTHING they want or let them go to bed at midnight.!! I think this is what Dayna was saying. Walk in the middle somewhere between dictator and letting them run amuck. Most of all hold them, love them and tell them how much they mean to you. THey are all grown up much too fast. Take it from a mom whose kids will be out of the house soon. Say "good-bye" to the yeller you used to be. Take action. ANd most importantly ask God for divine guidance and pray a lot. We will be praying for you.

Mary - posted on 04/16/2010

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TALK TO HER USING A VOICE OF AUTHORITY DONT SCREAM IT DOESNT WORK SHE DOESNT HEAR YOU

Christine - posted on 04/16/2010

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Its really frustrating to have to first shout before she listens, i have a 31/2 yr old son who used to behave in almost the same way he was driving me nuts until my mother told me to learn and read his expectations, like when he is behaving funny i talk to him in a friendly manner but will tell him what he did was bad and i see his changinging or should i also say he is out growing the behaviour.try to talk nice even if you are angry commands and shouting does not help much at that age but being friendly does. which you luck

Pooh - posted on 04/15/2010

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I have 2 boys of my own and I also work with kids. Over the years I have realized kids just want attention. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. Praise her when she is doing something good or just staying out of trouble. When she is doing somthing that you would normally yell at her, try to set her attnetion on something else that is positive. I know with my boys that does not always work. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. If she is truly looking for attention, give her nothing. This may make her angry, but stay strong and continue trying to set her attention on something positive. This is a phase both my boys went through when they were younger. Good luck!

Tina - posted on 04/15/2010

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I have 4 children 3 which are under the age of 9 (9,7,&5)let me tell you I find myself yelling constantly it seems like if I don't nothing gets done. I've tried talking in calm voices and like I said they don't pay attention. We are on schedule everyday, school, homework, play time, dinner, bath,TV. During play time I get involved and that works during that time but any other time of the day I am yelling to get their responsibilties and chores done. My husband says calm down talk to them IT DOESN'T work they don't listen so I'm with you in needed help.

[deleted account]

Sounds like you're similar people who know how to press each other's buttons. Put her in her room, or your room, be aware she may trash the place, go and have a cup of tea/fag/chocolate, forgive yourself for getting mad at your lovely girl, then go tell her you love her. She's probably got herself all worked up, and is scared to death about being out of control and about losing you. You need to show her it isn't such a big deal. Discipline is only worth doing if she is capable of engaging in it.

Ameo - posted on 04/14/2010

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Hmmm, Yadira, somehow you jumped into my life and wrote down my thoughts :) I have no answer. I hate raising my voice, too, but sometimes it is necessary. Usually my 3 yo is looking for a different kind of attention, so I have to suddenly detour my plan. I'll take a moment to stop telling her what I want and maybe pick up her favorite book and read it with her. Then go back to what I need her to do (or not do). It's only about 50/50 successful, but that is better than me hollering and flashing forward in my mind to teen years being the exact same!!! Good luck. Post your successes.

Dawn - posted on 04/13/2010

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I can completely relate to this one. My almost 3 year old is VERY strong willed and perceptive. She just doesn't listen sometimes and while each situation is different, I find that a lot of times it's because she needs my time and attention. You have to be consistent and yelling doesn't work at all. I know what it's like to get to that point, but if you yell and scream she's s till not going to listen. Sometimes it just takes you redirecting and spending time with them to get them to get back on track and stop misbehaving! 5 minutes of play time with mom or dad can go a long way, and then you can get back to what you needed to get done!

Donna - posted on 04/12/2010

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As a mom of three grown children who are now starting families there is little I haven't experienced--the main thing with raising children is to be consistent--say what you mean and mean what you say--develop consequences for her actions--for instance set her down and explain that you will no longer be yelling, but you will calmly ask her one time (make sure you have her attention) to stop when she doesn't stop then give her a consequence, the next time you have to tell her for this same thing go to consequence number two--believe me it does work and pretty soon she will be doing what you ask --don't be afraid to use a little pop on the bottom as a consequence it gets the message through loud and clear and my children recieved several of them--and they are better people for it!!

Julie - posted on 04/11/2010

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Right now she needs you to listen to her and stop yelling. My sister did this at that age too.

Get down on her level and talk to her and find out why she is acting the way she is.

They won't pay attention to you if you're mad.

Rosemarie - posted on 04/11/2010

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Try ignoring her unless she may hurt herself. Sometimes they just want attention and even bad attention is wanted if they don't get enough otherwise or maybe try distracting her and getting her to do something else. Children have very short memory spans and sometimes forget almost immediately what you are yelling about or telling them.

