My 5 year old son wants to marry a boy

Melissa - posted on 07/24/2013 ( 88 moms have responded )

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My daycare provider recently told my 5 year old that boys can marry boys and that her cousin recently did. I really don't have a problem with this other than the fact now that my son keeps saying he wants to marry a boy. The boy he talks about is his best friend and I know he is only saying that because they are so close. I just don't want him to say it at school and then kids make fun of him. I think I should just not pay attention to it. Anyone else go through this?

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Shawnn - posted on 07/30/2013

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Love this thread!

To Melissa, the OP: You've probably handled this by now. But, my recommendation is that you simply tell the boy that he can marry whomever he desires when he grows up, provided they want to marry him too. That's a good enough explanation for a 5 YO.

To Sandra: You may have a gay son, but you don't seem to understand acceptance. You've accepted HIM, but sounds to me like you've not totally accepted the alternate lifestyle. You seem to think that people with honest questions, such as Gena, about when/how you spoke to your son about alternative lifestyles, are trying to “draw you out” and “pick you apart”...methinks thou dost protest too much. You are so adamant about saying how accepting you are that you won’t take off the blinders and actually respond to any questions asked of you! Why, may I ask, was it so easy for you to tear into Gena and accuse her of “baiting” you in order to bash you? Why couldn’t you simply say “I spoke with him...” or “I never did talk with him about this”? Simple enough.

To Jodi: I LOVE YOU GIRL!!! Keep it up. Most of the respondents on the other side of the subject just don’t seem to understand why it’s “ok” to talk about “conventional” marriage, but God forbid you speak of anything else...

To Gena: We addressed the subject of homosexuality early on in our family, as my younger brother has been openly gay for decades. We simply explained that Uncle M has a different kind of relationship, but that he’s happy and healthy, and we love him. As the kids got older, we introduced M’s alter ego, Tilly, we’ve openly discussed the homosexual lifestyle, and my kids absolutely LOVE to spend time with Uncle M. They could care less if he’s gay, and they are hugely accepting of all relationships. With your son, I’d start out with people, when they grow up, should be able to marry the person that they love. Sometimes that person is opposite sex, sometimes the same sex, but that’s ok.

To everyone else bashing the teacher in this situation: Did you never stop to consider that perhaps one of the kids ASKED A QUESTION PROMPTING THE RESPONSE GIVEN? Doesn’t sound like it, yet I’d be willing to bet that’s exactly what happened. I’d be almost certain that one of the kids said “Miss Sue, how come a boy and a girl can get married, but a boy and a boy can’t”, at which point, “miss Sue”, being on the spot, answers in the only way she can think of and that is “Well, now a boy can marry a boy, and someone in my family did just that”.

Jodi - posted on 07/27/2013

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So you wouldn't talk about the topic of any marriage at all in front of a child? Or only gay ones (which does, in fact, make you homophobic - does your son know how you feel?)

And really? Comparing gay marriage to Santa and the Tooth Fairy? Do you want me to go there? Even to compare the comment to a child that two men can get married with the topic of abortion shows me what you ACTUALLY think of gay marriage. Does your son know how you really feel?

I mean seriously, people, it's not like the lady talked about how these people have sex.

Michelle - posted on 07/29/2013

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"So I'm being called narrow minded because I would rather me as the parent teach my own children about the LGBT community?"
Well you had better teach them before sending them to daycare or school.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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I hate to tell everyone, but actually, a teacher is often involved in discussions about social issues and relationships. They spend a good 6-7 hours a day with your child. If you want to shelter your children and be in total control of every conversation about these things with your child, maybe you need to consider homeschooling. Otherwise, perhaps you need to "suck it up".

That is all.

Shawnn - posted on 07/31/2013

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Actually, Sandra, I wasn't "mentioning your name", nor was I talking about you.

I was simply addressing separate comments in this thread with my opinions on each. See, that's what this site is for.

If you'd rather people not have opinions on your comments or personal opinions, then I would recommend you not post on a public, international forum. I simply asked you a question and pointed out, from my POV, what I interpreted from your comments.

Cheers, and have a glorious day!

ETA: I REALLY wish that people would spell my name correctly, too...It's not difficult, and it is only polite to make an attempt to do so...LOL

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Shawnn - posted on 07/31/2013

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Semantics, Sandra. I didn't "mention you" I ADDRESSED YOU. There's a difference. If I'd typed "Sandra states" that is "mentioning" If I type "To Sandra" That is addressing.

