My baby in my bed

Robin - posted on 06/23/2012

My son sleeps with me and he won't usually lay down unless someone lays with him. But we can get up when he is actually asleep otherwise he cries. I think with me though, he wants to because I don't get to spend a lot of time with him.

Martha - posted on 06/16/2012

try going to sleep with her in her bed one of you than get up when shes asleep

Amy - posted on 06/14/2012

This is a problem we have struggled with for basically my daughter's whole life. (I think I jinxed myself before she was born because I said "she will never sleep with me"). After a friend's 3-year old was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and given a short time to live, I totally changed how I felt about it. I didn't want to push her away because what if it was her that was given a short time to live and I had been pushing her away just because she was scared? They are only little once. Let's face it. A teenager won't want to sleep with mommy and daddy every night. She will get out when she is ready. Now, she does make a pallet on the floor next to the bed when she is scared instead of crawling in, but I wake up to her on the floor fairly often and have just decided not to fight it. She will eventually grow out of it and realize her bed is way more comfortable and that she is safe there.

Shaela - posted on 06/14/2012

I like to give choices, my choices. They can sleep in their comfy bed or sleep in a sleeping bag on my floor. If she has always slept with you its hard to just go to her own room. Be consistsnt, of will ne hard and you will be tired for a couple of days if you put her straight to her bed, but it will work. She might need a night light also. All my kids never slept with one, but sometime after age 2 something changed. Good luck. The sleeping bag works wonders, and I did it as a child and it was nice just knowing my parents were right there just in case.

Shaela - posted on 06/14/2012

I like to give choices, my choices. They can sleep in their comfy bed or sleep in a sleeping bag on my floor. If she has always slept with you its hard to just go to her own room. Be consistsnt, of will ne hard and you will be tired for a couple of days if you put her straight to her bed, but it will work. She might need a night light also. All my kids never slept with one, but sometime after age 2 something changed. Good luck. The sleeping bag works wonders, and I did it as a child and it was nice just knowing my parents were right there just in case.

Gemma - posted on 06/12/2012

A two-year old is still a baby. She's too little to be deprived of her parents' company & comforting presence when she sleeps. She'll eventually outgrow you, anyway. Try putting her in her own bed when she's 3.

DeeDee - posted on 06/10/2012

When teaching my babies to sleep in their beds I have stayed in their room with them until they calm down but trying not to chatter or distract. Just sit quietly, sometimes hum, until they calm down. Then I leave them to go to sleep on their own. When they are sick or scared them they might spend half the night with us but they start the night in their beds. Yes they do cry sometimes but I check on them as they cry it out, just making sure they are okay and laying in bed. If out of bed then I put them back. It takes a while for them to get the idea but it's worth a few nights with less sleep to have a whole half of my bed to myself. Good luck. My kids were younger when I've done this but not itty bitty. Usually when they are done nursing at night. But moving to the toddler beds we just had to sit quietly until they climbed out of bed, then return them silently because they knew it was bedtime and they needed to stay in bed.

Kathrina - posted on 06/10/2012

Put her in her bed , and leave her there.....Do you really want her to be 6-8 years old and still sleeping with you?? You are the mom, so act like one.

Beth - posted on 06/10/2012

My girls all sleep in their own beds - in the long run it's better for you (as a couple) and your daughter for her to sleep in her own bed. From a practical point of view, it also means that when she can go to sleep on her own in her own bed, she can go for sleepovers at other family members houses and also when she is older, to friends sleepovers.



Make sure that you have a good routine. Buy her something suitable to be her 'bed buddy' (e.g. teddy). Let her decide what she wants to be her bed buddy as a treat. Let her know that as she's a big girl, that she will be sleeping in a big girl's bed. First night get her into bed, sit by her until she falls asleep. Then on following nights, gradually work your way to the door and creating a bigger gap. When she gets out of bed the first time, tell her that she needs to go to bed and put her back. Every time after just put her straight back to bed without talking to her. Make sure that you ignore her when she's in her bed, that the lights are off (or very low) as well. In the morning give her lots of praise for sleeping all night in her own bed.



Certainly my girls (especially the two younger) have toys that they like cuddling up to at night. My youngest if she is extremely tired, then she will get a blanket to take to bed with her (she's 7 and the blanket is attached with rules).



