My 4y/o son is always playing with his 5y/o sister's toys. How do I correct this??

Charlotte - posted on 09/10/2012

My husband had a Rainbow Brite doll as a toddler. Trust me he turned out fine, is a wonderful husband and father. We tell our older kid if she doesn't want the baby to play with certain toys then to keep them in her room, for now it works because the baby can't get to the bedrooms.

Wilmarie - posted on 09/10/2012

Ha sounds just like my son. I have four kids and of course he's the only boy. Once I had my last daughter he got really into one of the girls dills. Called her Emma like the new baby sister. He nurtured the doll, took her on trips with us in the car, gave her nap time and for a while even slept with her. At first I really did think it was weird but later on I even took a video of him. It was adorable to see him so close to the doll. The more dad tried to take it away the more he wanted it and after a while we kinda just let him have it. He spent a few more weeks with the doll maybe another month and then gave her up and moved back on to legos and cars trucks lawn mowers, you name it. I love who my baby boy is. He is loveable, passionate, energetic, but most of all he is HAPPY!

Amanda - posted on 09/10/2012

My brother and I are 22 months apart now both in our mid 30's I am a mom of 1.75 boys and I played with his trucks, GI joes and blocks and he played with my barbies, dolls and kitchen stuff. We both grew up happy and well adjusted. Learning to share and play with ALL the toys together laid the foundation for the wonderful relationship we still have. My brother is a very STRONG, MANLY MAN who helps his wife cook and clean. Playing with one another's toys in NO WAY adversely effected either one of us.

Terrie - posted on 09/10/2012

And for those of you that think girls should only play with pink barbie cars, well, I played with my brother's hot wills and I am none the worse for the wear. Besides, other than the Mary Kay car are there really pink cars around? And don't woman drive cars too? Many women love a good sports car and not all women have a huge family.

Terrie - posted on 09/10/2012

If this is about him taking over her toys then yes boundries need to be set but they both need to learn to share as well. If this is about gender roles, it is perfectly normal for boys to play with dolls. My son carried a doll around for the longest time. He does not do it anymore. He plays with boy toys now, but he liked pretending to be a father and ironing cloths and the works. He even had his own toy vacuum cleaner because his Dad vacuumed the floor and he wanted to be like his Dad. Now he is 12 and he vacuums the floor with the real vacuum cleaner and he does not act like a girl. He acts like a boy. I think it is important that we teach our little boys to be good fathers and husbands.

Cindi - posted on 09/10/2012

Let her choose some favorite dolls & accessories that she doesn't want him to mess with. Then work with them on sharing and playing together with the others. Then possibly get him a couple of his own, no reason he can't have a doll also. Playing/pretending with dolls perfectly natural for boys too-they also need to learn to care for things and act/pretend in a nurturing manner. Besides, if you are the only parental figure, he's also imitating you to an extent, which is also perfectly fine and the way he learns! There is nothing wrong with him playing with dolls, it's just sharing that needs to be worked on it sounds like to me.

Dove - posted on 09/10/2012

I did 'kind of' figure too, but after 6 pages of posting it would be nice to hear from the op again. lol

Shawnn - posted on 09/10/2012

Dove, she sort of specified in posts 2 & 4, that it's mainly the dolls she's concerned about, and whether anyone had "dealt with" this...I'd imagine that the sharing issue had previously come up, because of the ages of the children. But, I would like to know as well :)

Shawnn - posted on 09/10/2012

You all do realize, don't you, that back in England, in Shakespearian days, there were no women actors? That all of the female leads were, in fact, male? They dressed in dresses, they did their hair, they sang in falsetto voices...essentially playing dress-up!



The fact that people in this day and age are so desperately concerned with "gender roles" just has me rolling on the floor!



I suppose, since my degree is in Auto body work/paint/upholstry, I'm too "masculine"? I can change my own oil, make my own minor repairs...what does that make me? Both my sons can cook (most times better than I), clean, do laundry...so you're saying that they are too "feminine"???



Please, NATASHA DRANE, explain these things to me?

Sylvia - posted on 09/10/2012

Yes, I would like to know, too. I can't tell whether this thread was actually supposed to be about gender roles and "gender-appropriate" *bleccchhh* toys or whether it was just hijacked in that direction by, um, certain vested interests.

Dove - posted on 09/10/2012

I'd really like the op to come back and answer if this is a sharing/play with his sister's things issue or if it's a playing with dolls issue. She never actually specified.



