my 4 year old son will not get up in the middle of the night to potty

Coury - posted on 06/10/2009 ( 33 moms have responded )

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my son is potty trained but still wears a pull up at night because he will not wake up to potty if he has to. he usually wakes up dry nut every now and then he is wet. i give him his last drink of water about 30 min before bed every night. i also try and try to wake him up in the middle of the night but he refuses. i have even left him in his underwear so he will be uncomfortable. but he just wakes up the next morning soaked. i am open to any suggestions!!!

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Amy - posted on 06/11/2009

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Once asleep a child has no control over their bladder. Until the muscles that control the bladder are strong enough to hold on for the 10 - 12 hours that they are asleep there is no cause for alarm or any magical trick to making them stay dry. Stopping fluids before bed may help, but urine is made up of more than just fluid we drink. Continue to encourage your son and don't make a big deal out of it when he stays dry, because indirectly that sends the message that you disapprove of the nights he doesn't. He can't help it at this age especially.

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Kymberly - posted on 01/04/2012

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Children are all different. Somehow it's the development of a chemical called DAAVP in their brains, that helps with being dry through the night. I wet the bed until between 7-8, my father had also, and one of my daughters did too. Every child will be different. Should any child continue bed wetting after about 10 or so; consult a doctor who works with such problems. Sometimes they will prescribe something that copies how DAAVP works in the brain. Some people have had very good results going to a chiropractor, as that seem to stimulate the body to begin producing DAAVP on it's own. As far as I know, no reputable chiropractor will even worry about any child bedwetting, until after 10 at the earliest and some wait until a child is still bed wetting at 12 to worry about such.

Ruthie - posted on 01/04/2012

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Coury instead of trying to wake him up, pick him up and put him on the toilet.

Laura - posted on 01/04/2012

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MY son is 4 and will be 5 in July and I have tried everything to get him to potty train and nothing works! He doesn't care if he pees his bed or his pants he will just lay over the heater vent to dry himself. Now he is peeing under his bed in the closet and just will not use the toilet. I need help I do not know what to do. I took him out od diapers and tried pull ups and when he pees those he will just wear it soaking wet and not care or take it off an hide it under his bed and pee another one.......................... If anyone can help me please tell me what to do! I have 2 older girls and they were potty trained before they turned 2!

Kay - posted on 06/17/2009

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I had the same problem with my youngest son and finally took advantage of a program at Stonybook in N.Y. which used an alarm system (sold at Sears). When the wetness hit the pad an alarm went off. The child then had to get up, splash water in his face get a wash cloth and towel and clean the pad and remake his bed. I could stand by but could not help. His problem was in deep sleep he did not respond to the urge. This system did work. Included were a series of rewards and a big reward when he went 1 month with no accidents. I am a grandma now and hope this information helps you.
k

Jessica - posted on 06/16/2009

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my son is 4 & just recently stopped wearing pull ups at night its been a lil over a month he's only had 3 accidents he gets half a cup of drink at night next to his bed but we make him pee b4 bed if he says he doesnt have to we run the water & tell him to try. Boys are definatly harder we waited for a week of dry pull ups then tried under wear at night it worked he was so proud of himself & we rewarded the 1st full week with no accidents ... he actually asked for pull ups after the 1st time he went his bed & we told him we didnt think he needed them he was a big boy he just had an accident & it worked he's doin great accidents happen once in awhile but thats why they are accidents. he docter aslo sd to limit his sugar intake at night even as far as after dinner no sugar desserts it didnt make a diffrence with my son but its worth try hope this helps

Coury - posted on 06/16/2009

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Quoting Arti:

hi, my son is 3 1/2. i have a little more complicated prob. he needs his bottle before going to bed. i make him go to pee after he's finished his bottle. but i have to wake up every 2 hrs to take him to pee. he had become used to it and had even stopped crying when i would wpick him up and make him sit. but lately, even if i wake up every 1 1/2, he's wet. he has accidents even during the day. i ussed to get frustrated at times. but reading the posts here has made me feel a little better. but how to get him to leave his bottle?


all you have to do with the bottle is stop giving it to him. at this point it is a security thing and it helps him sleep. if you just stop giving it to him he will find something else to help him go to sleep. give him a toy or something soft to cuddle with. it will take a few tough nights. but he will eventually fall asleep. all you can do is rip it off like a band-aid. i hope this is helpful! good luck mama!