Please at least give me the courtesy to spell my name correctly. I do yours.

Cheers!

Sandra - posted on 07/31/2013

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Shawn,
You did address me. By name. Scroll up. I agree this forum should be a place where everyone is equally allowed to express their opinion. I gave mine days ago. Again, merely MY personal view(s.).
In response to my opinion I have been called: "narrow minded," "homophobic," "prejudicial" and also told that my stance is "unjustifiable and invalid." I attempted to explain my reason for my views several times. I even suggested we agree, to disagree. Apparently that was not good enough. So I decided to bow out of the conversation. Which I did. Until yesterday.
Again, I do not condemn anyone on this thread for their views, nor judge them. I guess what I am saying is...I gave up on this conversation days ago and even said so. Which is why I was confused as to why my name is being reeled back in. No disrespect to any of the ladies on here. I am finished and have learned a valuable lesson in this thread.
The lesson being: Even if I believe I have first hand knowledge of a topic, a point of view or something worthwhile to contribute...I will think very hard about whether I should say anything. I am speaking sincerely, genuinely and with complete honesty. I am not being sarcastic or hateful.
Up until this thread I have enjoyed being a member on Circle of Moms. I have met many sweet and wonderful people. Some have agreed, some have not. But up until now I was never talked to or treated so hatefully or talked so rudely and called names!
Anyway, I also want you and the other Moms to know...when I end my posts with well wishes/kind regards/good luck, etc....I genuinely MEAN those words!! I end all of my posts with something to that effect...and typically include a smiley face. It is MY way of ending a post on a positive note and so as to not offend anyone. That being said: I wish you ALL well!! Enjoy the day :0)

Piper - posted on 07/31/2013

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Just ignore it! It's not really that important. What if your son WAS actually to come out when he's in Highschool- would you tell him not to tell anyone at school cause he might get made fun of? I'm betting not! You don't KNOW that he's "only saying it cause they're so close"... he's 5. He has no idea what sexuality even IS! He might actually turn out to be gay some day, and it sounds like you might want to prepare to handle it gracefully- if it's something you think you might have trouble dealing with.

But for now- it's nothing. Just ignore it :D You've got more important things to worry about than your 5 year old's "sexuality'! :D

Sandra - posted on 07/30/2013

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Shawn,
"Methinks" you should leave me out of the conversation. I haven't said anything as of late. I have been a silent observer. So why "draw me back in?" Anyway, Gena & I had a private conversation and BOTH of us apologized to the other.
Lastly, I have "seen the light." I never realized any of these things that have been said about me are true! I am so ashamed. "Methinks I have protested too much." I have been terribly unfair, I am a Gay "basher." I am a narrow minded, "homophobic." I will call my son right away to let him know...I no longer approve of his lifestyle and his BF is no longer allowed in our home. (he won't mind. After all, his BF's parents already feel this way about their relationship. My son is used to it) I have been a hypocrite & didn't even know it!
So there really is no need to mention my name or talk about me anymore. Consider Sandra "enlightened." :0) Kind regards

Melissa - posted on 07/30/2013

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Thanks for all your comments. I really wasn't trying to bash anyone, just really wondering if there was anyone else that went through this same thing and how they handled it. I really don't care if people are gay or straight and no I do not think my 5 year old is gay for saying it. I was only worried that if he says it around kids at school, that he may be teased. Thanks for the advice and he hasn't brought it up for a while now so I am sure it has passed.

Jenny - posted on 07/30/2013

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i never had my son in day care for long until i saw how much others can ruin what you teach your kids i would talk to them tell them what they cant talk about whats off limits so to speak u never really know what they r really saying to them at age 5 ur son may think that a love for a friend is the same love when u marry some one you know???that might be what hes thinking i my self dont think at the age 5 they can know if their gay or not i cant really say or tell you what to say to your son but somehow get across the difference between the two hope this helps A MOMMY OF TWO

Jen - posted on 07/29/2013

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Well, maybe he's gay, it's possible.

Talk to him, explain to him that one day his heart will tell him who he loves, and then let him be who he is, say what he wants to say, and don't make him ashamed of it.

Jodi - posted on 07/29/2013

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Layce, I knew the question was towards Michelle.

