My 7 1/2 yrld, has a "boyfriend" What to do morally?

Priscilla - posted on 01/28/2010 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I have a daughter who is a very friendly girl. She has said she has a boyfriend before but it was they drew pictures. But now this other 7 yrld. told her they can't kiss because his mom said they are to young. I said yes you are. I try to talk openly about it w/ her. I also try to see if the just friends would be the best thing. But I get "MOMMY I want a boyfriend."
Is this typical of the young kids now. I was chasing them in the playground but that was chase.
What is you thought in this? How do they think in this day & age?

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Dawn - posted on 01/30/2010

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My best advice would be to ask your daughter what having a boyfriend/girlfriend means. ask her, "What do boyfriends and girlfriends do?" This may give you a better picture of what she interprets. You can guide the conversation from there.

LaTashia - posted on 03/07/2011

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I would never allow my grade school child 2 tell me that he/she has a girl/boyfriend. I would nip that in the bud right away. I would simply tell them that they have a friend who is a boy/girl. It is all about staying in a childs place.

[deleted account]

Prescilla

I have twin daughters who are now 17. From as early as they could talk they had lots of "friends" who were boys and they would go round hugging and kissing and holding hands, as they did with the girls and they would play families with dolls etc. As they got older they would come home from school and tell us they had a "boyfriend" and we would use the opportunity to talk to them about love, relationships, marriage and having a family in a simplistic way to start. At this age I have concluded it is about building relationships and about trust etc. For twins this was particularly important for them to form friendships with others apart from their twin. We always made efforts to talk to the parents of the other child to ensure that they were dealing with it the same!
Their first serious boyfriends really didn;t start till they were about 15 and they started to "go out" with boys eg: to the cinema and in to town for coffee or to meet other friends. As parents at this stage you can offer lifts and encourage them to bring the boys home and we have never turned anyone away however we felt about them. In return we have a good relationship with our daughters and we often have a housefull of teenagers playing on the wii or just chatting and watching dvds. Boyfriends have come and gone and most of them are still in their circle of friends. We now have two "serious" boyfriends - one of 1 year standing (who i really believe my daughter loves but i am not 100% sure of) and one of 8 months (who is really quiet and i think is dominated by my other daughter). We see them regularly and they meet with them regularly and do teenager things. This is the time that we have to trust that our approach early on will guide them and that the guidance we have given them will pay off.
Interestingly though they have two or three very close friends who are boys who the boyfriends have to accept that they have known and danced with since they were very small. I wouldn;t be at all surprised if, after university etc, they realise that these relationships turn out to be the "real" thing and turn into their long term partners!

God bless
Vanessa
x

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Rebekah - posted on 01/31/2010

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Gee,a late starter!!!!.My eight yr old has been having 'boyfriends' since pre-school!.I wouldn't worry too much about it,at that age they aren't doing much more than running round holding hands with maybe the odd kiss thrown in.It's just innocent behaviour,let her have fun but and just show an interest in your future 'son in law',next week she'll have a new one.Enjoy!.

Johann - posted on 01/31/2010

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well it needs to be a friend thing only no need for all this boy friends girl friends at this age because it will just lead to getting older and in their teens the need of the boyfriend girlfriend some might think this as ridiculous and over protected , but believe me the work you do being intentional will make life a lil easier down the road, their are so many teen girls right now that think they will just die if they don't have a boyfriend,i would not make her feel bad , just tell her being a friend is better correct her when she says boyfriend " you mean your friend" - if she is spending alot of time with older kids and seeing their relationships maybe limit that,these kids are kids for such a short time. kids want to know where their boundaries lie. blessings.

Moji - posted on 01/30/2010

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girls this age often tease one another about having 'botfriends' and the influence of Tv programmes cannot be underestimated. It is important not to get too fussed about it and just let her understand she is really too young for the kind of relationships she sees on TV (the Hannah Montana and HSM stuff which girls of that age know inside out!).

