My baby's last name??

Annaliisa - posted on 10/22/2010

WELL OF COURSE HE WANTS HIS LAST NAME HE HAS TESTOSTERONE.... he's a MAN they want ALLL THE CONTROLLLL..... DON NOT NOT NOT NOT GIVE THIS CHILD HIS LAST NAME PLEEEEEZ BEEN THERE DONE THAT. UR LAST NAME SOUNDS NICE AND WHOMEVER LIVED WITH THIS NAME IN YOUR FAMILY ALONG WITH U WILL APRICIATE U NAMING THIS CHILD BASED ON IT"S HEREDITY.... NAMES AR BASED ON BREEDLINE LIKE DOGS EGLISH LABRODORE U KNOW SO KNOW HE DID NOT MARRY U AND HE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS YET! U MAY HAVE A YOUNG DAD ON YOUR HANDS BUT U GREW THAT BABY IT"S YOUR BABY IN THE END.

Jackie - posted on 10/22/2010

yours!

Kaylynne - posted on 10/22/2010

I was in your same position, but I was having a boy. His father wanted him to have his last name, especially because of sports. I finally agreed. Of course, we eventually separated and went on to marry other people, and each of us have had more children. However, now I am refferred to as Mrs. Jackson by every teacher, coach, etc. and I hate it. I was never Mrs. Jackson, and wish I would have given my son my last name. If you marry the father you can always change your daughter's last name after you have made that commitment to each other.

Betsy - posted on 10/22/2010

I believe the last name serves to draw together those family member who live together. If your child will live primarily with you, then she will, no doubt, appreciate being linked to you clearly by way of your last name.

Allison - posted on 10/22/2010

I think you should go with your last name. I have a close friend who is having a lot of problems now because she broke up with the dad and she has been told if she had given him her last name that she wouldn't have all of these road blocks. I didn't think it would make a difference but I guess it does.

Lashanna - posted on 10/22/2010

I went through the same situation, where I wondered what name my baby girl should have, her fathers last name is also Gonzalez. I went with her father last name because at the end of the day whether we were together or not I knew he would be a great father, and always be involved in her life. Traditionally it is the father last name. This is what worked for me even though now I have a different last name form her. At the end of the day it is your decision do what makes you feel best. Also try to remember because no matter if you guys are together or not he will always be the father of your child, and think

CINDY - posted on 10/22/2010

I would give the child the father last name it gives the father a part of the child . And if you and the dad don't get married its easyer to get child support and you want have to go throu lots of testing just make sure the father is on the birth certifiate .

Amy - posted on 10/22/2010

my baby girl has my last name; even though myself and her dad are very happy together x

Heidi - posted on 10/22/2010

Yours. She will be living with you & it is nice to share the same name. Both my kids have my name.

Heidi - posted on 10/22/2010

Yours. She will be living with you & its so nice to share the same last name. Both my kids have got my name.

Lolomi - posted on 10/22/2010

I read most of the replies (not all) and I think I have a little bit of a different perspective. It's not exactly the same, but my mom and dad weren't married when I was born, but they were together. I have my father's last name. My father ended up passing away when I was young and I'm so glad that I have his last name. It is connection to him that I wouldn't have otherwise had. It definitely helps to keep me grounded to him. Neither I nor my mom ever had a problem with having different last names. People get divorced and remarried all the time and different last names in families are extremely common now. I also traveled domestically and internationally as a child with and without my mom and we never had a problem (true that things are probably a little different now from 20 years ago, but...)

I think it's your decision either way and there is no right or wrong answer in this case, but just wanted to give you a different perspective. Good luck!!

Tiffany - posted on 10/22/2010

I think if the father is going to be an active dad the baby should have his name. If you don't want him in babys life give your name

Deb - posted on 10/22/2010

YOure being very thoughtful. I too grew up having to re-pronounce and spell my last name Every time. So, when my hub left me I changed my name to my Godmothers/Grandmothers maiden name, which I like very much, and it keeps a family name, as well as honoring someone I really love. You could use a first name for her last name too. My daughter used her grandmothers maiden name for a middle name. So , be creative and look outside the two of you perhaps. I think your daughter would appreciate any family name, and later she would understand your reasons. let me know at : facebook/note1

Tammy - posted on 10/22/2010

Use your last name. I was married to my daughter's dad and when we divorced, I kept his last name just so I would have my daughter's last name. If you have different last names, when she goes to school or you get introduced to a new boyfriends family, if you have different last names they will immediately assume you are divorced. And when they go to school and their friends call out your name it will be Mrs. Gonzalez because that's your daughters last name. Someday when you find the man of your dreams he may want to adopt them. Ask yourself two questions, Might you ever regret giving your child your boyfriends last name? Probably Will you ever regret giving them your last name? Probably not. good luck with your decision.