I will admit, I am still not seeing your side of it, but I would suggest, going by your posts, that it is a cultural difference. I won't pretend to understand it or agree, but at least you aren't just saying that it is gay marriage that shouldn't be discussed. I have more of an issue with those who say it is okay for the teacher to say something about marriage, just not gay marriage. To me, THAT's where my issue truly lies because it insinuates that gay marriage is a taboo topic, but straight marriages are not. It somehow keeps it in "the closet" so to speak.

Lacye - posted on 07/29/2013

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BTW Jodi, the "how exactly am I narrow minded" question was towards Michelle. I know you had said it earlier but you also asked questions to try to understand my side. :D

Lacye - posted on 07/29/2013

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Michelle, my daughter already knows about it. If you actually read what I have said in my posts before, you would know that already.

Mary and Jodi, my daughter is in preschool. But here's the thing, her teacher does not discuss these things with her. Why? Because it is not appropriate. Teachers here do not discuss these kinds of things with children because they are too young. It is not their place. My school has recently decided to do a sex ed class based on the children's age, which by the way caused a lot of controversy in our area (parents believed the kids were too young). Now I know this is just absolutely mind boggling to some of you but it's just the way it is here. Doesn't make us narrow minded (which by the way my question was still not answered, just walked around), it just means I have grown in a different place, with different attitude towards things.

And no, my child is not repressed which I know is going to be the next thing said. I do discuss what I feel is appropriate for her to know. Yes she does know about homosexuality, because I have talked to her about it. It's not anybody else's job to do it. It's mine and her father's.

April - posted on 07/29/2013

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I definately think the daycare provider has overstepped their boundries and would have to have a conversation with them about this. Regardless of how you feel about this 5 year olds shouldn't be discussing marriage. There is just no need for that discussion. I would have a discussion with your son but not make a big deal about it so that he doesn't feel like he said something or has done something wrong. He has simple expressed his honest feelings and regardless of why he want's to marry his best friend you don't want him to feel ashamed and afraid to confide in you.
Just my opinion.

Mary - posted on 07/29/2013

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Lacye, I have to agree with Jodi on this subtopic. Is your daughter in preschool yet? Mine is - she's 4 right now. Although she is only there for 4 half-days/week, her teachers have a huge impact on her life. During the school year, whenever anything of interest occurs, from ice skating lessons to a visit from her cousins to one of our dogs hurling on the carpet, she cannot wait to tell her teacher all about it. All of her little classmates are the same. It's why I know so much about the families of all of her little peers as well.

She is also fascinated and extremely curious about her teacher's life. I'm not talking about intimate personal details, but more normal, everyday, generic things. She (and therefore I) know that her beloved Ms Linda is married to Mr. Bob - that is who walks her giant, elderly brown dog when Ms Linda is at school. This dog has a stuffed duck that he carries around and sleeps with (just like one of our dogs has a stuffed turkey). Ms. Linda has 4 grandkids, one of whom is named Peyton, and is the same age as my daughter, and also has long brown hair (so they "match" according to my daughter). Ms Linda is an avid gardener...did you know that you can grow your very own pumpkins in your backyard for Halloween? Do you know how slimy and squishy the insides of a pumpkin are, and that you can roast and eat the seeds for a snack?

Do you see my point? Teachers do, and imo should, share some of the personal details of their life outside of school with their class. It helps to humanize them, and engages the students just a little bit more. Until I hit college, and had those huge lecture hall type classes with 200+ students, I always knew at least a few basics about my teacher's lives...even the nuns I had scattered throughout grade school and high school. And although I am 42 years old, I still remember things about most of those teachers who made the biggest impressions on me.

Jodi - posted on 07/29/2013

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"So I'm being called narrow minded because I would rather me as the parent teach my own children about the LGBT community?"

Actually, Lacye, the reason I was asking you a lot of questions was because you indicated that a teacher shouldn't even mention marriage at all, not just gay marriage.

"Because I don't think my child should talk about any type of marriage with a person they don't really know but for a short period in their life? "

I just want to address this briefly. Layce, I am assuming you don't have children of school age, because you would be surprised what your child will talk about to a teacher. You treat it like that teacher is a stranger, but in fact, often a teacher will have great significance in a child's life, even if they are teaching them for only a year. They will be the person spending more of your child's waking hours with your child than you do. That's just a fact. What happens is that person no longer becomes such an insignificant person as to be brushed off with "they don't really know but for a short period of their life". This is a person DEDICATED to your child, and is likely to learn as much about your child as possible. Believe me, your children WILL talk to teachers about personal things sometimes, before they discuss them with you, not because you have taken second place in their lives, but because the teacher happens to be there when they want the discussion.

