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my 4yr old son wants to see his father (breaks my heart)

Miina - posted on 06/03/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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my ex who used to asult me while i was pregnant with my son then my daughter has been in contact and wants to see his son n but not sure whether he wants to see his daughter! I tried to allow him to contact his son via skype and phone. he made my son feel special but he keeps calling to speak to me and tell me how much he loves me n wants me back. when i remind him of the terrible things he use to do to me he would belittle my pain n suffering, he would say "if i really wanted to punch you believe me you would not be alive right now". The violence would usually occur because i would ask him to help with his son!
He also calls me every hour on the hour to speak to me n not the children. he stopped contacting my son because my phone was busy and he said" i was chatting to other men"

I tried to make my son forget about him but he keeps saying "i have a daddy like all my friends in the nursery" he draws pictures of him and his dad all the time!
I am sure i made the right decision until i hear my son say how much he loves his dad who has never been there his nearly 4yrs old and his probably seen him a sum of 8weeks here n there

please give me advice as i just want to do the right thing for my son

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3 Comments

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Gwen - posted on 06/05/2012

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7

Be honest with your son. You don't have to be cruel, but lying to him about his dad buying gifts or showing up soon are just going to cause long term damage.



"He wouldn't go through the courts 'cause no one's gonna tell him..." blah, blah, blah...guess again A-hole, it's not up to you! DO NOT LET HIM CONTROL THIS. Do what's best for your kids and get some legally binding orders established. It's for their protection, and yours.



Also, document his calls and contact your local law enforcement about getting a restraining order to stop the harassment (YES, calling you every hour, on the hour, IS harassment). You DEFINITELY made the right decision.



Protecting the health and safety of you and your children makes you the BEST mom.

Miina - posted on 06/04/2012

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thank you so much Dove for your reply



that makes me feel so much better! The problem is he wouldnt go through the courts because he says i will not have some stranger telling when n where i will see my child. So i don't know how to explain to my son because every time he asks "does my daddy love me and why is he not coming?", i always tell him daddy loves you and he will come soon! When i buy him things he would say is it a present from my daddy and i cant bear to say no because his little face lights up!

Dove - posted on 06/03/2012

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Your ex does not sound like a safe man to have around and I'm SO glad he is your ex.

Would it be possible to set up supervised visits through the court? I would also set up a specific time that he can call each day (or at least 2-3 times/week) to speak to the kids. If he calls other than that, don't answer the phone. If he calls at the appointed time and does not wish to speak to the kids, hang up on him. The only communication between the two of you should be surrounding the kids only... and given his history of violence I would highly suggest have zero communication with him (you can just hand the phone to the kids when he calls at the appointed time) and having any communication he wishes to have with you go through a lawyer or mediator.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Keeping you and your children safe from violence IS the right thing. Don't ever question that. If he was more concerned about a relationship with his children over tormenting you... he would make that clear. Hang in there!!

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