Amy - posted on 10/22/2010

If it were me, I'd give her my last name for reasons others have mentioned. Our kids have both my last name and my husband's. My name is hyphenated as well as the kids. My husband's last name is not more important than mine. Thinking that one's baby should ONLY have the father's last name is an old fashioned tradition, really.

Jennifer - posted on 10/22/2010

I used both of our last names. My girls names are Kayla Madison Welton Keefer and Emma Sophia Welton Keefer. I did it because I kept my name when we got married and I felt it was important for our girls to have both mommy and daddy's last name.

Gail - posted on 10/22/2010

Give her both. At the turn of the century it was common for the second child to have the mother's maiden name as part of his/her name. So in this case your daughter's name might be
"Anna Osterholm Gonzalez". You could even hyphenate the Osterholm-Gonzalez. Every child needs a father, and having the father's last name can do a lot for their sense of self. Of course, this is just my humble opinion.

Melissa - posted on 10/22/2010

From a mother who was in this situation, give that child YOUR last name. You can name the father on the birth certificate, I wish I had not though. I you and the father end up together and get married then you can change the baby's last name but right now your best bet is to give the child your last name. Good Luck to you!!

Michelle - posted on 10/22/2010

Since you are single, I suggest you give your last name to your child. I did. Especially since you aren't too serious in the relationship and not engaged. Then as the child grows up, he/she will understand your decision.

Bonnie - posted on 10/22/2010

YOU should give your baby your last name so if things dont work out between you and the dad it is just easier on the child when they grow up and in a legal way it is also very easy , but you should list the dad on the birth certificate as a legal aspect. I did it with my child and it didnt work out between me and the dad but legal he is bound to pay maintenance. Hope you find your answer.

Kirsty - posted on 10/22/2010

Hi Kayla, WOW there are alot of responses to your question. Ipersonally disagree with many of them unfortunatly. I had a daughter 3 yrs ago and her father and i were not in a stable relationship at the time. I thought about giving her my last name because i wanted the same name as her but her father really wanted his surname. I refused to hyphenate the names because i personally don't like super long names. In the end we both decided to give her his last name. This way even if we didn't last then she will always have a piece of her dad with her since there is no way i'd walk away from her. Also if i got married to someone else then i wouldnt need to change her name too (which in doing so removed her biological heritage hence a surname usually links you to that family name) and last but not least i don't want her to have to explain throughout her life why she would have mulitple names if i did ever try to change her name, For me I think it is more important to know her family name and she knows mine. If i was that desperate to share a name there is no reason why i can't change mine. As it turns out me and her dad are still together but not married. I am not the only person out there with a different name to my daughter and no one has ever made me feel uncomfortable because of it. Do what you think is right but do take into consideration what your baby's father thinks because so often us women make all the decisions regarding our children without thinking about what THEIR fathers want too... without them we wouldnt have our beautiful children so they to need to have opinions and choices in their own childs name. good luck with your decision and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

Candy - posted on 10/21/2010

I have to tell you that with my experience, in a similar situation, I wish I would have decided differently. I choose to name my daughter after her father. After her birth, he saw her up until she was about 5mths old.She went through all of her school years having to register under his name ( incl. any doctors, legalalities etc.) and using my last name. She knew about her father and I left the decision up to her. It was her choice to use mine at that time. Now if you think Osterholm was difficult try Beggs ...

Robin - posted on 10/21/2010

I travel alot and different names with minors can be a problem. having both names on the certificate can solve the issue for both the only thing is which goes first and which is last. I agree with Haley Bacic his name first and then yours if you marry him just drop the maiden name or keep it. Also more and more hospitals are requiring "proof" birth certificates and court papers if the last name is different. This has happened to me several times. Even when my daughter was 15 and clearly said THIS IS MY MOM! Childrens Hospital LA refused to treat her unless I brought a stamped birth certificate of court order giving me the power to make medical decisions (and then required me to bring the papers on the day of her surgery as well). I was not told I would need them a second time before surgery and they would not do surgery until I drove 2 hrs home and back with originals no copies or faxes.

Lise - posted on 10/21/2010

With our first daughter we weren't married so I gave our daughter both our last names unhypenated mine first so when we got married we just dropped my name and kept his. Legally my last name is considered a middle name now. If you hypenate (atleast here in Alberta, Canada) you can't drop part of it without a legal name change and $. On the form we filled out to register her name it was all explained. Good luck.

Shannon - posted on 10/21/2010

I would give the baby your last name. If things work out, you can always change it later, its harder when mom and child has different names.

