My 5 year old daughter is obsessed with dying.

Kristy - posted on 04/21/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have explained to her what dying is-its when you go up to Heaven to be with Jesus-and told her that she did not have to worry about for many many many years. But everytime she sees a cemetary or sometimes just at random, she starts talking about dying. Any suggestions on how to get her past this phase?

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Helyne - posted on 04/21/2009

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I have a five year old who talks about death or asks questions about it since my mother died. (She was three at the time.) It is not unusual for them to have questions about it, but I would suggest contacting the Center for Grieving Children about talking to children about death in an age appropriate way. They were very helpful, as I had questions about how abstract you can go with your child about concepts of afterlife and Heaven, etc. Children can also develop certain fears, and can have some magical thinking that can lead them to have some thoughts that are disturbing to them, unless you are very concrete, if not gentle, about your conversations with them. They can become very afraid of abandonment, for example, and become fearful that you might die and there would not be anyone to look after them. They will also counsel you to never use euphemisms for death, like "going to sleep", also. Its important, I think, to understand where your child is developmentally, and be prepared a little in what to say, because, unfortunately, you never know when you will have to talk about it unexpectedly. There is a lot of information online, as well. Hope some of this is helpful...

Tiare - posted on 04/21/2009

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my son is 5 and we just had that talk too! he will bring it up sometimes but not too much, when we had our talk, it was completely random and out of the blue with nothing that happened.... through me for a loop, caught off guard completely. but i just explained on his level that when people die, they go up to heaven and play and have fun! he asked if he was going to die before me and i said no, and if i was going to die and i said no i will be here with you for a long time.... i just made it sound like when they left us here, that they went to heaven and had fun. he also said, well they wont know us anymore, i also told them that they could never forget such a great little boy like you and they are watching us making sure that we are doing good, and when we do go we will be able to have fun with them... he took it better than me i think! LOL!

Bonnie - posted on 04/21/2009

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We make Heaven sound like such a wonderful place to be, which I am sure it is, with no problems, no death, no sadness, no grief, no loss, happiness and bliss and why children are seriously attracted to death and dying. What we neglect to explain to our children is that they are absolutely gifts, born with talents and skills that others in life will benefit from including their love and that living is about loving and cherishing ones own life, learning to be ones own best friend and striving to attain not only our own potentials but to experience the beauty of others in all their diversity. The overcoming challenges and of knowing that at the end of the day we have done all with our lives that we could and to live with no regrets, loving all and harming no other. When we talk about life with the same passion and heart that we talk about dying then we encourage our children to do the same.

Jennifer - posted on 04/21/2009

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I am having the same issue with my 5 year old.. She lost her grandmother 3 1/2 years ago and we talk about her alot, so I think that is why she talks about dying. She will say to me " mommy I don't want to die" I tell her she does not have to worry about dying. This went on for a good 2 mo. and she is now on to other thing now. I think it is just a phase and you are doing everything right..

Angela - posted on 04/21/2009

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My daughter, now 10, went through the same phase...it lasted for almost a year...but there were definite reasons for it... she was 5 when it started. We had a car accident that totalled our car & the air bags went off, the fire dept, ambulance & police all came....pretty traumatizing for a little girl !! So she started being afraid to go to sleep at night, crying & asking if she would die in her sleep or if I would or her sister or Daddy woud die in our sleep..... She cried if we had to run an errand without her.... it was bad... but a few things did help... Praying with her only worked for a few minutes at a time before the doubts came back...so Kids praise-N-worship music playing in her room at bedtime really really helped!! I found Christian lullabys too. I just kept them going softly, at first all night long..... This seemed to really fill the room with peace for her. She would sing along & think about the words & it really worked...

Also, distraction is a powerful thing!! During the day, I kept her busy. I couldn't reason with this fear...so, I just kept her distracted during the day, and prayed with her, then at night, after praying with her again, I turned her music on!! It worked for us!!

Trina - posted on 04/21/2009

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I agree, its a just a phase and nothing to be worried about. Children often become obsessed with it because they don't quite understand it. My daughter went thru the same thing at that age, as have most of the kids that I've cared for. Just talk to her about, answer her questions, maybe check out a few books on the subject.

DELORES - posted on 04/21/2009

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Kids go through phases. If this is her phase now let her go answer questions at her age level and go on. You do not want her to think there is something wrong with her questions, because if she does she might stop asking questions and that would be wrong. Be glad she can think about things. If you keep talking to her she will find something else to talk about. These are the good old days enjoy them. When she is a teenager you will be lucky she talks to you about anything.

Amber - posted on 04/21/2009

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its a phase...my 4 year old is doing the same thing!! In the past 3 weeks my parents have had 2 cats die of old age. So we had to explain it to her. Now she's always like "oh my god you are gonna dead if you do that!" or "jesus is gonna dead you!" or "dont eat too much sissy you will die!" and don't get me started on what she tells her little sister when we pass cemetaries LOL " Ooooo Camryn...mommy is gonna dead you and hide you in the grass ...those are all the people who were bad so their mommies deaded them and hided them in the grass!" now every time she says kill or dead or die I tell her those are bad words and no one is gonna die or get killed and we can't say that! its a kinda funny but not funny phase

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