Sherri - posted on 04/11/2010

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I hear you. I have the same problem with my 2 1/2 year old. I have tried counting backwards from 5 and after I get to 1 if she still isn't listening I take away something she really wants like treats or I put her in the corner for a couple of minutes she cries but she listens.

Sidney - posted on 04/10/2010

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I suggest that you tell her what you want and then ignore her. Completely even when she tries to talk to you. After awhile she may begin to listen to you without you yelling. When and if she does respond always speak to her in a low voice. Always

Lilia - posted on 04/10/2010

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lol i understand i have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and when he acts up she does to i feel the same way i learned with my daughter that its the age they will out grow it

Debbi (Grammy) - posted on 04/10/2010

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A parenting class is a must for you-a strong willed child can be a great blessing, as long as you have the tools to direct her. Get a class-ask her pediatrician for a referral for you to attend. In the meantime-YOU are the boss, and yelling only tells her that SHE is the boss. Stop yelling. If, after 1 or two specific requests to stop a behavior (Example: in a normal or quiet voice, directed at her face, where she can see your words as well as hear them, say "Kendal, you must stop touching the remote control right now, and do not touch it without my permission. If you stop right now, you may go play. If you do not stop right now, you will be taken to your room, and your toys and other fun things will be punished. Your toys will not be allowed in your room with you. Do you understand?" Then, FOLLOW THROUGH. If she puts down the remote, thank her right then for making such a good, big girl choice, and then put the remote where she cannot get to it. IF she yells, disobeys, etc. put her in her room, and let her see you remove ALL her toys, and fun things fro her room. Be sure to tell her she can come out of her room when she has decided to follow the rules, and then you will also put a toy back in her room for when she wants to play with it. Keep in mind, I am using the remote control only as an example. You know what rules you want in your home.

Hope that helps while you wait for a parenting class to start. God Bless your strong willed child, and you as well.

Wendy - posted on 04/10/2010

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Best to call super nanny and get some different ideas, another technique in mothering. Given that there are more than one way to do things, just think that if You were her age how would You want to be treated!!? I grew up with a mum who hit and reprimanded and needless to say she IS NOT my best friend. Is the child bored?!! Can she understand your adult frustrations (given shes little).. You dont have to yell..Surprise her by not yelling. Find a way to short circuit your learned and automatic behaviour...Good luck, make her childhood fun, I know it isnt always easy.. .

Crystal - posted on 04/10/2010

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I had the same problem with my son, time out didn't work because he could find ways to entertain himself. So we started making him stand in a corner with his nose to the wall. Now he can't see what everybody else is doing and he doesn't like that. He stands there for every minute of his age ei 3 years old = 3 minutes. If he turns around or leaves before we get him it we add another minute, we remind him of that before hand. Hope this helps and good luck!

Louise - posted on 04/10/2010

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My now 6 year old was the same way at age 3. I actually had a case worker come in to help us a bit cause we could never get along. She recommended the book unconditional parenting by Alfie Kohn. Excellent book. It helped me out a lot.

Renee - posted on 04/10/2010

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Direct her body away from what you want her to stop. Physically and gently move her as you talk about something new she can do. It's very hard for a child to feel like they are constantly doing something "wrong" as well. If she's endangering herself or others with something she's doing, that's when you yell! Save the yells for danger. It's more work for YOU to have to physically move yourself and redirect but in the end she'll have a better self-esteem.

Nursen - posted on 04/09/2010

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and, talk to her about how you feel when she does things you dont want her to do or say. For ex: I always tell my three year old; Dilara, when you dont eat your meal im worried about you. You have to eat so you can be a healty person, and so on.... it may not always work so i should always have a plan B lol

Nursen - posted on 04/09/2010

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Yes, you made a start by not yelling at her....like i said before, if you dont want her to do certain things give her options.....it always works.

Maria - posted on 04/09/2010

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My girl used to do that to me and one day I decided to let her know how I felt when she ignored me... I began to ignore her if she ignored me and it only took a couple of times before she would stop... It does feel awful, but as long as you know she is okay and nothing is wrong with her, it will work....

Chaniqua - posted on 04/09/2010

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Try taking what she loves the most away from her for example her favorite movie or toy. If u have to continuously repeat yourself and raise your voice take everything she enjoys away from her until she learns to listen and if she cries tell her that's how you feel when you have to yell at her or repeat yourself!! it has worked wonders with my son

Tania - posted on 04/09/2010

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I have two children who are beyond this stage... but I found that you have to determine their specific needs then work from there. Both children needed parameters and while they may not agree with them because of their age these boundaries are the cornerstones for their safety, them understanding virtues and you showing your requirements. My children had completely different personalities... you could look at one and that was enough to get her to stop doing anything she wasn't supposed to do. the other one, well distraction and positive reinforcement of good behavior was the way we succeeded. As he became older we got him to choose his punishment for bad behavior and he was probably harder on himself even as a small child then we would have been. Plus the advantage of this was he punished himself with things he really liked at that time. i.e. no Pokemon on TV (which was his favourite show) or no apples (which he loved more than lollies).

