My 8 month son still won't sleep through the night.

User - posted on 12/07/2008

Wish me luck for tonight - he just went down for his sleep!

Belinda - posted on 12/07/2008

And i found the cying method did work but i didn like to use it because all it did was get my son all work up, frustrated n angry he did eventually fall asleep from being so tired from all the cryin but i make their crib a happy place not a place where they get upset n are screamin baecause everytime u put ur child back into the crib they are just goig to cry n get upset all over again so try readin a book, playing music or just talking to them telling them its bedtime n thats it time to sleep n that they will be ok n u are onoy in the next room. U should also try getting ur husband to go in and soothe him as i found that my two boys would get comfort out of that becasue it is usually mum puttin them to bed so if dad does it my two were more content. but good luck n it is just trial n error u need to find wat works best for u.

Belinda - posted on 12/07/2008

My one yr old still gets up in the middle of the nyt n he is also in the room with my 2 yr old but my 2 yr old learned to sleep through his cryin. he sometimes only wakes up if he is hungry but other times he just wakes up crying so i found if i go in n leave him in his bed n just pat him on the back he will usually fall back asleep its just the comfort of knowin im there. i also have a nyt light in the room so he isnt frightened when he wakes up as there is a light on. i found with my 2 yr old puttin him in bed with e was a struggle to get him out of the habbit n tryed everything else with my one yr old so he wouldn get into the habbit of gettin in bed with me. i will only us that as a last resort. but good luck it takes alot of time n effort but u will get there...

Kira - posted on 12/07/2008

Wow, Nikki you got a lot going on there. At this point I think the best thing to do if it is possible to move the crib into your room for a while until he gets better at self soothing. If he is waking up his sister the last thing you need is a cranky 3 1/2 year old. One thing we did with my very attached little guy was have me nurse him to sleep and then dh move him to the crib. For some reason that made it a little easier for him. And with that, Dad was in charge of getting him and bringing him in if he couldn't soothe and our son really hungry. Having Dad soothe him first worked well for us because 75% of the problem was me being too attached and needy right back. At risk of getting flamed, I've also sent mine to bed with the shirt I was wearing draped into the crib close enough it can be held onto.
My oldest has a hair attachment. When we moved him from our bed I donated my hair to locks for love and saved a small lock that was nicely secured for him to hold onto while he slept.
Good luck!

Carrie - posted on 12/07/2008

wow. i didn't realize what a hot topic this was, i didn't read the other posts until now *whew!*



You said he's waking every hour now - has he just learned a new skill? Like pulling up or crawling? Teething? I remember the week my son learned to pull up his sleep was disastrous. Hang in there and keep reminding yourself it's a stage. :)

User - posted on 12/07/2008

He is up every hour now! He just eats a little then goes back to sleep. I tried him in his crib and he lasted until about midnight - then he wouldn't let me put him back down in there. Last night my daughter (3 1/2) asked me to keep him in my room LOL - so I think the crying is bugging her. I have a nightlight in there, but I don't think he can see her well yet. Hopefully when he gets older he will be more comforted.



And if the rude comments by people arent stopped I am going to close this thread for further comments - could I just get good feedback please and not people saying my way or the highway. Thanks everyone for your help.

Carrie - posted on 12/06/2008

you can only do what's right for you, but for me cry it out wasn't an option. I still nurse him back to sleep at 19mo. It's pretty normal for babies NOT to sleep through the night, or at least not through "our" night. Biologically a five hour stretch is considered sleeping through. We ended up co-sleeping and it has worked pretty well. Now he sleeps the first half of the night in his own crib, and when he waks he comes in with us until morning.

Leanda - posted on 12/06/2008

have u try leaving on a night light so that he can see his sister is there with him

Ronda - posted on 12/06/2008

Well, since Rose seems to have all the answers and knows so much more than the rest of us, I think we should just all agree with her. (Notice: that is sarcastic!) Seriously, this conversation needs to end. Just because my husband and I may raise our children in one way that is different from the next parent, does not make us bad parents. And I don't believe anyone on here, whatever your beliefs are and how you raise your children, is a bad parent. Just the fact that we are part of this group and want to help out other mothers shows that we care about our children. PLEASE... can we just post our advice without the judgment from others? The person seeking the advice can decipher what they feel is the best advice for them.

Karen - posted on 12/06/2008

Rose's assumptions about CIO are way off base, but it is not worth spelling it all out. Read BOTH Sears and Weissbluth and decide for yourself. I assure you, both physicians feel they are correct and offer studies to back up their view and try to make they case that they are "right" and others are "wrong".



Parenting is NOT one size fits all. If it were, we would all be given the exact same manual all around the world whenever a baby is born. Would that manual say the appropriate number of kisses to give your baby a day? You can't judge a mother's love over a juice box. Love and parenting are so all encompassing that it is not fair to judge one another on one aspect of parenting that you observe. If a mother smokes, I think we can all agree it's not good - there are a million reasons she should quit smoking. But you have no idea how much that mother loves her child, encourages them with their schoolwork, attends all their soccer games, teaches Sunday school, or a hundred other selfless things she does for her children every day.