To suggest teachers can't discuss marriage (any marriage) with a child, simply because YOU don't think it is okay, is totally unrealistic. Marriage happens ever day. It happens in movies (what if they watch a Disney movie in school??), it happens to their friends' parents, or aunts, uncles, etc. You cannot avoid the discussion, and you can't ask a school to avoid the discussion. As I said, it is an unrealistic expectation.

Sal - posted on 07/28/2013

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Actually my daughter last week asked me what a lesbian was I simply told her it is when 2 ladies love each other the same way mummy and daddy do.. She was watching a news story on gay marriage, she had no concept of why they shouldn't be married like mum and dad as well ...she's 5

Sal - posted on 07/28/2013

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I have read a few things on here and I'm only going to give my opinion not respond or direct it to anyone at all..
I doubt you have anything to worry about at all.. For a 5 yr old boy marrying another boy makes far more sense that possibly catching a nasty case of girls germs from marrying one of them!!!
I don't know the context for the conversation but it is all over the news.. Why wouldn't if come up in conversation.. The same as the weather who won what sport on the weekend or who the president is.. I know my kids aren't living in a bubble they see and hear all manner of things and there is no telling what is going to catch their interest
And finally there are so many family types now it is very dangerous to tell any child that there is one type that is right and all others are wrong.. This generation of children are going to grow up with friends with a mum or a dad a mum and a dad 2 mums 2dads live with aunts uncles or grandparents and none of these children deserve to have their family arrangement be made a spectacle..
And maybe the teacher was proud of her cousin bèing married.. The same as I am when u go to a wedding of any loved one..
And I can guarantee when my beautiful friend is finally allowed to stand before her friends and family in her home state and marry her girl friend I can tell you ill be so happy ill tell anyone and everyone

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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Because in my personal opinion, that is a parent's place to teach their child about those things. Not a teacher's. We as parents need to step up and teach our children that it's ok to be gay or to be a lesbian. Not the teachers. So I'm being called narrow minded because I would rather me as the parent teach my own children about the LGBT community? If that is the case then yes I will gladly be narrow minded. I don't find it appropriate for teachers to discuss that with small children. Something like that needs to be discussed (at least at that age) by the family. That is how I was raised. If people don't like my opinion, oh well.

Michelle - posted on 07/28/2013

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I'm sure the teacher didn't have a whole lesson on marriage, it was probably just a passing comment. You said you send your children to school to learn so why can't they learn about different relationships? Mentioning people who you are related to or know makes it easier to help children understand.

Courtney - posted on 07/28/2013

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this has all gotten way out of hand and i think the post should be deleted. P.S Jodi you are awesome :D i did end up reading all of the responses and holy hell some of them are ridiculous. im not going to get into detail about who i think needs a reality check but i think you can guess. good night all of you wonderful accepting mamas ;)

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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How exactly is that narrow minded? Because I don't think my child should talk about any type of marriage with a person they don't really know but for a short period in their life? Or is it because I just don't agree with your opinion?

In your case, that is something different because the teacher you are talking about is your ex's girlfriend. Of course they should talk to her about the same things they should feel comfortable talking about with you.

I am not exactly sure why I am being narrow minded when I feel that a child should come to their own parents instead of going to a person they are only going to know for a short period of time. Parents today have put way too much responsibility on a teacher's shoulders for things that we should be doing. I send my kids to learn and interact with other kids. Not for the teachers to talk about their cousins (which is the case in the OP) getting married.

Michelle - posted on 07/28/2013

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What about children's story books where the prince and princess get married? Are they now to be banned because it means the children may ask questions about marriage?
Lacye, I find your argument a bit narrow minded. Children discuss their family situations all the time. My 2 oldest have had 2 houses for many years (I divorced their Dad) and they even moved in with a teacher from the school (She was Dad's GF for a while). They called her children their brother and sister. Teachers have a responsibility to teach the children the right things and if a child came out with something incorrect then it's the teachers responsibility to correct them.
To say that a teacher can't talk about relationships of any kind is absurd.