Seems a bit weird but it does work, my son did not react to smacking or yelling at all, he took it as a personal challenge even as a two year old and would either laugh at you are yell back. I prefer the word STOP as opposed to no and even though a young child doesn't always understand why, both my children benefited from being told why they could not do something. i.e. not allowed in the kitchen until they were 6 as my husband is a fireman and my mother a nurse. My goodness the accidents that occur in that room alone. My little man delighted in greeting young guests in to our house and setting out the rules. He felt in control and could advise his little friends of the dangers even though he was so young. So give it a go and you will be rewarded.... Good Luck:)

Ellen - posted on 04/09/2010

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I don't know if anybody has suggested this to you but, not wanting to be a 'Worry Wart' but have you had your daughter's ears checked out. She may have what we [in Queensland Au] call 'Glue Ear. It is when fluid builds up within the inner ear.

Failing that, do the basic things like getting her attention, get down at her level, eye to eye and then speak to her.

I was in grade school, long time ago, when dragons flew backwards, and it was found I had a serious hearing loss. It was a 'Tone Deafness'. I was 'tuned-into' my teacher but not to any other staff. Then [in the '50's] I had to have my ears drained. Today they can put 'Grommets' into the ear drums and this causes the pressure to be 'normalized' and hearing improved. # yr old are prime candidates for this condition. I hope this can help.

Jerilon - posted on 04/09/2010

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There are a lot of things you can do. First get the The 5 Love Languages and Personality Plus and read it. I think there is a Personality Plus for Children also. That will give you an idea of what your child is looking for in way of how to communicate and if you should push or back off. My oldest (5) and youngest (almost 1) are both Clarics. They are EXTREMELY STONG WILLED. Just like me i guess. I still butt heads with my daughter. I tried almost everything, time out, yelling, counting, corners, finally i had to resort to the dreaded S word. I had to actually spank her. Now, even though we still but heads, i do not need to spank as often as i once did. If you do not assert who is the boss she will run you down and run you over and you will both be miserable. It sounds like it may be starting already.

I know most people will faint when they read this, but i have been on one side of the gammet which is abuse and i DO NOT recommend that. Do not leave marks, welts, bruises, Do Not use brushes, boards, belts. The most that is needed is one good demonstration that you are serious and you mean what you say and it should get calmer.

Now that Namoi is older, she'll tell me when she needs special attention. We'll get away from freinds, daddy, brothers and just me and her do dinner and the mall. Even if we do not buy anything it is important to her that i just spend the time with her and that we talk. This may help you also, since it sounds like you have more than one.



Good luck and do be patient. It hurts while they are testing when they are young, but they do need to know their boundries or they will grow up to be horrible miserable teenagers.

[deleted account]

I have a large family and several of my children are either autistic, have ADHD or what have you. :-) So, I have learned lots! As other writers have said, positive reinforcements are the first line of defense -- catch her being good and praise her or spend a few minutes with her, telling her you are proud of her good behavior. Second line of defense is to redirect her into positive behavior. For instance, say she is throwing toys -- instead of scolding her, redirect her into a positive activity with you. It is called "extinguishing" -- you ignore the bad behavior and redirect her to a positive one. Some times it doesn't work -- but as you practice, it will work more and more. As she doesn't receive attention for the bad behavior, but instead receives attention for the good, the bad behaviors drop off. It doesn't sound like it would work, but it does. Another line of defense is options -- give her a little control by saying things like "do you want to turn the TV off, or would you like me to." Again, it won't be perfect, but when children have the power to make their own choice, they are more willing to comply. I would also recommend the website loveandlogic.com -- and read their books. Excellent resource! Remember -- successful child training takes time -- especially when we have to correct behaviors. Let the dust sit, the dishes sit and pour into your child the best mom you can. You don't need to be perfect, but I encourage you to read books like mentioned above and take the time to train your child. You will have more time to yourself in the long run -- and enjoy a great relationship with your child. Also, if nothing seems to be working, but be afraid to have her evaluated for ADHD or ? -- we don't like to label our children, but with the label comes an understanding of what is happening and the resources to learn about how to work with it. The days are long, but the years are short! Enjoy them and good luck!