Many of the things Rose said in her original post, I also feel are true. That was not what got me so upset. Here's what bothered me. Rose was 1) so judgemental (and we all know the bon-bon comment was mean-spirited) and 2) basically wishing bad karma (emotionally distant children) on anyone who did CIO. Those two things are *wonderful* values to teach children.

Rose - posted on 12/06/2008

Well since the OP has decided to CIO and have her infant form an attachment to an inatimate object I almost wasn't going to post again. I decided to because some moms have called me out. If you want to rationalize and try to justify your choices to assuage your feelings of guilt, be my guest BUT I am afraid your relativism does not cut it. Making a blanket statement along the lines of "hey if it works for your family, thats great" is a bad statement. Bad parenting is bad parenting even if the one engaging in it thinks it "works for our family." Parents who prop their infants in front of DVDs, smoke in their presence, feed crappy food, etcetera are doing a bad job and no amount of rationalization is going to make those practices good for me or anyone. I am sure the polygamist sect that was "marrying" pre-teen girls thought that that practice "worked for them" and that we should all just mind our own business. Just because they thought it was right for them does not make it right at all. When I have had small babies come into my practice sucking on a bottle filled with that 99 cent red "fruit" punch, I have called their moms out on it because it is a bad practice. I can't just think "well, I wouldn't give my baby artifically colored sugar water, but it is great of that works for her." I am compelled to educate that mom that it is an inappropriate feeding choice for ANY baby. So when I see a mom asking for opinions and advice and I see a slew of bad and misinformed advice being offered, I am going to comment.

The problems with CIO and much of the offered sleep advice is the poor understanding of infant behavior and sleep patterns.

In general infants do not sleep through the night and sleeping through the night is considered a 5 hour stretch, not an 11 hour marathon. In medical school you are taught a very basic but very true concept: babies are different. That means that they are NOT mini-adults, they have a different set of behaviors and skills and physiologic responses. You cannot apply the adult standard of an 8 hour sleep pattern to an infant. Very young infants cannot and should not go so many hours without feeding. Older infants may be able to drop an overnight feeding in general, but there are MANY valid reasons why they may wake at night ranging from teething, meeting developmental milestones, and medical reasons. So if your babe has an undiagnosed medical condition that is prompting night crying and waking, and you unfalteringly IGNORE all overnight cries and write them off as manipulative behavior (of which infants are incapable) then you cannot convince me that that is anything other than poor parenting. BTW night terrors have absolutely nothing to do with CIO and watching your kid experience an episode without intervening is not CIO.

Of course you have to provide guidance to your children, but it needs to be done in an age appropriate manner. Infants cannot speak and rely on a variety of cries to gain a response to their needs. This is not the same as a tantruming preschooler or a whiny teen manipulating you. Conditioning an infant into learned helplessness is a bad practice. You have to parent the child you have, not the idealized child in your head that you wish you had. That means that your child may not be able to sleep though the night or may have a greater emotional need for closeness and you need to accept it instead of trying to subject him to outrageous practices that more closely approximate your ideal child. Simply put you can't shove a square peg into a round hole, or if you do so, that peg will sustain great harm.

My last thought is that you should not be so quick to discount the emotional needs of infants. You as a parent should be soothing them and loving them and making them feel safe. It makes me want to weep that parents could be so emotionally closed to their infants to essentially tell them "well, the sun has set so if you feel sad or lonely or scared or just need a hug you are SOL and need to soothe your own damn self and ask your stuffed animal for a hug. How would you feel if you were feeling bad and you wanted tenderness from your spouse an he said, "don't bug me, I am having my 'me time', go hug yourself and find a different shoulder to cry on." I'd say he was a cold, heartless, selfish person for saying that to you and I'd think the same thing if he said it to his children. And if the shoe fits, well then you might want to reconsider how you treat loved ones of all ages.

Rebekah - posted on 12/04/2008

My two year old slept with me until after he was seven months old, and then he still got up to eat once a night until he was about a year. (He was nursed for the first four months, and then I got pregnant and miscarried, so I had to stop because of the meds they gave me.) From about a year on, he slept nearly 7-8 hours at a time, unless he was sick or teething. When he was ready, there was no problem getting him to sleep in his crib.

His little brother is nearly eight months old, and he still gets up twice a night. He got up much more when he was nursing (once again, I had to quit by six months, this time due to work and not making enough milk). But now, he eats about four ounces of formula each time, though I have to be holding him, or have him in bed with me (where he was for the first six months). He needs the comfort and warmth.

I am never, ever going to be a fan of "crying it out". That's a selfish, heartless method. Studies have shown that the more babies are held and loved and talked to and touched, the happier and healthier they are. Don't be afraid to love your child. He will sleep through the night and move to his crib when he's ready.

P.S. Don't worry about his sister waking... My boys share a room most of the night, and the two year old has NEVER woken from the baby crying.

