My child is 6 months, is it okay if i put her in daycare?

Cproctor92 - posted on 09/29/2010 ( 208 moms have responded )

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I dont want to lose the bond we share together, or anything like that.

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Krista - posted on 09/30/2010

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@Liz: You have a very bad impression of daycares, and I have to say that it's not really all that warranted.

My son goes to an at-home daycare. And she is most certainly able to hug my child if he is crying or even give him a kiss. She discusses discipline and all other issues with me regularly, and follows my lead on how to deal with my child. I also solicit her advice, due to her extensive experience with children. She prepares nourishing meals and does a lot of research into activities that will stimulate the children's development. And when I drop off my son in the morning, he permits a quick hug from me and then runs off to play with the toys or pet the cat, so I have a strange hunch that he's not feeling too abandoned.

And no offense to you, but I think you're very misguided when you think that mothers put their kids in daycare in order to "acquire worthless possessions." I've been in COM for quite awhile now, and also know a lot of working moms, and the reasons I commonly hear for returning to work are:

1. Cannot afford to live off of one income.
2. Mother has spent a decade or more establishing herself in her career, derives a lot of satisfaction from it, and wishes to return to it.
3. Mother is just not cut out to be a full time SAHM.

And frankly, the reasons why a mother puts her kid in daycare are not your business. Nor are they mine. Everybody has to do what they feel is best for their family, and as long as their child is not being abused or neglected or malnourished, then we have absolutely NO right to judge what they do.

Kate CP - posted on 10/01/2010

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Well, Liz, it's MY OPINION that you are an out-dated, judgmental, self-righteous, and rather rude woman.

Kate CP - posted on 10/01/2010

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"...And, oh, by the way, it is a fact that since women have left the home and gone to work that the payscale has dropped so dramatically by the over-saturated job market that now it is required that 2 people work to earn the money that just the husband could earn just 50 years ago..."

I think Susan B. Anthony just rolled over in her grave. First of all, the reason why it's no longer feasible for many families to live off of one income is NOT because women have gone into the work force. It's because inflation has gone up and people are living higher than their means. Pay rates for women are at an all time high. That doesn't mean that men took a pay cut. It means that women are finally being seen as equal workers and deserve equal pay.

Jeez. Would you like us to all run around in skirts and petticoats while knitting all day, too? I *like* women's rights, thankyouvermuch and I'll be damned if some one is going to make me feel like less of a mother simply because I choose to exercise my rights.

Alison - posted on 09/29/2010

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It all depends on your definition of "okay". Will it ruin her childhood to put her in a good daycare? Probably not. Will it benefit your relationship and her sense of security if you spend another 6 months with her? Most likely, yes.

If you can keep her longer (if you have the financial means and you are not personally going crazy being at home), it's probably a good idea. If you cannot, you really shouldn't beat yourself up over it.

Dana - posted on 10/01/2010

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I'll use a quote of yours, Liz. "We're just different." That applies to everyone, not just the differences between men and women.

And with that we will end this debate. ~Thank you, Dana ~WtCoM moderator

This conversation has been closed to further comments

208 Comments

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Maree - posted on 10/07/2010

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Hey Christina sorry about that. I was in pretty bad shape when I had my son and I was getting a little sensitive. I agree with you about kids needing their parents. I am studying to be a teacher at the moment and learning about how both parents these days work as a consequence, kids are comming home to empty homes which is really sad. I have wanted to work for so long but with my bad experiences with day care centres and finding out that our son has autism this year when he started kinder became a deciding factor to stay home. Becomming a teacher is a blessing because we will have the same hours at school and the same holidays, so I can be there for him and earn a living. I figure that being there for him is more important than having a better income and having a mortgage. Thanks for not being angry with me. Have a great day.

Isis - posted on 10/07/2010

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You always have the option of trying 1 day a week and go from there. It will take her about a month to feel ok with you dropping her off but once your out of sight she most likley will have a ball. You can call alittle later in the dayto find out how she settled. If it ends up not working for you there is no harm done as she is still with you most of the time. I believe you will know when your ready to do daycare. I noticed great progress in my child. We are now 5 weeks in and she goes 2 days a week. One things for sure tho...they get sick alot in the first little while as they build up their immune system...this will have to happen sooner or later. All the best.