Courtney - posted on 07/28/2013

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i am too tired to go through the comments of others so i may or may not be repeating some things. he may not be just saying it because he is so close with his friend. it could very well be a true feeling he has, although doesn't understand to the full extent what marriage entails. this wouldn't be an issue to me at all. my daughters are raised to know that anyone can fall in love with anyone and has the right to marry them if they so choose. don't make a big deal about this to your son but just explain to him that marriage happens between two adults, and he could marry his friend when he is grown if that's the way it works out but not to worry about growing up too fast. let him know that it is natural. and if you are concerned about the other kids at school be sure to talk to his teacher who told him about it so she can talk to the other students.

Sandra - posted on 07/28/2013

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Not being argumentative. I apologize if you took it wrong. Actually, I feel sorry for you. Must be exhausting to always feel the need to be in control or "right." In my career, I have worked with these types. Anyway, you have a great afternoon & I wish you much success in all future moderating endeavors. Best wishes to all!

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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So you think marriage (in general, not just gay) should not even be discussed in the broadest sense to a child under the age of 11???

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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"In its broadest sense, within a public school, it is about contributing to the social and emotional development of a child. I discuss a broad range of issues with my pastoral care group. Admittedly, they are teens, but we discuss issues such as bullying, cyber safety, racial issues, and even their relationship with their parents/carers (some are in foster homes)."

I completely agree that these things should be discussed. Thank you for clarifying that for me. And I'll give you marriage once the children get older, but 5 is really just too young for another adult other than parents to give their own personal opinion.

As for the social aspect of school, yes. Children should be social with one another. I just believe adult relationships should not be discussed with children. I know you brought up teens as some of the ones you talk with, but I don't consider teenagers as children. To me, a child is 11 and younger.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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Sandra, if you are only coming here to continue an argument and not have anything to contribute to the topic, you are the one violating the guidelines. So please decide to either contribute to the evolving discussion (and it has evolved) or not.

Sandra - posted on 07/28/2013

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Originally, this was not supposed to be a debate. It was supposedly folks giving their personal opinions. Why not let people have their opinion(s)? I have yet to say anyone contributing to this discussion is "wrong, I am right." I simply gave my opinion and have been attacked for it. This Community is titled "welcome to circle of moms."
Not "Debating Moms."
What a warm "welcome" from the esteemed moderator. Perhaps under "Tips" there should be a caution to "only comment if you agree with the majority and have no opinions of your own." Because you WILL be "thumped" hard!! I mean, how dare I have a different point of view! ;o)

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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No, it doesn't mean religion. Spiritual generally means emotional well being. In its broadest sense, within a public school, it is about contributing to the social and emotional development of a child. I discuss a broad range of issues with my pastoral care group. Admittedly, they are teens, but we discuss issues such as bullying, cyber safety, racial issues, and even their relationship with their parents/carers (some are in foster homes). Basically, many of the societal issues are addressed at one level or another. Pastoral care occurs at primary/elementary levels of school as well. That's why I am saying that if there are social issues you think only you should discuss with your child, you need to be aware that these things WILL probably be discussed at school.

Schools don't ONLY educate your child academically. I know YOU think this should be their only job, but it isn't because a large sector of society either want or need schools to be providing a social and emotional education too.

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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I'm not familiar with that term to be honest so I looked it up. If what I read is correct it is spiritual care. When I think of spiritual care I think automatically of religion. If I'm wrong then please correct me.

Honestly, I don't think religion should be discussed in a public school. A private school, no problem! But if it is a public school, there are just so many people of different religions and with the way things are between people of religions or those with no religion, I just think that it would be better to practice at home.

Once again, please let me know if I have misunderstood. lol It's been a long day and I'm just worn out at the moment.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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You were the one who indicated you think there are some things that should not be mentioned by a teachers. This is clearly one of them. I can't say what the others are, because you haven't mentioned them, but if you think something as common and every day as even a marriage can't be mentioned, I'm thinking there could be quite a few things. I apologise if my assumptions are incorrect.

I'm not sure if you read my post about schools providing pastoral care, etc, and the necessity of that?

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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Jodi what exactly do you mean my stance on some issues? I'm just curious to know.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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Well, as I suggested, perhaps you need to homeschool your child. Because that just simply isn't going to happen. A person who has your child in a class for one school year actually has a significant impact on their life. That's just the way it is. And they WILL discuss things with them that maybe you don't approve of, given your stance on some issues.