User - posted on 12/04/2008

With my daughters chee chee I used to put milk on it... maybe I should do that with the teddy too. I know I carry the teddy around in my shirt before he goes to bed.

Tarilyn - posted on 12/04/2008

Great work so far Nikki! Keep it up! Something will eventually work out for you! Patience is the key though! Have you tried to give him his bear WITH your scent on it? I found with my daughter when shes having a rough day (like today because she got her 18 month shots AND we had to put our cat down...all in the course of an hour!) , I put a very light spray of daddy's cologne (you can use deodorant or whatever you use) and see smells him and finds that a comfort. Maybe if your smell is the big thing for him, that might help!!! Good luck tonight!!! Keep on trying and don't get too discouraged!!! Your a great mom, and just keep doing what you have to do!!!

User - posted on 12/04/2008

We are also trying to encourage a comfort object with him. My daughter had her thumb and her chee chee (blankie) but he hasn't found his thumb or any attatchments yet. We are taking his teddy everywher with him in hopes he can feel safe with it.

User - posted on 12/04/2008

Oh I have been reading them LOL - quite alot of opinons out there! I am not sure where to start :) Thanks to all the moms who took the time to answer this cry for help - I was waiting to post with some progress (hopefully). We tried letting him sleep in our bed without us in it at night (so he can still feel comforted but not smell me right there). That didn't work, when I went in there to nurse him at 11:30 I fell asleep with him (DH wasn't to happy to be left on the couch whoops!). Tonight we will try to put him in his crib and see how that works. We have tried the CIO method with him. It worked great for my daughter, she was sleeping better by day 2, but with him he gets to upset and like Khristie said he also got to upset and it took forever to calm him down. He was hitting me like he was so mad at me for leaving him that I promised him I would never do that again. Poory guy! I will keep posting on the progress tomorrow. Wish me luck! Thanks again for all the comments!

Stephanie - posted on 12/04/2008

Nikki, I know you must be soooo exhausted and frustrated and a whole world of emotions. I don't have any quick fix advice for you unfortunately. I just want to say that it will get better (even though right now it probably doesn't feel like it). Every baby is totally different and so is what's right for him or her. If you try the CIO method or if you don't, if it works or if it doesn't, none of these options make you more or less of a good mother -- you're a good mother because you care enough about your child to seek advice and try new things in order to make him (and the rest of the family too) happier and healthier. I wish you all the best!!!

Heather - posted on 12/04/2008

Scheduled feeding is not a big issue when you use formula - that is why it used to be so popular. Routines are great, but feeding your baby when their hungry is important. I eat when I'm hungry so I let my children do the same. When they are older, they are slowly guided to a more "appropriate" feeding schedule. When I get up in the night I'm thirsty and sometimes hungry. I usually get a drink and if I was really hungry then I would certainly eat. I don't think schedules are evil, but they CAN be dangerous when used rigidly and with a baby who is nursing. Routines are definitely helpful. Schedules don't equal sleeping thru the night either. I had a friend who used Ezzo's method strictly and her oldest son screamed for an hour everytime he was put to bed and woke frequently at night until he was well over a year old.

Nina - posted on 12/04/2008

WOW! There's a lot going on here! I agree with getting him on a routine. I have a 6 mth old daughter who was going thru a similar thing, and about 1 1/2 months ago a friend recommended the baby whisperer book to me, which starts off by putting them on a routine (E.A.S.Y) eat, activity, sleep and YOU time. Babies function better (apparently) when they know what is coming next. My daughter was getting up between 3-4 times a night to nurse. But she was getting up around the same time every night. Upon reading this book, it mentioned that it may be habitual waking, not due to hunger. (theres a test) So the method was the "pick up/put down" method. When she woke and cried, I would pick her up and console her until the she stopped crying, and the second she did, I would put her back in bed. If she cried again, repeat. Even if she started crying before I got her to the mattress, follow-thru, then start again. Eventually she learned that she was to be sleeping and started to self soothe (by means of her thumb/finger!) At this age, she should be able to go at least 6 hrs thru w/o eating. And wouldn't you know it, here we are 1 month later and she sleeps from 7-7. Now, I do go in and feed her in her sleep between 10pm-11pm, this is called a dream feed or "tanking up" and now that she is going thru a growth spurt (I think ;)) she may wake in the night sparatically, so I feed her and she goes back to sleep. You'll get it, like the other moms suggest, just try what works for you. Good Luck!!

Ronda - posted on 12/04/2008

Thank you Karen for pointing out that what works for one family doesn't work for another. Obviously, my idea of scheduled feeding isn't what is popular right now. But it worked for us and I will enjoy the fact that I have two healthy smart children that are emotionally capable, I've been able to sleep through the night for years now, don't feel like an animal who demand fed my children at every cry and can eat my bon-bons at night when my children are safely tucked in bed and putting themselves to sleep! Shame on me, I'm a terrible mother!