BethAnn - posted on 10/07/2010

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This is for sure a can of worms opened up... I know that my kids are 8 & 11 and I feel like i blinked and missed it all...I stayed at home with them so I didn't miss it all...Your babies are only with you for 5 short years until school.. Mine only went to a wonderful nursery school 2 1/2 hours for 3 days a week when they were 3 & 4(that was parent Cooperative)...We didn't do Junior kindergarten and guess what- They both have academic honours all through school- I think it is very important to be with your children as long as you can... If you are even asking this question I think you are not ready..But I do agree with one other mom on here- at least when they can talk to you they can tell you some of the things that are going on..But I would never take that chance- I only get 1 chance on my kids and I want to raise them ...No on else will. And believe me I raised alot of other peoples kids for years before I had my own...Trust us with the older kids, that you will look back one day when they are 10 and wonder where all the years went and how fast they go...Please enjoy every second with her!! If you need a few hours a week, find another mother you trust to trade kids with, you take hers for a day and she takes your for a day... Or through your church. Children are too precious to take for granted... People rush to have their kids grow up way to fast...But what ever decison you make, please do alot of research, with all kinds of friends and families...Becasue trust me-what one family may be happy with, you may not...You need alot of information...

Lucy - posted on 10/07/2010

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do you need to return to work? Are you feeling isolated? If it is a good day care it is fine. I am a single mom and I had to go back to work when my 6 weeks were up,. My daughter is 25 now and was in day care and then after school care through age 11. You do what you need to do and what is in the best interest of your own family situation.

Helen - posted on 10/07/2010

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Forgot to say some Homebades places give you a subsity for care I know Home2Grow do.

Helen - posted on 10/07/2010

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I am a HomeBased Child care through Home2Grow and it is fantasic for the Children to have a home away from home we can have 4 children at anyone time. Two under two and two over two so you can spend more time with them and enjoy the time we have with them and teach them life skills. I have cared for Children in my Home now for 8 years and have enjoyed every moment of it you form a special bond with the family and child and you see them grow. I have enjoyed having others children in my place and do think it is good when younger as the older they get the harder it is sometimes.

Christina - posted on 10/07/2010

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Good point Maree I didn't intend to be insensitive to anyone or to make anyone afraid by bringing up that subject. I just think that our kiddos really really need their parents to be involved and present - even IF they DO have to work.

Maree - posted on 10/07/2010

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Sherri, exclamation points do mean yelling when you are writing. It is not a modern style and it is what it is and comes across as yelling.

Amber - posted on 10/07/2010

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as long as you go and interview the daycare.... check out there classrooms and talk to other parents who have children there and I would also advise sitting in or coming by unexpectedly to see what goes on at the daycare when parents aren't there. You won't loose the bond you have with your child, if anything absence makes the heart grow fonder, and above all she knows who her mommy is and always will. Please don't worry or hesitate to do this, afterall mommies need a break too sometimes.

Maree - posted on 10/07/2010

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Christina, I think your right about day care but should you really go on about suicide. There are new mothers out there with postnatal depression who are down on themselves already and worry even in their sleep. There are many causes for suicide. Try not to go further on the topic than is neccessary. Be a little sensitive to people in this very new delicate situation. If I was a new mum and read what you said, I would have bursted into tears. I myself chose not to put my son into day care until two and even then I eventually took him out due to daycare neglegence. Thank God my mother came to my rescue and gave me some time out.

Maree - posted on 10/07/2010

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Do what your instincts tell you and trust yourself. If you are distressed, your child will be distressed. If you are not comfortable with daycare, see if a family member can give you time to yourself here and there if things get too much for you at home and don't forget your childs father is an equal parent and should share responsability even if he works. You will never lose your bond with your child or visa versa. There is no one who can be you or can replace you. Good luck

Christina - posted on 10/07/2010

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Krista E - Liz has a right to share her opinion about daycare on this thread. Her (& everyone's) opinion was REQUESTED by Courtney when she posted on the board.

I agree with Liz, raising my children is one of the most important things I will ever do with my life and I prefer not to have them in a situation where they are being exposed to things that I disagree with or any of the other negative things that can happen in a daycare situation. No one can EVER know for sure what another person will do when 'no one is looking'.
That's not to say that if a woman chooses to work or MUST work that there is anything wrong with her decision, you certainly must put food on the table and a roof over your heads but lavish vacations and the latest clothes and electronics are not actually the necessities that some might believe that they are. If you really just don't like staying home with your children (which, believe me, some days I understand THAT completely), it's okay to go to work too - kids need to have happy parents to be happy.
Jeannine J - some of the variance in your children may be due to birth order or gender as well as early childhood care. I have been a stay @ home mom since day one, my children are in elementary and middle school now and they are completely well adjusted.