Stacy - posted on 01/30/2010

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When they are together, keep an eye on them, where they are couriouse at this age. But for the most part it is normal. My 4 year old has a girlfriend in his class.

[deleted account]

I'm not a good one to ask since my 8 year olds are constantly chasing the boys they like.... and kissing them. I'm trying to discourage the kissing, but as long as it's on the back (when they catch him) or hand.... I'm trying not to jump all over them about it. I keep telling them that they aren't allowed to have a boyfriend til they are 16, but..... well, they're quite determined and it's still rather innocent.



Yeah, um... I don't have the answer. ;)

[deleted account]

Well, I am a mom of 5 (ages 14, 8, 5, 4, and1 year). I have heard this since my oldest was little. Unfortunately, television today (including Disney and Nickelodeon) portray younger children having "teen" or even adult relationships with their peers. It sometimes makes for good entertainment, but in the end, it really only causes our own children to want to immitate what they see. And even if your own child isn't watching any of these, the fact is, their friends are. Part of growing up is immitating what you see, trying out your different hats (so to say), and figuring out who you want to be when you grow up. Four of my children are girls, and my boy is smack dab in the middle. They often immitate one another as well as their friends and television shows. My take on the whole thing... let her have a "boyfriend" but make sure she is knows that means she can have a boy who is a friend. Kissing and dating is for older girls (and give your appropriate age for when that time will come). Don't think about it too much. My oldest asked me very seriously about having boyfriends all the way through junior high, and I always thought it was fine to "have a boyfriend at school." There's nothing much that can really happen accept a note passing or two. Good luck and enjoy the ride!

Leanne - posted on 01/30/2010

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That's precious! As long as she knows, which she does since you told her, that she's to young for some things then I see nothing wrong with her having a "boyfriend".

When I was in kindergarten I had a "boyfriend". I remember that I kissed him (on the cheek!!) underneath a table in class at play time. It was the only time I did. I think it was all very innocent. :)

Susan - posted on 01/30/2010

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I think it's very typical; especially for girls. The earliest boyfriend I can remember is from kindergarten (32 yrs ago). After the bell rang, we would walk out of the school together, holding hands. When we reached our mother's, we would always give a peck on the lips to each other even though both our mothers told us to stop. Thinking back, to me, this was a freindly kiss and I saw my parents kiss so why couldn't I? Nowadays, sexuality is such an emphasis on society, particular to our tweens and up, and kids are having sex starting at younger and younger ages. I have a 6 yo daughter and she's very affectionate. We just keep hammering into her brain "no boyfriends until you're 35." Of course, we know she'll realize this is not possible soon enough but its working right now. Just tell your daughter its not appropriate to show that kind of affection to others other than family members just as the boys mother did. Making it out as having a boyfriend is "bad" is just sending the wrong message. At her tender age, she doesn't erally know what a "boyfriend" really is and it's pretty harmless right now. If you make it out to sound bad or dirty, it'll hurt her in the long-run.

Laura - posted on 01/30/2010

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Well I have a 7 yr old son and he has said that before. Mom I have a girlfriend (which happened to be a grown neighbor from across the street) She is so young so I would not worry to much. We all know these kids in this day and age are too grown acting. I tell James all the time, how others raise their kids and run their home has nothing to do with us.But you will follow my rules. I want him to be grounded and respect my wishes.I know it will be a battle with his friends as he gets older but I am ready for the fight.YOu have to be ready too. Continue to be open with her,so she ALWAYS feels comfortable telling you things.When they sneak is when we are in trouble. Forget whats typical for others, do what u feel is right for her. Some parents are letting their kids have boyfriends and girlfriends spending the night as early as 12. Which is the age I would worry about. Good luck!!