I too am curious exactly what 'questionable behavior' Eugenia is alluding to here... Playing with dolls isn't questionable behavior. I 100% agree with Shawnn... big surprise. That happens on several different topics. ;)

Dorothy - posted on 09/10/2012

Let him play with his sister's dolls, he will grow out of that stage.

Tena - posted on 09/10/2012

Really "questionable behavior" we are talking about a NORMAL 4 yr old there is nothing to monitor

Shawnn - posted on 09/10/2012

Eugenia, he's FOUR. What is "questionable" behavior for a FOUR YEAR OLD?



Things like: playing with matches. Playing with lighters. Obsession with sharp objects.



Playing with dolls it most definitely NOT QUESTIONABLE! It's a normal 4 yo thing to do, whether that 4 yo be a male or a female.

Eugenia - posted on 09/10/2012

Just monitor his behavior , if your son plays with dolls and does other things that are questionable then there is need for concern. Good luck.

Ella - posted on 09/10/2012

It sounds by reading your post carefully that your problem is the fact that your son doesn't want any of his own toys just all his sisters wot ever the. Toy is,u could perhaps have a sharing box where it doesn't matter if they play whith thease things then all over toys they must ask each other or even simpler tell ur daughter that if she ain't gunnashare whatever toy it is he wants then she should play with it in her bedroom?

Johnny - posted on 09/10/2012

Just a reply to Natasha... neither my husband, my father, my brothers-in-law, my uncles or my nephews would think anything of a boy playing with dolls or girls toys. My daughter's Polly Pockets were hand-me-downs from the boy next door who got them as hand-me-downs from his female babysitter. No one ever mentioned anything about them being "girl's toys". My husband played with dolls a lot as a kid because he played with his older sister all the time, they were very close. He's an intelligent partner, a good provider, a wonderful husband and father.



I've got to say, I find this whole idea of "girls toys" and "boys toys" and there being a problem with kids playing with toys in an ungendered situation rather perverse. I actually think you and your husband are really asking for trouble by making a big deal out of gender roles. Firstly, I don't know why anyone would care if a guy is doing "girly things" or a girl is doing "guy stuff" as long as they are happy and fulfilled. Secondly, I KNOW it doesn't make a person "gay" and if it did, so what!?!



The other day, I took my daughter to the playground in our complex. There was 4 of the boys from the neighborhood all in there playing together, ranging in ages from 8 - 10 years. They all love waterfights, Pokemon games, and Star Wars, but you know what they were playing? House. Yep. The oldest boy who is the ring leader was the "baby" and the other boys were the dad, the brother, and the uncle who were trying to figure out why the "baby" was crying. They let my little girl join in to be the "big sister". They were all trying to figure out if his diaper was wet, or if he was hungry etc. etc. They had come up with this game all on their own and were having a great time of it. The next night I went over they were playing "bootcamp" and had set up an obstacle course with rings, balls, and things to jump over. I'm pretty sure no one was worried about them mixing a "girl's" activity and a "boy's" activity.

Elfrieda - posted on 09/10/2012

If a man can carry a baby, why can't a boy carry a doll? If a woman can drive a car, why can't a girl play with a dumptruck?

Julie - posted on 09/10/2012

Playing with dolls does NOT make a boy soft!!!!!!! When I first suggested getting a doll for my son to my ex-husband he did have a small issue with it. Not because he saw anything wrong with it but because narrow minded individuals form closed minded opinions about gender rolls in todays society. I have seen many homes where mom is the bread winner and dad stays home and takes care of the house and kids. Does that make that man soft? Or any less of a man? I dont think so. We all do what we have to do to survive in today's economy, and the children that are not allowed to play with whatever toy they are choosing to play with do not have as much of a well rounded childhood as the children who get to play with everything ( toys that is). After I explained to my EX that I didn't care what people thought, his family included, he said ok. I told him to be a man and raise his child the way he sees fit. Don't let closed-minded individuals dictate what you allow your child(ren) to play with. I say to Rita, you are his mom, you decide what you think is right. Do some research into early childhood education and you will see that boys are encouraged to play with dolls and girls are encouraged to play with tools and trucks. Every child should be allowed to play with any toy out there as long as it is safe for them to play with the toy they are choosing.

