My 6 year old is very spoiled and rude

Rebecca - posted on 02/11/2009

well i don't believe in spanking ;)

thing is you need to not give in as soon as he behaves, you need to only give him his stuff back when there has been consistent good behaviour for at least a week and only then one at a time.

also you are giving him conflicting messages - unintentionally - when his grandparents spoil him and you are more firm; you need to get the grandparents to co-operate with you, and if you can't then you can always tell him, he won't see his grandparents again till he has shown he can behave (warn the grandparents you are going to do this). if the grandparents can't support you in this, then you probably need to withdraw from them anyway until you have the situation under control.

all kids try it on, until you have made it absolutely clear you will not tolerate that behaviour -- but i don't think you need smacking to show your intolerance. there are many other discipline techniques.

on that i used succesfully with my daughter was make her stand in front of the mirror and say such rude things to herself for 5 minutes and see how she felt about that. she made a bit of a joke about it and said some really rude things to herself in a really silly voice, but the humour of it soon wore off (ok, she has a low attention span) after about 3 minutes, and i've only done that twice with her and the cheek has really become a rare occurence. (btw, i found it quite funny listening to her say that stuff to herself -- she thought it was a great punishment at first and felt that it was getting away with things, but it quickly became clear she wasn't enjoying talking to herself like that, and alongside my talk about hurting my feelings when she talks like that, she realised its not nice and stopped doing it -- not altogether, no one is perfect, but most of the time.)

once kids are at school they say these kinds of things to each other, and don't necessarily realise how awful it is... kids are pretty rude to each other IMO.

i also use time outs and when my five year old comes out of time out, i make her sit down and explain to me why she was sent to time out -- i grill her in detail, and if she doesn't seem to know why i explain it again and make her repeat after me.

i am very strict about no rude language, but i never hit my kids. most of the time, people tell me they are pretty well mannered.

Rebecca - posted on 02/11/2009

every time he is rude, take a favourite object away, hide it in your bedroom, and don't give it back till he has reformed his behaviour. tell him upfront, the next time he says something rude to you, that from now on if he is rude to you, you will take away his toys. also have a word with the grandparents and tell them that they are spoiling it to much and they need to be more lowkey as its making him excessively materialistic, ungrateful and selfish.



you might have to take few things away before he gets the message -- which you should reiterate each time you take something away that if he is not going to speak to you respectfully you will not respect his belongings either and will confiscate them.



also the next time it happens, sit him down and explain to him that you love him and you wouldn't want to hurt him, but each time he speaks to someone like that, it hurts that person and it hurts you. then when he does it again, just ask him if he wants to hurt you and repeat that he is hurting you, then stick by your guns and take the toy away.