My baby's last name??

Kayla - posted on 10/19/2010 ( 200 moms have responded )

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so i am very close to my due date and i am still deciding if i want to give her my last name or her dad's last name my last name is Osterholm which is kind of a difficult name to grow up with and his last name is Gonzalez. me and the dad are off and on dating...its been complicated so my question is should i use my last name or the dad's?

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Tammy - posted on 10/23/2010

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Miss Osterholm, your baby should have your last name until you get married; whether it is to baby's daddy or another. Although the name may be difficult to pronounceI like it), there will never be a problem with you being called Miss Gonzalez or the child explaining why your names are different. Sharing the same surname is easier for you both and if you and dad don't work out name is never an issue.

Jasimine - posted on 10/23/2010

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So there will not be any issues about who the father is to your baby and when the baby gets older he/she would not have any questions. Give the child the father's name.

Frances - posted on 10/23/2010

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Well, last names can always be changed at a later date - I gave mine my name as it would be easier with schools etc having the same name; my sister gave her little boy her name and then made it double barrelled after they eventually got married.... and is now thinking of changing it again to be just his surname! I would therefore suggest to keep it as yours unless your surname changes too...!!!

Erica - posted on 10/23/2010

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I havent read all of these since the are alot, but I know in Indiana for him to have his name he has to sign the birthcertifacate claiming responsiblitly of the child. If it was me and you didnt know how things were going to go , I would put my name on it and if things work out have it legally changed later.

Kimberly - posted on 10/23/2010

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well im the same with my babys father .. buht ii gave her his last name ; because that is her father and its not like hes gonna be out of her life because if thats the case then yea probably woulda put my last name but hes still her father regardless of ouR relationship status so i just made her middle name wat my last name is u feel me ? im kinda traditional tho lol hope this helped !

Susan - posted on 10/23/2010

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Hi Kayla, I don't know what you should do. But I can tell you what I did. My daughter and I share a last name. Her dad and I dated off and on, too. When she was 9, he really became a dad to her for the first time. Since that time, she has been asked if she wants to change her name or add his name. She has been happy to keep my last name. It made things much simpler: People knew she was my daughter, I didn't have to explain why she had a different last name, I didn't have to explain to HER why she didn't have my last name, and in the end, it didn't matter whether her dad became involved to "legitimatize" her having his last name. She's 21 now and seems happy to have my last name. Good Luck!

Tracy - posted on 10/23/2010

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This is in reply to Kristy Bishop's pos. By law the father's name can not be on the birth certificate unless the father shows up at the hospital and signs his consent. Now the father of my children was not at the hospital and our daughter was in NICU for 24 days. Since he did not sign the birth certificate his rights were not established and he would of had no way of even getting into see her had he wanted to without my consent. The law has also been changed because of dead beat dads. It used to be that anybody could just give up their rights and walk away. Now if you received any government aid like Title 19 or FIP child support recovery goes after child support because they want their money back. Those father's can give rights up in 2 circumstances only. Number one is if the child is going to be adopted so that someone else will be paying for it and the other is if it is considered to be detrimental to the child like child abuse. Also when child support recovery goes after the fathers they have the option of contesting the paternity and if they do DNA is done. Both of my girls have the DNA record stating who the father is. The first one was done because of a court order and the second one was done because I contested it because I know their father. He is a liar. I was not about to have him say that he didn't get paperwork done on time so he doesn't know if she is his or not depending which woman of the week he is trying to lie to. I have the proof when needed that he can not publicly deny his daughters. The name on the birth certificate does not prove the guy is the father only that somebody is willing to step up and claim that child as their own but does not mean it is. Every single mother should give their child their last name unless they are engage or like common law marriage simply because the mother is the only person that is guaranteed to be their for that child.

Tracy - posted on 10/23/2010

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No this is not the least bit complicated. The only person that is guaranteed to be in her life is you. You don't even know if he is going to be her daddy (my children have a father but no daddy). When she goes to school she has to use her given name so make sure it is one she can be proud of and also make sure it is one you can explain. When your child asks you why their name is different and you tell her that it is daddy's name which confuses her because there is no guarantee that she will have a daddy. Do yourself a favor and give her the name of the one person that is guaranteed to be there and that is yours.

