My baby's last name??

Kayla - posted on 10/19/2010 ( 200 moms have responded )

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so i am very close to my due date and i am still deciding if i want to give her my last name or her dad's last name my last name is Osterholm which is kind of a difficult name to grow up with and his last name is Gonzalez. me and the dad are off and on dating...its been complicated so my question is should i use my last name or the dad's?

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Christina - posted on 10/26/2010

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That is tough. I think if she is going to be with you full time she should have your name. It makes things easier. And in the future if you and the father get together for good(married) you can change her name to match yours. Hope that helps.

Kay - posted on 10/26/2010

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Dear, baby's last name......I was in the same situation and decided to give my son my last name. For one, his father and I never married and it will be easier for you when he starts school, goes to the doctor, applying for certain federal aid, ss#, etc. since your baby will have your last name there will be no questions. Now, since my son has married and has his own son he is carrying on my familys name.

Amanda - posted on 10/26/2010

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Hi i had trouble deciding too, the relationship and all was going well so i let him have his surname. We split up when my daughter was 1 and a half and i've regretted not using a double barrelled name. I would recommend a double barrell name as i think the father does have a right to have his name on the birth cert buti tjhink every mother should put theirs on also. They're ways around it now, deed pool and stuff but a bit costly. Hope this helps you....

Ndydi - posted on 10/26/2010

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Iadvise u give her ur last name for now since u re nt yet v.sure of the relationship & the child is to be in ur custody for now,i feel it ll be of much more benefit in terms of child support,shld such arises,until u both wants to tie the union,then there can be a change of name.

[deleted account]

I think you should put it as your last name only because if it ever happens that you brake up with this guy he will have every right to take her off you if he wanted to. I put my child in my last name and it was the right decision

Denise Janse Van - posted on 10/26/2010

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I sat in a similar situation the decision i had to make was if My partner was going to be in my life permanently and was i going to marry him... If this is a easy answered yes for you then perhaps consider giving her your boyfriends last name if not i would suggest your surname no matter how complicated it is to pronounce etc because if she carries your name and things get nasty with him in the long right it does work in your favour to have her under your surname if he takes you to court etc Rather safe then sorry thats what i say and if things improve and in the future you work things out and stay together you can always change her surname to his once your sure of your relationship.

Tonya - posted on 10/25/2010

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well unless you are married or he signs the birth certificate papers in the hospital you have no choice the hospital will give her your name. but if the father has been a part of your life during the pregnacy and is going to remain a dad it is a honor to have the baby have his name. this desision needs to be made by both of you not strangers.

Tami - posted on 10/25/2010

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I don't know you but I know how hard it was for me. My daughter is now 15 and has always used my last name. I gave her his last name and it was the biggest mistake I made. It took me 3 years of court to legally change it. I hope this gives you another perspective.

Celina - posted on 10/25/2010

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For all 3 of my kids they have both of our last names and they choose which one they like to be called by and my daughter has chose mine and son has chose his dads but on all identification shows both names

Liz - posted on 10/25/2010

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I would say his because your last name may change at some point and that leaves her with a last name that doesn't associate with either of your last names. At least if he has other children, whether it be you or someone else they will have the same last name as them and if you get married to a different guy, she will no longer have your last name. Just something to consider.

Linda - posted on 10/25/2010

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Baby should probably take your last name until you and the dad are on more solid footing. You may encounter some resistance from him about it and if you do it likely means you have made the right decision. As others have said, it will reduce confusion to the child later in his/her life if you and Mr. Gonzalez don't get together, if you and baby share a surname. You can always change it legally later, should you decide to marry the dad.

Kathy - posted on 10/25/2010

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Honestly its YOUR call.... dad doesn't get a say in it unless you give him that say. Look at whats best for you and her, not him. As you can see there are alot of mixed opinions, but I will say I was happy that my hubby has his moms last name because well our daughter is 13 months old and his dad has seen her once... he is not worthy of having our family carry his last name. BUT all situations are different, therefore which name can be different in all of those. Good luck in your choice!!

Jessica - posted on 10/25/2010

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I would say to use your last name, after all you have been carrying her around for the past 9/10 months and you are able to nourish her more :)

Lavonne - posted on 10/25/2010

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Kayla ask yourself how you would feel if he left your life & the babies life & never came back. Would you want the baby to carry the father's last name? You do have the option of using both. In the future if you want to drop one of them you can. It would still be on the official birth certificate but just shortened for everyday life.