I've got a selection of blankets - the larger ones are when my girls want an extra layer over the duvets when they're going to sleep. Normally if the blankets are used - it's when they're having a 'picnic' or building some form of 'shelter' outside in the garden and used as toys rather than as a comforter.



I should add that occasionally one of my children will end up in my bed, but it's not that often. They all though come into my room in the morning for a hug and a kiss.

Happy - posted on 06/10/2012

I can NOT get over the number of parents who are beleiving a 2 year old is being a manilupativve little bitch and just trying to ruin her parents sex lives and sleeping. Seriously people! I understand not all families will co sleep, great! What works for your family is awesome but the nasty tone I read in some of these comments is just appauling! Really! Put her in her room, close the door and let her scream until she wears herself out? That, IMO, is abuse! I would call the cops on my husbnad if he tried to do that to me and so would every woman who has commented on this post, BUT we'll do it to a helpless 2 year old, why? Simply because we have been program that we are bigger, we are stronger and we MUST control them! Many of these posts are just so sad and make my heart ache! Please, why can't we find a gentle, caring and loving approaches to help this Mom and her baby, yes, 2 year olds are still babies! As adults we crave for companionship and for someone to cuddle with. And how many women on her dreamed of finding someone to fall asleep in their arms but if a 2 year old wants that, all of a sudden, that's manipulative behaviour. Wow! I just can't even imagine this!

As far as the sex thing...I would be extremely bored with my sex life if the only place my husband and I had sex was in our bed! We bed share, not just co sleep, and have conceived 3 children doing so! And no, we do not have sex in front of our children! Okay, well, maybe the newborns, LOL.

Pamela - posted on 06/10/2012

BE FIRM. She is running the show....not you! YOU ARE THE PARENT. God gave YOU the child, not the other way around.

No matter how much of a fuss she puts up, as long as you allow her to have her way, she will take it! Put her in her bed. Make sure her room is safe. CLOSE the door and return to your room. Let her scream, cry, fuss, whatever until she tires herself out. Once she has stopped go in and check on her, tuck her in, etc. If she cannot come out of her room she will get the message.

If she knows how to open the door on her own, then just keep returning her to her room. Shut her door and your door.

The moment you give in to her DEMAND to sleep with you....no matter how "charming" or "sweet" she looks, you are allowing her to run the show. She is testing her boundaries and when you allow her boundaries to supercede your own, then you allow her to rule your life.

Breaking a habit pattern can be difficult once it is set. But it is not impossible. The highest and best to you all.

Connie - posted on 06/10/2012

Sorry, but where they are sleeping at 6 months is pretty much where they will be sleeping. If that place has been your bed, and you've allowed it up until now, then it's not fair to change the rules on your child and suddenly kick them out on their own. They don't understand. That's the way it's been, that's THEIR bed, and for you to change that is major. If someone suddenly said you couldn't stay in your house and you had to stay in another house, you'd be pretty darn upset as well. Especially if they were forcefully taking you out of your house, away from the people you love and feel secure with, to put you alone in the other house. She obviously doesn't see her bed as where she should be. The vast majority of the world co-sleeps with their young children. As others have suggested, you might try a crib mattress on the floor next to your bed. Once she's comfortable sleeping on it, you can then gradually move it a foot or so farther towards the door each week until she's in her own room.She'll at least begin to feel ownership of her bed rather than yours. But if she throws a fit one night after moving it farther away, I would put it back just a little closer for a couple weeks before trying to move it farther again. What may be an irritation for you is a MAJOR security issue for your daughter. And if you decide to put her on a mattress or bed in your room, just know that if you give in and let her into your bed EVEN ONE TIME, then she'll revert to the previous boundaries and you will have to start from scratch, which is not fair to your child. So before starting on this course, you need to be pretty firm on your decision and willing to stick to it. She is incapable of understanding that it's okay sometimes but not THIS time. At this age it has to be yes/no, black/white. In a year or so you'll be able to reason and negoitate a little better with her, but not at 2.

Nina - posted on 06/09/2012

Only you know what's right for your family and child. Whatever you choose you need to ALWAYS follow through. My oldest had no choice but to share a room w/us. We lived in a small one bedroom apt. When he was about 2 we bought our home and had a "big boy bed party". We invited everyone to come over and made cupcakes. We even ate them in his bed to celebrate. It worked so well we repeated it with our daughter. They are 8 and 6 and sleep in their rooms no problem. We will be repeating this with #3 when she's here and ready. Good luck and don't give up!