Lorraine - posted on 04/09/2010

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Hi..Firstly try not to yell. If its something small, try to ignor it, or divert attention quickly so you don't even go there! Praise all the time and if its something that has to be sorted, bend down and explain firmly why it's not exceptable. When she does it again calmly sit down where you are and explain again and stay sitting for a few minutes for her to think about it. Time out shuld be used the next time for 3mins or use an egg timer. even if she's happy in time out always use a timer and then move her away and distract her, Don't mention it again. Find something to quickly praise her about and give cuddles.

Start a simple star chat with rewards like 3 stars = a story, more stars = the park etc.

Also a simple routine works well esp' if she may be attention seeking. Have set times for a story eg before lunch, time to play with her. Explain that you have to do some jobs each morning first, get her to help. I used to get a small table and chair in my kitchen and sit them down with play dough, drawing, a puzzle etc and talk to them while tidying up. Have a special treat once a week for good behaviour eg every friday we make cakes. You don't have to spend all day playing with them, they do need to play on their own too! Mums need to remember their mums or grandmothers did not have gadgets. According to research they spent only 1/2hr a day with their children the rest on housework. Also they can't have attention from a teacher at school 1 to 1 they have to work on their own too.

I am a qualified Nursery Nurse and I used to support parents in this situation. I would need to know what sets you yelling, to advise further.

Ryall - posted on 04/09/2010

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the book "1-2-3 magic" amazing!!! I have come to learn that for about 6 months of every 3 year olds life they are jsut down right unpleasant, it gets better. but that book may jsut have saved my son's life, hahaha.

Shelagh - posted on 04/09/2010

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Always make sure you have eye contact when you are telling her what to do/what not to do. You'll be surprised what a difference it makes. Get down to her level, and insist that she looks at you, then tell her in very short sentences what you want, or don't want. You don't need to give a reason - that can come later. And whatever happens, once you've said no, you MUST stick with it.

Deb - posted on 04/09/2010

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Hi, when my oldest was that age she never would listen to me either and I would yell until I started using, when I was at home a "Mommy Timeout" I would tell her she had to go to her room and read or play quiet as I needed a time out as I was getting upset. I would take 10-15 minutes and have a coffee or something, then tell her she could come out and it usually worked both of us had calmed down and she began to listen once she saw Mommy even had times when she needed a timeout. Good luck it is a tough age and there is no easy answer.

Terrie - posted on 04/09/2010

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The child is 3 you are the mother try differnt things untill you find something she dont like....There will be something she dont like .every child is differnt.

Linda - posted on 04/09/2010

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For parents who spank... be careful about spanking and then comforting/loving. It is possible to teach them that pain/hurt (being abused by a significant other, when they become adults) is a form of love. I spanked my daughter, only a few times, and gave her a short reason why. I believe that children need to learn that there can be negative consequences for negative behavior. Sometimes you DO have to tell your child NO. When they're about to jump off the roof you don't have time to explain to them why they shouldn't. They need to know a quick meaning for DANGER or wrong.

My daughter is 37, and we have a great realtionship, she is a wonderful person. No drinking, no drugs, she is a volunteer in the community, loves to work, owns her own home - no small feat in California. When she was young I spoke to her in short sentences then let her respond. We treated her as an adult from before she was in kindergarten. It was hard for me not to have a dependent baby, but she was practicing to be an adult.

My daughter always tells a funny story. When I didn't want her to do something that she really wanted to do (running with her friends and following the wrong kids) I would tell her that I don't let her do certain things because I love her so much; and the other kids mommies must not love them very much because they let their kids do whatever they want to do, and they could get into a lot of trouble. We talked, quietly, a lot!

Cheri - posted on 04/09/2010

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I can tell you what helped me with my son when he was three. I went to a 1.2.3. Magic Seminar (auther is Thomas W. Phelan). It changed everything. I took the book out of the library and it really worked Magic on my son. I used to yell at him and argue..this book helped so much and it was easy. I was totally shocked. He is 4 1/2 now and it still works.

Sonja - posted on 04/09/2010

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Yadira, I have six kids. At three, sometimes you just have to spank. Please do not misunderstand. I never spank in anger or abuse. Tell her why you are doing it, do it (preferably not with your hand, but a paint stirrer or a ruler) until she cries, and then comfort her. It will hurt you to have to do this, but if you do not, you will have a big mess on her hands when she is older that you will have a much harder time trying to fix. She needs you to be the boss. You never have to scream. Use a very gentle but firm tone. Make sure you are totally in control of your own emotions before you do this. I hope this helps.