LYNNE - posted on 10/23/2010

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YES, I don't blame you....If he has abandoned his responsibility then he has no place in your lives, in which case Baby should have only your name.

Prisky - posted on 10/23/2010

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Am in the same situation right now, but my baby father left with another lady when i was 6weeks till now never came back or ask of my pregnancy so my baby is having my last name, as simple as that.

Kristy - posted on 10/23/2010

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I can't believe some of thee posts! FYI, just because your not married to your babies(baby)father doesn't mean he isn't responsible/nor does it mean he doesn't have rights! These points are true regardless if he name is her last name or even if you didn't have have his name anywhere on birth certificate. A child can't be a childif there wasn't a father in the begining. I hear other moms say oh I coundnt have my current husband adopt because her fathers name was listed, that's BS! My father adopted my brother and his fathers name was on birth certificate, my father couldnt do it without the courts contacting his father/getting permission.but that could've happend anyway since my brother knew of his father. We mothers wouldn't Like it if our rights were walked on, and our babies were taken from us. So why treat the fathers like this? These younger ppl should think about consequences of having sex, a baby isn't only yours it takes 2 to make em.I would offer him a walk away I he chooses to leave you atleast put his name as father, then give her your last name but she should know and it be documented not just a story from mom or others, cause she will always wonder is that true? If its on paper then most likely the truth.

Katherine - posted on 10/23/2010

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Give her your last name.
1. Osterholm is no harder than Gonzalez
2. You will always be an Osterholm even if you marry someone else (whether or not you choose to take his last name)
3. If down the road you do decide to marry someone and decide to take their last name, her last name will be different from yours... is that really a big deal? If so, you have the option of legally changing her name.
4. If your relationship with her father is not stable, it may be that she grows up with you .... at least she will have a family name she is connected with.
The list of reasons for you to give her your name goes on and on. One reason I wrote is because if you are questioning what to do at this point then you probably already feel giving her name is not going to make the three of you a family. Since you know you are going to be with her no-matter-what.... give her a name she will be connected to forever.

Michelle - posted on 10/23/2010

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I think the fathers name is the right choice, but I also think what ever feels right for you is what you should do. When it comes down to it, remember that a name can be changed. I don't think you should make your final decision, one name might suit your bub better, so why not wait til the last minute?

Ardia - posted on 10/23/2010

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i think if your happy to, the baby should have his/her fathers last name, you guys may be on and off but he will always be her father

Sarah - posted on 10/23/2010

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I take it that there is no legal requirement where you live. Where I live if the child is registered by the father (who has to go to the office in person) then the child takes his last name. If only the mother registers the birth then it doesn't matter if the father acknowledges his child, the baby would only take the mothers name.

Lil - posted on 10/23/2010

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THat is something you have to deside for yourself
The point is if she has his name them maybe you will be able to get help from him as i am sure that you will need help babies cost so much .
but think about that carefully with your name and not the dads i am not sure how you stand legely does he want the baby? Will he help you with money to raise her

I would legealy go and fing pout what your best option is there are people that can help you
Lil

Ana - posted on 10/22/2010

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If you're not with her dad anymore, I think you should give her your lastname, it's beautiful and different, she'll get used to it. Gonzalez are everywhere

Tara - posted on 10/22/2010

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Hi Kayla! My daughter is now in college, so am at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I was 18 when I got pregnant and I was not married to the father. I was so sure that we would get back together, that I gave her his last name. We didn't end up together, and he was a pain. I somehow talked him into adding my last name to the end of hers. I told him how all of her doctors (she had health issues) were calling me by his name. Anyway, if you aren't sure you'll be together, I would give the baby your name. Also, you may want to consider if you want him on the birth certificate. Him being on there gives him the right to sue you for custody/visitation, if you split up. If you don't have a father on there, you can add one later. I got married when my daughter was 2. We are celebrating our 16th anniversary on the 23rd. My husband is a wonderful father, but could never adopt her because her biological father was on the birth certificate. I hope this isn't too much info. Just trying to help!

[deleted account]

I believe in this: With mine I have 4 2 girls 2 boys I gave the boys their fathers last name to possibly keep his family name going. With the girls I gave them my last name and children will keep our family name going But in my case the boys have the same father and the girls have the same father and we weren't married. So I kind of had free will. if I were married and had my husbands last name then all children would have his. my personal opinion



Cassie

Isobel - posted on 10/22/2010

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I actually grew up with several people with difficult last names...and I've never known anybody who suffered for it.