Just one other thought. In this country we have such a high number of children committing suicide, doing drugs and participating in other 'negative' activities. It may be that part of the cause is that the children are being raised by people who don't REALLY have a vested interest in the final outcome and are just doing a job. Kids need their moms, maybe not full time but we need to be able to give them the emotional support and physical nearness that makes them feel secure - not just when they are infants but throughout their childhoods.

Liliane - posted on 10/07/2010

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I don’t think there is anything wrong in taking a kid to daycare, as long as it is a good one; meaning that the people caring for the children enjoy their work and therefore provide a loving, caring and nourishing environment. I also would look for a place where there is no TV. My daughter went to daycare at 9 months and she seemed to really enjoy being with other kids.
I believe that it is neither ideal nor even natural when a child is with the mother exclusively 24/7. I think it has become habitual in this modern society in which extended families rarely exist anymore. I’m sure that in older days it was only normal that several different family members looked after a child. A good childcare facility can, in my opinion, serve as such an extended family.
Obviously its best if the mother/father is able to still spend several quality hours with her/his child, which is difficult if the parents work full time.

Amanda - posted on 10/07/2010

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Hi my name is Amanda Iam a nursery nurse from the UK, my son has been in daycare since he was 9 months old I work at the nursery where my son is he is 3 in december and his speech and development has really come on since being at daycare. My husband works full time and I do part time work. My son is in the preschool room and iam lucky to be in the same room as him but he's not clingy to me he goes off and plays with his little friends. My opinion is that it is up to the parents whether to go to daycare or not. In some families both parents need to work to provide financial stability for their children

Monica - posted on 10/07/2010

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I'm sure it's ok and every situation is different but I was going to go back to work but am not because I don't want to miss out on all the milestones the way I did with my first daughter so I've decided to stay home

Rhonda - posted on 10/07/2010

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I have 3 boys, a 10, 4,and 2 year olds. The first child I had I was terrified to put him in daycare, so I didn't. I regreted it later on. Any time I had to leave to work, he would cry his head off and it made me feel guilty for leaving him. At that time he was 1. I feel that if they start young and only part time, you will bond more with your baby once you pick him/her up. I know because the last 2 I have, I had my started my youngest at 7 months and he was very comfortable and happy and when I picked him up, his little eyes would light up when he sall me. That was the bonding time :) now he's 2 and we are closer than ever.

Trenna - posted on 10/07/2010

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I think that putting your child in daycare is up to each individual family. It wasn't right for our family so my husband went back to school to get a better paying job so I could stay at home with my 3 kids (I am pregnant with # 4). I also have many friends who put their kids in daycare. I don't think any less of them, but I do know they did their research before choosing where their child should be. Maybe you should go back to work part-time and see how that feels. Then you will know if it is right for your family or not. Good luck I know how hard it is to make these decisions.

Saskia - posted on 10/07/2010

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sure it's okay to put her in daycare. you could never lose the bond you share because you'll be picking her up after work won't you hahaha. My mom also has a daycare so i know. she get's babies from 3months old. When their parents come to pick them up they notice that too so don't scared but look for the right daycare center, inspect every thing firt, because people can be mean. a mothers love i very strongly felt by a child. Succes.

Kelly - posted on 10/07/2010

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This opinion comes not only from a mom of 3, but a preschool employee as well. I can only speak form personal experience, of course, but I have not experienced anything negative as far as the care of my children. I stayed home for 2 years with my first daughter, then out of necessity went back to work. I was worried about putting my daughter in daycare, so I found one where I felt completely comfortable from the moment I walked in the door. If you have a 'bad feeling' then don't choose that one! My opinion is that you choose one with National Accreditation (either NAC or NAEYC) - these centers have gone above and beyond what is required by state regulations. There are many ways that you can 'check out' the center; ask to see their most recent state inspections and look for any write ups in RED, ask for referrals from families that are currently enrolled, try to choose one where you already have a friends' child enrolled, walk in unannounced for a tour (they can't very well 'hide' anything that doesn't represent them in a good light if you just pop in without calling ahead), listen for the tone of voice the staff is using, does it smell when you walk in?, are there crying children that are not being attended to?

