My 4 month old will start daycare next week and I am so nervous! He seems to cry whenever mommy is not around. Any advice??

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Felicia - posted on 01/07/2009

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All very good advice. Your baby can sense your emotions. Trust the daycare provider. She will do everything to soothe your baby. Arrive early to stay with your baby for awhile, if that makes you more comfortable. And when it's time to go, give hugs and kisses, hand him over and calmly leave. And it's ok to cry once you're out the door! I have worked in daycare for 17 years and have 5 of my own children I had to leave with people they have known and some they have not. They've all survived and so have I and you and your baby will too. You'll probably notice your baby cries less when you are back together. Relax, love your baby and good luck!

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Monica - posted on 01/08/2009

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I do daycare and have dropped off at daycare, they may cry for a little while but will get used to it and at 4mo they will do better than you!  Its worse for mom!  I had a 3yr old who would scream at the front door every morining for 20min, he got better every day!  eventually he came running in and play with everyone else!  if your daycare is good the kids look forward to it, they play all day with kids!

Monica - posted on 01/08/2009

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I do daycare and have dropped off at daycare, they may cry for a little while but will get used to it and at 4mo they will do better than you!  Its worse for mom!  I had a 3yr old who would scream at the front door every morining for 20min, he got better every day!  eventually he came running in and play with everyone else!  if your daycare is good the kids look forward to it, they play all day with kids!

Martha - posted on 01/08/2009

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Just wanted to thank all of you who passed along your advice! This really helps!!!

Amanda - posted on 01/07/2009

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I am an infant teacher in a daycare center, so I deal with this a lot! It is harder for you than it is for your baby. The best thing you can do is have a set drop off routine and be confident dropping off. Babies feed off of mommy, so the calmer you are, the calmer he will be. Good luck!!

Wendy - posted on 01/07/2009

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I work at a preschool and I had experience dropping my son off at a daycare.   I agree with a lot of the advice listed.   Do not sneak away.   Also, before I went to work I would leave my son for half an hour one day and then an hour the next and worked my way up to leaving him for the day.  I think it helped both of us relax a little.   Also, remember a good center will welcome you calling and drop by.    Send something with your scent on it for the baby.  

Nicole - posted on 01/07/2009

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try sleeping with a blanket(make sure you buy a a backup in case it becomes his fav and needs to be replaced)sleep with it nurse him with it make him see it all the time with you..then send him to daycare with it it worked with my daughter she took her bankie everywere with her and had no prob as long as the bankie went to daycare with her...my grand daughter lugs a teddypillow everywere and is fine as long as its with her we of course have doubles and rotate the pillows for even usage..

Sarah - posted on 01/06/2009

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I agree, that your attitude really translates to how some children react. Let them know it's OK to be sad, but when I worked at a daycare, some mom's I swear wanted their children to be sad and cry. Reassure your child that they are there to play while mommy works and mommy will come back. I would also suggest bringing your concerns directly to your daycare provider, they are a wealth of information. If you let them know you are concerned, but want to make the transition as easy as possible for everyone, they will be extra willing to work with you and help comfort your child. Maybe they will allow you to visit WITH your child for a day or a bit to let your child get used to the new environment. Then maybe they could let you drop your child off for a few hours and gradually increase until it's a full day- that's if you also have the time. It will always be hard, but build a good relationship with your provider and life will be much easier.

Christy - posted on 01/06/2009

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I used to work in a daycare as a manager, what i noticed, with my child and other children was ..as long as you leave confident and like everything is ok, and you pick him up confident like everything is ok, most children may take a few minutes to settle down till they realize mom is no longer there, and that they are ok. Children act differently when their mom is not around. If you leave and and run back to him feeling guillty, uneasy and stressed your child will feel that, and act that out. I would not sneak out that makes things worse, I would let them know you are leaving and you will be back. It will be ok, you will both need to adjust, but if you lead with confidence then your child will follow with confidence. Good luck

Carolyn - posted on 01/06/2009

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I am a family day carer and I think leaving him at 4 months maybe easier than 6 months. I had a child start at 6 months and she really missed her mum as she was her whole world, of course. The others are right when they say always say goodbye and tell them you will be back this helps my children when their parents leave.