Nora - posted on 06/09/2012

We had our boys sleeping with us when they were babies and a crib next to our bed where we put them when my husband and I wanted intimacy. When the baby woke up we brought him back to bed and kept sleeping. When he was too old to be sleeping in the same bedroom meanwhile we had intimacy (around one an half), we moved him to his room where we developed a routine of playing for a bit then bed time story from mum and another form dad and I would stay with him until he went to sleep. At some point during the night he would wake up and we try the "let him cry until he goes to sleep on his bed again" thing but we could not do it (my heart ached for him) So, we went to get him from the crib and brought him to our bed. When he was sleeping in a toddlers bed he would come to us and we let him sleep with us (although we made sure to lock the door when we were intimate and the unlocking it afterwards, just in case :P). There were nights when he did not come to our bed and at some point he stopped waking up during the night (at about 5 or 6 ) and coming to our bed, although when he has a nightmare he still comes and asks if he can sleep with us, sometimes we say yes and sometimes I take him to his bed and stay with him until he goes to sleep again, he is eleven now (luckily he doesn't have nightmares often, the bed is not that big anymore!)

We did the same with the second child who is eight now (without the "let him cry" part ) and is working the same way, the difference with this one is that he still comes to our bed, but that is at around 5:30 a.m or 6:00 for a little snuggle, which is alright because we have to get up at 6 to get ready to go to work and they to go to school anyway (we are both teachers and the boys go to our same school) During the weekend he gets up and go off and play and we stay sleeping until later.

It all depends on what is good for you and your family and not "what you are supposed to do". Each family is different and each child has different needs. Maybe your daughter needs to sleep with you guys because she is scared of the dark? because she loves the warmth and comfort of being with you? Maybe one or both of you work and she needs that extra time to be with you? What does your husband think/feel? Do what you feel is right for your child, is not about control, is about what makes your child feel loved and secure. She won't be a child forever, they are little for such a short time then they grow up and leave, I think about that and makes me see things differently.

Alexandra - posted on 06/09/2012

You can maybe rearrange her bedroom in such a way that pleases her: more teddy bears, white noise, night ligth. Let her prepare the bedroom with you so that she can choose the things to put in there, well, some of the things. It will make her comfy and important that she had such a chore.
I would always keep putting her in her bedroom if she keeps coming back to your bed. And I woul keep explaining that now is time for her to sleep in her bed and that mommy and daddy and herself need to start having privacy. Something like that in baby's words.
Good luck.

Niki - posted on 06/09/2012

It still astounds me that we are the only mammals that think separating ourselves from our young is a healthy idea. If you want her out, pick your fight stick to your guns and have it out. OR consider that between mommy and daddy is the most wonderful place for her, get a bigger bed, and get some sleep. Move your other activities someplace else. We did it with our daughters, people gave us crap, we didn't care. One child had sensory probs, at 7 and 9 they have their own room and stay there on their own (with an occasional visit). I would also like to add that many countries have this practice, and other family bonding (bathing and such) that causes a more cohesive family in the long run. Why does a 2 year old need to be independent?

Martha - posted on 06/09/2012

Stay persistent and put her in her bed to go to sleep. Tell her she is a big girl and must now sleep in her own bed. Tell her you love her and then leave the room. - - She will get up as you expect, but you then take her back to her bed, and put her down again. Leave the room. If she cries, let her cry. DO NOT GIVE UP OR GIVE IN!

Don't say anything to her the 3rd, 4th, 5th or however many times you have to put her back into her bed. Do NOT let her get into bed with you and daddy, take her right back to her bed....



You two are the parents and need to take control and keep putting her into her own bed.- - - It may take a few nights of repeating this, but the time it takes will lessen each night and she will learn and finally accept that she has to sleep in her own bed.

It is harder on the parents than the child, as children are just mad they are not getting their way. They will live, and still love you very much, if not more, once it is all over, and they are sleeping in their own bed. - - - REMEMBER TO NOT GIVE UP AND REPEAT PUTTING HER IN HER OWN BED AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES...BE PATIENT, FIRM, NOT MEAN, AND IT WILL WORK!