Miranda - posted on 10/25/2010

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If the father is going to be in the child's life and help you raise the child financially and physically then I think that it would be ok to give your child his last name. But if he's not gonna help then i would just give the child your last name!!

ANITA - posted on 10/25/2010

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I suggest you use the Dad's last name. After all he is the father. In the event something happens to the dad it would make it easier for your child to gain any inheritance that may be due to him/her.

Jenna - posted on 10/25/2010

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i would definetly say your last name. especially with your relationship being on and off. if you guys stay seperated then you'll never have the same last name as your baby and i wouldn't like that personally. i had my baby before i was married and his last name is mackley wolf. i kept mine but had his too because we weren't married yet but were engaged at the time and i did this just in case something were to happen before we got married. once again i would never want to have a different last name as my child. hope this helps!

Jackie - posted on 10/25/2010

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I have a grown daughter. Her father and I never married -- she always hated it that my name was different than hers because I was the only constant in her life. Use YOUR last name. Then if you do marry your boyfriend you can change both of your names then.

Blu - posted on 10/25/2010

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You can give both. That way if you dont work out then you can solely use your name but if not she still has her father's name. No matter if you both are together or not, if he is going to be a father to your child and handle his business then to me its just respectfull in order to have some part of him in her name

TERESA - posted on 10/25/2010

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THE DAD'S. AND PUT IT ON THE BIRTH CERT. THAT WAY HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR CHILD SUPPORT. IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

Julie - posted on 10/25/2010

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Well I know what you mean. I did her dad's last name because that is the tradition. You can always hyphenate.

Micaela - posted on 10/25/2010

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how about if u put both??? look thats how my son has it... but he uses his dads for paper work and stuff... and if u put his dads its better in the future if u put child support!!

Jessa - posted on 10/25/2010

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My parents got divorced and my mom took back her maiden name, as a kid I hated not having the same name as my mother, it made it feel like we were some how less of a family. As an adult I understand why she did it, my dad is a complete tool and once I figured that out I didn't want his name either. My advice is that if you don't foresee a big future with you and the baby's dad give her your name since you will be the primary parent in her life. But it is up to you :) I hope this helps.

Tera - posted on 10/25/2010

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Use your last name if that is what YOU prefer to do. I was in a similar situation. I wasn't with my boyfriend very long before I got pregnant so for me it was never really an option to give the baby his last name. I wasn't sure if he was coming or going so there was no way I would give the baby his and "in my opinion" I don't think you should either. If it's an unstable relationship - use yours. I hate how men expect the mothers to give the baby their last name under difficult circumstances. I get it's a pride thing but we are the ones that are carrying that baby inside of us for over 9 months. We are 'usually' the main caregivers. I am not saying all fathers are not contributing but in strenuous, unstable circumstances - that appears to be the case. =/ If it comes to a fight, vital statistics says you have to hyphenate both last names is alphabetical order. My last name starts with a W and my boyfriends starts with a C. Our baby would have ended up using my last name anyways regardless of a hyphenated name but boyfriend dropped it as he was against doing that either. So *shrug* if we get married, I have no problem changing her name to his as it would then be mine as well. Good luck!

Crystal - posted on 10/25/2010

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Dad's last name for sure! Inless the father isn't in the picture that you should have the same name as your child!

Donna - posted on 10/25/2010

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Just my thoughts... we gave our daughter both of our names so legally she has both but you can use either one for school registration, etc... then she can decide what she wants to do as an adult. My husband and I divorced 3 years ago and my daughter having both names has worked out great for air travel, doctor's appointments etc... as we can both take her, show ID and neither of us have any problems. If he is not going to be a part of her life.... give her your name. Good luck!

Rachel - posted on 10/25/2010

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My Daughter has my surname, there was no way i was goin to let her have a different name than me!!! he left after he found out i was pregnant. but i also have friends that have children and still together and there children carry there mothers surname. its easier to change a child's surname to there fathers if you marry or want to at a later date.....its much harder to change it back to the mothers as you would need the fathers concent!!!

Mea - posted on 10/25/2010

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You can always give him both the last names, i know they are very long but this way he will have them both. its what i did with both of my childrens names and when i get married to my partner ill have both names so i have thier last name aswell. But if you and the dad are going to be together prperly i say give him the dads last name.