Leslie - posted on 06/15/2009

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Have any of you heard of Pacific International? I found one of their brochures at an M.D. office waiting room and had an Enurisis (bed wetting) specialist come visit us in our home (we live in Sacramento and he drove from OREGON!) . At the time our 4, soon to be 5 yr. old daughter was still in pull-ups at night and still having accidents during the day. They had some fascinating statistics about how the problem of bedwetting is actually acknowledged by the Red Cross as a sleeping disorder and should be treated as such! One of the things that make me nervous is that no $ amount is discussed when getting this "consultation". It sounds like behaviour modification that involves the parent getting up at various times throughout the night to re-train the child's sleeping patterns so it isn't "too deep" that they can't hear their bladder trying to wake them up. My daughter occasionally has accidents during the night. She is out of pull-ups, but I have to wake her up in the middle of the night or else there's a 50% chance she'll have an accident. We'll probably look more closely at Pacific International if we're still doing this next January when she's 6!

Denelle - posted on 06/15/2009

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My neice is 7 1/2 years old and still has to wear a pull-up. her pediatrician says some kids just sleep so deeply and they are not getting the signal to their brain. Eventually it will happen...just be patient and don't punish, that will make the problem worse if he thinks he is doing something wrong!

Leanne - posted on 06/12/2009

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thank you all!! its a long time since i last did this-toilet training that is! i was begining to think i was banging my head against a wall! my little girl will be 4 next week and still wears pull ups at night i cant remember how old my other 2 were or how i finally got them out of nappies at night -it was so long ago( they are now 22yrs&19yrs) i was starting to think i was alone in this i feel much better now i know im not!!!

Arti - posted on 06/12/2009

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hi, my son is 3 1/2. i have a little more complicated prob. he needs his bottle before going to bed. i make him go to pee after he's finished his bottle. but i have to wake up every 2 hrs to take him to pee. he had become used to it and had even stopped crying when i would wpick him up and make him sit. but lately, even if i wake up every 1 1/2, he's wet. he has accidents even during the day. i ussed to get frustrated at times. but reading the posts here has made me feel a little better. but how to get him to leave his bottle?

Tammy - posted on 06/12/2009

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Hey Coury,

Kids get confused just because it's a pull-up to them it's still a diaper (bottom line) and what do you do in a diaper right?! I had my daughter in pull ups at night for the longest time and she just got used to peeing in them at night.



So Ditch the pull ups!.......yes it's a mess and you will have to wash sheets for weeks....But as long as you have a waterproof matress protector and at least 2 sets of sheets your good. It took about 2 weeks of sheet washing for me. Until my 3 year old daughter had 2 dry nights in a row we're going for 3 tonight......:) Also keep a night light in the bathroom....and talk about what's going and what needs to happen in a positive non degrading or upset way. Stay positive stay hopeful and just give it some time. And also just let him know what to do when he feels the urge to go at night and that you'll be there to help him . And when he has a dry night celebrate it like it was the first time he started using the toilet. Good luck to you and your son! Tam....:)

Kymberly - posted on 06/11/2009

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I really think he's just a deep sleeper. I wet the bed sometimes, until I was nearly 7, and I remember that I really did not wake up. My mom tells of several times coming in to find me wet, getting me up, washing me, changing my clothes, putting me back to bed, and I would never wake up completely.

According to my grandma, my dad was the same way.

If he's dry most nights, I'd not worry a great deal. I've read two sites that suggest that most pediatricians don't begin to be worried about a child wetting the bed, until after 8 yeaers of age.

Sara - posted on 06/11/2009

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I have adult friends who wet the bet in the LATE TEEN years (not just ONE either)!! YES...this could last until then. Prepare your child for this occurrence for sleepovers. But nevertheless...it all goes away as an adult and that's what REALLY matters...right?

[deleted account]

Yeah I have tried all of these things listed above. The bed wetting alarm is not likely to wake a deep sleeper like this. My son is 6 1/2 and still wears a pull up. It's all physiological and he will likely grow out of it. At this point my son does not mind wearing a night time diaper at all. As long as I don't call it a "diaper." He does not feel bad about it yet so I am not worried about right now. If it bothers your son then talk to your doctor. If it bothers you, let it go for now.

Keri - posted on 06/11/2009

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My oldest would do that too. Some kids just don't wake up at night. I never knew if he had wet the bed until he got up the next morning. You can tyr cutting off liquids an hour before bed and making sure he goes to the bathroom before bed. Other than that there isn't much you can do. Good luck.

Tara - posted on 06/11/2009

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My 7 yr old son is a deep sleeper. We had tried everything everyone else has suggested. What worked for our family was a bed wetting alarm system. Within two weeks he was dry. We bought the wireless Malem from the bedwettingstore.com. It was worth every penny. My advice is to wait, he will more than likely outgrow it. Our son never had a dry night in 6 1/2 yrs. If he doesn't or it bothers you, sign up at the store's site and you will recieve discount or free shipping offers.

Wendy - posted on 06/11/2009

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My sister went through the same thing with one of her boys (a twin). In the end she just started to pick him up out of bed and just sit him on the toilet. Most of the time he didn't open his eyes but still managed to pee and sometimes the following morning he wouldn't even remember doing it. It worked though after a week or two of doing this every night he was dry.