Anne - posted on 01/30/2010

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My son, who is 7, has come home and told me who has asked him to be there girlfriend. Think they see it everywhere around them. It is very innocent and cute and doesnt last long. I have spoken to both him and my 3 year old about how private parts are private and not for them to touch or anyone to touch theirs. I think they put it together. They dont tend to look at boyfriend/girlfriend in the same way we do.

Bylynn - posted on 01/29/2010

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LOL , yep I rember thoe days myself, but we got through it and I'm sure you will be there for your daughter as well.

Dawn - posted on 01/29/2010

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My first bf was when I was 5, Kyle! We danced together at church once, I can still remember thinking how great it was..!! How cute for the nursery caretaker to see! He came to my birthday party that year and we have a picture of us pecking on the lips...funny, I don't remember that day! My next bf was when I was 11 years old. This is the age that I should have been supervised a little more. :)

Bylynn - posted on 01/29/2010

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I wouldn't worry to much about it, she is going through a phase, it will pass.

[deleted account]

Long...sorry. Try not to freak out and make more of innocent affection...they are new at this too and just learning appropriateness.
I have a daughter that had a bf almost everyday since third grade...it's just the way some kids are programmed, I think. (Her dad and I have always been married and have a great relationship.) We never encouraged her behavior, instead tried to discourage feeling like she always "needed" to have one and worked on building up her self-esteem. Her "relationships" always lasted a long time, considering the age group. Sometimes, I think it was a mutual just wanting to be able to tell friends they had a bf/gf, type thing. She is very much a people person- surrounded by lots of friends, both girls and boys. Loves being the center of attention. She's in college now. The longest she's ever gone between boyfriends- 3 months...longest relationship- 3 years.
Alternately, our other daughter is just now showing a slight interest in guys, at 16.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you just set your family morals and constantly re-enforce these, you pray a LOT, and you act as the voice of reason while they are trying to develop their own. Take every precaution to protect your child, and gradually build trust in the dating arena (without making them feel like they are untrustworthy). As my hubby always says, "It's not you I don't trust...it's all the boys."

Isobel - posted on 01/29/2010

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I got married a a couple of times too ;P...I don't think it means anything.

Priscilla - posted on 01/29/2010

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Wand, I would freak. Of course I am a born again Christian and she never see me dress skanky for Daddy.

[deleted account]

My neice is 6 and has a different boyfriend every time I see her. It's usually whoever she was paired with at her last hockey game. At least your daughter didn't tell you she wanted a lace top so 'she could show off her boobies'. That's what my neice told her mom.

Priscilla - posted on 01/29/2010

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Thanks. I know he has an older brother who is a teenager. So, I am cautious about this one. But I trust God to protect her. I was not liked as a kid. The" pretty ugly" comments. So, this did not happen to me. Thank you all again

Carolee - posted on 01/28/2010

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I agree with Sharon. I had my first "boyfriend" the first day I went to school. All that meant was that we sat on the bus together. It's a normal thing to go through. Acknowledge it, ask questions, tease her about it... make it fun. If you find they did something you're not okay with, tell her that she can't do that anymore because that's what you do when you're a teenager... or whatever you want to say.

Charlene - posted on 01/28/2010

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Yeah... my sister and I always had 'boyfriends' at that age. My sister was engaged like 10 times before she was seven, one little boy even gave her a ring that he got out of a bubble gum machine! I even got 'married twice. Haha. We had our 'weddings' under the slide at school and all of our friends would come and sit in the sand, we had dandelion rings and one of our friends would be the 'pastor'. At the end we would hug instead of kiss and then we'd all go play tag or hide-and-go-seek.

I think it's pretty normal for kids to have 'boyfriends'. :)

Sharon - posted on 01/28/2010

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uh oh wow.



1. I had a BF when I was 5, 6, 7



2. we never kissed. I wrote notes, made cards and that was it. he did nothing but make a claim. lol.. I don't even think we held hands.



I think just acknoweledge it. caution her about being to young to do anything. Chances are this just means he gets the special card in the valentines day pack.

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