Kelly - posted on 09/10/2012

i have a question for you. if its not ok for a boy to play with dolls, then is it also not ok for a little girl to play with tools and trying to help her daddy fix things? because if thats how you feel my little girl would tell you that there is nothing wrong with boys playing with dolls cause one of her best friends who is a boy plays dolls with her and also wrestles with her. she would also tell you that yes she can play with tools and help her daddy. she would be very offened if you told her that she could only play with dolls and that her best friend could not play with her cause he was a boy and boys cant play with dolls.

Claire - posted on 09/10/2012

I think he's too young to understand society's gender rolls. I dont see the problem. My 10month old daughter plays with my 4 y/o sons cars. And my 4 y/o son plays with our 5 y/o neighbors girly toys. Doesnt bother me, I just hope he's having fun.



When I was a kid my bro was 13 months younger than me and we used to play with my barbies together. We also used to play ninja turtles and cops and robbers. They are close in age. I wouldnt worry about it too much

Julie - posted on 09/10/2012

Try getting him some of his own toys that are identical to his sisters. My son always preferred to play dolls with his sisters than play cars and trucks on his own. He is 9 y/o now and only occasionally still plays barbies with his sister. But when he was 2-5 yrs old, if he wanted a bratz doll, barbie, or baby doll we didnt make a big deal about it, we just got him what he asked for and now he is more into sports and hanging out with the boys. Now if you ask him what he wants its Ninjago and Star Wars and Legos. So, unless its a big deal to provide him with the same toys for some reason, just get him some of his own and he should outgrow it before you know it.

Sylvia - posted on 09/10/2012

Is the problem that he's taking his sister's toys without asking, or snatching them away when she's playing with them, or otherwise having difficulty with the concept of property rights and sharing? If so, then you should definitely address that, in an age-appropriate way. If they have their own rooms, tell her to keep her door closed when she wants to play on her own and start teaching him about respecting closed doors; if they share a room, maybe get them separate toy bins or shelves. Sharing is good! But as someone who used to have an annoying little brother LOL, I can tell you that sometimes you just need a safe place to put your treasures where little brothers can't get at them. It's hard when they're so close in age -- probably any place he can't reach, she can't reach either :/



If the problem is "I'm worried that my son wants to play with girl toys" ... I don't know what to tell you except, Don't bother. There's absolutely nothing wrong with girls who play with trucks and trains or boys who play with dolls. Trucks, trains, taking care of babies, and other kinds of role-playing involving dolls are all perfectly normal human activities.

Jenny - posted on 09/10/2012

I am a ta i wld just let him play with them. He will soon go off the idea when u r not giving him attention

Trish - posted on 09/10/2012

I think he will be fine irs more of a sibling rivalry then anything that's nomal all boys at one point or another put on high hills and play with barbies my cuzin did it all the time and he is 6ft 4ins of pure football madness now and he didn't have a dad he was raised by me and his 3 sisters

Lisa - posted on 09/10/2012

I think when you are a single Mom ...it is difficult to assess little situations like these. It is why we blog ...to bounce ideas around. I agree with almost everyone. I have 2 children, a boy and a girl

7 1/2 months apart. (one adopted, one biological). They always played with each others toys. I will admit I had to buy a second doll stroller for my son because they fought over the first one we had. However, my son took his musical Louis Armstrong doll, put it in the stroller and launched poor Louis off the coffee table in the stroller. He saw the stroller as something completely different than my daughter. BUT...he loved it ! I admit it looked kinda funny and cute to see him pushing singing Louis around but he was having fun.

My son is now 10 and quite confident, knows what he likes and is a boy's boy with a lot of sensitivity ! One stage at at time...RELAX !

Shawnn - posted on 09/10/2012

@ NATASHA...come ask him yourself! Hubby agrees that it's better to teach them to be loving and nurturing (as well as other "daddy" responsibilities) than it is to encourage "all MALE" thinking.



I stand by my answer. Let kids be kids. Let boys play with dolls. Let girls play with tool sets, cars, etc.



GET OUT OF THE 18TH CENTURY AND IN TO THE 21ST. Otherwise, your kids stand the chance of being MORE screwed up than they would have if you'd just let it be.

Diane - posted on 09/10/2012

You can buy him Wrestling dolls...that way they are dolls, but "manly". lol My boys loved playing with those! Had the wrestling ring that they'd destroy each other in and everything.