Patricia - posted on 12/04/2008

I agree with Karen about harsh jugements. I have been on the recieving end of those. I was once told that if you nurse past three months you will be spolling your baby and damaging your body.

I have noticed also that the woman that posted this (Nikki ) has not replyed to any of our posts. I hope that others are reading this and can gain some insight into different methods to try.

Kristi - posted on 12/04/2008

Demand feeding is the best option for nursing mothers especially. Your baby determines your milk supply. Say your baby is going through their 6 month growth spurt, suddenly your infant starts wanting to nurse more... why? because in a few days he/she will need more milk and your body can't produce that milk until your baby tells it too. Also, infants stomachs are smaller so they need more frequent nursing's because their bodies can't consume as much at one time AND breast milk digests faster and so you nurse more often. That is why nursing on demand has become 'popular'. It is the way our bodies and our babies were designed to work. It is the same for animals. In nature, mother animals don't feed their young on a schedule, so why would we expect our babies to? It is important for a child's development that we be responsive to their needs, especially when the only way to communicate is through crying. Manipulation is not possible so early because their brains aren't developmentally ready to even understand what manipulation is. There will be plenty of time for that a little later.

Karen - posted on 12/04/2008

I really wish people would refrain from such harsh judgement - Rose! How cruel of YOU to say that anyone who does CIO is a selfish bon-bon eating mother who will surely raise an unemotional distant child. People look to these message boards for support and ideas not judgement. It's up to the reader to judge what works for their family. What works for one family may or may not work for another.

Ronda - posted on 12/04/2008

I'm probably stepping on a hot bed of coals... but the only reason the AAP discounts Ezzo is because they don't believe in scheduled feedings. But I don't know how or why demand feeding became the best option. I don't understand how my using scheduled feeding when my kids were little made them unhealthy. Every pediatrics check-up we've ever gone to has shown them to be very healthy, never lacking! They both gained weight at a good pace from day one and we scheduled them. PLUS, we had them sleeping through the night. I am a teacher and I know how kids thrive on schedules! It's not a bad thing! Where did the idea come from that the babies and kids make the rules and have the control and we bend to them? Now I'm not an unloving mother who doesn't listen to her children. But there has to be a good balance... between loving them and letting them know who is in charge. Part of loving them is letting them know there are boundaries. Babies have great capacity to know what their cries do. I wouldn't say that newborns are manipulating when they cry, but by 6 months babies know what cries do. Why else do some parents have the problem of walking out of the room and the baby starts to cry? Because the baby knows the cry will bring the parent back. The same with nursing at night. The baby knows that if they cry at night they will get some food, therefore, they don't sleep through the night. But if that cycle is broken, the baby will stop crying and put him/herself back to sleep. I have had numerous friends and relatives take my advice on this. They let their child cry for one night, possibly two. Even if it tears your heart out... and every single one of their children began sleeping through the night within a night or two. And the child isn't less healthy because of it.

Khristie - posted on 12/04/2008

It is so hard because every child is so different. We tried the "cry it out" method with our first child and within 3 nights he was sleeping through. We tried it again on our second child...Not a chance. With no improvement after a few nights we gave up. He eventually just started sleeping through on his own at about a year and a half. With our third I was nursing her every 2 hours through the night until she cut her first 2 teeth (about 8 months old). Now she is 13 months old and usually wakes once. Her daddy usually rocks her back to sleep with no problem. Is his sister a very heavy sleeper? If so you could try putting him in his crib anyway, and going to him as soon as he wakes to nurse him back to sleep. At least then he could start to get used to sleeping away from you. (Sorry if someone has said this already, I didn't have time to read all 29 posts:) It is a really tough situation with older siblings, I know. Ours are all light sleepers. Good luck, and just remember that it won't last forever! The irony is that in a few years we will be trying to drag them out of bed in the mornings for school!

Stephanie - posted on 12/04/2008

About the other sibling... I wouldn't worry about waking up the other sibling as children are pretty sound sleepers by a certain age and usually not difficult to go back to sleep if they do awaken. My 2 and 3 year old sleep in the same room and have done so for most of their lives. Believe me, the 2 year old was quiet a difficult child when it came to night sleeping. It is usually ok and normal for an 8 month old to feed once in the night so choos one feeding that you find convenient for you and don't feed him any other time and within a few nights, he will understand. when he is closer to the 1 year mark, you can start weaning off from the night time feedings altogether. whether you choose to leave him in your bed or not does not make a huge difference as long as you stick to your plan. Having said that, it will be hard but will be worth the perseverence. remember though, EVERY kid is different and has different needs so listen to your mother's instincts before anything else!

