my boys dont listen!!!

Lisa - posted on 03/03/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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i have 2 boys ages 6 and 4 they do not listen at all, only when they want of course. i know i have one problem and that is not being consistant. does anyone have anything that they can tell me to help me

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Lara - posted on 03/03/2010

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lots of great ideas here guys! All kids go thru the "i don't hear you" phase... some just stay there longer than others.

To help facilitate good listening, remember the following:
1) use a calm tone. Kids tend to tune us out when we yell.
2) If they don't answer you, get down on their level, repeat the request. If they won't do it/won't answer, give them a count (I use 3-2-1), and if said response has not happened at that point, off to time out they go! Reason: they disobeyed mommy by either not complying with request (often to pick up and item or put an item on) or not listening.
3) Remember to be polite with your kids. Respect thier requests, treat them as you would like to be treated (no yelling, come to the room where they are or ask that they come to where you are to talk, use kind words and manners). It really does go a long way, not only in raising children who listen but polite little kids.

Gleen a little from each of these posts. Everyone has great ideas... but consitancy is key!!! It's hard but you can do it!

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Tarsha - posted on 03/03/2010

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oh boy do i know how u feel, i have 4 boys (7yrs, 5 yrs, 3yrs, 8months) and they drive me crazy!!!! I am always telling them everyday we go through the same issues, towels go back on the rack boys, shoes in the shoe box, rubbish in bin not on floor etc and it seems like im nagging some of the time and u have to be consistent with disipline other wise they think they can run the house. Be patient (which is very hard sometimes) and have fun wih them..boys will be boys to a cetain extent but you need to make sure you in control, good luck :) are u going to try for a girl???? lol

Kathy - posted on 03/03/2010

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The best thing that has ever worked with my wild child 7yr is counting and then timeout. I count to five and if I hit 5 then he has to sit in a chair in the diningroom (can't see the tv-and it is a boring room) and his time starts when he is quiet. I started this when he was 5. So his time has increased a minute per year-he is up to 7 monutes. If he touches the floor or makes a sound (talks, yells, moans), his time starts over. I generally do not count past 3 anymore. Timeout seems to have a lasting effect on my son who hates to sit still AND be silent.

Kimberly - posted on 03/03/2010

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The biggest thing Ive learned with my kids is don't bluff. Be specific when warning them. Ex: If you keep doing this/that or the other, this is what you can expect... and be sure to stick with it. When you bluff to get them to behave...they'll call you out every time!

Whitney - posted on 03/03/2010

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I have 3 boys... the youngest I don't have to worry about YET. LOL He's only 7 months, but the other two are 6 year old twins. And I totally know how you feel, but the advice I have been given is... give them a choice. Example... You can choose to do your homework or you can choose to not play the Wii (BTW the Wii grounding works GREAT). When they make their choice, they cannot blame you (though they will try) because they made their choice, plus it takes some stress off you. All you have to do is follow through. Make the punishment doable. It works (when I remember to do it. LOL). I hope this helps. It has helped me a ton!!

Erin - posted on 03/03/2010

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I think consistency is definitely key, or it can get confusing to them: or they know that they can get away with things at certain times.

Make sure to come down to their level and make eye contact with them when you want them to listen to you, or particularly when they are in trouble. And keeping a firm, but calm, tone is a good idea.

I also particularly like the time out method where you: 1)give them a warning, 2)if they don't listen put them in time out in a place separate from normal activity (ex. if time out is in their room it sends mixed signals that their room is not a fun or safe place) for the number of min. equal to their age (6 min for your 6 year old, and 4 min for your 4 year old) 3) if they get up, put them back, but be emotionally unavailable: don't argue with them or cuddle them if they're crying, just keep sitting them down in the naughty spot until they stay 4) after the minutes are up return them, explain exactly why they were in time out, and ask for an apology.

for the warning and the explaination/apology remember to come down to their level and make eye contact (ask them to look at mommy)



and remember, it's just my advice: feel free to adjust it to how you feel it would be most appropriate. I think you are already aware of the big issue: the consistency.



and a little side note I just thought of, make sure that you take the time to really listen to them when they have something to say as well. I think it's very easy for us to get busy and just assume that the Pressing! questions and comments children have aren't really that important. I don't know how many times I've seen a child have to ask for mom's attention 10+ times or something cause mom is busy talking with someone, or doing something else. If we take the time to respect them and listen, then hopefully they will be able to learn from example and mirror that same respect when you need them to listen to you.



Wish you the best!

Lorie - posted on 03/03/2010

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I have 3 boys 4,19 months and 8 weeks and both my boys don't listen.

I am consistant EVERYDAY and still nothing. It drives me crazy.

This week was really bad, sometimes I feel like walking out

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