Amy - posted on 09/10/2012

It makes me a little nervous that he may recognize that he is disciplined (albeit positively) for playing with dolls. I would buy him his own dolls and see what happens. If you are worried about him being gay or too effeminate...think about taking a step back and just seeing the issue for what it is right now and not what you are afraid it leads to. Your thoughts/fears about a completely different issue can cause you to react to this issue in a way you may not want and regret later. Take some time and play dolls with him, be present with him and explore what he enjoys about the toys/dolls he wants to play with. You may learn something wonderful. Or not...but either way you will be able to choose to act on what you learn and not react to your fears about him. Good Luck!! He is precious irregardless.

Amiraah - posted on 09/10/2012

Yes rita its common for younger Siblings or cgildren to mock and want what the older kids have he will eventually grow out of it but could try having toy time with the three of u and play wirh only his toys so he could see that his sister is also interested in playing with hos things also

Vanessa - posted on 09/10/2012

Why do you have an issue with that? let him be a child and enjoy his childhood in the most rewarding and positive way you can possibly give. if that means playing with his sister's toys, and his sister playing with his toys, then so be it. children have no conception of what adults may term as a gay thing.

I saw a great poster that I love quoting to everyone, "Jobs aren't male or female, only people are!"

the same can be applied to children playing with toys. shouldn't be an issue!

Just be a positive role-model single mum and do the best you can to raise 2 healthy and happy go lucky children.

good luck!

Christol - posted on 09/09/2012

My son plays with my daughter's toys; my daughter plays with my son's toys. I don't gender specify and I don't think it is healthy to. Just because society tells us we are supposed to act a certain way in regards our likes or dislikes, doesn't mean we should. That's old school. Is it that he is taking them from her, or that he likes her dolls better. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with them playing with one another's toys if it isn't causing issues between them.

My oldest son (he's 18 now) insisted on wearing his sisters dress for three days when he was 2 years old. He's fine. In fact, he is supposed to be joining the marines this year, and no, he no longer wears dresses.

Rebecca - posted on 09/09/2012

my 4 year daughter plays with cars all the time. my brother use to play barbies with me when we were little.. let him play. thats how they learn

Andrea - posted on 09/09/2012

I have two boys ages 15 and 14, both them played with dolls, and house. They still do because they have younger sisters (4 of them) They know how to change a diaper on a newborn and how to feed them, This is what playing with dolls and playing house does for a child. It teaches them how to be a man. When my ex-husband and I had our 15yr he didn't know squat about a newborn. He didn't know how to hold him, change him, bath him or feed him. Neither one of my boys have these problems and it is thanks to them playing with the dolls.

Alexandra - posted on 09/09/2012

They are very close in age, not surprising. Don't worry, he will play with his toys too! And there is nothing wrong with playing with, what's usually called, girl's toys.

Debbie - posted on 09/09/2012

Just got a boy cabbage patch "baby" for my 2yo son. He loves baby and plays with him!! Just get your son his own dolls!

Natasha - posted on 09/09/2012

My son plays with dolls and I don't have a daughter and as a result he is now very caring for his twin brothers who will also play with dolls

Lisa - posted on 09/09/2012

I think when you have a son and a daughter, these are going to come up for sure and there is no reason for the boy to not play with dolls, just as there is no reason for the girls to not play with cars and tools. I have 2 boys and they both just like to play with toys. They go to ECFE classes and play with dolls, kitchens, cars, action figures, all that stuff. They even play dress up with the girls in the class. I do not think any different of them, they are having fun and interacting with their friends.

My 4 year old has a female friend he does sleepovers with and when we go pick him up there he is with his friend playing dress up. He is not afraid to do a "fashion show", as his friend calls is, with her. She has all kinds of costumes that has been picked up from garage sales and I find him adorable whether he comes downstairs as a a dragon, a Backyardigan or yes, even Spidergirl. LOL Do I think this is going to harm him, absolutely not. Do I think this is going to make him gay, absolutely not and even he does when he becomes older, I am not going to blame the parents of his girl friend. They had fun and that is all that matters to me. He has never once said he has boy friends, but he does often refer to 2 of his female friends as his girlfriends. :D

Sandy - posted on 09/09/2012

He wants to be just like her!! Encourage her to play cars and such with him and allow him to play dolls with her. There is nothing wrong with it.

