my boy bit other kids

Laura - posted on 10/30/2012

did u ever think she doesnt speak fluent english shes looking for advice not a lecture on punctuation!!

Dawn - posted on 12/15/2011

Wow. I think everyone took this post out of context. I believe that Tahira was asking what she could do to keep her son from biting other children.

Alexandra - posted on 12/14/2011

i also don't think it is really appropriate to be kissing children. i don't quite understand the problem because you don't use punctuation in your sentences!

Jenni - posted on 12/14/2011

Jodie, I was just trying to explain that people have different ideas on this sort of thing depending on their culture/geographic location and age group. And I used my example to illustrate that. It IS banned in the schools where I live. So most definitely if it is banned among students it's banned between adults and students. I had Sherri's post in mind when she was talking about daycare. We have NO IDEA who the poster is letting kiss her. For all we know it's her nieces and nephews. For all we know they're giving her a kiss on the cheek. So we're all just guessing at this point. There are certain examples where this would probably be a little inappropriate and some that wouldn't.

Lindzie Beachy - posted on 12/14/2011

IMO - i dont kiss other kids and i work in daycare (transition room) part time - hugging-fine kissing- just a bit more extreme, I love kids and have my own , and step kids , I may kiss my step kids on the heads but nothing cheek wise except my own, i DO not kiss daycare kids. again this is my opinion only! But i agree with Lisa, Jodie , and Katherine..

Shawnn - posted on 12/14/2011

Sherri, I agree wholeheartedly.

Sherri - posted on 12/14/2011

@Jodie wow guess different places different expectations. If my children could not get affection a hug or kiss from their teachers I would find a different school. If I couldn't hug or kiss my daycare kids who call me Auntie by the way I would honestly not watch them in the first place. Especially since I attend every birthday party for them and they even come to my kids birthdays.



I find that so sad that parents would not want their children shown love by someone you should trust implicitly. You are not going to protect them from sexual abuse by dictating who can give them a hug or kiss and who can't by the way.

Jodie - posted on 12/14/2011

@Shawnn Lively
A friend of ours would often get kisses and cuddles from my children but then we found out he was on the SOR so who knows what else he could have done if we hadn't found out. I know of somebody who SA some children but never got put on the SOR because the parents didn't want to put the children through court or there wasn't enough evidence so CRB checks coming back clear doesn't mean someone isn't a SO, it could mean they haven't been found out yet so be careful.
@Tahira
Noone on here is saying you are doing anything wrong because you don't actually state who these other children are in relation to you or your son but seeing as the subject of being inappropriate came up, we have started discussing it. Hope at least one of these posts helps you.

Jodie - posted on 12/14/2011

RE: Lisa Erickson
Like I said before, my children are 9 & 6 and since finding out that a friend (no longer a friend) was on the SOR, we have told them that they are the only one to be allowed to touch their private parts and if anyone does, even if that person says its a secret or that they will hurt them or their family, they must tell somebody they trust because the person is wrong and they themselves are not naughty or doing something wrong and need to be brave and tell somebody so it doesn't happen to another child.

Jodie - posted on 12/14/2011

@Jenni =^;^=
My children are 9 and 4 and my older child has often played kiss chase with his friends at school and not been told off about it. My younger child often says she's kissed my boyfriend (who is in her year) and as far as I know, she hasn't been told off for it. I think young children kissing and hugging each other is fine but I believe the issue which started this talk was about children kissing adults.

Jodie - posted on 12/14/2011

@Sherri Champagne
My children are 6 & 9 and I wouldn't care if they were with a care provider from birth, I still wouldn't want them kissing goodbye, even on the cheek. My DH, DS & DD and I all kiss on the lips unless my DH or I are poorly then it's on the forehead. I have never made my children kiss anyone goodbye and have always left it down to them but a care provider is supposed to be professional and not a family member so yes, it is inappropriate. I have people at my church who have known my DS since he was 2 and my DD since she was born and they are like a second family and some of them I allow my children to give or get kisses from but only if my children feel comfortable in doing so. I've had dealings with known and unknown sex offenders before and after having my children so I know how careful us, as parents, need to be ever so careful on who can and can't show affection to our children.

Jodie - posted on 12/14/2011

I agree with Katherine Collins, why are other kids kissing you? Is your son an old child? If not, is he the youngest? Simple really, just stop letting other kids kiss you.

Diane - posted on 12/14/2011

I don't remember the excat % bu it was more than 50% of children molested in this country are from people they know. 35% wer family members. So much for stranger danger!

Shawnn - posted on 12/13/2011

Katherine, you still haven't responded to why you think it is inappropriate...I'm curious to know why?



I should also add that I know teenagers, both sexes, that STILL come to me for a hug and a peck on the forehead...there is absolutely nothing sexual or inappropriate about it.

Shawnn - posted on 12/13/2011

Wow, I cannot believe a daycare that will not let their kids be hugged! That is absolutely absurd in my opinion. When my kids were daycare age, they LOVED to get hugs and kisses from their teachers!

And, Lisa B, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with kissing relative, or even non relatives. Look at it this way: In Europe, it is a custom not to greet people with only one kiss on a cheek, but a kiss on both cheeks.

