Jessica - posted on 12/12/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
This is a long one, so bare with me!!! :)
-My sons "father" and I were together for almost 5 years. He is for the lack of better words a half ass father. He was a secret pot smoker and video games were more important to him than giving any attention myself or our son. I tried for 5 years to make him into the man and father I thought he could be. Skipping over the details of our relationship or our brief marriage- he simply is not a good influence on my son. We went to mediation about 5 months ago and we came to an agreement that he would have our son every other Thursday to Sunday. To wrap up the details on that, he was always late or always trying to drop my son off earlier than the time that we agreed on. Constantly changing plans or not calling to set up plans until the last minute. He would stay the night with my son at his girlfriend’s house without my permission which was also violating our agreement. He didn't inform me of his job transfer or his new address when he moved. Long story short he had violated our mediation agreement countless times and I continued to give him the benefit of the doubt “for the sake of my son” was my reasoning….. I always thought that he having both of his parents in his life was the most important thing- another reason why I stuck with his father for so long… However I have without a doubt came to the conclusion that his father is a horrible influence in his life.. Every weekend when he comes back home to me there is something new that he has learned from being dragged all over the country side from this person or that persons house with his father. Examples: “You’re a bitch mommy” “I hate you” “god damn it” and his stuffed animal came home broken, and he comes home so angry and empty and doing odd things like touching my boobs (I do understand kids get curious but it wasn't that type of “curiosity” ) Well to conclude the information about his “father” and get to my question.. What finally pushed me over the edge was this past visit I hadn't heard anything from his “father” on whether or not he was getting his son and when and where (because it’s never by the agreement, it’s always up in the air with him) so I finally called later that Thursday evening… A police officer answered the phone….. Continued to tell me they had him in custody and that he was swerving all over the road and they believed he was smoking “synthetic marijuana” “spice” and they are trying to get a hold of his boss because they have his tractor trailer running on the side of the road. So I got off the phone with the police officer and just sat there stunned and shocked and I had a mini panic attack if you will… I always expected him to hit rock bottom because that’s just the type of person he is but I just thought somewhere in my heart he wouldn't because of his son…. Well after that I came to the conclusion that I was not sending my son down there any more for the safety of his life due to the simple fact if he was going to get high at work he was going to get high with his son, he has no regard for anyone’s life. Not even his. With all of that said. The happiness in my life has steamed from my son in general but meeting the love of my life. A wonderful great man. I never thought in my life I would be able to find that- but I did… My question to you all is that, seeing as how my son will no longer be in my ex's life, that obviously puts my new boyfriend in the position to fulfill the fatherly duty. Which is something that I never pushed, it was just something that happened and it makes me thankful every day. I just wanted to know some things like- My son is almost 4- will he forget about his “father”? how should I handle this situation and this transition? My boyfriend loves my son and I and gratefully accepts his new role in my sons life but I know he is nervous I can tell, and he mentioned that he didn't want this to be taken from him. Meaning if I changed my mind about my ex being in my sons life, because he knows I have given him the benefit of the doubt plenty of times. Of course I want this fairy tale life, however I know that its not going to be that way, I am not naive, I can hope however and with that hope I just want to know how this transition would play out… If anyone can shed some light on that, if they have been in similar situations I would greatly appreciate it… Thanks.