Tia - posted on 10/25/2010

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If the dad is going to be part of the baby's life, than I would say go with his name.

Cheryl - posted on 10/25/2010

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Has the dad been there? If he has i would give her his last name it means everything to them. I remember when i was pregnant with my first the dad was not in the pic.I was going to give my baby my last name but when i had him i decided to give his dads last name to that made him the happiest dad in the world now we are getting married and im blessed to have him as the father of my two kids

Anne - posted on 10/25/2010

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I double barrelled my sons last name, that way he had both and if ever I were to marry my partner I would double barrell mind too so that I shared the same name as my son.

Christina - posted on 10/25/2010

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I would go with your last name and if and when you get married than she can take her dads...

[deleted account]

I was in your same situation when my twins were born. I decided that I would hyphenate their last name. You may want to consider Osterholm - Gonzalez. I also had a last name that was hard to grow up with, however, now that I'm older I find myself proud of my last name. It is a part of me and I would never take that away. Here are a few things to think about. Even if you don't end up staying together make sure you put him down as Father on the birth certificate. It will help when it comes to child support. The child's last name has will not matter on paper. And if you do decide to go with his name. And things don't work out, just remember that you can always easily change the child's last name. It usually only costs around $50. Though it may depend on your state. Just remember that if you choose to do this. You will need to change their name on their SSN and all other documents. It takes some time, but worth it in the end.

Jen - posted on 10/25/2010

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If you do not plan on marrying this guy, then I would stick with your last name...for now. If things change between the two of you, then you can always file for a change of name on the birth certificate. =)

Elaine - posted on 10/25/2010

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Do you expect the Dad to pay child support, then he deserves the baby to have his name. She has two parents, have you considered marriage? Pray continuely and listen to what God says. God Bless!

Erin - posted on 10/25/2010

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I am not married to the father and I gave the baby my lastname. If we get married i will change it. Any one I know that gave it the fathers last name and they broke up always had issues afterward. My bf wanted it to be his last name, i told him tuff. If he pushes the baby out, he can make the decison.

Leslie - posted on 10/24/2010

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Is he going to be a off and on again daddy? If you already know that answer, then you what her name should be. Best wishes to you all.

Vera - posted on 10/24/2010

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I've always believed in naming your children after their father whether if you are married or not.

Angelina - posted on 10/24/2010

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My son was given my last name for the main reason he will be with me until he can move out and go to college with or with out his dads pressence at home. His dad and i were also dating at the time of this birth but i think i knew deep down that it would never pan out to the fairy tale ending every child deserved. When we discussed this it of course upset him but we made the simple agreement that i am who will be taking him to the dr and to school and to everything else the world throws his way and it is only fair that we share the same last name and avoid the stigma of having a non marital blessing (no baby mama drama here:) ). AND at any time in the future if things were to work out and we were to get married that we would change everyones name all at once. My son is now three years old his father and i are both huge parts in his life but never worked anything serious and stable out between us. I am thankful for my son having my last name and that i did not have to incure the huge cost of having it changed back after birth.
remember think long term for your child even tho adults often act like children they dont count near as much.

Denise - posted on 10/24/2010

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I would stick with your last name. Think ahead to school and all things that will get complicated if you have two last names.

Natalee - posted on 10/23/2010

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I gave my daughter my surname. It is just a lot better when they go to school and have friends to have the same surname.

Heather - posted on 10/23/2010

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I've done both. Delayed marriage until I was 35. Absolutely give the baby YOUR name. Legal, school, he may become absent, it is very expensive to change the name so be sure, and if you aren't married I would defintely give the baby your own name, get the dad to sign paternity papers, most hospitals have you sign them while you are there. You have 6 months to change the name after baby is born, before it becomes costly

Jenny - posted on 10/23/2010

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it takes 10.00 to change the last name with proof of marriage. I would give her yours until you are secure with your relationship..hopefully things will work out but what if he bails...hard decision I know...I have been there...when my daughters was in 1st grade her dad disappeared never to be heard from again...glad she had my last name...just do what your heart tells you what is right....

Sharon - posted on 10/23/2010

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when i had my first child myself and my partner decided we would give her both our names my partner wasnt that keen on it but we decide that we would give her both but now we are married and she just uses my husbands name

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