Kristi - posted on 12/04/2008

I ABSOLUTELY agree with DD Martin. The fact that infants are SUPPOSED to sleep through the night is crazy, and I am lucky enough to have a pediatrician that agrees. Even after a year some babies will still wake to nurse. Mine does (he wakes up once to nurse about 5-10 minutes and then goes right back to sleep, without nursing) and he even eats GREAT during the day; it's just what he needs. We also are co-sleeping. The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley is an excellent suggestion and although we didn't follow it to the T, it offered great tips that helped us get our son to fall asleep on his own. Healthy Sleep Habit Healthy Child is also one that we liked. You'll eventually catch up on your zzzzz's. I think most of us have been there! =)

Heather - posted on 12/04/2008

Just keep doing what you are doing. He'll sleep eventually. Unless it's a huge problem for you of course. Some babies really do need to nurse at night - milk production is actually highest in the early morning hours (2 or 3 in the morning). If he's sleeping with you, CIO could backfire on you in a huge way because he's used to you being there to comfort him. Whatever you decide, don't use Ezzo. There are warnings against his teachings because it is potentially very dangerous - even the AAP has warnings against them. I don't know if this would work for you, but I would nurse my babies in their sleep before I went to bed and that got me a few extra hours of peace. It is hard, but he will sleep eventually - I promise. :)

Ronda - posted on 12/04/2008

You are certainly getting a realm of advice! Let me just say that I used the Ezzo method on both my children, each with opposite personalities, and it worked to a T! Both of them slept through the night from the day they turned 5 weeks old and I never had any problems since then. There are, of course, the occasional nights when they are sick, etc. But, otherwise, they are terrific sleepers! The routine is to feed them, let them play, then nap. The times change as the baby gets older, but the important thing is that the baby learns when it is nighttime. If they wake up, there is no feeding them. You may have to endure a couple nights of crying, but eventually it will stop. I don't know where the idea that the child will not thrive using this method came from. My oldest is 7 and then I have a 3-year-old. Both of them are very well-adjusted kids and very smart. My oldest is at the top of her class and my youngest is developing as well as the next 3-year-old. They are both very happy and content children because we have always had a routine and stuck with it. They have always known when it is bedtime and that they put themselves to sleep and stay in their own beds. This creates the much needed time my husband and I need to talk and be with each other. We believe our relationship needs to be strong if our relationships with our kids are to be strong. So, getting them to sleep at night by themselves in their own beds is very important!

Good luck to you! I know parenting has its ups and downs, but the good times help us make it through those rough times!

Patricia - posted on 12/04/2008

WOW talk about a lot of advice. I know with my son that he would be my last child. I ignored a lot of "negative" and "helping" talk. I did not just let him cry like I did with my daughter. My first baby I listened to everyones advice untill I was so confused. With my son I decided to enjoy the close relationship we had nurseing and sleeping together. I let my son decide on his own to stop nursing. He still sleeps with me sometimes and he does not nurse anymore.

Listen to yourself, because no one knows your baby more than you do. Though I have to say that I believe in nursing your baby as long as YOU feel comfortable doing so, if YOU (not your mom or in laws) are not comfortable anymore than you start to wean the baby.

Kerry - posted on 12/04/2008

I also had some issues with getting my 4.5 month old to sleep. She was waking up about 2-3 times a night and was unable to go to sleep unless she was on the bottle, and as soon as we tried to put her down she woke up. A friend recommended the pick up put down method by Tracey Hogg (The Baby Whisperer) and the change in 3 days was amazing. We now feed her and put her down in her cot and within 5 minutes she is fast asleep for the night and waking up at about 7pm the next morning. Her naps during the day have also improved dramatically from at most 30 minutes to an hour and a half! This method has been really amazing, the first night was the worst as it took 40 minutes and it reduced over the next 2 nights!! Now if she wakes up in the night (colds or teething) we just need to pat her bum and she nods off again or manages to get herself off to sleep!

I think there are many good methods out there - you just need to find out how you want to do it - can you handle the crying? i couldn't and found this a good compromise to just letting the night waking continue!

Oh yes and don't forget a good portable bed time routine - it makes going out with you baby so much easier!

Good luck

Nicole - posted on 12/04/2008

I just wanted to clap for Rose Cunningham-Ahumada for saying exactly what I was thinking!

DD - posted on 12/04/2008

I wasn't going to reply to this, until I read the suggestion to try Ferberizing. Please so some research on that. Especially at such a young age. I will tell you this. I have 2 and they are both VERY different. My first was a serious nurser...I mean, that child would stay attached to me if I let him. He nursed 3-4 times a night until about 10 months old...then it got to 2-3. Some babies need more nursing...I don't produce a lot of milk at one time. So, my babies nurse more often. The suggestion that your child doesn't need to nurse at night at 8 months is crazy! What one child needs, may not be what your child needs or does not need. My thought is up until a year, if that baby wants to nurse, he's hungry or needs you for whatever reason. My other son, is no nonsense nurser. Meaning, he only wants to nurse when he's hungry...no soothing there ( I think I can thank the NICU for that :( ) Anyway, my point is every baby is different, and while the guessing game of a baby stinks, it's just that. You have to do what you feel is right. I know that stinks..I certainly wanted a step by step instruction book!! I still do! I know that what was right for my one son isn't right for my other. One slept in my bed, the other didn't. Just what they needed and wanted. And, I personally do not believe that a baby can manipulate. They cry when they need you, they don't when they don't. I always imagine myself not being able to talk, or move. Just laying there...the only way I can communicate it to cry and no one listening to me...no one holding me....no one comforting me. What if baby has a headache? Is cold? hot? We don't know! So, the best thing we can do is hold them, nurse them, love them.
I think mothers who let their babies CIO, must not have had criers like mine. 1 minute into crying and my babies are sweating, and in hysterics. It takes serious loving to calm them down. I'm all for letting them fuss a minute, but all out cry? My heart won't take it.
Wow, for someone who wasn't going to post, I sure wrote a book, huh? It looks like you'll have support if you CIO, and support if you don't. So, just do what your heart tells you. I know that's not easy.