That being said, it is much easier to have the same name as your kids...so if you are not intending to stay with him...

[deleted account]

Check on the laws in your state, each state is different. In the state where I live if I were to have a child (highly unlikely at the age of 50) I would be able to give the child any last name I have legally had in my lifetime, giving me a choice of 3 last names. Perhaps I am a bit old fashioned but I would give my child his or her fathers last name whether he was going to be a part of his or her life or not. He is still the child's father.

Susan - posted on 10/22/2010

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If it's off and on and not a very steady relationship, I'd give my child my last name. If it's serious and there's most likely marriage in the future, then maybe give the dad's name. Still put his name on the birth certificate. He will have to sign additional papers verifying that he is the father (at least we had to do that 9 years ago) and then if you get married in the future, you can just change your child's last name.

Gloria - posted on 10/22/2010

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My feelings are; if You are NOT married to her father so you should give her your name. Put his name on the birth certificate so she will know he acknowledged her. I believe it will be easier for her and you this way.

Susan - posted on 10/22/2010

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I had a similar dilemma. Does the Dad plan on always being in her life? I am dating my son's dad, but we are not married. I went back and forth over what name to give him, because I can't say right now whether or now we will get married some day. I decided to give him his Dad's last name. So if we do get married, he will be all set. If I were to marry someone else some day and take their name, at least he would have one of our names.

Margaret - posted on 10/22/2010

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Give her yours!!!!!! You will find that life is a lot easier down the road if you do. My daughter didn't, and now regrets it big time!

Deana - posted on 10/22/2010

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Both of my kids have their Dad's last names! Looking back, I wish that I would not have done that! I am constantly having to prove that I am their mom! It gets very irritating when it comes to school! You never know what is going to happen with the "dad"! And you can always change it after you get married!

[deleted account]

OH - also, I did not list his father on the birth certificate. Let him pay for a paternity test if he wants one someday, but it made things SOOO much easier because I didn't have to find him to get permission for insurance, passports, etc.
Yeah, it made me feel sleazy to say I didn't know the who the father was. But it was better than the alternatives.

[deleted account]

I gave my son my last name. Part of my reason was that I had a very unique last name and specifically - my generation was to be the loss of our family name. I was my fathers only child. His brother had 3 girls. There was no boys to carry on the family name so I passed it to my son. Good thing he was born with broad shoulders to carry the weight of pressure...LOL.
But it made things easier because his dad and I did not stay together and I never had to explain why his last name was different than mine.

Crystal - posted on 10/22/2010

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please, PLEASE do NOT give your baby your boyfriends last name. you never know what could happen. you are the baby's mother, you are carrying and birthing her, you make the decisions for it. if something happens between you, you do not want her to have someone else's last name. you will automatically have primary custody of YOUR child. i have known tons and TONS of people who have given the boyfriends last name, and things happened, and you have to have agreements and court to change it to your last name and everything. you should make that decision when you get married. you never know what could happen. this answer is very rushed but if you would like to talk more you can message me :)

Kristy - posted on 10/22/2010

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I gave my daughter her fathers last name when ashe was born and we weren't married, only because I feel its very important for the child to know where they come from and if he walked out on us she would atleast know I tried and know by that maybe when she was older and trried to find him it would be easier for her. Her father and I are now married and she has a brother. But this is something you think about as in her shoes say 18+ years down the road. Please don't let your personal emotions cloud your decisions of how you do/may feel toward the father. Plus will make child support easier along with visitation a legal issue, but what's best for her?

Vicky - posted on 10/22/2010

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Ive been there i chose to give my son my last name because o didnt c y he should have his dads last name coz we werent together n hes neva bothered with him, i think it all depends on wether u think u will stay with the guy n wat kind of dad he'll b

Jessica - posted on 10/22/2010

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My husband had a child with a woman whom he never married. His daughter was given the mother's last name and when she was 3, the mother married another man leaving my step-daughter with a last name that didn't match either parent. She hated not having the same last name as either of her parents growing up. Your last name is likely to change either by marrying the father or another man eventually. Don't make your daughter have to answer questions about why she doesn't have the same last name as either of her parents... Childhood is hard enough on kids as it it.