As far as my center, all of my staff is trained beyond the requirements mandated by the state, and we make sure that it stays up to date. You have to have an open mind - accidents happen and just because your child may be in a safe environment does not mean that NOTHING will ever happen. Food gets spilled on clothing, toddlers love to bite one another, kids fall and skin their knees, children are the most germ ridden creatures on earth and your child will most likely get sick especially at the beginning.

Go with your gut, look for a national center rather than homed based - yes you'll have higher enrollment, but along with that comes more staff, more eyes. Choosing a preschool with an award winning curriculum base as opposed to just a 'daycare' is also important. My center has daily curriculum for every room, even the infants! Children learn mostly through play, but if you are not going to be with them the majority of the day it needs to be purposeful play with someone trained to lead them!

Alisa - posted on 10/07/2010

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I am in the military and I had to go back to work. I put my son in daycare(actually FCC-family child care center) I had the same worries as you. However, he always knew who mommy was and he is well socialized with other children. Also, my FCC provider was amazing!! She taught him and me so much. He is my first child. He has progressed ahead of others his age and loves other kids. I think it is a great thing for both of you. You have time to yourself and your child gets to learn with others. Don't be worried. A child always knows their mommy:)

Toni - posted on 10/07/2010

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Yes it is ok, alot of mom have to it. If you are making this choice because you have to go back to work then pick a daycare that you happy with and that will have a great impack on your childs life and will teach her important things. And then the time that you have with her at home will be the time you cherish together.

If you just need some Mommy time then look into and Church or a freind that would keep herone or two days a week so you can do the things that you need to do or just have a grown up day to relax and do stuff for yourself. we all need that. dont beat yourself up. your daughter seems to be happy the smile on her face seems to show that! I think whatever you choose will be the right choice.

Sherri - posted on 10/07/2010

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Shivali Chadak in the U.S, You CAN NOT have longer then 12wks. I can assure you no employer will give you six months and hold your job for you nor by law do they have too. They are there simply to run a business. So you need to understand different countries are different then your own and realize things you can have, other women in other countries simply can't and have no option but daycare.

Sherri - posted on 10/07/2010

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Oh chill I love exclamation points and use them for most posts!! I am not yelling at you, but since your are new I completely understand that it would come across that way, since you don't know my style yet!! Sometimes, it is so hard to write and not get it taken the wrong way!!

Shivali - posted on 10/07/2010

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I agree if you dont have extended leaves but still you can have a discussion with ur respective boses as its a matter of 6 months only..

Sherri - posted on 10/07/2010

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@Shivali Chadak - Mom's do have there priorities straight. Some parent's don't have choice to work. Also in the US you only have a maximum of 12wks maternity leave and none of it is pd.

Sherri - posted on 10/07/2010

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It comes that way for all replies on the thread just like I am not hitting reply to this. I am just posting a comment!!

Shivali - posted on 10/07/2010

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Here in India for Govt. Jobs you have 6months maternity leave & for private jobs you ave 3 months paid but you can take loss of Pay as per you manager approval.I am strongly in favor 6 month mother should stay with kid.As this is the period your kid is blind which hands he is getting into.I pity on the kids who are just 4-6 weeks old either they r in daycare or with grand parents.Its not their fault , its mother's fault if she is bringing it to the world she should set her priority set.

Carolyn - posted on 10/07/2010

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I wonder, if you want so much for your child. What makes you think someone else can do a better job than you? You know what you want for your child, whom better to give it than you. Children will learn what they are taught. Love, kindness, respect, patients, caring all those things you say you want. No reason for you not to give that, if you really wanted to. Daycare has it's good & bad points, I know I ran one for over 26yrs. Most parents were happy, but you can not please everyone. There was always that one or two that you could never get to be satisfied. My answer, if you can do better what is he/she doing with me? I do agree with most parents, trying to please them all is proven to be impossible. So I stayed home with mine to give what I thought was best for them. When others found out what I was doing they wanted their children to have the same thing. That's how my Center got started. So in the end you do what ever feels right to you. What works for one does not mean it will work for all. Remember each child is different, raised in different home surroundings. So just because some did things a certain way, does not mean if you do the same you will get the same exact results. Follow your heart & your mind, things will likely turn out the way you meant them to be.

[deleted account]

It isn't judgmental to offer an opinion. I've had a baby go directly to daycare when I returned to work and it worked but I hated it. Am I supposed to pretend I liked it so that nobody will feel bad? Moms do what they have to do and sometimes they have to put their children into daycare. But my opinion that children like to be with their moms is an opinion that I am certainly entitled to.