Christine - posted on 09/09/2012

I had a younger brother (one year younger), and it was the opposite for us. I was a tomboy and my brother always got all the cool toys, so I always wanted to play with his. Sometimes he wanted to play with some of mine, like when I got a keyboard, but I was always trying to get at his toys. The point is that you should encourage sharing, especially among your kids. You can make it clear to your son that their may be special toys that you daughter doesn't want to share, but that should be limited (sentimental gifts or fragile items that he might break). In general, look at it this way: they are all things you bought, so they are technically yours and you are allowing them both to play with them. Toys should be shared especially among siblings.

Adrianna - posted on 09/09/2012

Honestly let your son have dolls if my son wants one i will get him them. His closest friends are girls and boys and i am a very proud mother because my son may have my little pony's and he may like to play with dolls but he also protects his friends when other kids are being bullies at parks. just because i boy plays with dolls it doesn't make them less manly. there is no harm that can come from a boy playing with dolls just like there is no harm in girls playing with tools and cars.

Katie - posted on 09/09/2012

I would use it as a means of encouraging and teaching sharing. Why is this a problem for you?

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2012

Natasha, it is the toy shops that get it wrong by labelling toys for boys or girls, not the parents who encourage their children to develop in their own way with their own interests.



Asking your teenager questions like that in front of his friends is like showing his friends photos of him sucking his thumb as a toddler or asking him do you remember wetting the bed until you were six? Both things developmentally normal, but no teenager would want reminding of them in front of his friends.



And my husband was fine with my son having a baby doll and pushchair when he was two.

Amy - posted on 09/09/2012

My brother, who is now in his late 50's with a wonderful wife and three normal children (2 girls and one boy who are happily married, some with kids and one couple without) designed outfits for my older sisters' barbie dolls, and did a great job helping them. He also worked on radios and electronic things, and helped my dad build a dunebuggy out of old volkswagon parts. He grew up well-rounded, and even does what my own husband does, which is bake cakes, pies, homemade bread, and other tasty goodies that we all enjoy. He works on cars and works for a state highway company that has diesel engines that he fixes and maintains for the company. What I'm saying is that he turned out well rounded and happy and is a great dad to his kids, who are also well rounded.

It sounds like you are afraid of your son turning gay or effeminate. Playing with his sister's dolls will not change what he feels already, which is that he likes to play with lots of toys of all kinds. I think about the many women's clothes designers that make LOTS of money because of their creativity and style, and they are men. Your son sounds like a healthy normal boy. Bless you.

Carolyn - posted on 09/09/2012

It's a given that any child will want what another child has! Children need to be taught to respect other people's belongings, and ask to borrow them, and also on the other hand, to share their own when asked nicely. Also, could he have a copy of some of hers for himself?

Was this your issue, or that your son wants to play with what you see as girls' toys?

Girls play with trucks and blocks, and as others have said, boys learn about life by caring for dolls and play-cooking/cleaning, so you have nothing to correct there!

A matter-of-fact attitude toward a child's toy choices and no teasing will leave them free to play without adult views intruding on their innocence.

Chasity - posted on 09/09/2012

Parents should back down and let their children play with whatever toys that find interesting. What would playing with a doll teach a girl? Nurturing skills. What will a doll teach a boy? Nurturing skills!! Get my picture?

Chasity - posted on 09/09/2012

@Stacy... I totally agree with you on that one.

Sandra - posted on 09/09/2012

My husband doesn't mind and is fabulous with babies. As for asking that in front of the kids, how rude! But any time you're intentionally embarrassing your kids is rude.

Sandra - posted on 09/09/2012

If your daughter doesn't mind then don't worry about it. If she does, then it's the same as any other sibling sharing issue.

Jane - posted on 09/09/2012

Just to say, I wholeheartedly agree with Susan! The toys DO NOT make them GAY!! I have gay friends who only ever played with Action Man, played soccer, climbed trees, played rugby, played with toy guns and cowboys and indians when they were young - but they were born with the gene that makes them attracted to their own sex. It has NOTHING to do with the toys they play with or their favourite colour when they were young. (I also know lesbians who played with dolls, kitchens, make up and love everything pink, so it works both ways!).



My son has half sisters but they are 6 years older than him, and never lived with him so he was never around dolls or anything but still wanted a doll and his favourite colour was always pink (it's now black, but his second favourite is pink!). He's 13 and not interested in girls or boys at the moment (he has Aspergers so his emotional development is a bit behind his peers, although is IQ is very high) but when he does start to get those sorts of attractions I won't give a fig about his sexual orientation and I will know that is how he was born to be.



Your sexual orientation is NATURE - not NURTURE!