Kathryn - posted on 10/22/2010

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I think the Dad's name he or she can change it if they want to when there grown up if they have any issues with it.

Kathy - posted on 10/22/2010

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i would stick with your last name. as an alternative, when i married i didn't change my last name. all my children have my name as a middle name, they have 2 middle names. so maybe you could use the father's last name as a middle name.

Sarah - posted on 10/22/2010

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It is totally understandable that you would both want your baby to have your Surname...why don't you double barrell it I know it would seema bit of a mouthfull at first but i don't think Osterholm-Gonzalez sounds too bad at all at the end of the day its a choice only you can make!

Jeannette - posted on 10/22/2010

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I have been in this situation. When my son was born he had my last name. On his birth certificate, the father was listed. I found it was so much easier that my son and I had the same last name. I didn't have to explain why he had a different name. After we got married, I went to the Social Security office and filled out a form and was able to have his birth certificate changed. It now has his fathers last name instead of my maiden name, we all have the same last name.

LYNNE - posted on 10/22/2010

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Maybe I am just old fashioned, But, No matter what, he is ALWAYS going to be your childs Biological Father and therefore should take on the fathers last name, especially in the case of a Boy child as they carry the name forward, well in most cases. If you can't make up your mind then I would use both last names and not just one or the other.

Jane - posted on 10/22/2010

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I'd go with Osterholm-Gonzales or Gonzales-Osterholm but I would NOT eliminate him from the picture.

Liz - posted on 10/22/2010

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Just my opinion, since you asked. Dont be like every other bitter mom-to-be out there with a rocky relationship and take that right & privledge away from the Dad. Not to mention it's tradition to take the Dad's last name. Regardless of your relationship with him, it's not about EITHER of you - it's about your child (if only every parent out there thought this way). Sorry to come off so catty about this subject. We had to deal with this situation with my step-daughter who's name was changed at 10 months old to Dad's name, after Mom attempted to be hurtful and spiteful at birth and not list child's last name as Dad's AND didnt bother to put Dad's name/info on the birth certificate. Now, 9 yrs later (after court hearings and things corrected as they SHOULD have been since day 1), Mom STILL attempts to call her daughter by the incorrect last name (enrolling her into school, calling her that at her house, not updating proper records, etc) and it only causes confusion and HURT with the child. Not cool. Enough with the games. Get over it and move on.



Good luck! I hope you choose the RIGHT decision for your child.

Robin - posted on 10/22/2010

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While that may have been true for your generation todays generation was changed on Jan 1,1980 when the law changed giving fathers equal rights to their children even if not married and yes even in the case of rape! (first hand knowledge with relative) Now with so many fathers taking an active role (very good) in their children's life it is not so clear cut for Drs. schools, hospitals or even airlines to filter. I just recently traveled with my grand daughter who is 2 and some of my own children and I had no problem with getting my granddaughter on the plan (her last name was the same as mine) but I did have to dig out court papers allowing me to travel out of state with my minor son. Again I think Baby name fathers name and then your name no need to hyphen and then there is no need to carry or explain. What legal authorities seem to want is to "see" the name match the person who has them.

Jacquelyn - posted on 10/22/2010

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I think in this situation, I would give her your last name. It will make things easier for her growing up if she has your name especially since things are not secure with your relationship with her dad.

Annaliisa - posted on 10/22/2010

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AND HERES THE THING NO MATTER WHAT U TO END UP DOING IT CALLS THE SHOTS WHEN IT GETS OLDER ANY HOW AND U CAN CHANGE IT LATER IF U AND THE KID DECIDE TO U AND THE KID ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT ARE ONE AND HOLLY AT THIS POINT.

Annaliisa - posted on 10/22/2010

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I shouldn't have said that I WAS IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN SHE WAS CONCIEVED IN LOVE AND I WAS ENGAGED TO HM TO BE MARRIED> HOWEVER LOOKING BACK IT HAS CAUSED NUMEROUS CONFLICT WITH MY NEW HUSBAND AND FAMILY.

Heather - posted on 10/22/2010

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I was in the same boat,me and my sons father have been off and on for 5 years now. but i decided that when my baby boy got older he would want to have his dads last name instead of mine,especially if i married comeone else in the future. it doesnt make him anymore or less yours no matter which way you decide. i haven't had any problems with the diff. last name thing so far.

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