Cheyenne - posted on 10/21/2010

if i was in that situation i would give her my last name because if you and the dad are on and off then i wouldnt go through all of that with giving her his last name because you don't know if he's gunna be there the day after. if i could go back i would give my son my last name

Skitlebrat - posted on 10/21/2010

I would give the child your last name both my girls have my last name cause im not with the father so its best to give your last name just in case things dont work out with you and the father but thats just my opinion

Angie - posted on 10/21/2010

i gave my daughter my last name

Kathy - posted on 10/21/2010

if its complicated I would give her your last name. My daughters father and I weren't married yet when she was born but knew in 8 months we would be (and are now) so she got his last name.

Karen - posted on 10/21/2010

Use your last name, if you have your child with his last name you will have legal problems if he tries to get take the baby away from you.

Isabelle - posted on 10/21/2010

Use your last name specially if your on and off with him.

Shannon - posted on 10/21/2010

I think it should be HIS last name

Jessica - posted on 10/21/2010

ALRIGHT I just want to say something that is MY opinion only but WHAT ON EARTH SAYS THAT HE IS GOING TO BECOME A DEAD BEAT DAD!!!!!! I am sorry not every guy that isn't with you during your entire pregnancy becomes a dead beat dad...sometimes it is our decision not to be with the father as well! My b/f and I decided to have a baby b/c we knew that no matter what happened that the other one would be an amazing parent and that we could get along for the sake of our child! Granted we know that we love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together we know that shit happens and so if it didn't work out for whatever reason that we are happy with our choice to have a baby together. Now my son's father is opposite that but my son just came into the world and I love him...but I decided that I wasn't going to have another child until I found a guy that I knew wouldn't be the same. NE way even tho my son's father isn't as good of a father as my son deserves he is IN my son's life and he IS his father no matter how much I dislike him and how much I wish he wasn't the father. Please don't let people put ideas in your head about your babys father being a dead beat dad ONLY YOU can decide what is best for that child and it is pretty easy to tell if he is going to be an involved father he is going to be. NOT always but it is very likely that if he is involved in your pregnancy through everything that he will be in that child's life!!!! You don't have to get married for him to be involved in your child's life...some people get married and that father still isn't around and still isn't involved!!!! So that was my opinion I just had to get that off my chest!

Jerosha - posted on 10/20/2010

Ok so I havent read the other replies cus I am susposed to be logging off but I wanted to quickly say that after reading soo many of these types of issues on here go with your name it is the safest option and if you and the dad do get together later you can change it as if you were to marry someone else it can be changed but if ifs his there are more issues.

Angelique - posted on 10/20/2010

It may be a sacrifice but maybe give her his last name and use yours as a middle name? It's not very middle name-ish but you would both have your legacy tied to your little girl. if that's not agreeable then I would stick with your name. Unless he commits to marriage and you both get his name then stick with yours.

Cheryl - posted on 10/20/2010

How difficult will it be to explain Gonzalez if it turns out to be the last name of your ex boyfriend, 20 years ago? As an Osterholm, your child will have the name of the people who are most likely going to be a moral and spritual support for him or her for years to come. How many people named Gonzalez will be there for your child if your boyfriend moves on to 2 or three more women each with their own child by him. (It happens) However, if everything works out between you and your boyfriend and he wants to at some point marry you, you can always change the name to the name of the baby's father at that point for a relitively small fee. If the baby's father wants the name Gonzalez, time to man up and do the required thing. Marry the baby's mama.

Megan - posted on 10/20/2010

you might also want to look into the laws where you are. I know here you can name the child whatever you want but some places are different. I have heard that there are places where if you know the father, they will automatically use the father's last name and there are places that unless he signs something, they will refuse to use his name. Just make sure you know how to get whatever you decide on.

Alison - posted on 10/20/2010

There is nothing inherently wrong with the name Osterholm. Imagine the two possible scenarios: 1) you call her Gonzales, but he totally disappears or turns into a deadbeat dad. 2) You call her Osterholm, you resolve your differences with her dad and he holds a grudge over the name thing for the rest of your days. Decide which scenario is more desirable or undesirable.

And remember:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

Aura - posted on 10/20/2010

Let's see, in the end it's completely up to you. I'll share a couple of my stories.

When I was born, my mother gave me her maiden name. It was fine until she got married and took her husband's name. When we went on vacation it was my mom, my stepfather, my step-grandma, my new siblings (twins), my new baby sister, and me. The people on the cruise ship thought I was adopted because I was the only one with a different name, lol. I have a certificate they gave me to prove it (Congratulations on being adopted).

My mom got divorced and, instead of reverting back to her maiden name, she changed her name by dropping her last name all together (she went by her first and middle name). So now me, my mom, and my baby sister all had different last names. She re-married and took her husband's last name. I was 17. He decided he wanted to adopt me so that I could take his last name, but I was in a serious relationship where we were discussing marriage. I told him, why bother. My name would be changing to my husband's name anyway so it wouldn't make a difference who's name I had.