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i have five kids and with the two oldest that is what i did.if they didn't listen i would yell, it was exhausting for everyone. then i took some child developement classes and listened to tapes called raising kids with love and logic.it totaly gave me a new perspective on how i deal with my kids now. i broke the cycle of how we were raised and my parents were raised. if you're at your wits end that's what i recommend. good luck!

Sue - posted on 04/09/2010

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Hi,

My sister had the same problem with my nephew when he was about 2 it started. She thought it was just the terrible two's. She found out after talking to her doctor that he had hearing loss. Talk to your doctor and have her checked out. Yelling all the time is much more harmful. It takes a toll on their emotions. If you find from the doctor there isn't a physical problem, then you need to change something. Like another lady said, praise works, but you have to BE CONSISTENT whether it be praise or punishment. A spanking now and then doesn't hurt a thing if you don't get carried away. Don't make decisions when you're mad. Put her in a room by herself so you can both calm down. Make sure she knows you love her and you are not trying to be mean to her. After you've calmed down, go talk to her, make her think about how she's acting. Explain to her what it does to you but you still love her. Also, get her involved in some of the things you do, like cooking, laundry, go for a walk. Get involved with her with things she likes to do. Play games with her, play with her dolls with her, read books to her, draw with her, have a little tea party just you and her, etc.

If you don't get this straightened out with her NOW, you will have some serious problems when she gets older. You think she won't listen now? Wait till she's a teenager! All the problems you're having is very common for an only child. If you work, she needs more of your attention.

Michelle - posted on 04/09/2010

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have you had her hearing tested, perhaps she is not ignoring you but honestly is not hearing you until you yell. I know you said you talk to her on your lap but many children who have a slight hearing loss learn quickly how to read lips I would talk to the dr. rule out anything medical before you decide she is just willful.

Allison - posted on 04/09/2010

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This advise came from my father and it has worked like a charm for my 2 yr. old who does not listen. Instead of putting her in time out, I say blankie will go in time out or whatever object they are really into at the time. I tell her again that it will go into time out then do the count down and it works almost every time! When she dose listen, the positive praise is then followed up. Good luck....

Carla - posted on 04/09/2010

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Hi friend! have you thought that maybe she has a hearing problem? I am serious friend!

Take her to a doctor and tell her what you are doing to her maybe she will react to that and stop. Are you stressed out about something and maybe she feels your stress? Does she hang around with family kids that do the same thing? You need to pin point what the problem is. remember that kids do what they see. They are little sponges and they capture everything! Try ignoring her and see what she does. Maybe that will make her stop when you don't respond to her behavior. Try that and let me know! maybe she is doing all of those things because she knows that she is getting to you! Kids are manipulative! They know which buttons to push! Me, I ignore my Niko when he acts up, and when he sees that I don't give in he stops! Try that!!! It's probably just behavioral.

Terrie - posted on 04/09/2010

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give her a wet rag and have her wash walls. at first they act like they love it but before long they hate it

Leah - posted on 04/09/2010

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"Winning the Whining War, and Other Skirmishes" best self help mom book I've ever read! I totally credit my sons manners, and quiet demeanor to the help of this book, and I'm re-reading it, and using the exercises on my 13 mo. old! Great book, but you definitely have to stick with it! It's tough in the beginning, but I assure you it works, and pays off in the end! I bought my copy at Barne's & Noble's. Good Luck! Hope I helped!

Rosie - posted on 04/09/2010

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Not to knock time outs, but they were never really effective in my house. I started reading 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child by Jeffery Bernstein and it has been very helpful. It's a step by step instructional book and so far everything he has said has been right on target. My son doesnt' respond to time outs or taking things away but he has been responding to these techniques. I bet it would help you too!! Good luck!

Jane - posted on 04/09/2010

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Hi,

I have a 3 and a half year old girl. Strong minded, determine, spirited and yes stubbon as can be at times!! A Chiro (after a unco-operative session) suggested a book to me called Children are People Too, by a Dr Louise Porter (he had one of these little tackers too) - it kind of has a different way of doing things with these little people. And no it hasnt been the answer to all situations - but it has worked. Its not about rewards and punishments but about being assertive and taking a guidance approach - it also deals with young kids emotions quite differently. It is worth a read, takes a bit of practise to do it differently at first. Not a Super Nanny approach either, but see what you think - she has a website you can google too.

Jane

Maria - posted on 04/09/2010

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There is a book about this I have been reading as I approach parenting my own son. I have found the principles very helpful. You may want to give it a try. It's called "Making the Terrible Twos Terrific". Good luck!!

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