Sally - posted on 06/09/2012

If you are capable of sleeping with her there (or can get a bigger bed) let her be. Kids sleeping away from mom only happens in a very small part of the world and even there it's a pretty recent fad. If you wait until she's ready, she'll beg for her own room.
Good luck

Daniell - posted on 06/09/2012

for me, I never let my kids sleep in my bed. We had a spare bed in their room, and if needed, we slept with them there. But since you have already let your child sleep in your bed, my advice would be to gradually force them out. Try letting them sleep on the floor of your room first. That way, she isn't in your bed, but she is still there with you. Once she is comfortable with that, then try sleeping with her in her room. and slowly let her sleep by herself. I don't agree with letting her fall asleep with you and then moving her once she is sleeping. if she wakes up, she will be mad, confused, etc. And talk, talk, talk to her. Explain what you are doing. Tell her you bed is only for mommy and daddy and she has her own bed. Make sure she naps in her own bed/crib. get her to play in her room. Maybe is she isn't sleepy, she can play in her room at night as long as she is quiet.

Tina - posted on 06/09/2012

Doesn't it depend on what kind of crying it is? there's real distress or pain crying, and there's manipulative "I want to get my own way" and temper crying. Mom can always tell the difference. I would never ignore the first two, but If you take the others too seriously you'll be manipulated lifelong.

Lin - posted on 06/09/2012

Agreed. We are the only species (except for some reptiles & birds) that expect a tiny tot and child to feel safe away from its protector... we are just not neurologically wired that way.

I found I knew my child's health much more, I knew immediatly he was vaguely starting ot come down with something as his sleeping altered etc. and besides, I got a lot more sleep with him there than having to get up in the night to attend to him..

It is a Victorian thing to want to control & have convenient kids.

Sandy - posted on 06/09/2012

1) Get a king size bed so if the child climbs in bed with you, both you and the hubby can still get a good night sleep.

2) Try staying in her bed until she falls asleep (read a book, listen to some quiet music). I remember I used to go to my parents room a lot. My mom would stay with me in my room until I was asleep.

It's funny, we expect children from day one to sleep alone in a big, dark room, yet as adults, we get to sleep with someone, all snuggled up and feeling safe. If letting my boys sleep with me once and awhile is the worst thing I do, then I'd say I'm doing pretty darn good!

S. - posted on 06/09/2012

It's not easy letting them cry by any means but having children sleep in your bed isn't easy for some people either, it really is a case of what works for one family may not work for another and finding what's right for your own.

Happy - posted on 06/09/2012

I simply could not imagine letting my child scream for an hour. I can barely stand 5 minutes and only do that if I have to pee, halping another child, changing a diaper, ect.

Traci - posted on 06/09/2012

We had that problem with our now 3 year old. Last July or August, I just started making her go to bed in her own bed. The girls have an earlier bedtime than we do, so I would put her in early enough so that I knew she was asleep before we went to bed. She did cry and scream and carry on, but USUALLY she would fall asleep within an hour. One night, though, it was longer than an hour and a half, but I had to get to bed myself. It was getting too late. It took about a month and a half to two months, but then we didn't have a problem ever again of her wanting to sleep in our bed. Our now 2 year old never had that problem, but that was probably because she had colic when she was a baby and our doctor told us that sometimes the best thing is just to put her to bed and cry it out, so she learned to fall asleep on her own. Since they sleep in the same room, for a while, I had to put my 3 year old to bed after the 2 year old fell asleep, but now they go to bed together. It takes some time, but it's doable.

Lin - posted on 06/09/2012

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mora...

http://naturalfamilytoday.com/parenting/...

Some interesting bits

Lin - posted on 06/09/2012

Read Deborah Jackson's Three in a Bed Book. It might give you a differetn perspective to consider. Mine did, and we later had a seperate bed in our room. He always had the option to sleep with either one of us (when the bed got to small for him in it as well) or in the room or in his room. It really helps to support their emotional needs. Most importantly, do what your heart tell you to do and not what others say is the best thing to do. (and research the neurological and emotional aspects by people who are in that field and have had childred)

Aimee - posted on 06/08/2012

Don't worry, you haven't ruined her by letting her co-sleep, and she won't be in there forever. Don't let other people's judgments get you down.

Maybe you can try getting her excited about her bed, like taking her shopping to pick out her own sheets. I also agree that a big teddy bear (they have GIGANTIC ones at Costco) might help to keep her company if she feels lonely. You could also try sleeping with something (i.e. teddy bear, blankie, pillow) for a couple of nights until it has your scent on it, then putting it in her bed.