I would like to recommend the No Cry Sleep solution. That's how I got my 1st son out of my bed, into his and sleeping so much better. It takes several nights of routine, but it's well worth it!

Good luck to you!!!

Rose - posted on 12/03/2008

I hope you have not decided to cruelly ignore your helpless infant son by letting him "cry it out". Most of the advice below is just horrendous and the attitudes are appalling. Unfortunately too many parents can't face the fact that babies are life-changing and want to carry on with their pre-baby lifestyle. Your infant has few but very real needs. He needs to nurse. He needs to be close to you and feel loved and valued. He can only cry to express himself as he is too young to talk. And people are telling you to ignore the only means of expression he is capable of so that he will learn that his cries are unimportant and that his form of communication carries little to no value since mommy just ignores it. They are advising you to teach him helplessness and want him to learn to give up trying to communicate his needs to you. These moms getting 10-12 hours of sleep/reading/bon-bon eating time while ignoring their babies will get their reward when their children grow up into emotionally distant and insecurely attached teenagers and adults. So jump on the selfish bandwagon OR follow your natural mothering instincts and nurse your baby, hold him close, sleep near him, and respond to his needs. He WILL move to his own bed and wean when he is ready without you pushing him away.

Annelize - posted on 12/03/2008

Hi Nikki, what age is the sister? If you can put her on a mattress just for a few nights in your room, put him in her room & let him cry, after 3min go to him, pat him on the back, so he know you don't just forget about him & stay away for 5min & so on, he will finally fall asleep, but dont let him cry for more than 10min b4 you go back. He will eventually get over it & sleep. By day 3, your problem will b solve. Just try, William slept with us in bed till 8months & now he is 19months & sleeps in his own double bed. In his own room. Go to bed at 7h30, sleep right through till 7 when i wake him up to go to school. And no lights, i had a blue light in the room, they said it is soothing...its not. No light is best. The darker the better. Also have a dark colour curtain, because as soon as it get light in the morning they up,it works for me.

Goodluck!!!Must add, its soooo nice to have your bed back.I didnt sleep well with him with us in bed, cause im still breastfeeding @ 19months & that time we changed sides & i had to make sure that he wont fall from the bed when he wasnt in the middle.

Hope you'll try it.

Annelize Burley PE

Heli - posted on 12/02/2008

Hi! Is it possible to move his grib to your bedroom, near your bed? Mayby he learn to sleep in his own bed this way??!! :) Like this he will be close to you. It might be difficult to teach sleeping in own bed, but it worth it later. Mayby he needs safety feelings and this is one way to give it :) (sorry my bad english ;) )

Patricia - posted on 12/02/2008

How old is his sister? Is having a family bed interfering with your relationship with your husband? Are you wanting to stop nursing him at this age?

Kerri - posted on 12/02/2008

I have recently taught my 3 toddlers how to put themselves to sleep and sleep through the night. I used the Sleep Sense System, which I loved to pieces! Basically, it's ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE. Don't let them fall asleep while nursing, but start out putting them to bed while they are drowsy and eventually fully awake. They should be in bed between 7-8pm every night. My youngest was putting himself down and sleeping through the night by 5 months, but we had to move him out of our room or else he would stand up and look over the crib and yell at us. But it only took him a week to figure out that he could go back to sleep by himself. Maybe you could have your baby trade places with your older child for a short time while he's learning to put himself to sleep in his own space.

When he wakes up in the middle of the night, wait at least 20 mintues before going in to check on him. Lay him back down and tell him it's time to "go the sleep" (or whatever words you choose to use as a sleep cue), and leave the room. Don't go back for another hour. If you only wait 5 or 10 minutes and keep going in every 5 to 10 minutes, they will expect you and will cry longer and longer because they know you will eventually come. All of our kids have some sort of stuffed animal they sleep with that has become their "lovey", and that's their comfort at night instead of us.

Your baby will be just fine if he cries. He just doesn't know how to go to sleep by himself yet, but he will and then you will all sleep through the night great! Have faith and a good set of earplugs! Good luck!

Linda - posted on 12/02/2008

My almost 8 month old didnt start sleeping better until I weaned him. They smell you and just can't help to want food. If you can have someone else help you to soothe him back to sleep, you might have an easier night. I heard that when you are feeding your baby - especially this old - you are conditioning him to be hungry at night. Skip one feeding at night... try to have someone else soothe him and once that works skip the next one until he's completely weaned off at night. GOOD LUCK!!!