Jennifer - posted on 10/07/2010

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Please don't be so judgemental about mom's putting thier children in daycare.

Hannah - posted on 10/07/2010

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Putting ur baby in a day does not stop the bonding u have with her. If you r a busy mother like Iam the only option is to let her be at the Day care? and that will make your baby a little more independent. But if u have all the time to ur self, I bet you u may not have need to send her to a day care. But should u have the need of letting ur little be at the day care, ensure u give her a bath, feed her and pack her stuff urself. Then try and drop her at the day care too. On each occasion you will have the opportuinity to interact with her, tell her stories, asked her questions which of cause u may never get a responds. In that way, u get bonding with your daughter, while making her be matured and an independant baby too.

Boglake - posted on 10/07/2010

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I run a family childcare in my home and I can assure you that you will not lose that bond with your child. All of my children here have a wonderful bond and they also form lots of friendships with kids their own age. I feel there is many benefits to childcare too, they learn to share, play with others and it is great for socializing too!!!

Amanda - posted on 10/07/2010

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I had to put my daughter in daycare at 3 months. I think it has strengthened our bond becuase I know when I pick her up that my time with her is limited so we spend more time together. Now the time we spend is quality time. When I was on maternity leave I would often have the television on when I played with her. Now I turn it off and she is my focus. There are some nights that I put off doing chores becuase I she needs me or I want to spend time with her. Dishes can wait, my time with her can't.

[deleted account]

Depends on your situation. If you don't need to I would advise against it. She'll never be this little again.

Kristy - posted on 10/07/2010

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as a worker in the childcare industry in australia I would ensure my 2 children would attend a high quality centre 2 years before they go to school to develop social/ emotional skills before going to school which is at age 5 here. Both my boys attended care from 6 months but they were centres i worked at so i had the luxury of seeing them all day. As children go through separation anxiety at 9- 18 months it is easier to put them into care around 6 months or over 2 they settle better with a good orientation program at the centre.

Lisa - posted on 10/07/2010

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That's totally up to you. I never put my kids in daycare. I stay home with them. Although, whenever I got a chance I did put them in the nursery for an hour or two at church or church functions, occasional things like that. Fortunately, I never had to suffer the separation-anxiety stage. They just started playing as soon as I dropped them off.

If you HAVE to go to work, why ask this question?

[deleted account]

I can tell you from experience. That no daycare, not one person can ever ruin the bond that you have with her. I have three chldren and I put my both of my sons in daycare at 6weeks. I put my daughter in day care at age two and there was no difference in the bond that I have with each of them. A child knows there parent. If anything it might strengthen the bond because she will love to see you even more at the end of the day.

Kim - posted on 10/07/2010

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Yes, it is okay to put your child in daycare. Make sure that you find someone that you can easily communicate with and that you feel comfortable with. It is really a family decision, but it is also good to social your child. My daughter was in daycare at 10 weeks old part-time and we still had a very strong bond and she has adjusted very well to preschool and just started kindergarten this year.

Ruchi - posted on 10/07/2010

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I believe every mother needs me timne to remain sane as long as we dont take it to the next level. It is absolutely perfect to leave children in a daycare for a few hours while you give yourself some time.
Having said this I do not believe parents should go back to work until children are 3years until it is absolutely necessary,
Childhood is the foundation and it needs a lot of work to be put in. But what it also needs is the care giver to take time off.

Mia - posted on 10/07/2010

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My no. 2 baby was horrific and although had lots of medical issues I needed the break and went back to work when he was 8months. If you can stay at home, great, if you can't for whatever reason don't be hard on yourself send them. They'll get more stimulation and peer interaction at daycare then you can ever give them. I miss them terribly but love to see their smiling faces when we pick them up and hear of all the fun things they've done. The bond will never be broken, as they say absense makes the heart grow fonder xxoo

Tina - posted on 10/07/2010

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As a Childminder I can tell you your child has already bonded with you and nothing can take that away from you. Also children never forget who their mommys are. Some people found it easy and some don't. You should have a 4 week setteling in period if you going back to work. You should know by then if it is for you or not.

Daniela - posted on 10/07/2010

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hi, my name is daniela cole and i think its to early to put ur baby in day care, why dont u wait till she is 9 month or one years old?

JIU - posted on 10/07/2010

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If you're a working mum than it's okay if you're not a working mum I prefer NO cause it's just a waste of money,cause the money you pay on the daycare you can buy something useful to the baby or save for the more years to come for her future.
Thankyou.

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