Each family is different and you have to do what works for you. I never thought I'd co-sleep, but once I brought my baby home, that was the only thing that worked. But then around 8 weeks he started sleeping at arms length and I knew he was ready for his crib, and he's been an amazing sleeper ever since.

Whatever method you try, just make sure you give it an honest chance to succeed. Habits aren't broken overnight, so don't expect immediate results. As with most child-training, consistency is king.

Diamond And Rubies - posted on 06/08/2012

Happy mama, I'm with you,
My daughter sleeps with us. It was unintentional at first, and then with job changes and hour changes, I liked it to bond with her even if we were sleeping.

Research paper done on the topic for my research class and there isn't a link with SIDS in other countries. It is our other things such as puffy mattress , blankets, pillows etc. actually showed better self esteem and happier kids,
And they don't stay there fore er, just they don't stay in diapers forever.
Although, I suppose it is time for me to think of moving her. We do share a room too.

Chris - posted on 06/08/2012

With both mine, the trick was to wake myself up as they were climbing into my bed and immediately get up and take them back to bed. If they were there for a bit before I realized it, it was that much harder to get them back in their own bed. I had more of a problem with my youngest when his dad moved out, but his counselor told me not to let him in the bed but that if he came and slept on the floor, leave him as he would decide quickly that his bed was more comfortable. Unfortunately, he did not, so I had to treat it the same as if he was climbing in my bed. But it does work and you do get more sleep than when they are in bed with you.

Chris - posted on 06/08/2012

With both mine, the trick was to wake myself up as they were climbing into my bed and immediately get up and take them back to bed. If they were there for a bit before I realized it, it was that much harder to get them back in their own bed. I had more of a problem with my youngest when his dad moved out, but his counselor told me not to let him in the bed but that if he came and slept on the floor, leave him as he would decide quickly that his bed was more comfortable. Unfortunately, he did not, so I had to treat it the same as if he was climbing in my bed. But it does work and you do get more sleep than when they are in bed with you.

Shelby - posted on 06/08/2012

It really does matter how you start them off...mine were always taught to sleep in their own bed from the very beginning...don't know how to break one after the have grown accustomed to sleeping in your bed!! Sorry, not much help!!

S. - posted on 06/08/2012

My daughter 20 months was getting in our bed all the time and we was getting no sleep, we then spent about 3 months getting up and putting her in her bed but by the 4th time she'd get up we would be shattered and she'd get in anyway undoing all our hard work, I have now bought a baby gate for her door I really didn't want to but we was all grumpy from lack of sleep, the first couple of nights we was up with her a lot but now if she wakes (which is so much less then before and sometimes she sleeps threw which shes never done) we go to the gate and she goes takes herself back to bed it's like she's just checking we're there, we've done this for two week's now and each night she's getting better and better. I am very proud of her progress and were all a lot less moody :)

Deanna - posted on 06/08/2012

I was told to stay strong. When she comes to your bed, calmly bring her back to her bed. It will take a while before she gets its.

Rosaline - posted on 06/08/2012

Thanks Happy Mama.

Rosaline - posted on 06/08/2012

wow.....thats cool. Thanks. Will give it a trial.

Happy - posted on 06/08/2012

We co sleep and it works wonderful for us. So if you have no problem with it, allow her to sleep with you in bad (bed sharing) or in another bed (maybe a toddler bed) in your room. If you do not desire to bed share or co sleep, try putting her in her bed to sleep at night and Mom or Dad stay with her until she falls asleep. That is typically what we do when we are ready to move the next little out of our room to make way for the next little.

Louise - posted on 06/08/2012

There are lots of parents that do co sleep and if it works for them then great. I have never allowed a child into my bed and have three great sleepers. The problem you have now is that she feels isolated and can only relax between mum and dad. The only way to stop this is to repeatedly take her back to her bed over and over again. It will take about three nights for her to get the message that she has to sleep in her bed. Buy her a big soft teddy and call it bed teddy. Make sure she has it in her hand and tell her that teddy is going to keep her safe and warm. Give her bed teddy every time she goes to bed or you put her back to bed. Eventually she will move her attention to the teddy instead of you. (make sure you have a back up teddy).

I know lots of mums that co sleep and are still co sleeping there 7/8 year olds. If you allow this to continue then you are going to have her in your bed for years to come.