IMO, if you are not comfortable enough with your daycare provider to allow them to kiss or hug your child, then you need to find a different provider. Your child spends (usually) the majority of their day at your provider. You need to have someone that you are as comfortable with as you would be leaving htem with grandma. I would not have a provider that would NOT hug my kids! Children are tactile creatures. The more tactile input they receive, the better adjusted they become.

Each is entitled to their opinion, but I respectfully state that anyone depriving their children of tactile contact from trusted others is not doing their child a service at all.

As far as biting, Time out, or pop on the behind, whichever your method of discipline is. Biting is NOT ok, in ANY circumstances. This is also a good time to start teaching sharing...even very very young children understand that they have to share. At 5, sharing should be pretty simple, and you expand that to sharing your hugs too.

Lisa - posted on 12/13/2011

Sorry, I was so dismayed at the seemingly universal no kiss/no hug policies that I forgot to address the biting problem. Our policy for biting/hitting is an immediate time-out. We don't give warnings or 2nd chances when he is purposely hurting someone. If he doesn't take time-out seriously we quickly move to putting his favorite toys on time out. We repeat "it is okay to be angry. It is not okay to hurt" If he is still mad I will give him a pillow or stuffed animal to hit or bite to "get his mad out." Then I explain the pillow/stuffed animal is not real and do not feel pain. Hope that helps.

Lisa - posted on 12/13/2011

Affection is a wonderful way to show love. I want my kid to experience the wonderful feeling a hug or kiss can bring. Of course we need to teach boundaries, but the boundaries we are teaching our child is to listen to his own 'gut feeling.' He tells us whenever he feels uncomfortable around someone - (usually whispering so he doesn't hurt feelings). He never has to touch or be touched if he feels uncomfortable - family or otherwise. I will never force him to kiss anyone - even if a great aunt is visiting who may get her feeling hurt - hugs and kisses are his to give and are not compulsory. Likewise I will never tell him it isn't okay to hug or kiss someone he cares for. We teach him to respect his body and his physical space. No one can touch his privates except for him - other than a grown up who is taking care of him in order to keep his privates clean and healthy. That is how we try to keep him safe from molesters. Not by teaching him that affection is bad or should be limited...

Jenni - posted on 12/13/2011

I think there are cultural/geographical/generation gap differences. When I was in gradeschool they started the "hug ban". My husband was just talking to his daughter a few weeks back about school (she's 4 yrs old) and he was talking about her friends. He asked if she gave them hugs and kisses and I looked at him like he just grew a second head. I was actually a bit shocked he asked her that and felt it was inappropriate. I said: "You know she can get in trouble for doing that at school." And he was taken aback. We discussed it and figured out because he is 4 years older than me, he was well into highschool when they started the ban and had never heard about it. So although, we don't have that large of an age gap, we definitely have two different ideas on stuff like that.



Sorry Tahira, back to your question. I would put him in timeout for about 5 mins immediately after he bites. Tell him why he is there. When you come back when the 5 mins are up. Ask him why he is in timeout. Then tell him, that you know he is upset to see you give affection to other people and reassure him that you love him and that doesn't mean you love him any less. Have him go apologize to the child he hurt.

Lise - posted on 12/12/2011

@Sherri -
that is so strange to me! schools/daycares are here are not allowed to hug, pick up (unless hurt), kiss, etc. any of the children. dd would not have been allowed to kiss her nanny, either. i never kissed my cousins growing up, and if i kissed aunts/uncles/etc. it was when i was young enough not to remember it. i don't think my dd is missing anything by not kissing others, and i prefer to draw strict boundaries over what is acceptable. in stranger awareness lessons with clients, we teach that you kiss family members (if you want to) but do not kiss friends.

Sherri - posted on 12/12/2011

@ Lise their parents actually won't allow them to leave without hugs and kisses everyday. Also the kids I have I have had in my care since they were 8wks old. They are now 3 this literally is their second home, they are with me more than their own parents since I have them 50hrs a week, 10 hrs a day.

Even my kids are expected to hug and kiss all our family members before we leave our monthly family get togethers. Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Great Aunts and Great Uncles.

My son's preschool teacher hugs and kisses him everyday when he gets to school too. He then sits on her lap and tells her about his weekends etc. I guess it is pretty common place around here. I would be so sad if it wasn't allowed.

Lise - posted on 12/12/2011

Just my opinion... I would not be okay with my daycare provider kissing my child. My dd kisses dh and I on the mouth, and her grandparents on the cheek - that's it. Not even kissing a boo-boo. I don't doubt that you are 100% doing it for the right reason (I'm sure you love your kids), but in this day and age, I won't let my dd kiss anyone outside of close family. Too much molestation going on between kids and family friends.

Sherri - posted on 12/12/2011

Really Katherine?? Because I kiss my nieces, nephews all the time. I also kiss my daycare kids good bye daily as well. How or why is it inappropriate to kiss other kids other than your own??

Luvmia - posted on 12/12/2011

You may want to put him in "time out" and explain to him that it is not nice to do that. Also tell him tha the would not like someone to bite him, so don't bite other kids.

Katherine - posted on 12/12/2011

Then I would stop letting other kids kiss you for a while. It's a little inappropriate anyways......