Jennifer - posted on 12/02/2008

I have 4 boys and none of them slept through the night until they were 2-3 years old. Do you have him wrapped tight in a blanket (like at the hospital)? I also would find out how they liked to sleep (side, tummy, back) and would put them down that way. The medical community has switched all ways on how babies should sleep. Swaddle, nurse, & rock him and put him in his crib so that you get some sleep and don't chance rolling over on him.

Melissa - posted on 12/02/2008

i had trouble with my 8 1/2 month old daughter, i think at this point they're really catching on, that if they cry ..lol...we'll pick them up.....i think your #1 problem is that he is in YOUR BED, my friend has the same problem and her daughter has not slept through the night since she was born...lol...ergo, my friend is pretty tired...i think you need to role up your sleeves and be a *mean mommy* as i'd called it..lol...because i don't like to do myself...you need to get him out of your bed...and do it for a weekend...where you know you won't be exhausted if you are awake the majority of the night...he will cry....and fuss..but the truth is that @ 8 months, they shouldn't need to be fed...my daughter would do the same...i'd feed her, she'd be back in bed...that is a bad habit...because they only about 24oz of milk @ that age, which is about 4 feedings in a day...max 32oz, but the older they get the less milk they should need..



Try establishing a bedtime routine...i know it sounds corny..but my daughter drops for the night, after playing with me, and bath time, and story time...but it kind of all drops down to letting them cry it out...i know it can be hard with the sister in the room...but try putting the sibling in your room instead...if you don't have another place...or send her off to grandma's for the weekend...or a friend's house...while you take the time to let your little boy...cry it out...and believe me...its not easy...but truth of the matter, is that you'll need to do it one day or another...and you can only do it when YOUR ready...because you wouln't want to go and wait til their 2 and out of the crib, where they can get out of bed..you got to do it now!...and one night when your sooo tired...believe me...you'll just put the pillow on your ears and ignore it...i know it sounds mean...but as a mom..you need your rest too...or else..you are cranky and all that with them..

Samantha - posted on 12/02/2008

I was having the same trouble and people told me that it is okay for your baby not to sleep through the night. Sleeping through the night technically is only 4 hours. You just will have to deal with it I guess. If he is going back to sleep after you nurse, then I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone wants you to think that babies sleep a full 8 hours without waking up, and that is just not the case. I thought my problems were due to the fact that my baby doesn't eat solids, but everyone told me there is no proof that feeding your baby extra solids makes them sleep through the night. Also, if your baby is used to co-sleeping, you will have a hard time moving him to the crib, so I would isolate him in a separate room from his sister if possible. Or just keep it up with the co-sleeping.

Stephanie - posted on 12/02/2008

I'm about to try to get mine to go tot sleep with out me tonight. My doctor recomened that I not be in the same room as the baby because when you have a breastfed baby they can smell you which will only irratate the baby more. She says that it will be up to my husband to soothe the baby back to sleep for about a week. I don't like to cry it out method and it did not work with my older daughter. So we are going to try the "husband method" Also she recomened to have my husband give him a bottle of formula during the night when he wakes, she said most likely he will stop wanting it because really he wants mommy and the warm body not food. hope this helps

Angela Ray - posted on 12/02/2008

HI NIKKI, MY LITTLE BOY IS 21MO. OLD AND HE STILL ISN'T SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT. IT'S HARD BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WORKS TWO JOBS, BUT LIKE JENN CAUIFIELD SAID YOU JUST HAVE TO LET THEM CRY IT OUT. WHEN THEY FIND OUT THAT YOUR NOT GOING TO COME IN THERE ROOM TO COMFORT THEM THEY WILL STOP. I'M STILL DOING THIS WITH MY SON. IT WORKS BUT IT BREAKS YOUR HEART ALSO... I'M A MOTHER THAT JUMPS AT MY SON EVERY WHAT NAD NEED. BUT AT NIGHT TIME I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE. GOOD LUCK!!! IS YOUR LITTLE GIRL IN SCHOOL?

Nicole - posted on 12/02/2008

Oh, and do NOT follow the Ezzo method. That has led many children to failure to thrive. If you need a book to help you, try the "No Cry Sleep Solution"...

Nicole - posted on 12/02/2008

None of my kids slept through the night until they were weaned. Is he teething? I know their nursing picked up a LOT during the night if they were teething.

He may sleep BETTER in his crib, at this point. In bed with you, he knows you, and the nursing, is RIGHT there. Why wouldn't he want that? You can try having him sleep in his crib, and when he wakes up have your husband go in and put him back to sleep.

Other than that, just resolve yourself to more night-time nursing. It doesn't last that long in the grand scheme of things!