Coury - posted on 06/11/2009

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see the thing is that this child will not wake up i could carry him to the potty stand him up and he would still be asleep! not including him fighting me on waking him up. i have to wake him up so abruptly to get him up. this is what i do if he takes an antibiotic i have to give him every 4 to 6 hours. i just feel so bad having to do that just to go potty at night. its like i need symbols to crash just to get him up!!

Christy - posted on 06/11/2009

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My 6 year old daughter has been potty trained since before she was two, but she still wets the bed every so often. Before July of last year she was wetting the bed about every night so we just put Pull-ups on her. I was working with chiropractors at the time and happened to take my two kids with me one day to the office. The chiropractor took a scan of both children and noticed my daughters spine was a little crooked because of all the playing and jumping. I had the chiropractor adjust my daughter and she did not wet the bed for 4 months. We haven't been to the chiropractor in a few months now, but my daughter wets the bed maybe once a month if that. I hadn't had any personal experience with chiropractors until that point and I am a believer now. I have not worked for that company since being let go due to the economy, in November so I'm not saying this stuff just because of my job. It really works!

Vickie - posted on 06/11/2009

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Try to push the last drink before bedtime back an hour or more. And be patient. Boys are harder than girls with potty training. When he stays dry thru the night, encourage him by saying positive things, like, "You're getting to be a big boy." But don't overdo it.



The next step will be a little hard on you & your husband. Take turns waking your little one up at night, telling him it's time to use the potty. If he goes, good. If not, then don't make a big deal of it, just say "Maybe next time" & if he does go, again don't fuss too much, but say, "See, you did have to go after all. What a big boy!"

Zenobia - posted on 06/11/2009

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I don't know what time you put your son to bed but you should stop all fluids at least one hour before bedtime. Make sure he goes to the bathroom right before he goes to bed. If you he does not go to the bathroom before bed time then you may have to wake him up in the middle of the night and just take him.

Iris - posted on 06/11/2009

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I had the same problem with my stepson. He wet the bed til he was 16.. But if he wets the bed there is not much u can do.. We could not do anything about it except for putting plastic sheets on his bed and when he wets the bed, make him put his sheets in the laundry...

Leigh - posted on 06/10/2009

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For me I used to make my boys go before they went to bed, then when we went to bed, my husband used to get them up to go again, & if either of us got up during the night, we would wake them and make the go again. They don't remember being woken and are back to sleep within seconds. It's a pain at the time, but more painful is all the work that involves changing bedding, wet pj's in the middle of the night, then dealing with the extra washing the next day. If they ever had an accident, we never made a big deal of it, just reinforced the positive, ie you had 4 sleeps that were dry etc.

Coury - posted on 06/10/2009

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just to let you know i dont see it as a stressful situation. he has plenty of control during the day.

Marlaina - posted on 06/10/2009

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Thanks for the comment. That makes me feel better. I guess I will go buy some pullups!

Maryann - posted on 06/10/2009

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please read my post. These children are too young to have any control on this. They are not doing this on purpose. Every kid is their own person and it will all work out.

Maryann - posted on 06/10/2009

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My daughter had the same problem. I too had the same problem when I was little, so I took her to the Dr. He told me that some children have a imature (a speller I'm not) bladder. He said usually by 5 it corrects itself. And it did. So after he told me that I just starting buying overnights pullups. I stoped fighting and getting upset with her and just waited it out. It was less stressfull for her and me. I think if we put that kind of stress and blamming the child for something he or she really is too young to have any control over; is very bad for them (and us).

Good luck

Maryann

Marlaina - posted on 06/10/2009

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Just to let you know I am going through the same thing. My 4 year old daughter refused to get rid of the pullups. But I just didn't buy anymore so she had to sleep without, but it hasn't worked yet. Hopefully by the end of the week we will have a dry night!

Donalee - posted on 06/10/2009

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He's 4, boys are harder to get away from this anyway. if you are getting up in the middle of the night, that is about the best you can do. ever time i got up during the night, i took my kids to the bathroom. they never woke up, they never remembered going..... good luck. be patient, he is only 4.

Coury - posted on 06/10/2009

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i know its not like they come with a how to do this when to do this! lol. i do love this site though because only mothers know!! ill try to spread out the last drink another 30 min to make it an hour! thanks!!

Theresa - posted on 06/10/2009

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Our son is 3 1/2 and we stopped using pull ups right away even at night b/c if he's wearing one, he'll use it. We just try to make sure we don't give him anything to drink like 1 hour before bed and then have him go potty right before bed, he does still have accidents but vary rarely, it will probably just take some time for him to get used to getting up when he has to pee even if he's tired...I guess that's not very helpful, sorry :-) all I have to go on is our own experience....hope things get better!!

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