To sum up, it really is up to you, but I think this is less of an issue for a girl as it is for a boy. Boys carry on the name and a girl's last name changes (if she so chooses).

Kara - posted on 10/20/2010

Many of the other mom's are correct - if you're not on solid ground use your last name. My husband and I got married after our son was born and I didn't take my husband's last night. But my son has it. I pondered hyphenating, etc, but decided that it would be too ridiculously long, etc. You have to do what you feel is best for YOU and your daugther.

Jessica - posted on 10/20/2010

Alright...when I found out I was pregnant I got myself together and I left my son's father! I still gave him his fathers last name b/c I believe in it. AND it doesn't make it ne harder for my son to have a different last name then I do. I have no problem with have a different last name. It can go either way but his father's last name also went better with the name that I chose. My son's name is Ryder and Ryder Gowdy just sounds so stupid...and Ryder Smithart is a great name I think. It is Completely your decision. You were the one that was pregnant for 10 months...you are the one that has to give birth to her and you are no matter what going to be the one taking care and raising her! You just do whatever it is that you want. It doesn't make any difference at all that my son has a different last name either!! My son has been in school for the last 2 years and has been to the doctor and hospital plenty and it makes no difference and I don't feel bad about it at all! Here is the the thing...if you two dont work out and you some day find someone else and get married no matter what her last name is it will be different then yours! I am absolutly fine with my son having a different last name b/c in the end he would always have a different last name then I would. I met the perfect guy and some day when we decide that it is right for us to get married if my son had my last name we would have different ones when I was to get married. Just do what is best for you and whatever you want. It isn't going to hurt you or your child to have different last names. So many people have different last names then their children b/c of either divorce and re-marrying or b/c of having children with someone they don't stay with or whatever. It is extremely normal these days and no one looks down on you b/c of it. They see it all the time and it isn't ne thing new at all! Good Luck and I hope that you can decide. Just know that it is your decision and that if you decide that you want to give her your last name and he isn't ok with it then it is just too bad. My son's dad had nothing to do with my naming my son! I called him up and said this is what we are naming him and he just said ok.

Dora - posted on 10/20/2010

Does he disapear when you aren't together? Or is he still around and supporting you during your pregnancy? I would say the decision is really up to. Do want to go the traditional route or just do your own thing. If you can't decide now, see how you feel and how he reacts when you go into labor. Also keep track on how supportive he is during the rest of your pregnancy.

Charlotte - posted on 10/20/2010

I gave my son both last names as there are only girls in my generation of my family so the name would have died out. I wish I'd done the same with my twin daughters from a previous marriage as it makes me sad that we don't have the same last name and I couldn't have kept my married name as my ex-hubby was and still is just down-right evil to me. In any case I like the idea of double last names, after all every child is 50% of his or her mom and of his or her 50% dad.

Hayley - posted on 10/20/2010

my partner & i aren't married but we have a child together. when our son was born my partner wanted his last name & i wanted mine. we ended up compromising & gave him both our last names hyphenated with his name first so that if we marry we can drop my surname from the end & if not he can keep both our names unless he decides to change it when he gets older.

Julie - posted on 10/20/2010

I gave my oldest daughter my last name, you can always use both

Jodi - posted on 10/20/2010

I would go with your last name. It is a pain in the neck sometimes having a child with a different last name. My son has his dad's last name (we were married at the time), but I have remarried and changed my name, and there have been a couple of times this has been an issue. It also makes it more difficult when you travel internationally - even though I have full 100% legal guardianship of my son, and I have a court order to that effect, I am not allowed to travel without a letter from his dad saying he is ok with it. If we had the same last name, I'm pretty sure no-one would even question it as long as he had a passport.



So given your relationship isn't that stable, I'd definitely go with your last name because it may avoid future complications.

Joan - posted on 10/19/2010

i agree with the other moms if your relationship is not solid use your name in the future if you marry she can have his name.

Lise - posted on 10/19/2010

If you are not secure in your relationship definately go with your last name. It will make it alot harder for you to do anything if your child has a different last name. Just my opinion.

Kayla - posted on 10/19/2010

he would prefer i give her his last name which we got into a fight about it =/

Casey - posted on 10/19/2010

If it was me I would probably want to give her my last name, I just think that if things are still undecided between you and her dad then she might as well have your name until you decide weather you are going to marry or not and if when then time comes you need to change her surname then you can cross that bridge then, but it will be easier when she goes to school and even while shes in hospital if she has your name so people can just put two and two together. How does her dad feel about it? would he prefer her to have his name or is he ok with whatever you decide on?