Andrea - posted on 01/06/2009

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transition time is great try to get a hour or couple during the next week so that he will get to know the staff before hand, I worked in child care for 7 yrs before becomming a mum and it is very important that u feel confident in the centre which u r leavig your child with, if u do get transition time give your child to the staff and stand back and watch for a bit. Also as the other mother have stated it is so important that u re assure your son that u will be back i know he is only 4 months but if u get in the habit of doing it early its easier, my son was abit sooky when he first started it took him 4 visits to understand that i will be back and he was 10 months then. Also i'm sure the centre would encourage u to call to check how he's going so do that as many times to re assure yourself....

Emily - posted on 01/06/2009

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it will be harder for you than him and make drop off short and sweet. i work at a daycare and the moms that stick around the kids end up screaming the whole time and the parents drop the kids and go the kids are fine as soon as the parent is out of sight.  good luck

Christine - posted on 01/06/2009

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leave hm with people he dont know for a few mintues a day to break him out of it

Shannon - posted on 01/06/2009

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I was an infant teacher in a childcare center for 9 years... and all though it is tough on you, just say your goodbye and I'll be back deal and go. The child will usually cry for a short time, and then once he settles in, things will be fine. However, like Faye said.. try visiting the center a few times, and each time try leaving him alone without you for short perids of time to see what happens.. just walk out of the room etc... Plus, usually kids will have one person at the school that they are super comfortable with... and that may be your godsend every day!! I had one little boy who would only go to me, and if I wan't there.. he'd cry all day!! I carried him in the sling and went on through the day...

Faye - posted on 01/06/2009

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See if you can take your child a few hours over the next week and let him/her get used to being there for a short while. I did this with my daughter and it was much easier to make the transition to full time. I agree with the other post to not sneak out as they get older. My daughter went through a stage where she cried when I left her (around 18 months) and then went to crying when I came to pick her up because she was having so much fun! You have to go with the flow but not let them control the situation. Mom's have to do what Mom's have to do. They will adjust -- kids are way more flexible than we give them credit for.

Katie - posted on 01/06/2009

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I had to put my oldest in daycare for a while and it was heart-breaking at first. What helped me was to have a very regular dropoff routine. The predictable regularity helped my little one know that I was going to come back for him. I also slept with one of his blankies and then brought it to the daycare for his naptime so that he could smell me on his blanket midday and be comforted knowing that his mommy was comming back soon.

Judi - posted on 01/06/2009

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Very good advice below! I definitely say that your temperament has A LOT to do with it. They definitely sense how you are feeling. So, take a deep berath and reassure your child that you will be back later, and then leave them in the capable hands of the day care. If you have a chance before the first day of day care, leave him with a relative or a friend while you run errands, just as "practice". I have a daughter who is 2 and a son who is 6 months - both of which go to day care two days a week (since Sept. 2008). I have found, especially with my daughter, that the more you let go for someone to take care, the better they are with other adults, and kids. My daughter still cries when I leave, but I have listened outside the door, and she quiets down within minutes and really enjoys it! Good luck! And please let me know how it goes!!

Angela - posted on 01/06/2009

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Hi, Just wanted to say I have worked at many daycares and it is hard I know to drop your little one off. I assure you that he will be fine. Most cry for a short period but if the daycare is goo he will stop shortly after you leave. Sometimes before your out the door. It is hard though. I didn't like to drop my baby off in the beginning either. He is now 9 but I know that feeling. Worse thing you can do is run back in to comfort him after handing him over to staff. This only gives your baby a wow if I cry mom comes back idea. Although your babay is young might not realize but maybe so! I'll say a prayer for you! I'm sure your little one will be fine!  Good Luck!

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DO NOT sneak out.  It may be easier for you, but when they realize that you're not there they will get upset.  And since you didn't tell them you were going they'll think that you abandoned them.

Christie - posted on 01/06/2009

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I had this challenge with two of my five kiddos; what I learned was that my temperament made most of the difference; I had to be firm and loving when I dropped off. I didn't sneak out, as some have advised, I told my child I was leaving and would be back (very important) to get her later. I encouraged her to have fun and to know that I loved her. She usually did just fine after a bit; I have found that the days I was rushed or anxious were the days she did worse as she felt more insecure. Even at four months, the child will pick up on your feelings and anxiousness or your confidence ~ and respond likewise ;-)

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