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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Well I appreciate you not trying to be disrespectful, but I guess the only thing I can tell you is we have grown up in very different environments. I was brought up to believe that somethings are not proper to discuss at certain times, and school time is one of those times. You don't have to understand it, that's just how it is. I understand children are curious, but if my child needs to know something, I would like for her or him to come to me and ask these questions. Not a person who only has them in their class for one school year.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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Sandra, here is the thing. What if I told you that it isn't okay for my children to know about people with dark skin? Would you have a problem with that?

And this is a debate. If I wish to continue to try to debate an issue, that is my right.

If anyone is ignorant, it is those who seem to think that a 5 year old should be sheltered from understanding that there are many types of families in this world, just as there are many different types of people. Our national diversity is an important thing for a child to understand AND accept, and by making a topic taboo, we are sending a message to children that it isn't acceptable.

Mary - posted on 07/28/2013

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Lacye, I'm struggling with a way to respond to your stance that isn't somehow disrespectful. I'll give you points fr consistency, but I just don't think that forbidding all mention or talk of relationships around children by teachers or caregivers is even possible. Kids come into these setting and talk about their home life, which includes relationships with parents, siblings, neighbors, friends and extended family. They are constantly asking questions, interacting with each other, and comparing stories among friends. They are curious and inquisitive by nature, and are going to bring these various and numerous relationships up, both with each other, and with their teacher.

There is simply no way a teacher or daycare worker can completely avoid or dismiss these very normal topics and interactions. Hell, to me, a large part of these environments is so that kids can start to better develop their own understanding of relationships, and how to cultivate and expand their own, as well of those around them. School and daycares are not just about academics - a very large component of it is social inter

I don't think anyone here is implying that a caregiver of small children should be giving an in-depth explanation of homosexuality, but in no way can I see how the simply stating that two men can marry to a group of 5 y/os is inappropriate. The average 5 y/o does have at least a very simple, rudimentary understanding of what marriage is (meaning two adults that love each live together and are family). The average 5 y/o has watched enough TV or movies where characters have gotten married, or at least known of people around them who are, or have done so. Hell, I took my 4 y/o to shelter fundraiser where they hosted "pet weddings", and all of the guests brought needed items to shelter as wedding gifts. Cats and dogs were dressed up as brides and grooms, and there was even cake and dancing! It wasn't some inappropriate nod to beastiality, or even a mockery of "traditional" marriage - it was bit of light-hearted fun and fancy on Valentine's Day that also provided needed items for an animal shelter.

General mention of marriage in the school or daycare setting is no more age inappropriate than mention of other relationships such as siblings, friendship, parent-child, or student-teacher. It's just a part of life, and relationships are something that we start forming with others in infancy. Again, we are not talking about sex, or complex dissections of the nature or morality of relationships.

Again, I live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal, and is happening on a daily basis. My daughter has already encountered more than a few peers at various child-oriented places and activities where the parents present are a same-sex couple. I haven't had, or even needed to have, any type of in-depth discussion with her about it. For the most part, she doesn't even notice her little playmate that has two mommies as anything alarming or noteworthy. It just is.

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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Jodi, my child isn't badly behaved, she's autistic. she has problems dealing with a large social setting. You were the one that said that apparently I had never taken my children to a wedding. I was saying no And I brought up my bisexuality because you had the nerve to call me narrow minded because of my own personal opinion.

Sandra - posted on 07/28/2013

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Jodi,
It seems as though you have a difficult time remaining neutral or letting others express their personal opinions without going into attack mode...rather than agreeing to disagree. That would be called ignorance.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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And I am not sure what your bisexuality has to do with 5 year olds understanding that men can marry men and women can marry women. I don't care one way or the other. IMO 5 year olds are not too young to know what marriage is. End of story. If you can't take your 5 year old to a wedding because they are too badly behaved, that's your problem. But it has nothing to do with what marriage is about. My kids were quite capable of understanding marriage and weddings at that age.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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I was actually referring to you missing the point of my question, not the OP's, but whatever.

And can I say, you don't go to school just to learn reading, math, history, geography, etc. Believe me, you don't. A HUGE part of education these days includes pastoral care. In some schools this is greater than others, but I can tell you that many students these days are missing out on the social aspect of their upbringing. Maybe your child is just fine, but a fair percentage of children aren't. Based on my experience, I'd hazard a guess at about 50% of them in lower socio-economic areas.

