my boyfriend thinks i dont include him enough and thinks i depend on my parents too much.. i know he needs to be apart of this babies life but i cant just make a quick decision and he doesnt seem to understand that! how can i make him feel involved but still get the best for my baby?

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Claudia - posted on 10/30/2012

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I think he feels like you don't trust him to make decisions, and I know where you're coming from, because it's so hard for me to relinquish any control with my husband when it comes to our daughter. To me, I am the only person who can take care of her properly. You just have to remember that he loves your child just as much, even though it's hard to believe that anyone could possibly love him/her as much as you do. It's hard not to go to our parents for advice and help, and it's a blessing for those of us who have our parents to go to. Just try to include him more, and let him know you trust him.

Dove - posted on 10/30/2012

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What are you not letting him be involved in? He's the baby's father and has a right to be just as involved in the baby's life as you are..... Your parents are not this baby's parents.. They are yours and while you may depend on them... you didn't make a baby with them.

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Claudia - posted on 10/30/2012

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It's just hard for me to make assumptions or talk to you as though I know you or your situation, because I don't. All I can do is be supportive. I hope everything works out for your little family. Prayers your way!

Dove - posted on 10/30/2012

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Tough love is a good thing. I agree 100% with Shawnn. The two of you CAN do this and make it work together, but you both have to want it and you both have to work at it as a team.

Shawnn - posted on 10/30/2012

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Ok, so here's my question. Do you work? Does he? Is it secure employment? Just exactly how were you both planning on supporting this child? Did you even have a plan to begin with, or did you just assume that your parents would "help you out" until you got one figured out?



Yes, on one hand, if you are having financial issues, it's smart to wait. But on the other hand, you're just putting off the decision. You say you love him "to bits"...but to me it sounds like you aren't ready to take on being a parent with him, without YOUR parents close.



I guess I have a hard time understanding the logic of this whole thing. My husband and I were married, on our own, and yes, we struggled a bit financially. We got pregnant, and we started planning THAT DAY. The day we found out for sure that we were adding to our family, we started figuring out the financial end of things. The LAST thing that I wanted was to even THINK about being dependent on my parents for funding.



Its time for the two of you to sit down (without your parents). Figure out EXACTLY what goals you need to meet to be able to raise that baby together. Figure out a timeline of when these goals will be met. The sooner the better for all of you. AGREE on the timeline, and start working towards it. At this point, your parents should be nothing but support, and should have no problem with you striving to be independant.

Claudia - posted on 10/30/2012

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You're smart to be hesitant if there are financial issues because your baby's security should come first. Sit down and have a talk with him about finances and seriously moving in together. If after that conversation you feel secure in that decision, then I'd move forward with it. It will give him a chance to feel like he's supporting his family and is a part of his child's life.

Laura - posted on 10/30/2012

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thank you that actually helps a lot, its just because i live at home and he wants me to move out and get a flat with him so he can be with the baby all the time, but im not sure if that would be the right decision as there would be money issues, i love him to bits but i really want best for the baby.. so do i move in with him so we can be a family together and work together?

Shawnn - posted on 10/30/2012

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and how is her father not the "best for her"???



To be quite honest, it took two of you to produce that baby. Yes, you did the "hard" part, you carried your baby, and gave birth. But that doesn't mean that you unequivocally know what's best for her.



I agree with Dove. Yes, you depend on your parents, but you didn't make that baby with them, and you need to let her father into her life, and you need to let him have an equal say in the decisions made about her. If your parents feel differently, then you need to be up front with them. Denying your baby's father the right to his child is wrong.

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