S.C. - posted on 12/02/2008

You may want to move the sister out onto the couch or something for a while. Unfortunately, the only way to do this is to train him to put himself to sleep. We were in the same boat--it started with the colic and the change in his schedule because of it. We ended up holding him and rocking him until he fell asleep until he couldn't fall asleep without us! Your son will not "sleep better" by himself--you will just end up getting frustrated and never move him to his crib.



I know it's hard, but he's going to have to cry for a while. And it will get worse before it gets better. He will need something to comfort him and to act as a "trigger" that means it's time to sleep. It could be a recording of you singing or reading his favorite books in a soothing "sleepy time" voice...it could be a lullaby music CD---something that runs for approx. an hour or so but turns off by inself. You may also want a fan or a "white noise" box--it makes a soft sound like wind blowing or when you turn your TV to a non-channel and the static noise comes on--that's white noise. It really helps kids (and adults) fall asleep and stay asleep because it blocks noises from becoming startling in the silence. It's also a great sleep trigger. People use them in offices to separate conversations so things can't be overheard in the next room.



The best way to do it is to start the routine and keep the routine the same, even when you are not at home--so make sure the solution you use if portable!! Pick a bedtime (make sure it's when he's getting sleepy anyway) and go ahead and nurse him a little. Read a story, or rock him and sing, whatever (but make sure it is something you can do EVERY night and not just you--your husband also--take turns so he gets used to the routine from everyone).



Then, lay him in his crib and say something that you will say every night like--good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite (my dad used to say that) or just good night and a kiss and then leave the room. He will cry. He will cry long and hard. He will be VERY stubborn and probably a little angry. It really is OK. He is not hurt, he is not hating you, he is not going to choke by crying, he is OK and you are not being mean. Good sleep is vital for all of you and will help his mental well-being and sense of independence--not to mention helping you be a good mom by getting better sleep to keep up with the kids and everyone will be less likely to get sick this winter!



In five minutes (it will seem like forever)--go back in, pick him up, comfort him, give him a bottle of water (he may not take it but if he wants a drink, it's all he can have at night) put on his comfort music again or whatever you are using, and leave. Now he will have the screaming fits. Now wait 7 minutes. (yes, it's forever and a day) and do it again. Always be willing to go in and comfort him--but never for very long--and never to nurse him!!!!! He's not hungry, he wants the comfort only so don't take that away, but comfort and leave. You will have several nights without good sleep but it will be worth it.



I can't stress to you enough--DO NOT GIVE IN OR CHANGE THE ROUTINE!! Both parents must participate and if anyone gives in even one time--you are at square one and will have to start again from the beginning. It will be 5 times as hard if it works at all this time because you have now taught him that if he screams and cries long enough, you will give up and take him to bed with you. It only takes once to undo progress.



Depending on the child, it could work the first night, or it could be several days until he realizes he's OK, and he can sleep without you--as long as you do the EXACT SAME thing every night. Grandma also has to play along if it's an issue. It only takes one well-meaning relative to say "AWWW, poor baby...I'll just pick him up and he can sleep with me" to undo everything.



It's hard for about a week, and he will test you here and there to see if anything changes. But as long as the routine stays the same, he will feel safe and secure in knowing the limits and the rules so he won't feel out of control. It will come to a point where just hearing the "sleepy song" or "sleepy noise" will make him tired and ready for bed. Good luck and good sleep!!!!!!

Amanda - posted on 12/02/2008

I am in the exact situation as you. My son and him will be sharing the same room, but for now i moved his crib in our room until he will sleep the night. He is also 8 months old and some nights he will only wake up once to feed. some nights he will wake up many times. I am unsure what to do as well. I wish i could let him cry himself to sleep as i did with my other son but my husband works early and it will wake him up. so for now i just let him wake up that once and am hoping it will stop.

Ianandnic - posted on 12/02/2008

Hey Nikki... My son just turned 8 months, and has done well overall with sleep habits. For Example, last night he slept from 8:30-7.. I read a book: Let the children come along the infant way by Ezzo and Ezzo.. when he was a newborn. A lot of the info was common sense, but the scheduling was very helpful. To sum it up... a routine is very important... you should feed, play then put your baby down to sleep... so, he actually is tired.. and it's ok if he cries... We let our son cry for 5 minutes, and he usually fell asleep.. Now, he sleeps as soon as we put him down. (My son did wake up around 2:30 for about a week, when he cut his first tooth. I would nurse him and put him back down.)

Zulfaa - posted on 12/02/2008

Hi nikki, I read ur post and thort DAMN!!! what u can try , that I have and I found worked! bath him twice a day, once in the morning and then once by 6pm ish, give him a bath and good all over massage, talk and play and be lovey and cuddly, then give him some porridge, till he's nice and full , then a bottle or breast to follow and as you're nursing , talk and touch his face, talk soft and slow and gentle, but put off the TV and all that kinda stuff...



then lay with him for 5 minutes while he sleeps , then by 7.30pm ish he should be down for the count, do it continuously and DON'T CHANGE THAT ROUTINE for a week... and you'll be good to go...



let me know I am on face book



zulfaa samuels , cape town south africa....