Just saying.

I think it is great that you discuss this stuff with your child, but you are not necessarily the norm.

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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By the way, I find it extremely funny that you would call a bisexual narrow minded on something like this.

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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No, I understood the question just fine. The son was told by his daycare worker that the worker's cousin got married to another man and the son said he wanted to marry his best friend. I get that but in my opinion, she should not have brought it up with him. I don't find it appropriate to discuss her cousin's wedding with a child who has nothing to do with him.

And Mary I think you really need to go back and read my posts a little bit more carefully. I've already said TWICE that I don't believe any marriage should be discussed in school. It's not the place. You go to school to learn about reading, math, history, geography; not marriage. Just like religion has no place in a public school. All I'm saying is there is a time and place to discuss some things and with whom.

Jodi, I am not a narrow minded person. A little old fashioned, maybe but not narrow minded. Just because I have an opinion that you don't agree with does not make me narrow minded. It just means you don't like to listen to others opinions unless they agree with yours.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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I think you just missed the point of the question......

Clearly you are speaking from the point of view of someone with children who have never had to deal with this anyway. Your children are not of school age.

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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It should be discussed but not with at school with a teacher. That is not what school is for. And no. I have never taken my children to a wedding and for two reasons. 1 The last wedding I went to was my niece's which was almost two years ago and children were not allowed. Plus I didn't have my second child at the time. Second reason, my daughter likes to go wild at family events, a wedding is no different. I wouldn't want to ruin somebody's special day if she decides to have one of her famous meltdowns (she's autistic so I better not hear one person say I better take control of her). I can get her calmed down at home no problem, but with all different people around and she would have to sit still for any length of time, it just doesn't work out.

Mary - posted on 07/28/2013

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Lacye, I'm unclear as well on your position as well with regards to discussing or mentioning relationships in the school/daycare setting. Are you saying that no mention of marriage or weddings should take place unless it is with a parent? If a child's teacher is going to be away for a week for her own wedding, should she be restricted from saying anything more than, "I'm going on vacation next week"? Or is it only if her future spouse is of the same sex?

Last year, one of the teachers in my child's preschool lost her spouse to cancer. Obviously, she wasn't at school for an extended period of time. They did tell the children that Ms Cathy wasn't there because her husband was sick, and then, because he had gone to heaven (it is a Christian preschool) and Ms Cathy was sad. Is any of this inappropriate to you? What if Ms Cathy's spouse had been a woman? I live in a state where same sex marriage IS legal, so it is very possible that someone's spouse could be of the same sex. Should all mention of a teacher's family and relationships be forbidden?

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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"Neither is saying if a person wants to control all conversations that they should homeschool."

Actually, that is a fact. If you want to totally control what your child learns, you need to homeschool.

I, too, never realised you were quite so narrow minded.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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So you think the fact that someone got married shouldn't be discussed at all? Really? You've never taken your younger children to a wedding?

Lacye - posted on 07/28/2013

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I've already made that comment in my first post, Jodi. I don't believe adult relationships (homosexual or heterosexual) should be discussed with younger children, unless it is by the parent. And yes, that includes marriage.

And last time I checked, "suck it up" is not a fact. Neither is saying if a person wants to control all conversations that they should homeschool.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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How am I on the attack? I am simply stating the facts. You are suggesting sheltering a child. If a teacher, who spends 6-7 hours a day with your child, is not allowed to discuss this issue in any way (because this is a normality in society), your child is being sheltered.

Imagine the parents who never discuss this issue with their child.

What you are suggesting is the equivalent of saying that sex education should only be provided at home. We all know how that ends up. Do you believe the schools should not be providing sex education programs? of course you don't. Unfortunately, there are too many parents who don't provide that at home, so someone has to.

So what is wrong with 5 year olds having an understanding of adults having different types of relationships and children having different types of families? I am still not seeing the issue, and it saddens me that purely because this is about gay relationships, people seem to have an issue about it.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2013

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So Lacye, are you suggesting the issue of ALL marriage should ONLY be discussed by a parent? Or only gay marriage?

For instance, she shouldn't have mentioned she had a cousin get married AT ALL? (Let's say the discussion was about her heterosexual cousin who got married, that shouldn't have been mentioned?).

Just trying to understand your position.

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